Searching for Neverland

by Alexander, Monica

  I slunk back against the seat and watching until he disappeared.

  Chapter 19

  “Okay, so I’m thinking if you can shut down for three weeks we’ll be able to lay down the hardwood floors, paint, and refinish the bar. We can also do some of the minor work on the back patio, but if you want us to do anything more out there, it might be longer. Taylor?”

  “Hmm?” I asked, snapping back into the moment where Sean was talking to me. I had completely zoned out as I’d been watching his lips move and not really following what he was saying.

  He sighed. “Tay, are you paying attention?”

  My shoulders slumped. “No, I’m sorry. I’m not. What were you saying?”

  “I was talking about shutting down for three weeks to do the remodel. You’re still cool with that, right?”

  “Yeah, that’s fine,” I said, repeating what Josh and I had talked about.

  I’d hoped he’d be back for the final walk through of the plans, but he wasn’t, and I hadn’t even heard from him. It had been two days. And I was a lovely mix of pissed off and worried and insecure, and I hated it. I was not this girl.

  “Do you want to explore what we talked about in regards to expanding the bar itself?”

  I bit my lip. Josh and I had talked about extending the bar to wrap around in an L-shape. It would add more seating, but it would take away from the tables. Our other option had been to put in pool tables and dart boards using that same space and add high-tops nearby. Leanna had drawn up several designs for us to peruse as we made our decision, but we hadn’t come to a conclusion by the time Josh had bolted on me.

  “What do you think Josh would want to do?” I asked Sean.

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s your partner. What do you think?”

  “I have no clue. He’s the one with the experience in this field. I have only frequented bars in the past. I’m new to this owning/running gig. Cole, did he indicate to you what he might have wanted?”

  Cole looked up from where he was standing, reviewing the blue prints he’d drawn up for the remodel.

  “I haven’t talked to him about it,” Cole said, not bothering to look over at us.

  I looked back at Sean. “Is he okay?” I whispered, and Sean shook his head. “Have they talked?”

  “I don’t think so,” Sean told me. “But since they’re both my best friends, I’m trying to stay out of it.”

  I sighed. I hated that Cole and Josh weren’t speaking. It made the dynamics of our close knit group extremely awkward. Maybe I could convince Josh to reach out to him when he got back from Atlanta – if he got back from Atlanta.

  Maybe I’d be on my own with this bar thing after all. And if that was the case, I didn’t need Josh to weigh in.

  “What would you pick,” I asked Sean.

  “Well, it depends on the kind of establishment you want to run. I know Stu wanted this place to be traditional. He felt like a bar should be for drinking and eating, but you might draw more people if you added some pool tables and dart boards. Personally, I feel like pool tables might not create the classiest vibe, though, so I’d vote no on them.”

  I sighed. “What would you pick, Cole?”

  I figured asking Josh’s closest friends their opinion was just like asking him. “I think as long as you don’t add those cheesy-ass video games on the bar, you’re good.”

  And he was a world of help. We weren’t even considering adding those game consoles or any video games for that matter.

  “Okay, let’s do this,” I said confidently, as I turned back to Sean. “Extend the bar, and we’ll use remaining space for couches and arm chairs and a gas fireplace. What do you think of that? Is a gas fireplace do-able?”

  Sean grinned. “I think we can make it work. I know a guy who specializes in those. Good choice. I think it’ll class up the joint.”

  “Thank you,” I said, fighting the urge to take a bow. “Now let’s talk about the back deck and the apartment upstairs. If we stay closed for four weeks, what can we do out there, because I really envisioned a stage for live music, and I know we’d like to do something upstairs since neither of us plans to live there.”

  My uncle had lived above the bar for years, but neither Josh nor I had a desire to do that when I owned the house we lived in that was a hundred feet from the bar.

  “Why don’t you turn it into a room that people can rent out for parties, like a banquet room, only smaller,” Cole suggested.

  Both Sean and I turned to look at him. “That’s a good idea, man,” Sean told him.

  “Thank you,” Cole said, never taking his eyes off the blue prints he was staring at.

  “Done. Cole, can you draw up some plans for that?”

  “I already did. I’ll leave them for you to look at.”

  He seemed so down. I wished he would come around, but I knew working things out with Josh was the main reason behind his mood, and Josh had to meet him halfway.

  “You rock,” I told him. “Thank you. Sean, what are we looking at in terms of timing if we redo the apartment and the back deck?”

  He pondered my question for moment. “If you’ll approve me to add another team of guys, we can get everything done in four weeks. How does that sound?”

  “Done. I love it. I’ll take a look at the plans tonight and make sure they’re what we want. I’m sure they’ll be great, but right now I have to meet Leanna to shop for wall décor.”

  “No posters with half-naked girls on them,” Sean told me.

  “And no light up beer signs,” Cole chimed in. “Josh hates those.”

  “Good to know. Thanks guys.”

  “Let Josh know we’ll start Monday, so you guys will need to have everything put into storage by then,” Sean reminded me.

  I pulled out my phone to make a note to call the movers and confirm the storage facility. I was making major progress, and I was damn proud of myself.

  “I’ll let him know when he calls,” I told them. “Saturday will be our last night open, and then we’ll shut down for a month. I’m super-excited. Can’t wait to get this thing going. If it turns out half as good as the kitchen, I’ll be indebted to you guys forever.”

  I wanted to do a little happy dance. Our ideas were going to be put into place, and the bar was going to be amazing. The kitchen was finished, since they were able to redo that while the bar was open, and it looked phenomenal – all clean and sparkly and really modern. I was very impressed with Sean’s team.

  “We should all come here on Saturday night,” Sean suggested then.

  I pointed at him from halfway across the bar. “I like your thinking. Cole, are you in?”

  He shrugged. “If Josh is cool with it.”

  “He’ll be fine with it,” I assured him, hoping I was right.

  * * *

  “Hey baby,” Josh said when he called for the first time a few days later.

  I was so anxious to hear from him, and so worried, that it took me a few seconds to register that he was really calling. I breathed out a huge sigh of relief at hearing his voice.

  “You’re okay?” I asked.

  He breathed out a long sigh, almost echoing mine, and in the relative silence, I focused in on the background noise. He was someplace outside and there were people walking past. Snippets of conversation nearby, laughter and clinking metal made it sound like he was maybe at a restaurant.

  “I’m good,” he said, sounding almost light-hearted, but there was a strain on his voice. “I miss you.”

  My heart was pounding in my chest, but he was saying all the things I wanted to hear, so I wasn’t exactly sure why I had a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

  “Are you coming home soon?”

  “Yes,” he said, and for some reason, I knew he was smiling. “I’ll be home tonight.”

  My heart swelled at that thought. I’d assumed he was calling to tell me he’d be gone a few more days.

  “Really?”

  It was annoying to me that I
couldn’t keep the excitement out of my voice, but the thought that I was going to see him in a few hours had me feeling all emotional. I wasn’t usually that hung up on a guy I just started seeing, but then again, this was Josh, and my feelings for him ran much deeper than anyone else I’d ever dated.

  “Yeah,” he sighed, sounding exhausted.

  “Is everything with Carlie sorted out?”

  And can you tell me what the hell happened and why you jumped on a plane without a second thought or even a change of clothes?

  I wasn’t a needy person, but I also wasn’t very keen on my boyfriend jetting off to solve some seemingly massive problem for a female friend and not telling me about it. I needed honestly in a relationship, and that was that. I knew he’d known Carlie for years and felt some sort of obligation to her and her kids, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t at least loop me in to what was going on.

  “I think everything is going to be okay, but there’s actually something I kind of need to talk to you about.”

  Great. We need to talk. Just what I didn’t want to hear.

  “What is it?”

  “We can talk about it tonight.”

  Okay. Could he be any more cryptic?

  And he sounded weird. Why was I suddenly getting the feeling that the ax was going to fall on my head?

  “Okay, yeah, sure. That’s fine. I have to go over some bar stuff with you anyway.”

  “Right, the bar. Okay, yeah, we can talk about that too.”

  Was he suddenly losing interest? It seemed like he’d forgotten all about the bar. Well, that would be problematic for a lot of reasons.

  “You still want to do this, right?” I confirmed. I truthfully wasn’t sure if I was asking about the bar or us or both.

  “Yeah. Sure. Absolutely,” he said unconvincingly. “Sorry, I’ve just got a lot on my mind, but I’ll see you soon, and I love you.”

  He started to hang up, but I stopped him. “Wait, do you need me to pick you up?”

  His jeep had been sitting in the garage for the past week, so it wasn’t like he would be driving himself home from the airport.

  “Nah, I’m good. I’ll just catch a cab and see you at home.”

  I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the unsettling feelings that were creeping up on me.

  “Okay, well then, I love you too. Travel safe.”

  I wasn’t sure if he even heard me. The line went dead before I could get the words out.

  This wasn’t like the last time when I couldn’t have been more excited to see him and met him at the airport for a steamy welcome home. This was different, and I think we both knew it. But only one of us truly knew why it was different. I was pretty much in the dark, and I hated it.

  * * *

  “Hey sis,” Taryn said, squinting up at me when I walked up on her sitting on the steps of her apartment building.

  I sat down next to her, and she laid her head on my shoulder just like she used to do when she was little.

  “What’s wrong, sweetie?” I asked, leaning my head on top of hers.

  She took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She’d called me on her way home from work and asked me to come over. She’d sounded a little on-edge, but now she just seemed defeated.

  “I’m not sure if anything is wrong, per se, but it’s sort of mind-fucking me right now.”

  “What is?”

  “Ugh!” she said, lifting her head from my shoulder and looking over at me. “This sucks.”

  “Tare, I’m not following.” I wondered if she was getting lessons from Josh on how to not answer a question when asked. “And why are we sitting on the stairs. Don’t you want to go inside, maybe have a glass of wine?”

  “I can’t,” she said stiffly.

  “Can’t go inside?”

  “Can have wine.”

  “Okay, that’s fine. We don’t have to drink anything, but maybe we can sit on the sofa or somewhere less concrete.”

  She laughed. “Oh, Taylor, my sweet, innocent sister. You are so not getting it. I can’t have any al-co-hol – for at least seven months.”

  I looked at her in confusion. What the hell was she talking–? Oh, shit!

  I had to blink a few times, as she watched the understanding dawn on my face. “Are you pregnant?”

  She nodded. “Yes, yes, I am. I just received confirmation from my illustrious gynecologist today that I am expecting, with child, have a bun in the oven. Basically pick any cutesy term that references something growing inside me that I will have to care for for the next eighteen plus years, and that’s where I’m at.”

  Instantly, my arms went around and pulled her close. “Congratulations?”

  She stiffened in my arms. “No, no congratulations. Tay, this wasn’t planned.”

  I let my arms go slack. “I know, sweetie. I’m sorry.”

  Her hands clutched the stair she was sitting on, pressing into the concrete. She shook her head. “Tay, what am I going to do?”

  I bit my lip. I was the wrong person to ask.

  “What did Noah say when you told him?”

  “I haven’t told him. We sort of broke up.”

  “What? Why?”

  She sighed. “Because all he cared about was his shoulder and football, and his fucking ego was pissing me off. We broke up last week.”

  Shit.

  “You have to tell him, Taryn.”

  She looked up at the mass of dark clouds overhead. An afternoon rain storm was threatening us, and I could hear thunder in the distance.

  “I know I do. I just don’t know how to tell him. I talked to Emily and Zack for a little bit about it after the concert two weeks ago.”

  “What? Who?”

  “Zack, the lead singer of Liar’s Edge, and his fiancé, Emily. You met them.”

  I nodded in recollection. “Okay, why did you talk to them?”

  “Because Zack was around my age when his daughter was born. I wanted to find out what it had been like, what I could expect, see if he had any advice, if I should go through with it or not, how I should tell Noah, etcetera.”

  I vaguely remembered Zack and Emily talking to Taryn about their daughter. “Right, Emily was showing you pictures of their kid, right?”

  Taryn shook her head. “His kid, not theirs. He had Lily with his ex-girlfriend after they broke up. It’s sort of weird, but I guess they had a one night stand or something.”

  “While he was dating Emily?!”

  That would really suck. Not only does your boyfriend sleep with his ex-girlfriend, but he gets her pregnant too. I’d be pissed! I was surprised Emily was still with him.

  Taryn rolled her eyes. “Lily was born before he and Emily met, but now Emily is like Lily’s second mom. I figured if anyone could help me understand what I was potentially getting myself into with having a kid it was them. But of course their situation is a little different because neither of them went through the whole, ‘Surprise, I’m accidentally pregnant’ phase. Zack didn’t actually know he was going to be a father until the day Lily was born, but he still had really good advice about all the stuff that happened when she was a baby.”

  “Excuse me? He didn’t know until the day she was born?”

  That might possibly be the most terrifying thing on the planet. How could he not know he was going to be a father? What kind of girl keeps that from a guy? And Taryn talked about it so casually as if it was no big deal.

  “Yeah, it’s totally crazy,” she said calmly, waving her hand in dismissal. “Apparently his ex-girlfriend wasn’t exactly sure if he was the father or not, but he was, and she told him when she went into labor. I know it was completely shocking for him, but he’s such a great dad. I just don’t know if Noah will be, and I sort of feel like it might be less drama to just not tell him.”

  I did not think that was a very good idea. Noah deserved to know, even if he was a shithead.

  “Tare, you knew you were pregnant the night of the concert?” I asked, wondering why she’d kept it from
me for so long. Had she been contemplating not having the baby?

  She shrugged. “I’d missed my period, and I’m never even late. I had a strong feeling.”

  “I’m sorry, sweetie,” I said, putting my arm around her and pulling her close again.

  She leaned her head on my shoulder again. “Tay, I’m still a kid. How the hell am I supposed to have one?” she asked, sounding defeated and scared and so unlike herself.

  I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just hugged her. I’d had the same terrifying thoughts many times. Of course I wasn’t two months pregnant, so those feelings didn’t matter much. Taryn’s situation was completely different.

  “When are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”

  Our parents were going to flip out. Taryn had just graduated college, she had a lame job as a receptionist at a sports medicine clinic, and apparently no boyfriend. They were not going to be thrilled that she was having a baby. Our parents were nothing if not traditional.

  “When I have to. I’m not showing yet, so it’s not urgent.”

  I squeezed her shoulder. “I’m here for whatever you need – if you want me to go to doctor’s appointments, I’ll be there. If you need someone to go shopping for baby stuff, I’m definitely there. Anything you need.”

  She smiled a small smile. “Will you be in the delivery room with me?”

  I fought so hard against the urge to scream, ‘Hell no!’, but I couldn’t do that. She was my sister, and if she needed me, I’d do what I had to do to be there for her – even if the idea made me want to vomit and pass out and convulse with fear. Hopefully by the time she was ready to have the baby Noah would be back in the picture.

  “Do they allow flasks in delivery rooms?”

  Taryn laughed, and I was glad she could find the humor in her situation. “Only if you share with the girl squeezing the baby out of her you know what.”

  Ugh. That was a visual I didn’t want.

  “Done.”

  “If I decided to have it, of course. I don’t know yet.”

  “Really?”