Gestern

by J. Grace Pennington

  “What does ‘edelweiss’ mean?”

  “It’s a flower. A flower that doesn’t even exist anymore.”

  We laid in silence for a little while.

  “What do you think will happen?” I asked.

  “They’re sure to convict Dred, with the evidence on his pad,” August surmised. He closed his eyes, but his body didn’t relax.

  “What will that mean for Ursula?” I tried to swallow down the unrest that kept sticking in my throat.

  He opened his eyes again. “Either foster care here, or guardianship with one of us, probably.”

  It was about what I had expected.

  “Which one of us would be her guardian?” I asked. I loved her. In a way I hadn’t known I could. But—how could I possibly care for a child? What would it mean for my future on the ship—and with the Doctor?

  If I even had a future anymore.

  “I don’t know. But I think... I would like to do that.” He spoke slowly, each word purposeful, almost missional.

  Timid, polite August? As a father?

  “I think,” he went on, “it would be... a good way to redeem things. My gestern, you know. I could make up for my father’s mistakes by—taking care of the daughter he—abandoned.” The hesitating speech pattern was back, but the conviction beneath it was solid.

  I tried again to swallow. I was starting to wish, for the first time, that I had never grown up. Was this all being an adult was? Constant change and constant challenge and constant choices, and never landing where you really wanted to be more than anything?

  A knock at the door startled me. “The councilmembers are reconvening.”

  ***

  Again, we sat at the long table with the ambassadors, Dred across from us, Ursula at the other end.

  This time, instead of Ambassador Lindra, one of the men stood. A bald man with a salt-and-pepper mustache, earlier identified as Ambassador Gray.

  “A decision has been reached,” he said in a deep voice. “Since we have a confession and we have relevant records, no further investigation will be launched into the matter. Professor Dred will be tried and sentenced.”

  I exhaled, and watched in vain for Dred’s expression to change.

  “As for the child,” the man went on, “we have confirmed her relation to Miss Lloyd and Mr. Howitz by matching her DNA scan to their duty records. She is indeed their half-sister, making them legally able to accept her guardianship, since they are both over twenty-one.”

  He turned to us. My heart beat faster.

  “We have been unable to ascertain her parentage—Professor Dred is listed as her legal guardian, but those records appear to be fraudulent. We can find no other information. Her parents are deceased?”

  We had been able to find records just a week before. Edmunds must have been very thorough in his plan.

  “Yes, your honor,” August said. “Her father is, and her mother—was dying the last time we heard from her.”

  “Very well. We have spoken with the Austrian authorities, and they have agreed to allow her departure on one condition. They insist that she must have two legal guardians rather than only one, so you would both need to accept responsibility for her.”

  The words froze me.

  “I accept, your honor,” August said, quietly but without hesitation.

  “Very well.” The bald man turned to me. “And you, Miss Lloyd?”

  Thoughts shot through my head. My illness. The Doctor. The Surveyor. Ursula and Dred.

  Moment by moment, I could feel my beloved way of life slipping through my fingers irrevocably.

  I looked at Ursula, still holding tight to the doll her mother had given her.

  There was no going back now. She was to be ripped from what she loved best in the world and thrust into her own uncertain future. As had August.

  As had my mother.

  As had even Crash.

  Why should I be an exception?

  “Miss Lloyd?”

  I took a deep breath and straightened up. “Yes, your honor. I accept.”

  “Very well. We will ask you to sign some records, and then we will close the case.” His face softened slightly as he looked at Ursula. “You’re going home, my dear.”

  Ursula smiled obliviously, but I knew that she would never feel that it was home without her Daddy.

  ***

  They wouldn’t allow him to see her before we boarded the transport the Council had arranged for us. She was a minor and he was charged with crimes against her, so they refused my pleas for a single goodbye meeting. Instead, they allowed me to speak to him in a small chamber at the back of the police station, where he was to be held temporarily.

  We sat on opposite sides of the small table in the dreary, windowless room and looked at each other.

  “Why did you do it?” I finally asked, glancing at the security cameras in the corners of the room. I knew the answer, of course. I just wanted to hear it from him.

  Nothing he said surprised me. “Ursula doesn’t belong here. She belongs in a safer, happier place with her family. It was you or me.”

  My eyes burned. “But you are her family.”

  He smiled, though his eyes remained the same.

  “Besides,” I continued, “there’s the radialloy, and I don’t even know how long...” I felt choked and couldn’t finish the sentence.

  “You’ll figure it out,” he said, eyes finally softening a little. “You’ve done okay so far.”

  The door slid open, and a hefty guard beckoned to Dred. We both rose.

  “I am sorry about the radialloy,” he said.

  I shook my head, unable to speak.

  He looked at me one last time. “Don’t let her forget me.”

  “Of course she won’t,” I cried, but the guard came in and led him away.

  October 25th, 2321

  12:42 a.m.

  Baltimore, United States

  Doctor Gerard Lloyd had been staring at the screen for so long his eyes were red, and every time he blinked he saw spots of light.

  “Gerry?” The voice of his captain drew him from his intense focus and he forced his gaze from the pad, blinking rapidly.

  The Captain sighed. “Gerry, you’re going to kill yourself.”

  “As long as it doesn’t kill her first,” he grumbled, and turned back to the screen.

  Trent approached without further argument. “How much time do you have?”

  “A couple weeks.”

  “And are you making progress?”

  Gerard nodded, eyes still skimming the screen. “Their suspicions about the supernova helped. It means it’s possible the radialloy was just scattered, not destroyed. There could be particles out there somewhere. Probably in the old Qandon system. The trick is to find a way to detect and gather them.”

  Trent breathed deeply. “We have another problem on our hands.”

  Gerard looked up at him again, bracing himself for more bad news.

  “Crash has escaped.”

  CHAPTER XXIII

  I hoped against hope that Ursula wouldn’t ask questions as we boarded the transport home. The Council was sending us with an armed escort, which helped put me at ease, even if not for the reason they intended. They seemed to fear that Dred might escape somehow. I knew this was nonsense, but—who knew what Edmunds would do now that Dred had foiled his plan to have us arrested?

  “Where’s Daddy?” Ursula’s small voice asked as she took my hand, clutching Lucy under one arm.

  My throat went dry, and I looked to August. He kept his eyes on me as he spoke. “Your daddy has to stay behind for awhile. He said he’ll miss you.”

  Ursula frowned. “When will he come?”

  August’s pale face turned towards her, and he somehow kept his voice steady. “I don’t know, Ursula. But I know he will come just as soon as he can.”

  She clung to my hand as we traversed the aisle to our seats and said nothing. As the transport took off, she hid her face against my shoulder, and I
could feel her body shaking with noiseless tears. I held her close in the silence, watching as Austria vanished beneath the clouds.

  It was dark by the time we reached our destination, and as we landed outside the starport my heart began pounding in anticipation of seeing the Doctor again. I hadn’t heard from him since before we boarded, and it felt like an eternity since I’d felt his arms around me.

  Ursula had slept for most of the journey but was awake by the time we touched down, and she nestled against me, brown eyes wide as she looked out the windows.

  I squeezed her gently.

  “Is your other daddy here?” she asked.

  I smiled. “Yes. He is. He’s excited to meet you.”

  She said nothing.

  August took my hand and squeezed it before we stood up. His skin was cold, as it always was. Dear August. The Surveyor and its crew might be my family, but I sometimes forgot that August was still a newcomer. I was his only family now.

  Well, I and Ursula.

  She clung to my arm as the transport door slid open and we made our way down the ramp. I glanced around for the Doctor and found him, his dear face only a few meters away.

  I wanted to drop Ursula’s hand and run to him, but I restrained myself and carefully led her to solid ground. August followed with our backpacks.

  The Doctor closed the distance between us in a few long strides and wrapped me in the tightest hug I could remember. I laid my head against his shoulder and rested my cheek against his soft turtleneck, heart aching in its fullness.

  This. This was home.

  I pulled away sooner than I wanted to. “Doctor,” I said, trying to keep back tears, “this is my sister Ursula.”

  The Doctor knelt and gave her his crooked smile. “Hello, Ursula. I’m Doctor Lloyd. It’s nice to meet you.”

  She hid behind my arm, but peeked out at him.

  “There’s someone else here who wants to see you,” he said to her, his voice as gentle as I’d ever heard it.

  I looked around for the Captain or Almira or someone else who might want to meet and comfort the little girl, but I didn’t see a single familiar face. I did see, standing a few meters behind the Doctor, a very small, blonde, blue-eyed woman dressed in blue and green.

  Before I could take in her appearance she was rushing towards Ursula. Ursula let go of my hand, of her doll, and nearly stumbled over her own feet in her rush to meet the woman halfway, crying, “Mama!”

  My mind rejected the sight. There was some mistake. Ursula was confused—or the Doctor was. I was dreaming. I had slept on the flight and now my mind was trying unconsciously to work out a good solution to this situation.

  The woman caught Ursula up in her arms and held her close. Tears flowed from her eyes.

  I looked down at Galactic Lucy, who still lay at my feet.

  I could hear the Doctor’s explanation through the fog of my tired mind. “She got in touch with the Captain yesterday, trying to reach August and tell him that an experimental treatment had worked against all odds. Trent rushed her here, and she just arrived an hour ago.”

  I knelt and picked up the doll and stared into its smiling, vacant eyes.

  In my peripheral vision, I saw the Doctor hug August.

  I ran my finger over the doll’s braids, taking in every detail of the synthetic fibers.

  A hand rested on my shoulder and squeezed. “Are you okay?”

  It was the Doctor’s voice. Dear Doctor.

  I thought of Dred. Ursula would be home, yes. She would be okay. But her gestern, her ever-present yesterday, would always include the serious scientist who called her “pumpkin.”

  ***

  The dream-like feeling took awhile to fade. We met Else, Ursula’s mother—technically our stepmother, though neither of us really saw the tiny blonde stranger as a mother figure. She was a sweet, mild-mannered person with a thick accent, much stronger than August’s, and she couldn’t stop saying how grateful she was to both of us.

  Of course, since Ursula had a living parent after all, our guardianship was automatically revoked by United States law.

  I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

  We refrained from speaking of Dred until Ursula had gone to bed, and the rest of us—me, August, the Doctor, Else, and the Captain—lingered in the sitting room of Else’s suite at the starport hotel.

  She kept staring at August and I with a sort of wonder off and on throughout the evening. It must all be as surreal to her as it was to me.

  The Captain, once we were settled, explained the severity of our current situation.

  “Edmunds isn’t happy,” he stated.

  I hadn’t assumed he would be.

  “We’re in a tough spot. Crash is missing and I imagine the senator is going to go after him hard for leverage, especially if you all—” here he glanced from myself, to August, to the Doctor, “—leave quickly.”

  “Leave?” I looked to the Doctor, who sat beside me on the couch.

  He rubbed my arm. “We need to get to what used to be the Qandon system. I think we may be able to collect some radialloy particles.”

  “Why just us...?” I frowned.

  The Captain went on, speaking rapidly, as if that would speed time and the process along. “Mr. DeMille isn’t incredibly overjoyed that we’ve gotten involved in an international political scandal. He’s putting the pressure on for us to head out on our next mission immediately, and that’s not going to get us anywhere near Qandon. Not to mention, I think you need to get there faster than we could take you.”

  “We’ll take the Alacrity I,” the Doctor explained. “Crash clearly won’t be needing it for awhile, and it’s the fastest speeder known to man.”

  We certainly knew that. Crash bragged about it often enough.

  The Captain continued. “Unfortunately, Mr. Guilders won’t make it back before we have to take off. He’ll have to meet up with us later. And...” his frown deepened, “Almira has disappeared.

  I blinked. Disappeared? How could Almira just—disappear? I recalled my last moments with her before we left for Austria. Places to go, she’d said. People to see. Then she’d been gone. “She hasn’t been in touch at all?” I asked, chest tightening.

  The Captain shook his head. “Nothing. She’s not responding to messages.”

  Crash gone. Guilders gone. Almira gone. And the Doctor, August, and I would be on our own. I might not be keeping Ursula with me, but things were changing just as much as if I had.

  The Doctor reached over and squeezed my hand.

  “But she can rejoin us when she turns up,” the Captain nodded confidently. “I trust her. And you three will return as soon as you’ve obtained what you need. That’s an order.” He smiled at me. I forced a tight smile back.

  “What will happen to Ursula?” August asked, tilting his head towards Else, who hadn’t said a word during the entire conversation.

  “Some friends of mine are going to get them into a witness protection program,” the Captain said. “They’ll be safe.”

  I turned to my stepmother, studying her small, quiet face in the lamplight of the suite. The light cast soft shadows across her features, and her blue eyes held a contentment I envied.

  I leaned my head against the Doctor. He put his arm around me.

  “I assume I am expected to pilot the Alacrity?” August asked. The tension in his voice was a cold contrast to the warm, comfy room.

  “There’s no one else.” I felt more than heard the Doctor’s voice as it vibrated against my ear through his chest.

  August said nothing.

  The Captain stood up. “We all need rest. We’re taking off before sunrise tomorrow, and Else and Ursula have to leave early as well.” He stepped across the room and paused beside our couch to rest his hand on my shoulder. It was warm and heavy through my cotton shirt, and the pressure combined authority and affection. “We’ll be back together before you can say ‘brave girl who ought to let me give her a promotion.’”

 
I chuckled, bringing a semblance of warmth back into my chest.

  He squeezed my shoulder, then walked away, bidding August and Else goodnight. I didn’t move, just watched as August stood and crossed the room to give Else an awkward hug before leaving.

  Else looked at us after he had closed the door behind him.

  After a moment the Doctor shifted, forcing me to sit up and let him move his arm. “We’ll let you get some sleep now.”

  She replied in imperfect English. “You are very kind. I am so grateful, you both. You bring my little baby back.”

  I stood and felt enormous next to her. In an impulse I followed August’s example and wrapped her in a hug, but then I didn’t know how to let go.

  She let me hold on for a moment, pressing her small, thin hands against my back until I finally forced myself to pull away and exit with the Doctor.

  ***

  When the Doctor and I reached the starport the next morning we found August, Else, and Ursula waiting for us. They sat at a table, talking, Ursula clinging to her mother and holding her doll under one arm. Her eyes met mine as we approached, and she smiled.

  The Doctor led me to them, took my luggage, and spoke quickly. “I’m going to go finish loading up the speeder and I’ll let the Captain know we’re about ready.”

  About ready? I didn’t feel anywhere close.

  He hurried off, lugging both our suitcases behind him. I let my eyes linger on his tall, thin, gray-haired form as he departed. The speeder was really only designed for two people at the most, so it was going to be a bit tight for the next—how long? I wasn’t really clear on where the Qandon system was, but I didn’t think it was terribly nearby.

  “We were just talking about Dred,” August said as I sat next to him.

  Else nodded, sending her thin blonde curls bouncing. “I had no knowledge of what kind of man this was. He was very good father to Ursula for a time.”