Dudes Down Under

by Suzannah Burke

  “Well, I’m stunned. Lucy and Charlie getting married, and Ginny and Ed. It’s all so romantic!”

  “My Skeet is gonna be the big boss, the head honcho, sigh! I wonder if he’ll still have time for me. Oh, what do we have that’s suitable for a wedding? I must get a new tux and you, my dear, whatever will you wear? Musn’t be white, that’s for the brides. You have gained a little weight, Sadie, my dear. You do look marvelous, though, of course.”

  “Yes, I have, haven’t I? must be all the munchies. Speaking of the which, do you have any handy, Cyril dear?”

  “Of course. I stock up every day. Sidney gets them from that funny silent thing in the foyer for me every morning. But I think you should try and cut down, dearest. It may not be good for you. I need a drink. Where is Rebecca?”

  “With Skeet ,of course.”

  “Do you think maybe they are , you know, getting serious?”

  “I hope so. He is just perfect for my Rebecca and that would mean I can stay.”

  “STAY? Of course you will stay. I didn’t think there was any doubt about that, Is there? I mean, you want to stay, don’t you?”

  “Yes, Cyril dear, of course I do.”

  “Oh, you had me having a moment. My face must be pale. I can’t imagine being without you … um, I mean, you are such good company.”

  “Yes, Cyril, of course I am. Was there ever any doubt?”

  “Not a damn thing wrong with your ego either.”

  “Yes, I’m perfection.”

  “Sigh! That makes two of us. I need a beer.”

  Chapter 39

  “Lana, I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t taken on the arrangements for me. Thanks so much, my friend,” said Lucy, giving her a hug.

  “Me too, Lana. I don’t know the first damned thing about weddings. I’ve never even been to one,” Ginny added.

  “Trust me, girlfriends, I want this to be the best, happiest, most beautiful wedding ever. I have all the things you both asked for happening. The guests you have invited are scheduled to arrive in four days' time. That gives them two days to recover. Your dresses have been made to measure and they’ll be here tomorrow. My team in Chicago have pulled out all the stops on this one. The ballroom is perfect for it - it’s huge - and the scenery from every window is stunning. Marquees out on the grass beside the lagoon will be catering to all. I know that neither of you wanted too much formality, so it will be a ceremony inside the ballroom for Ginny and Ed, and an outside ceremony for you and Charlie, Lucy. I have surprises which I hope to hell you are both happy with. As for my dress, that’s done. I have organized a dressmaker on the mainland for Didi, Izzy and Sidney. She’ll be here this afternoon with the materials and staff to measure and make their gowns. Flowers - check. Guys' tuxedos - check. Skeet’s not thrilled about wearing a tux, but because it’s you two, he conceded defeat. I have interlinking ramps organized for Skeet so he can access inside and out. Guests' accommodation - no problem of course. Extra choppers hired to transport everything not arriving on the big catamaran - check. You girls are having the full manicure, pedicure, massage, make-up and hair by the best in LA. I’m as nervous as a mother hen. I hope it all falls into place.”

  “It will be wonderful, Lana, I’m certain,” said Lucy and Ginny together.

  “Okay, I need you ladies to stay away from the ballroom and the area outside for a full thirty-six hours. Can you do that for me?”

  “Sure, I can,” said Lucy. “Ginny, how bout you come up and spend that time in my place. You’ve never seen it. I’ll get the fridge stocked up, grab us some chic flicks and we’ll have an all-girls time out. What do you think?”

  “Oh yes, that would be just great. Um, does that mean I don’t see Ed for all that time?”

  “That’s up to you, sweetie,. It’s kinda traditional not to see the groom the night before the wedding.”

  “Oh, um … we … that is I am stil … you know…we haven’t done…”

  “My God, girlfriend! Are you saying that you're still a virgin with Ed Guest as a fiancé? He must be in love.”

  “Yes, we both are,” Ginny stated clearly.

  “I keep thinking nothing will surprise me anymore. Wrong! Gimme a hug, Ginny,” said Lana Peters. Ginny was happy to comply.

  * * *

  The days weren’t long enough for everyone, not just with all the plans for the weddings. The guests had begun to realize that their time at Dudes Down Under was drawing to a close. Two days after the weddings they were due to fly out. No one was happy about it. Home was home, of course, but it had been an incredible learning curve in different ways for all of them.

  Tony De La Cruz was sitting in the Swamp talking with his ex-wife. “So, have you heard from Karen?”

  “No, nothing.”

  “From her lawyer?”

  “No.”

  “Is she taking your calls?”

  “I haven’t called.”

  “What? Are you nuts? She may have just wanted some reassurance that you really loved her,” Vanessa said before she could stop herself.

  “Did you?”

  “You are such a damned fool where women are concerned, Tony. Of course I did.”

  “Shit! Is that all it would have taken for you and me, me telling you I loved you?” He was stunned and it showed.

  “Yes, at that time I would have given anything to hear you say that.” Vanessa admitted.

  “I’m a fool, aren’t I?”

  “Yes, yes, Tony you are. Call her.”

  “But …?”

  “Call her. Don’t be an idiot. Pride is all that’s stopping you. Call her.”

  “I … okay, I will. Thanks, Nessa.” He gave her a quick hug and headed off to the office to place the call.

  “Well, you are in danger of becoming a decent human being,” Sidney Sheridan said from behind her.

  “It’s bloody contagious ,hey, Sid?”

  “Looking that way. You want to do lunch?”

  “Yeah, good call. Let’s go eat.”

  “And drink.”

  “That’s a given.”

  The two women exited the Swamp arm-in-arm and headed for the Tropicana restaurant.

  * * *

  Skeet had finished the audit that Lucy had wanted done. The accountant was a nice bloke and they hit it off together.

  “You’ll do fine, Skeet. You have a natural aptitude for figures.”

  “I’ll say, mate. Especially if they come with dark hair and brown eyes.”

  “Like Rebecca, for instance?”

  “You got that right, mate. She a tiny bundle of dynamite.”

  “She’s staying on after you take over, isn’t she?”

  “Bloody hell, I haven’t asked her.”

  “You’d better, mate. Doesn’t do to assume anything where woman are concerned.”

  “You sure got that right.” Skeet wheeled himself outside and checked his watch. Rebecca would be feeding Cyril and Sadie about now.

  He went off looking for the three of them.

  * * *

  Lana was weary but delighted; everything was almost ready. The Grand Ballroom looked superb with drapes of white silk around every window. Roses, in a profusion of soft pinks, to fuscia were placed in large baskets everywhere. The fuscia were the same color as the bridesmaids' dresses to be worn by Sidney, and Didi. The long span of carpet forming an aisle between the white seats was also a deeper fuscia. The effect was stunning.

  Splashes of the colors appeared in detail around the room in satin ribbons tied expertly from the drapes. The entire effect was soft, warm and utterly beautiful. The priest and Ginny and Ed would stand in front of the stage. The curtains were changed to white heavy shantung. The platform in front would elevate them so that all guests had a clear view. Even the cushions they would kneel on were color-coordinated. Ginny would carry a dozen roses. Her veil was lovingly embroidered with tiny flowers in matching tones around the edges of the twelve foot train. Her gown was a dream of white lace and sil
k, cut to sway as she walked like a ball gown from Gone With The Wind.

  Her parents had arrived the previous night and Ginny was a little nervous about Ed meeting her folks. They were the same age and she wasn’t certain how they would take it. She had neglected to mention exactly who it was she was marrying, simply stating that he was very mature and quite well off financially’

  Ginny discovered which side of the family had the fainting gene as her mother hit the floor when she met Ed.

  Her dad was more down-to-earth, and he and Ed had a private discussion, after which her dad seemed in a terrific mood. She wouldn’t find out for a very long time that Ed had paid off the huge mortgage on their farm and the acres around it, and had handed them the deeds free and clear.

  * * *

  Charlie waited for the chopper to stop and was smiling as his friends exited. “Welcome to paradise, guys. You two are gonna have a ball. Come on up and have a drink before you settle down for a sleep. You gotta meet some of my new friends. You won’t get to meet my Lucy till tomorrow, though. The girls are in lockdown. Come on, let’s go meet Skeet.”

  “Skeet?”

  “Yeah, short for mosquito. I don’t know, it kinda suits him, but he’s the most un-annoying bloke you’s ever want to meet. He’s the bloke I told you about. Got hurt really bad during the cyclone.”

  “Yeah, that’s a bad deal , buddy. From everything you’ve said, he sounds like a good guy.”

  “One of the best, mate.”

  “So, what’s with the big secrecy about us? I mean, Christ almighty, buddy, you got um, yeah … Tristan and Tom, er, Tony, and Ge … Jack here so why the big tell-no-one with us?”

  “You guys are kinda my wedding present to a couple folks. The fact that you are both my closest friends also helps a lot.”

  “Okay, well let’s do it, pal. I’m hangin’ for a scotch on the rocks and a long cool sleep.”

  “How’s Tony holdin’ up since Karen split?”

  “He’s hit the booze pretty heavy, but I caught sight of him comin’ outta Lucy’s office a couple hours back and he was smiling big time. So maybe it’s all good.”

  “I hope so.”

  The three men entered the bar and located Skeet with no problem. He was talking to Rebecca. Cyril and Sadie were both asleep nearby.

  “I am so glad you are gonna stay, Bec. I just thought it was underst … HOLY SHIT!”

  “What? What?”

  Skeet put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around as Charlie walked up with his two friends.

  “HOLY SHIT!” said Rebecca.

  “There’s an echo around here,” said Mr. Godfather as he shook her outstretched hand.

  “So, yeah, pleased to meet you both” he continued after shaking Skeet’s hand as well.

  His friend was smiling and happy to meet them. “Hi folks, Charlie’s been telling us about this place. Pretty remarkable, isn’t it?”

  “What, um, sorry, mate. My brains gone to other stuff. What do you two wanna be called while ya here at Dudes, mates?”

  “I gotta keep it clean?”

  “Up to you entirely, mate,” Skeet said with a laugh. ”How bout we get you guys a couple cold drinks while we chat?”

  “Scotch on the rocks in a long glass, double nips.”

  “JD and Coke for me, buddy. Same deal, two nips.”

  “Not a problem. “Max,” Skeet called over at the bartender, “bring us over a bottle of your best twelve year old single malt Scotch and a bottle of JD, glasses, Coke and ice, please mate.”

  “Comin’ right up, oh master, sir.”

  “You keep that master shit up, Maxie my boy, and you’re the one that’s gonna need a fuckin’ wheel chair, mate.”

  Max cracked up laughing. “Anything you say, boss man.”

  “I take it you are the manager here.”

  “Not officially yet. Charlie is stealing our Lucy away. But until she heads off, she’s still the boss lady. So what didya’s think of the view as you flew in?”

  “Mighty spectacular lookin’ resort, buddy. That water can’t really be that color, can it?”

  “Yeah, what is that, aquamarine or something? It’s almost the same color as ice in some places. I swear I could see the fish from up in the chopper.”

  “Yeah, you can, mate. That’s how clean and clear the water is. We have regular croc watch patrols up, 'cause they can spot 'em out in the water before they become a problem on shore.”

  “Crocodiles?”

  “Uh-huh, crocodiles. I can’t wait till you meet Cyril and Sadie.”

  “Oh shit!” Rebecca said. “Do you think smelling salts will work on them, Skeet.”

  “I bloody well hope so, Bec.”

  “I’ll go get some.”

  “Good idea, darlin.’”

  “Who on earth are Cyril and Sadie, and why would you possibly need smelling salts?”

  “Long story, mate. Have you guys come up with names yet?”

  “Yeah, well I have. Just Mr. P., okay?”

  “Fine by me. Mr. P it is.”

  “Yeah, call me Danny. Brings back good memories.”

  “Done deal, Danny.”

  “I guess you two better meet the reasons for the smelling salts. I don’t wanna chance it ruining the ceremonies tomorrow, so we’ll get it over now, if you guys don’t mind.”

  “Go for it, buddy.”

  “Uh-huh, yeah, let’s do it - whatever it is.”

  “See over there, mates.”

  “What, the two stuffed gators on the floor?” said Mr. P.

  “Crocodiles, mate, and they ain’t stuffed.”

  “Jesus, they are alive. Fuck, are we safe?”

  “Safer than a bank, mates. Those two are Cyril and Sadie. Cyril is the real big fella, Sadie is his girlfriend.”

  “They are your absolute biggest fans Mr. P., and they are pretty gee’d up about you as well, Danny.”

  “You are jokin’, right? Aussie humor, yeah? I mean they are fuckin’ crocodiles, buddy. Ya shittin’ me?”

  “Jesus, you are Goddamned serious, aren’t you? Oh this I gotta see. What do I do or don’t do?” said Mr. P.

  “I’ll wake ‘em both up and give ‘em a drink or two, then I’ll introduce you two. Once they realize that they are awake and that you guys are the real deal, stand back, 'cause I don’t know what they’ll do. Nothing dangerous - don’t be worried, they are tame - but Cyril might flip out. He does that when he’s excited.”

  “I still think that you are yankin’ my chain, Skeet my man. But go do it,” said Mr. P.

  Skeet grabbed the bottle of JD and wheeled over to the pair of snoring reptiles on the floor. He poured a generous amount in each of their bowls, topped up with a little cold water, and then spoke. ”Cyril, Cyril mate, wakey wakey, big-fella. C’mon mate, time to wake up. Sadie sweetheart, you too darlin’, wakey wakey.”

  “Time is it? What are you wakin’ us up early for, Skeet? We already know what we have to do tomorrow. This had better be good.”

  “Yeah, what he said.”

  “Oh look, Sadie. We have a special drinky each. What’s the story? No more surprises, I don’t think my heart can take it, but I will have that drinky. Um, yummy - JD. Is it my birthday? No, I’m an Aries. Too early for that. Is it your birthday, Sadie?”

  “Could be. I don’t know when mine is.”

  “How sad. Well, then, we can call today your birthday, can’t we?”

  “What a novel idea. Can I have more than one?”

  “I don’t see why not. Will that age you faster, do you think?”

  “Hmm, don’t know.”

  “This is a good drink. Not as nice as my banana daiquiri, though.”

  “I must try one of those.”

  “They are marvelous.”

  “Hmmm. Oh shame, I seem to have finished already. I’ll grovel for another, shall I?”

  “Oh yes, please do.”

  “Er-hem, Skeet. Skeet! Oh bloody hell, must I do that grunting thing?�
��

  “It’s in a good cause, Cyril dear.”

  “Oh, very well.”

  “Right, yeah, all right. Calm down, big fella. I’ll give you both one more then we have a little surprise for you both.”

  “Oh spare me! I knew it. Another surprise. Not another female, I hope, Skeet. I’m happy with my Sadie, he-heh.”

  “Smart croc.”

  “Yes, I rather thought you might think so.”

  “Let’s drink to that.”

  “I’ll drink to anything.”

  “I know.”

  “Sigh! I hope this surprise is at least not ugly.”

  “Me too. Maybe it’s another boy croc.”

  “It had better not be.”

  “Oooh, I like it when you get thingy.”

  “Thingy be buggered. I just don’t like violence if I can avoid it.”

  “My hero.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “C’mon drink up, you pair. Bec, you ready, just in case?”

  “Yeah, got four bottles, and a crowd of onlookers to boot.”

  “Righto, then. Cyril, Sadie, close your eyes and keep ‘em shut ‘til I tell ya to open them. Grunt once if you understand.”

  “Once each, or one of us once for both?”

  “Let’s do once each. On three - one, two, three, grunt.”

  “I’ll be damned. Look at that. They both grunted once and then closed their eyes,” said Mr. P. in admiration.

  “You guys ain’t seen nothing yet,” said Charlie.

  “Okay. Mr. P. and Danny, come over here where they can see you clearly when they open their eyes, then step back a couple feet. Okay, guys?”

  “Yeah, can do.”

  “Okay.”

  “Right, Cyril, Sadie, on the count of three, open your eyes. One, two, three, open.”

  “Okay, sigh! They're open. What am I supos - ? Aaaarrrggghhhhhhhhhh! My God, it's you, it’s him, it’s you. Oh my God! Oh my God, Sadie, it’s him and … aaarrrhhghh! ... It’s him as well.”