Gestern

by J. Grace Pennington

  If it weren’t all so frightening and worrying, it would have been exciting.

  The shopping itself was exciting enough to almost keep my mind off it all. On the Surveyor if I wanted something I would get the Doctor to order it for me, and it would arrive by way of a cargo vessel. I’d shopped in traditional stores when I was a child, of course, but even since then things had changed. More and more places were employing androids. Usually they were only used at the counter but at one camping gear store we visited, an artificial intelligence clerk walked us over to show us the leading technology in self-building tents.

  But despite my fascination with the whole process, my spirits continued to be dampened by my companions. Crash and the Doctor argued over every little detail. August kept very silent unless asked a direct question. A couple of times during the day my irritation at my cousin boiled over to the point that I could no longer contain it and shot withering sarcasm his way.

  At last the day ended, leaving myself, August, and Crash with brand new backpacks full of food, clothing, and camping equipment. I was weary to the bone in a way that even the stress of starship life usually didn’t bring. So many people. So many options. And I knew so very little about any of it.

  After a quick dinner, I bid the men goodnight and slipped from the Doctor’s room into mine, closing the door but not locking it. Again, the utter silence of the hotel pushed into my soul until it itself seemed to be a sound that rang in my ears and made my head feel fuzzy again.

  Maintaining the silence I changed into pajamas, brushed my teeth, absently read a Psalm, ordered the bedside lamp to turn off, and snuggled under the soft, plush covers.

  The silence only became more ominous in the dark. It seemed to become a creature, an anti-ghost, haunting me with its lack of everything.

  I forced myself to laugh aloud to break the spell, and my voice was much too loud in the small, dark space.

  Breathing deeply, I reached for the new pad the Doctor had bought me to help us communicate while I was gone. With it he could tell me any new information he received or progress he made, and he could make sure I was okay at any moment during the day or night that it occurred to him I might be hurt, in trouble, or on death’s door.

  But it also had other abilities. Like playing calming music. I sought out some simple, basic piano performances, darkened the screen, and laid down to let the sweet notes carry me to sleep.

  Sleep only made things worse. Awake I had seen and heard nothing, but asleep, the thoughts I’d been suppressing attacked in the form of a smaller version of myself with space-black hair, shivering in a dank dungeon somewhere my subconscious labeled “Austria.”

  I was in pain. Lots of it.

  I cried as the pain spread like fire through every vein and artery. I heard footsteps, hard against stone, quiet at first, then louder.

  “How are you feeling, Ursula?” a nondescript male voice called from the darkness.

  I pressed back against the wall, shaking with fear as the aching continued to spread through my body.

  “Are you feeling better yet?” the voice asked again.

  I looked down at my hands. My skin was bright, flaming red and getting hotter.

  “I said, are you feeling okay?” the voice insisted, louder.

  I screamed.

  “Andi!”

  The dungeon faded and I screamed again, struggling as I felt hands grip my arms.

  “Andi, it’s me.”

  I opened my eyes and for a moment all I saw was black. My pulse thumped in my ears and I gasped.

  “Shhh. It’s okay. It’s me. It’s the Doctor.”

  Managing to suck in a deep breath, I forced my eyes to focus on his face. That dear, familiar face—still my favorite in all the world.

  I dove forward and clung to him like a child. He wrapped his arms around me and began to smooth my hair gently. At last my pulse quieted enough for me to hear his heartbeat and I breathed more deeply and relaxed.

  “I love you, Doctor,” I whispered.

  He kissed the top of my head. “I love you, too.”

  ***

  Crash and August must have heard me scream the night before, but they said nothing as we stood outside the hotel loading our luggage into the taxi in the chilly, foggy morning. I was wearing blue jeans, something I hadn’t done since I was about ten years old. It felt odd, but somehow the sturdy fabric, so different from the leggings I wore under my uniform skirts, made me feel more ready for an adventure.

  As August took my backpack from me and stowed it in the back of the taxi, I turned to the Doctor, who wore the same gray turtleneck and brown pants he always had when I was little. I hugged him, feeling for that one moment almost as though I still were that child.

  “Try not to worry,” I murmured.

  He squeezed a bit tighter. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  I smiled a little, trying to ignore the tightness in my chest.

  “Hopefully two thousand credits will be enough for anything you need, but message me right away if you need more,” he said. “Crash has funds, too. And August should have some, if it’s an emergency.”

  “I’m sure we’ll be fine, Dad.” I wasn’t at all sure, but in the area of currency, at least, I felt that all was well.

  “You know if you don’t reply to my messages within ten seconds I’ll assume you’re dead, right?” he went on as he let go of me.

  I chuckled. “Of course.”

  He gave a half-smile and laid a hand on my shoulder. Then he bowed his head and I followed suit.

  “Lord,” he said, “Please protect Andi on this journey. Please guide her, and Crash and August, as they try to help this little girl. Keep Ursula in your loving care, keep her healthy, and bring her safely through this. Bring all of them safely back.” He squeezed my shoulder as he added one last thing. “And please guide my research and give me success. In the name of your Son we pray, amen.”

  “Amen,” I echoed, as did Crash and August, both standing behind me. My tension relaxed ever so slightly.

  The Doctor let go of my shoulder and hugged Crash, who returned the embrace with notable warmth and said, “I will take care of them, Uncle. I promise.”

  “I know you will,” the Doctor said, though Crash must have seen the worry behind his eyes as plainly as I did. The Doctor turned to August and put out his hand. “And I do trust you, August. I don’t need to tell you to look out for her.”

  August didn’t reply, but he did awkwardly reach for a hug which the Doctor reciprocated. Then the Doctor hugged me one last time.

  “Please be careful,” he whispered, and the tones tugged at my heartstrings until it physically hurt.

  “I will,” I whispered back. Then he let go and Crash opened the taxi door for me. I climbed in, trying to numb my feelings so they wouldn’t spill out my eyes.

  August followed me into the car and Crash closed the door and went around to the other side. He told the driver our destination. The vehicle began to move.

  I swiveled my head to watch out the back window. The Doctor stood alone in front of the hotel, blending into the fog as we moved away. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but that only made my eyes burn more. I locked eyes with him as the distance grew and I didn’t look away until the car rounded a corner, and he was gone.

  I turned forward again, unable to keep a tear from escaping. Without a word, August reached over and squeezed my hand. His skin was soft and cold, but the pressure was firm.

  The ride to the train station was only about twenty minutes long, and the fog kept me from seeing much of the city. I could make out many other cars of all makes and colors traveling alongside us, blurred as we sped along, interweaving in patterns designed by their navicomputers to take the most efficient and harmonious path to their common destination. A few even had empty driver seats, but even with most cars almost entirely automatic these days, it seemed that the feeling of security that accompanied an honorary driver had yet to be shaken by most.

 
; Soon we had arrived at the train station and retrieved our backpacks.

  “Which platform?” Crash asked as he paid the driver.

  I dug in my pocket for my pad, which held my ticket. Pulling it up, I saw a message notification. From the Doctor.

  I’m praying for you.

  I swallowed the tears that threatened to emerge again. I’d see him again soon. Very soon. There was no reason to get emotional.

  “Number twenty-three,” August informed, and I followed as the two of them headed to the train.

  CHAPTER VI

  I’d never been on a train before, even when I lived on Earth. This one was silver and green, and I couldn’t count the cars because they all blurred together towards the far-off tail end. I marveled at its size for a moment, then smiled at myself. It was nothing compared to the Surveyor. It could probably run for years on a hundredth of the power it took to move the starship and keep it running smoothly for a month.

  A sniff of the air, and I detected the same warm, ever-so-slightly burnt smell of ionized plasma, indicating the same type of propulsion as the Surveyor.

  “Come on, And,” Crash prompted, and I was pulled from my reverie back to the platform.

  It wasn’t very crowded, just a dozen or so folks dressed for comfort and holding luggage on a worn, metallic surface in the open, foggy air.

  I followed my cousin across the platform to the door of the train car directly in front of us, and presented my ticket to the gray-uniformed man who stood on the steps. He examined it, then waved me in after Crash. August followed.

  We climbed inside and I took in the entire place at a single glance. It was only a center aisle with rows of comfortable seats on each side, luggage compartments overhead, windows spanning the edges of the space, and projections on the ceiling advertising everything from toothpaste to winter boots to a holographic children’s cartoon called “Galactic Lucy.”

  We walked to the back of the compartment, then Crash took my backpack from me and stowed it overhead. Once all three bags were taken care of, there was an awkward moment where both my cousin and my brother were standing and waiting for me to take a seat. Chivalry prompted it, but I hesitated. There were two seats on either side of the aisle. We couldn’t all three sit together.

  Other passengers started to fill the car and I selected a green-upholstered seat on the right and settled into it. To my relief, August sat beside me. Crash saluted and made his way to the other side of the aisle.

  August leaned back in his seat. I watched as others took their places, then gripped the arms of my seat as the train went from zero to two hundred miles per hour in less than a minute, causing me to catch my breath.

  August smiled. “Have you ever been on a train before?”

  “No. Not that I recall. Have you?”

  “I used to all the time, in Austria. Never overseas, though.”

  “Isn’t it technically underseas?” I grinned a bit.

  “You know what I mean.” He smiled back, but the smile didn’t reach his dark eyes.

  This was my opportunity to really bond with August. We were stuck together doing nothing for the majority of two straight days. But what should I say? What should I ask?

  I let go of the armrests, relaxed against the seat, and sighed a bit. This happened every time I tried to take advantage of time spent with him. Everything I wanted to know about him, our family, his past—it all left my brain and I just sat with him in silence. And it wasn’t like there were a lot of resources to help me in the matter—searching “getting to know your newly discovered brother” didn’t exactly yield pages of helpful information on the internet.

  “Want to watch a movie?” he suggested, pointing to the small, flat screens on the backs of the seats in front of us.

  Not exactly what I had in mind. Watching films wasn’t my favorite pastime, and it wasn’t my idea of bonding, either. But then, if it was something he wanted to do—

  “Sure,” I smiled. I took the silver earbuds from their holster beside my screen, put one in each ear, and let him choose something from the list.

  The ride itself was uneventful. We stopped overnight at a hotel owned by the train line, a hotel much smaller and simpler than the one we’d stayed at in Baltimore. We talked, watched movies, ate snacks, and watched as the train ran over land and through the underwater tunnels to bring us to our destination.

  As much as I loved space, it was nice to see more of our home planet than I had before. The scenery varied as we sped beside towns, over fields, and through mountain passes cut specifically for the trains. My favorite of all was when we made the long, long journey through the Atlantic Ocean. The tunnels were clear, though green algae had accumulated along the joists and we went too quickly for me to really focus on much of anything. But I caught glimpses; of colorful creatures, kelp forests, and faded cetaceans that loomed far in the distance.

  In a way, it reminded me of the novelty and beauty of space.

  At the Austrian border the train halted, as it had at the borders of Great Britain and Germany, so that we could be inspected. As had become typical, Crash was across the aisle from August and myself, sitting back with his arms crossed over his chest as the official approached.

  The uniformed man came to August first and held out a flat scanner without a word. August laid his right palm on it and waited while it scanned his DNA.

  The officer looked at the scanner and swiped with his finger a couple times before nodding and leaning to hold the scanner towards me.

  I got a whiff of his strong, musty cologne as I pressed my hand to the cool, smooth surface, and I stole a glance at the man’s face. Even working in medicine as long as I had, I’d never gotten used to that experience of being close enough to someone to see their pores and each individual hair, to hear them breathing, and yet know absolutely nothing of their heart and soul.

  When my scan was done, he straightened up and took a little longer reading the information, but in the end he nodded and moved across the car towards Crash.

  Crash sat up and laid his palm on the scanner. This time when the officer read the information he frowned.

  “Excuse me a moment,” he said, then retreated to the front of the car where another officer stood. They conversed in low tones.

  I glanced over at Crash. His expression hadn’t changed, even though those around us were beginning to whisper.

  After a moment, both officers approached my cousin and the second man spoke aloud, with an accent like August’s but much thicker and deeper. “I’m sorry, Herr Crash, but we will have to detain you for a few days.

  “Detain me?” Crash leaned back and raised an eyebrow. “Why the...”

  The officer stopped him. “I am sorry, sir. We are not able to allow you to enter Austria at this time. If you will just come with us...”

  “Okay... can you tell me why?” Crash half stood and raised his voice a notch or two.

  August pulled himself up and stepped hesitantly into the aisle, then said something in German to the two men.

  The second one turned back to Crash and spoke in English. “Yes, we are legally required to give an explanation. We cannot allow you to enter at this time due to your criminal record.”

  Crash jerked himself upright. “Criminal record? What are you talking about?”

  All the other passengers were now riveted to the scene, staring in silence at my cousin. My chest tightened again.

  “Arson and vandalism, sir.”

  Crash was silent for a fraction of a second before saying, “There’s been a mistake. Those charges were settled years ago.” As if reading my mind, he held out a hand towards me. “I didn’t do anything wrong, And, I swear. It was just a mistake from when I was in school. Just charges.”

  The second officer gripped Crash’s arm. “As I said, mein Herr, I am sorry, but we will have to detain you. If there has been a mistake, we will clear it up and you may be on your way.”

  At Crash’s hesitation, the man added, “There are m
ore officers just outside. I would hate to add to your charges.”

  Crash relaxed in resignation and glanced at me. “It’ll be okay. I’m sure I’ll catch up with you in a day or two.” As they led him through the car, he craned his neck around to call to August, “Take care of her!”

  Then they shuffled him off the train and most of the passengers turned back to their own business.

  August stood frozen in the aisle, but I reached out and tugged at his sleeve. That movement seemed to unlock him, and he lowered himself back to his seat.

  We both watched out the window as Crash was led away to a gray van in the distance. After he disappeared and the train started whizzing along again, we looked at each other, each seeming to wait for the other to speak.

  I lost. “What are we going to do?”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “Just... continue. It’ll be okay.”

  His attempt at comfort would have been reassuring if he sounded like he believed it.

  I closed my eyes and attempted to breathe deeply. Crash arrested. August and I alone.

  Biting my lip, I pulled out my pad to send a message to the Doctor.

  We just arrived in Austria. The border patrol detained Crash because they said he had a criminal record... arson and vandalism. Do you know anything about that? They said he can hopefully follow us soon. August and I are continuing alone for now. Please pray...

  I sent the message and went back to looking out the window at the red-roofed blur of houses we were speeding by, feeling shaky. Only now that Crash was gone did I realize what security his presence had brought. I may not have felt like talking to him, but I knew that there was nobody and nothing that he could not deal with.