Dudes Down Under

by Suzannah Burke

  “Holy shit, Lucy, that’s some planning. Is it all your idea? It’s bloody brilliant. How did you come up with it?”

  Skeet watched them talking and smiled. Lucy loved nothing more than talking about her dream resort. “Okay you two, what’s to eat?”

  Lucy grinned. Trust Skeet to think of his stomach. “I packed a picnic and plenty of beer. Help yourselves.”

  “I grabbed a shitload of goodies from the kitchen when Skeet asked me along. Can’t remember what exactly, but I do know there are three bottles of icy cold Champers.” Charlie was enjoying himself hugely. What a terrific holiday this was turning out to be.

  * * *

  “Cyril, Cyril, it’s Doc, mate. Where the hell are you? You’re twenty-eight feet long, ya bastard, how invisible can you be?”

  Cyril grunted from behind him, his head emerging from his pool. Well it’s about bloody time, heh-heh. What’s up, Doc? I always wanted to say that. Bugger, I always wanted to say anything. Where’s Skeet at? With my tummy-tickler again, I bet. Well I’m a hungry croc, Doc. Plus I haven’t had a beer all day. So hop to it, my friend.

  “Skeet left me with strict instructions to feed ya and give ya your afternoon ration of beer. So you climb outta there and go sun yourself, and I’ll bring it out to ya. Go on, mate.”

  All right already, shit, I’m moving. I was enjoying my swim but beer is better. How the hell do you expect me to go out to my enclosure when the door's shut, ya drongo? Do I have to do everything around here? And while I’m bitching, you should get a haircut, mate. The feral look is so last week.

  “What? What are you grunting about? I’m hurrying. Oh. Oops, sorry, mate. It would help if I opened the bloody door. Keep forgetting you aren’t human.”

  That’s the nicest compliment I ever had. You are definitely back on my Christmas card list.

  “Righto, that’s you sorted. Don’t stay out in the sun too long. Here, I'd better put your sun hat on. You know how those headaches make you a cranky boy.”

  Not the PINK. My God, is every male human color-blind and tasteless? Heh-heh, tasteless, get it? I crack me up. Oi, what’s this caper? Skeet always cuts it up for me. No class, Doc. Small pieces are much more delicate to eat. Oh stuff it, I’m too hungry to be picky. Where the hell is my beer? What time will Skeet be home? Who created the universe? Heh-heh, just checking to see if you were paying attention. Fuck, I’m funny! Nobody knows. Now I’m depressed. Beer? C’mon Doc, you can do it. Concentrate, damn you. BEER!

  “I’ve forgotten something? What was it? Food … check, sunhat … check. Oh, yeah, beer. Do ya feel like a beer or ten, Cyril me mate? Silly bloody question. I’ll open em up and pour em into ya bowl, then I’m outta here.”

  Sigh! Whatever. I’m too depressed. I’ll have a quiet drinky-poo and sit and ponder the universe a while. Skeet better not be late getting home. He knows I worry.

  Chapter 15

  Kylie Andrews was nervous, deservedly so. Apologizing for her behavior was not something she’d done much of in her life.

  She glanced at the clock, wishing fervently that it would go backwards like everything else did in this crazy place. Then she thought about it clearly. Fuck, how would I know? I’ve been drunk continuously since we got here five days ago.

  It was approaching seven o’clock and she ventured off to find the De La Cruz bungalow and get the apology to Karen done and over with.

  Karen was sitting out on the wide balcony when she arrived. “C’mon up, Kylie,” she called.

  Kylie felt sick to her stomach. Her nerves were making her feel ill.

  “Sit down girlfriend. My God, Kylie, you look ill. Whatever is the matter?”

  Kylie looked at the sweet face. “Nerves, I guess. I wasn’t sure if I’d even get a chance to speak, to be honest.”

  “Here, I’ll pour a drink for you. Take it easy. I’m not gonna bite.” Karen walked inside and returned with a large glass of icy white wine and pineapple juice. She handed it to Kylie with a smile. “Take it slow. It may taste harmless but it packs a punch.”

  Kylie was grateful for the overture. She sipped at the drink and discovered just how innocent it tasted. “Is there wine in this at all?”

  “Oh yes indeed, sister girl, heavy duty.”

  “Okay, I had better be a little careful, then. Do you want me to explain what happened the other night?”

  “Yes, I should believe Tony. Guess I’m being a little insecure. You know that feeling, I’m sure.”

  “Honey, insecurity is my middle name. Anyways, here goes, I got stinking drunk after the tug-o-war thing, and I stupidly took more booze with me when I jumped in the buggy and took off. I remember screaming and abusing God for taking Tristan away from me and all sorts of other crazy things. I started to feel really sick, like pass-out or vomit-type sick. Tony heard me screaming and he came over to see if I was okay, which I clearly wasn’t. I threw up all over him and myself. Not a good look or smell. I passed out cold. Vanessa’s bungalow was the closest. Tony couldn’t get me out of the buggy alone, so he went for help. I got the distinct impression she was not pleased to see either one of us. I’d upchucked all over your husband and I stunk to high heaven. So he had to drop his pants outside. Vanessa insisted that I had to be showered before putting me to bed. So she undressed me and between them they got me under a cold shower. I woke up in Vanessa’s guest-room, wearing one of her négligées. She ripped a piece out of me for causing drama between her and you. Then Tony took his turn. If it hadn’t been for him, I could have wound up as croc food, or gone swimming and drowned my stupid self. That’s it. That’s all there was to it. I’m so sorry.”

  Karen smiled. “Thanks, Kylie. Yeah, that’s exactly what Tony said happened. You are not the only one who has apologies to make, I’m afraid. I was really rough on him when he came home, and ever since. God, I hate it when I get like this. Comes with the territory of being the new wife, I guess.”

  “I never stopped to think about the new wife being insecure. Stupid again, huh? Guess it’s been pretty rough on Izzy, the way I have been acting all this time. Shit, I’m a fool.”

  “Yes, you have been. Best you can do is say you are sorry. Don’t expect hugs of understanding. You have been pretty vicious.”

  “Oh, hell, I know I have. I don’t know if I can face them. I think I may just head back Stateside.”

  “I can understand how you feel, Kylie, but it would be better if you cleared the air before you leave. It’ll take guts, but you just proved you can do it. Don’t leave it undone, girlfriend. The longer you leave it, the worse it will get.”

  “When did you get to be so wise?”

  “Me? Wise? That’s a laugh. Wise, sure I am. I’m waiting for my husband to come home so I can apologize to him for being so wise.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Enough already. Have another, er, pineapple juice. Tony will be back shortly, and to show him how penitent I am, well, you need to not be here.”

  “Gotcha. I’m out of here.”

  Kylie had to admit she felt much better now that was done but the trickiest apology was still ahead of her. She wouldn’t blame Tristan or Izzy if they refused to speak to her at all. No time like the present, Kylie old girl. Yeah right, I’m scared shitless. Well, here goes nothing.

  She reached Bungalow 3 East and almost changed her mind. Tristan’s voice startled her, “So, what, are you taking up stalking among your other talents, Kylie?” She knew that tone. He was not pleased to see her outside their bungalow.

  She swallowed and squared her shoulders. “Tris, I would appreciate being able to talk to both you and Izzy. I promise I will not take long. Please, Tris, it’s important.”

  “Don’t call me that. I don’t believe you have a damned thing to say that my wife and I would even be remotely interested in hearing. Go away, Kylie, the further the better.”

  Kylie shook at the anger in his voice. Perhaps it would be better to just go. “Wait, wait, Kylie, what did you want?” Izzy said. She was stan
ding in the doorway with her hand on Tristan’s shoulder.

  He turned around to her. “Honey, it's not a good idea. I don’t care what she wants, I’m not interested.”

  Izzy looked at Kylie for a moment and said, “I think we should hear her out, Tristan. She can’t possibly undress me while you’re here.”

  Tristan touched her smiling lips with his fingertips. “Okay, five minutes.”

  ‘Five minutes, Kylie. Come in.”

  Kylie walked past her ex-husband and seated herself on a sofa near the door. “Clock’s ticking, Kylie. Get on with it.”

  “I’ve … I have come to apologize … for ... for … everything. All the shit, all of it. I am so, so sorry. I was wrong. I don’t expect forgiveness. Just wanted you both to understand it won’t happen again. No more rumors, or bitchy gossip, or sneaky attacks like at the tug-of-war.”

  “You find God or something, Kylie? Why should we believe you?” asked her ex.

  “No, and there is no reason why you should believe anything I say. I just needed to say it. I’ll go now.” She stood up and headed out the door.

  “Kylie, thank you. That took guts. Not much else to say, but thanks.” Izzy gave her a small, sad smile and turned away.

  Kylie walked off with her emotions shot to hell. She hadn’t expected that from Izzy and she knew damned well it was more than she deserved. She felt the hot tears scalding her eyes. Dammit, I’ll stop drinking later. I need a large Jack and ice right now.

  Tristan looked at his beautiful wife and shrugged. “Well I’ll be fucked!”

  “If you get lucky,” Izzy laughed and ran off into the bedroom with her man close behind her.

  Chapter 16

  Skeet took a look at the time. “Oh shit, Lucy, I gotta head back. I only made arrangements with Doc to feed Cyril this arvo. I’ve gotta give him his dinner. And he likes going to the movies if anything's on that he fancies.”

  Charlie Danvers shook his head. “You are shittin’ me. How do you know what he likes? I mean, really mate, how?”

  Lucy laughed. “Cyril lets us know in no uncertain terms what he likes and doesn’t like, Charlie.”

  Skeet jumped in. “Yeah, mate, I kid you not. He’s as cranky as … he gets very upset, mate. Trust me; he’s no little ray of sunshine if he’s bored or disappointed with something.”

  “Next thing you’ll be telling me he has a favorite movie.”

  Skeet and Lucy both cracked up. “Well, being as you mentioned it, he has, actually,” said Lucy with a 1,000 watt smile.

  “All right, you two, I’ll bite. What is his favorite movie? South Pacific, hmmm?”

  “Nyah, not even close. He just likes Some Enchanted Evening but he hated the movie,” said Skeet.

  “Well, c’mon you two, I’m curious now. What is it?”

  Lucy tried to keep a straight face and failed miserably. She and Skeet said simultaneously, “The Godfather.”

  Skeet concluded with, “He’s a huge fan of Al Pacino and Marlin Brando. Seen all their stuff, oh, except On the Waterfront. Haven’t been able to get a decent copy of that yet.”

  “Well, I’ll be buggered. You are both serious, aren’t you?”

  They nodded their heads.

  “This I gotta see.” Charlie was stunned.

  “Well, I’m headin’ off now if you wanna come, mate.”

  Charlie looked at Lucy. “You heading back down, Lucy?”

  “No, not yet. No need. I’m not on duty till 9:00 tomorrow morning. I usually stay up here one or two nights every couple of weeks. It’s so different and it gets me away from staff phone calls at 2:00 in the morning.”

  “Mind if I stay for a while longer?”

  “No, no, not at all. You’re very welcome.”

  Skeet decided it was past time he left. Lucy was a big girl and she could handle herself. Black Belt 3rd Dan, in fact. Charlie'd better mind his manners. “Right then, I’m off.”

  They both looked at him and said, “You certainly are,” which had them in fits of laughter again.

  Geez, they were sure acting like kids, but that was okay. Just not Lucy’s normal behavior.

  Skeet clambered down the ladder, leaving them still giggling behind him. Cyril was not gonna be a happy boy if he had to wait much longer for his tucker.

  * * *

  Lana and Jack Starr had had a marvelous couple of hours. They ate, drank and swam. The time flew by. They were both a little startled to realize that the sun was heading down for the night.

  “Well, m’lady, looks as if the sun got tired of our company.”

  “Yes, I wonder what time it is. But it doesn’t matter here, does it? No watches, no cell phones. I haven’t been this relaxed in a very long time.”

  “Me, neither. So, lovely lady, would you care to have dinner with me this evening?”

  “Well, I … sure, why not?”

  “How about we continue in our relaxed format? I’ll grab some steaks and the trimmings, and throw them together at my bungalow. No nosy people or noise. What do you think?”

  “Hell, that sounds so … normal. I love it.”

  “Okay, I’m in 3 West. What time would suit you?”

  “Um, well, I don’t know what time it is now, but I’ll shower and come around, okay? I can fix us the salad while you tend to the steaks.”

  “Sounds great. I’ll walk you back to your buggy, m’lady.”

  Lana Peters grinned. Because she wanted to.

  * * *

  “Cyril, I’m back, buddy. Where you at?”

  Where am I at? Where am I at? You are sounding more like a bloody Yank every minute. Do you have any idea what sort of day I’ve had, hmmm? Check out the color of the sun hat Doc made me wear. Pink! Pink! I didn’t dare stay outside. What if anyone had seen me? Truly, Skeet, I swear his taste is in his arse. I thought your taste was bad, but this, this is ridiculous.

  “There you are. Didya miss me, mate? What the hell are you wearing? Pink! Shit, Cyril, I’ll have a talk to Doc, mate. What was he thinkin’? You look like a horse's hoof in that thing.”

  A WHAT? Horse's hoof? Horse's hoof? Lemme think … poof. I remember. I watched that dreadful movie where that Dundee bastard murdered a harmless relative of mine. Poof is something Australian men don’t like. I don’t have any idea what it means but unless Al or Marlin played it, I don’t wanna know.

  “Even your mate Pacino didn’t wear pink when he played a poofter in Dog Day Afternoon.”

  So 'poofter' means bank robber? Hmmm, doesn’t sound right, but I’ll have to take your word for it. Do they make pink balaclavas? I don’t think so. Who can I trust if not you, Al, and Marlin? Not necessarily in that order. For heaven’s sake, don’t stand there. Take the bloody thing off me. Eeewww, tasteless. I wanna drink, and dinner, and what’s on at the movies tonight? Tonight is movie night, or did you forget that as well?

  “C’mon here, big fella, and let me take that poufy hat off ya. That’s better. Now dinner, or a beer first? One grunt for dinner, two for a beer.”

  Must we do this charade every time? You know damned well I like a couple of tinnies before Din-Dins, especially if it’s a good movie. What’s on, who is in it, and will I love it? Here, have three grunts. You look so cute when you’re confused.

  “Cyril, you know bloody well that was three. You count better than I do.”

  Am I meant to be flattered?

  “Righto, I’ll hedge me bets and give ya a couple of beers, then dinner. Let's see what’s on at the movies. Well, well, you are going to love this one. It’s an oldie, and I’ve never seen it, but Marlin Brando is in it. So it’s gotta be a good’n. ‘Last Tango in Paris’! Must be a musical.”

  Marlin in a musical? Oh … oh that’s exciting! Well c’mon, hurry up. Beer first. What else is on?

  “Mate, this is gonna be a hard call, 'cause guess what else is on?”

  Dammit, Skeet, I hate this shit. What? Don’t keep me in suspense. What already?

  “Bloody ‘Serpico’, mate. Al
Pacino at his best, in my opinion. So what do you wanna see?

  Oh, God, Al is so good in that. But Marlin in a musical? Oh, I can’t decide. You choose.

  “I think we might try the musical, mate. We already seen Serpico a trillion times.”

  Oh, are you sure? I mean, it is 'Serpico'. Oh damn, okay. I’m with you. Oh my, this is so exciting. I wonder if he sings. What was that movie he sang in? Was it 'High Society'?

  Chapter 17

  “I propose a toast, to you, Lucy for, um, inventing and building the best resort I’ve ever seen,” said Charlie.

  “That is the absolute best compliment I have ever had. Thank you, Charlie.”

  “I meant it, Lucy. This is an amazing place. I would recommend it to anyone. What, It’s been less than a week. I can see some changes in people already. I know I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time.”

  “I am glad. That’s exactly what I had hoped to achieve. I took a chance that a lot of people would be stressed to the max by the lifestyles they were really forced to live. This place gives them free reign to be just themselves - no adoring public and no press. The money I charge will only attract the high rollers. High rollers mean high stress. Believe me, I grew up with the highest roller you would ever meet. He couldn’t make it through a day without a stress attack.”