“What are you doing?” I ask, pausing several feet away, confusion etched across my features.
He turns to face me, and his eyes are blue. “I need to go out for a bit,” he replies.
My eyes roam over his clothing before lifting back to his blue eyes. His lack of explanation tells me this is organization related. This, right here, is a reminder of what he does and that I can’t completely put it out of my mind. I draw in a slow breath and try to sort out how I feel.
Devlin watches me, waiting as his eyes hide what he’s feeling. The slight tensing of his shoulders betrays that he’s expecting me to react negatively.
Instead of looking at the entire picture standing in front of me, I focus on his handsome face and what’s behind the fake lenses. He’s the same man that refused to kill me the first night we’d met, and he’s the same man that had set up a romantic carriage ride through Central Park.
It’s strange trying to accept that both men are the same man. I also remind myself that he’s done with the trafficking, and whatever is going down tonight must deal with other organization business. I’d told him I can handle that, and tonight, I’m facing that decision.
“Will you be in danger?” I finally ask.
He signs, No.
I stare at him. Occasionally, he’ll sign a single word in ASL, and it always blows me away. It’s also quite the turn on. With a tilt of my head, I give him a wry look. “Is that your way of…distracting me?”
He flashes me one of his half-grins. “Is it working?”
“Maybe.” I turn serious. “Is someone going to die tonight?”
His expression shifts, and he walks over to me, his eyes locking on mine. “Hopefully not. Charli, I’ll be back soon. Promise.”
I slowly nod. “Be safe.”
His response is to press a tender kiss to my forehead, and I move closer and wrap my arms around his waist. Late-night outings are evidently a way of life for him. It’s something I’m going to have to adjust to.
Twenty-seven
Devlin
Tobias and Carter flank my sides as I exit the seedy underground club and approach the limo where Aiden is patiently waiting. I’d just finished a meeting with a representative from a supplier that wants to increase their prices. I don’t take kindly to a rise in greed, but fortunately for the supplier, the representative saw things my way—and so will they.
I climb into the limo, and Carter slips in beside me while Tobias takes the seat up front. As the limo pulls away from the old, brick building, I turn to Carter. “Anything yet?” I ask, referring to the fire at Charli’s apartment building. I’d been suspicious of the incident, and I’ve had Carter focused on finding out what the investigation has turned up.
Shit. My head is pounding, and all I want is to climb back into bed with Charli. We’d had an amazing evening earlier, and it’d been hot as fuck letting her do what she wanted right here in the limo. But then she’d caught me in the bathroom slipping on a disguise, and I’d worried that she might begin to doubt me. Instead, she appears to be making an effort to accept this part of my life.
“Remnants of a bomb were found in the apartment above Miss Andrews’s. A full arson investigation is under way.”
My expression hardens. Damn it. That’s what I was afraid of. There was just something about the entire thing that didn’t seem right. I’ve been staying low-key with Charli so as not to draw attention to her, but I’ve also slipped up a few times simply because I wanted to make her happy.
“What about the residents that died?” I ask, trying to exude calmness when I’m feeling far from composed.
“The young couple were newlyweds. They’d only moved in a month before Miss Andrews, and the investigation hasn’t unearthed any enemies or any reason someone would want to end their lives.”
Which leaves Charli as the possible target. “Is there word out there about Charli?” I ask, bracing for Carter’s reply.
He nods. “People are beginning to take notice.”
Fuck. “I’ve been careful until this evening.”
Carter looks at me respectfully. “You’ve been in public with her a few times,” he reminds. “There were also news crews at the fire.”
I mutter a curse and rub my temple. I’ve always been methodical about everything I do, but lately, Charli’s taken over my life, and my focus has shifted. I’ve never had to worry about protecting anyone other than the men that work for me, and most of the time, they can handle that job just fine themselves. Charli’s different, though. She’s innocent, and because I care about her, it paints a target on her back.
Holy fuck. What have I done?
My gut twists. Charli’s officially been sucked into my life, and now I have to explain to her that I fucked up—big time. This can all still be resolved if I get her out of the state and set her up somewhere no one will be able to track her. If she wants out, now’s the time for her to jump ship. If she bails, I can never have contact with her again.
Two days.
Two fucking days with her is all I had before this shit decided to destroy the one thing I care about most.
Twenty-eight
Charli
I can sense him watching me before I even open my eyes. Either I’m just that in sync with him, or he’s becoming predictable. My guess is the latter, because it seems like no matter what we’re doing, he’s always watching me.
When I lift my eyelashes, I find him sitting in bed, his back against the headboard. His eyes are troubled as he stares down at me.
Something’s wrong.
My eyes remain on his as I carefully sit up, pulling the sheet around my breasts as my hair tumbles around my bare shoulders. I wait for him to tell me what’s on his mind.
He rubs his hand over his scruffy cheek, and he pulls together a smile for me, but it’s tainted by whatever is going on inside his head.
I reach over and touch his arm. “What’s going on?”
His eyes move away from mine to focus across the room, and he looks to be struggling with his emotions.
Okay, whatever it is, it’s bad. I need him to be honest with me, so I shift on the bed and straddle his lap. It’s not a graceful move since the sheet is twisted between us, but I manage to get the job done.
His eyes have swung to mine with surprise, and his hands automatically settle on my hips to keep me in place.
I put my hand on his chest, directly in the middle of his sternum and wait, my expression telling him that I’m not going anywhere. The feel of his warm, smooth skin beneath my fingertips brings me peace even as a dark cloud hovers over us. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it. Together. These past few days of living with him have been eye opening in many ways, some good, and some are a bit of a struggle. Either way, I’m learning that I want to be in this for the long haul. I want this to work.
His hand closes over mine on his chest, and I feel him sigh. “I messed up, Charli.”
I look at him questioningly.
His thumb begins to rub slow circles across the skin of my hand, his eyes never leaving mine. “I’ve always been careful with all that I do. It’s like second nature to be methodical and know where the weak spots are, to rectify them before a mistake can become reality. It’s how I’ve stayed alive and out of prison for this long.”
I nod to let him know that I understand what he’s telling me.
Something twists in his gaze. “Then you came along and changed everything. My priorities began to shift, and all I could think about was you. I wanted you in my life whether you wanted to be or not. I manipulated you, and then I began to realize what was missing in my life. For the first time, I began to see someone as more than an object, more than someone that’s meant to follow my orders. I saw you.”
A soft smile curves my lips. “So far, I like where this is going,” I say slowly.
Shadows flicker in his gaze. “I thought I was doing everything right, Charli.”
My smile fades. “What went…wrong?”
His expression dr
ops, and he looks like someone’s gutted him. “The fire wasn’t an accident. A bomb was planted in the apartment above yours,” he tells me.
I blink. A bomb? I look at him with confusion.
“So far, the investigation hasn’t unearthed anything that points to the young couple having any enemies.” He looks at me with a wealth of regret in his gray eyes. “I’m a target, Charli. I have many enemies. Though I was careful with you, I wasn’t careful enough, and I slipped up when I lost my focus. Word is out that you mean something to me. You’ve become a target…because of me.”
I stare at his guilt-stricken face. I’m a target? As in someone wants to hurt me?
Devlin grimly nods as he reads the questions in my eyes. “You’re the only way to truly hurt me,” he confirms.
“I…see,” I say, my mouth going dry.
His face contorts with visible anguish. “There’s only two options for us now,” he says, determined to continue the conversation.
I swallow and wait to see what those options are.
“You can jump ship now, there’s still time. You could start a new life somewhere else, maybe even out of the country. I could never have contact with you again, but you’d be safe and free from the constrictions of my life.”
My hand drops from his chest as I recoil. Leave him? Leave this life we’re building? I love New York. I love my job. Pain pierces my chest at the very thought.
I remain on his lap, clutching the sheet as I process the predicament we’ve both found ourselves in. When my eyes lift to his, he looks sad. I hold up a trembling hand, showing him two fingers. I want to know the second option.
“The second option is to accept my protection and this life. If you stay, I’ll never let anything happen to you, I swear it. I’ll take a bullet for you before I’d ever allow a single hair on your body to be harmed. But if you stay, the life you want, it’s not going to happen, Charli. You would have guards, and you wouldn’t be able to run off whenever you want. We’d still do what we could to make our life together as close to what you want as possible, but you’ll never have that unhindered independence that you want so badly.”
The pain in my chest has dulled to a steady throb.
Devlin reaches for me, touching my face with a gentle hand. “I won’t ask you to give up the things you want. If you want to leave, I’ll make it happen.”
As I stare into his eyes, I can see how much he means it. Even if it kills him, he’ll set me free if that’s what I want. My heart feels as if it’s being torn, and my eyes fill with tears. I don’t want to start a life somewhere else, but I don’t want to be trapped in Devlin’s lifestyle, either.
Devlin’s thumb catches a tear drop that trickles down my cheek, and he brings it to his lips.
“I need to think,” I say thickly.
He nods with somber eyes. “I figured as much. Take as much time as you need.”
I nod and climb off his lap; my earlier happiness has completely vanished. As I ease towards the edge of the bed, I take the sheet with me.
When I glance back at Devlin, he’s still sitting there, naked. His eyes are composed as he begins to shut down emotionally. “Would you like me to prepare the guest room so you have privacy?” he asks.
“I think that would be…wise,” I say stiltedly. I can’t think when he’s around, and this is something that needs my full attention. Whatever I decide, it affects the rest of my life. It’s a decision that can’t be taken lightly.
He nods in agreement, and then I slip into the bathroom to take a shower.
As I stand beneath the spray, my tears mingle with the water. I was just coming to terms with spending my life with Devlin, but I hadn’t understood the risks until he’d just laid them out to me. I don’t think he’d deliberately kept me in the dark, because he’s clearly torn up over me being in danger. I think the reality of what we were doing, and the possible consequences, have blindsided him. Now, we have no choice but to deal with it.
That’s the problem.
Do I want to deal with it or run?
There’s much to think about, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to make such a difficult choice. I also don’t have much time to dwell over it, because my shift at the library begins in less than an hour.
Today, there will be no argument. I’ll allow Devlin’s driver to take me, because I don’t have it in me to battle Devlin over something that seems so trivial now.
* * *
Keagan’s waiting for me after my shift ends. As soon as I spy him lounging near the library steps, I rush over. When he sees me, he opens his arms wide, and I fling myself at him, hugging him tightly. It’s the first I’ve seen him since the fire, and I breathe in his familiar, clean scent.
He hugs me, and when I pull back, he releases me and signs, I missed you.
My eyes fill with sudden tears, and they spill over my cheeks. I’d text messaged him earlier asking if I could see him, and he’d told me that he’d borrow Lance’s car and pick me up after work. We’re supposed to go out to dinner, but now that he’s standing in front of me, I’m not feeling very sociable.
He looks alarmed by my tears, and his gestures are quick as he asks, What’s going on? Are you okay?
I nod and wipe at the tears. Can we go somewhere?
He slips an arm around me and steers me to a car parked at the curb. There is no doubt in my mind that Carter or Tobias is watching from somewhere nearby. I’d text messaged Devlin to let him know that I wanted to spend some time with Keagan. He’d been very understanding and hadn’t said anything about sending someone with me, but I know it probably goes without saying.
Once I’m in the passenger seat, I slip on my seatbelt as Keagan climbs into the driver’s. He glances at me. My place? he signs.
I nod in agreement.
While he drives through the congested streets, I stare miserably out the window. My beginning here in New York hadn’t started out so great, and yet I still love this city. I can’t imagine living anywhere else. I don’t want to leave it, and I don’t want to leave Keagan. He’s my best friend. In the short time I’ve gotten to know him, I’ve become quite attached. I can’t imagine a life without him in it. If I start over somewhere else, I’ll be leaving everyone I care about. I’m stricken just by the thought.
The drive to the apartment he shares with Lance doesn’t take long. Inside the building, he leads me to the third floor, and I wait patiently as Keagan unlocks the door. He steps through the doorway and turns on the light before motioning me inside.
I step inside and look around curiously. The apartment is small but looks clean and well-used. The walls are bare of décor, but Keagan and Lance’s personal belongings are scattered everywhere. There’s a bike resting against the far wall, and the coffee table in front of the brown sofa is covered in binders and papers—probably Lance’s. I recognize Keagan’s backpack next to the sofa, and across the room, I spy the kitchen with a cluttered table full of papers, and folded laundry sitting perilously close to the edge.
Can I get you anything to drink? Keagan signs.
Water. Thank you.
After Keagan fetches me a glass of water, he leads me to the sofa before patiently waiting for me to unload on him.
I gratefully sip the water before setting it down on the coffee table as I debate how much to tell him. I quickly realize that if he doesn’t know everything, he won’t understand just how much of a predicament I’ve found myself in, so I decide to share with him everything that’s happened since the fire. Keagan doesn’t interrupt as he avidly watches me sign to him. When I’m finished, he looks somber.
I look at him expectantly, my eyes searching his. What am I supposed to do? I sign.
He gives me a rueful look. I can’t make that decision for you.
How am I supposed to make this kind of choice? What if the one I make is the wrong one? There’s a knot in my chest that shows no sign of loosening. Throughout my shift, I’d found it hard to breathe past it, and I am aching to make a c
hoice that I can accept—but it’s not that easy.
I think you need to consider what you’re willing to live with and what you can’t live without, Keagan signs.
I glare at him with frustration. It’s not that easy!
He smiles gently, his eyes crinkling in the corners. Life’s not supposed to be easy.
With a sigh, I switch tactics. If you were me, what would you choose?
If I ever find myself in your shoes, I’ll let you know.
I flip him off.
He laughs and briefly puts his hands up in surrender. I can’t help you with this one, Charli. This is all on you, and I won’t sway your decision by stating my own opinion.
My eyes narrow. So you do have an opinion.
I do, but I’m not sharing, he signs with a stern expression.
You’re supposed to be my best friend.
His eyes hold mine. A best friend would never sway their friend’s opinion, because that would be selfish. A best friend would support whatever choice that friend chooses.
My expression falls, and I reach for the water I’d set on the table earlier and take a sip. I was hoping Keagan would be able to help me sort out what I should do, but he’s clearly staying neutral.
He looks at me curiously. What is your gut telling you? he signs.
I set the water down. It’s not telling me anything yet. Right now, I’m just upset that I have to make the decision in the first place.
What do you feel for him? he signs, watching me closely.
For a long moment, I sit there, unmoving as I think over his question. I think I’m in love with him. If I weren’t, would I be this torn up over the thought of leaving? I look at Keagan, eyes sad. I love him, I sign with certainty.
He doesn’t look surprised. He loves you, too.
I stare at him, and my eyebrows lift. Last I knew, Keagan wasn’t a fan of Devlin’s.
He gives me a wry look. I saw his expression the night of the fire. The moment he saw you, the relief on his face was clear as day. I think that man would do just about anything for you. He grimaces but continues signing. I don’t like his illegal activities, but the actual man has some good qualities.
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