by Erin Osborne
“You okay over there? Do you need a pain pill?” my sister asks, walking back in the room and sitting on the couch that’s near my temporary bed.
“I don’t need any meds yet. I’ll let you know when it’s too much for me to handle,” I say, turning my head to face her. “I don’t know how to fix what’s wrong. I don’t know how to make this better so that we can at least be in the same room as one another. I mean, he’s barely said a word to me since he left the hospital this morning. How do we get past this?”
“I don’t know. You’ll have to have a real conversation with him and find out what’s going on. There aren’t any magic answers or fixes to what happened. You’re hurt, he’s hurt, and you can’t work anything out without talking about it. So, until you’re ready to have that talk, you’re going to have to deal with the silent treatment and awkwardness,” Melissa says, sipping her glass of wine while trying to find something for us to watch on TV.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. You know I don’t want you to leave. I know you have an amazing job to get to, but I’ve loved having you here with us. Now, you’ll be hours away,” I tell her, knowing that I sound like a whiny brat.
“We’ll talk all the time and video chat. You can do this, Renee. Put the past to rest and move on with your life. Not every guy out there is like the douche canoes from your past. You owe it to Dylan, and yourself, to learn to live again. Give someone your trust and put yourself out there. I can see the looks passing between the two of you. It’s up to you to take that first step and try to make a real relationship with Shadow if that’s what you truly want. He’s not going to wait around forever,” she says, finally settling on a romantic comedy.
I think about what she just said and zone out. I’ve always imagined a future with Shadow since the first time I saw him in the hospital. I could feel the instant attraction and connection that grew as we spent time together. The more I got to know Shadow, and what kind of man he is, the more I wanted to be a part of his life. No matter what he does when he’s away from us, he’s a genuine and special man. His main concern has always been about others and how he can help them. Not what he will gain from helping someone else or being there for someone when they need help. I have a lot to think about.
Before too long, I’m asking for a pain pill that I can take just after Dylan goes to bed for the night. No, I don’t want to be knocked out in case something happens to him. But, I know the fastest way that I’m going to get up and move around is to rest and let my body heal. So, I’m going to have to suck it up and do what I have to so I can get out of this bed to start rehab on my ankle.
“Momma, I’m going bed,” Dylan says, walking toward me very slowly.
“I love you, Dylan. Did you have fun in your bath?” I ask, turning my upper body so that I can reach out for him.
“Yeah, Shadow’s wet,” he says, laughing his little boy laughter that captures my heart more every time I hear it.
Turning my attention to the bottom of the stairs, I see that Shadow isn’t just wet, he’s soaked from head to toe. He’s taken his shirt off and I can see him wiping the water from his face and hair with it. My mouth starts watering seeing his hard, muscled body on display. But, now’s not the time for those thoughts. Shaking my head, I let myself laugh at the thought of Shadow being in over his head at bath time.
“You think that’s funny?” he asks, capturing my attention as I see him walk close with a smile on his face. “You couldn’t warn a guy?”
“Nope. Some things you just have to figure out for yourself,” I answer, letting the laughter fall from me once again as I pull Dylan in for a hug and a kiss.
“Come on buddy, let’s go to bed,” Melissa says, seeing how wet Shadow is. “Your friend needs to dry off and change. Tell everyone good night.”
“Night mama! Shadow!”
“Night baby,” I say, picking up my drink so I can take my medicine.
“Night little man,” Shadow says, watching them walk up the stairs before turning his attention back to me. “I’ll be on the couch. If you need anythin’ I’ll be there.”
“You don’t need to sleep on that. You can take my bed,” I say, getting nervous at the thought of him being so close to me.
“I’ll definitely be in your bed again, but that will happen when you invite me in there with you,” he answers, a sexy smirk playing on his face.
“You think that’s going to happen?” I ask, looking up at him.
“I know it will. We’re gonna work our shit out, Renee. Then, we’ll move past the shit and get what we both want,” he replies, like it’s what’s going to happen because he wants it that way.
“You’re very sure of yourself,” I say, fighting the yawn that wants to escape.
“No, I’m sure of you,” Shadow says, walking out of the room to change his clothes.
I’ve never had a man tell me that I was a sure bet in their eyes. His confidence is usually something that instantly turns me off in a guy because it borders on being a cocky asshole. With Shadow, there’s a whole dominate side to him that makes you believe he always gets what he wants. I’m just not sure if I’m part of that plan right now. But, before I can think about that too much, the meds kick in and I can feel myself being pulled into the darkness waiting for me.
Chapter Three
Renee
THE LAST FOUR WEEKS HAVE BEEN a struggle. Between the pain in my leg, frustration at not being able to do hardly anything, and having Shadow constantly nearby has proven to be more difficult than I anticipated. Now, I know why patients give us a certain look when we tell them that the time will fly by. It doesn’t. The time you have to sit on your ass doing nothing but thinking and watch life move on around you drags on unbearably slow.
Other than his declaration my first night home, Shadow hasn’t really talked to me about anything going on. So, I’ve really gotten inside my own head about the situation. I’m thankful that he’s been there for my son though. Shadow gets Dylan up in the morning and then feeds him breakfast while he gets our own meal ready. He’s been cooking three different meals at breakfast and then two different meals for lunch and dinner. One for Dylan and I and one for himself. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I don’t have the guts to ask him about it either.
After everyone eats, Shadow spends some time playing with Dylan or watching TV with him. Then he disappears and one of the girls stops in to keep me company and help Dylan with anything he needs. It’s been nice getting to hang out with females, but they all want to know what’s going on with the two of us. Sure, they don’t come right out and ask me about it, but you can see the questions in their eyes.
So, I ignore the situation and lie in bed thinking. I don’t just think about what’s going on with Shadow. I think about what’s going to happen when I go back to work, if I want to stay at the hospital or move on to one of the other hospitals I’ve had offers from. How I’m going to manage to stay in contact with the girls once this is all over and Shadow and I go our separate ways once again. And, I think about whether or not I should take Kim up on her offer of going to visit her in Benton Falls when I feel better.
“Renee, Harley and Riley will be here in a half hour. I’m headin’ out. Are you and Dylan goin’ to be okay for that time?” Shadow asks, walking into the living room with a bag flung over his shoulder and his keys in hand.
“Yep, we’ll be fine. I told you I don’t need someone here all the time. Dylan and I have been on our own a long time. We’ve managed this far,” I answer, letting my annoyance come out to play for a while.
“I know you’re frustrated and angry. We’ll be havin’ that talk we need to have soon. But, I want you up and movin’ around before that happens. Now, I’ll be back later on tonight. I have an appointment and then church,” he says, leaning down to kiss Dylan on the top of his head before reminding him of being good for me.
“It doesn’t matter to me. It’s not going to change anything,” I answer, folding my arms across my ch
est and acting like a bitch.
“It does matter and we both know it. Renee, you need to think about what you really want here. I’m not goin’ to play games. You’re goin’ to tell me why you won’t talk about what happened and why you won’t give me another chance. We will hash this out. And I’m goin’ to tell you some things that not many people know,” he says, kissing me on my temple and leaving.
Well, if he thinks it’s that important, I’ll listen to him. That doesn’t mean that I have to talk to him though. I don’t know if he’s going to fully understand why I am the way I am. I don’t know myself if it makes sense, but it’s the only thing I can think of to protect my son and me. Or, once he knows what’s happened in my past, maybe he’ll decide it’s not worth it and leave me alone once and for all. Then we can all move on and he can find a way to keep his relationship with my son.
“Dylan, momma’s gotta go to the bathroom. Can you move your blocks out of the way honey?” I ask, needing to get up out of this damn bed.
I still can’t put any weight on my ankle until my appointment in a few days. But, I’ve gotten pretty good at getting in the wheelchair by myself to get out of bed or go to the bathroom. Let me tell you that it was very awkward to have Shadow taking me to the bathroom when I first came home. It’s not like he hasn’t seen me naked before, but I felt weird about it just the same. Shadow, on the other hand, tried to make jokes and put me at ease. Some jokes were innocent while others were very inappropriate. I laughed at them all though. He can still make me smile and laugh without any effort at all.
I reach over and pull the wheelchair closer to the bed once Dylan has all of his toys moved to the carpet in front of the couch. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I take a minute to get my bearings before I go to stand up. I’m not sure what went wrong but one second I’m standing up and the next I’m lying on the floor.
“Mama! Mama! Are you okay?” Dylan asks, rushing over to my side as I lie still on the floor to make sure that no further damage was done to my ankle.
“Baby, can you get me my phone so I can call someone please?” I ask, realizing that I’m okay. Yeah, I’m sore but I don’t think I did any more damage to myself.
Dylan comes right back with my phone in hand. I unlock it and place a call to Harley. Since Shadow said she was one of the girls coming over, I’d rather call her for help than him. He’s going to find out regardless, but at least I have some time to prepare myself for it.
“What’s up Renee?” Harley asks, answering her phone.
“I need help,” I say, trying to keep my voice calm as Dylan sits at my side with his hand on my arm.
“Mama bweeding,” he says, lifting his hand to show me that it’s covered with blood.
“Did he just say you’re bleeding?” Harley asks, her voice rising as she tells someone that they need to leave immediately.
“Yeah, I guess I am. My arm is cut and it’s bleeding pretty good. Dylan can you get mommy a towel please?” I ask, sending him away so that I can talk to Harley as he starts crying. “I went to get in the wheelchair and I ended up falling. I’m not sure what happened, but I don’t know that I can get up on my own.”
“We’ll be right there,” Harley says, hanging up the phone as Dylan reaches my side once again.
I place the towel on my arm as I look at the cut that starts just above my wrist and ends about four inches later. Damn, I can’t believe that I didn’t feel that. Placing the towel on my arm, I apply pressure and lie my head down to relax as much as possible until the girls get here. Too bad it’s not just them that shows up.
Before too long, Harley, Riley, Steel, and Gage come bursting through my door. Dylan runs to Riley as Harley and the guys make their way over to me. My attention is on my son as Riley tries to calm him down. He wouldn’t tell me why he was so upset while we were waiting, and I couldn’t move around enough to pull him into my arms. So, he’s getting comfort from Riley now and she’s calming him down.
“You okay, Renee?” Steel asks, leaning down next to me as he places an arm under my legs and neck.
“Yeah. I don’t think I hurt anything other than my arm,” I answer, holding up the blood-soaked towel.
“Let me take a look at that,” Gage says, waiting until Steel has me back in the bed.
I pull the towel away as he looks at the cut. I’m sure that it’s going to need stitches, but I don’t want to go back to the damn hospital. It’s placement on my arm makes it almost impossible for me to inspect it good enough for a final decision. I’ll have to rely on Gage’s input here.
“You’re definitely gonna need stitches in that,” he finally says, leaning back so he can see my face. “I’m gonna take you back to the hospital while Harley and Steel stay with Dylan.”
“Can’t one of you stitch me up?” I ask, pleading with him to not take me back there.
“No. I want them to look at your leg too. Call your doctor to get you in now or I’m takin’ you to the emergency room,” he says, letting his voice tell me that there’s not going to be any argument from me.
I sigh before picking the phone up and calling Dr. Anderson. She gave me her cell phone, so I call that instead of her office. The less people that know about this, the better.
“Dr. Anderson, it’s Renee. I need to come in and possibly get stitches in my arm,” I say, letting the dread I feel fill my voice. I explain what happened before she responds.
“Come right in,” she says, concern lacing her voice. “Did you do anything to your ankle?”
“I don’t think so,” I tell her, looking at Harley holding Dylan while he watches me.
“I want to get some pictures just to be sure,” she says. “Come right in and tell the receptionist to get a hold of me as soon as you get here.”
“I will. Thank you,” I tell her, hanging up the phone and relaying what she said.
Gage picks me up and carries me out to the SUV as Riley follows him with my purse and phone. She asks if I want her to call Shadow and I shake my head no. There’s no way I’m going to interrupt him while he’s doing whatever it is he’s got going on. So, I sit in the back seat of the SUV as Gage rushes me to the hospital where the doctor’s office is.
Once I’m inside, Dr. Anderson immediately comes out and brings me back. I peel the towel away from my arm and she inspects the cut before sending me off to x-ray for pictures of my ankle.
“You’re going to need a few stitches in this cut. What happened again?” she asks, walking over to a cabinet on the other side of the room to get the supplies she needs.
“I don’t know exactly. I had to go to the bathroom and I was getting up to get in the wheelchair. One second I was standing and the next I was on the floor. It’s not any effects from the pain meds because I’ve been weaning off of them. I haven’t taken any yet today,” I tell her, moving my arm so that she can lay everything out to get my arm taken care of.
“You didn’t feel any cramps in your good leg or anything like that?” she asks, sticking a needle in my arm to numb the area she’s going to stitch up.
“No. I mean, I had a cramp last night in my calf. Shadow rubbed it out and I haven’t had a problem since,” I tell her, thinking of the immense pain I felt when my calf muscles tightened up on me.
“That doesn’t mean that it didn’t affect you this morning when you tried to get up. Was it the first time you tried to stand after that happened?” she asks, starting the process while talking to me.
“Yeah. Shadow lifted me the first time I got out of bed this morning. Then I was in the wheelchair. He put me back in bed when I got tired of sitting in the chair,” I say, looking away from my arm.
“Well, we’ll see if the x-rays show anything in just a few minutes,” she says, concentrating on her work.
I sit patiently while she takes care of my arm. Once she’s done, she takes a bandage and places it over the area she just worked on. Thankfully she doesn’t bother going over the after-care with me because I know it by heart. After
working in the emergency room for so long I know how to take care of an area that’s been stitched up more than I care to think about.
“Alright, let’s get you down for some pictures. Still no pain?” she asks, unlocking the breaks on my chair before pushing me out of the exam room.
“Nope. Nothing more than the pain I feel every day,” I answer.
We remain silent the rest of the short trip to the imaging department. Our hospital has x-ray rooms, a room for a CT scan, and we have an MRI machine currently. Dr. Anderson wheels me in and gets me in immediately for pictures. She tells the technician what she wants and tells me that she’ll be out here when I’m done to take me back to her office.
It doesn’t take long for the tech to get the images that have been requested before she wheels me back into the hallway. Gage, Riley, and Dr. Anderson are standing in the hallway talking as I’m pushed toward them. When they see me, they immediately stop talking and my nerves rise up as I get the feeling that they were talking about me. But, I don’t say anything as the four of us make our way back to the orthopedics office.
Once we’re enclosed back in the exam room, Dr. Anderson sits behind her desk and pulls up the computer so that she can get the results as soon as they become available. In the meantime, she looks at me closely before saying what is on her mind.
“I’m not sure what happened, but I think it’s going to be important to work on both of your legs when you start rehab. I don’t want you to continue to get cramps in your legs because you’re not using them like you were. So, in the meantime, I want you to do some stretches on your good leg. Hopefully they’ll help take away the cramping,” she says, looking back at her computer as she clicks a few buttons.