Intent

by A. D. Justice

  “I was actually coming over here to tell you something,” she says, hesitation lacing her words. “Something I’ve decided.”

  “I’m all ears.”

  “I’ve decided…” She inhales deeply and pauses. “I’ve decided I’m not going back to New York at the end of the summer. I want to stay here. I want to live here in Oak Grove, to be with you and River and the baby.”

  She’s giving up everything she’s worked for to be with me? I’m speechless. I’ve hated even thinking about the end of summer and her departure. I’ve tried to think of ways we could work it out, keep our relationship going, but I could never get past the guilty feeling I had from wanting her to stay. Now she’s willingly chosen to stay, but I still feel guilty for how thrilled I am over it.

  She misunderstands my silence and I watch the hurt fill her eyes. The shield goes up around her heart, and she retreats back into herself. I move quickly to hold her face in my hands, forcing her to maintain eye contact with me as I lower my mouth to hers. “Don’t do that,” I murmur against her lips.

  “Do what?” She sounds so sad.

  “Pull away from me. You just said you don’t doubt my loyalty. I’m going to hold you to that.” My mouth covers hers and I pour my love into my kiss. She feels it, and within seconds, she engages. “When I said I love you, I meant it. Of course I want you to stay. How could I let you go? But then, how can I let you give up everything you’ve worked for?”

  “Everything I’ve worked for means nothing to me without you.” She simplifies the equation and puts everything into perspective with just a few words. “If I sit in a lonely, expensive apartment filled with everything money can buy for the rest of my life, what have I gained?

  “But if I’m here, in a cozy mountain home that’s filled with love and laughter, what exactly would I have lost back in New York? I’d take door number two over everything else in the world, any day.”

  “So I shouldn’t feel guilty and selfish for wanting to keep you here? Or for planning an elaborate kidnapping scheme to hold you here as long as it took until they gave up looking for you?”

  Her beautiful smile lights up her face. It’s clearly visible even in my dimly lit bedroom. “No need to feel guilty over it at all. I’ve researched how to claim squatter’s rights on your property so you couldn’t get rid of me.”

  When our bodies join this time, it has nothing to do with lust or carnal needs. But it has everything to do with our connection, our commitment, our future.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Layne

  “I want to apologize for my cousin’s behavior yesterday,” Zoe says quietly.

  Her eyes are cast to the ground, and she’s nervously wringing her hands. The rejection she must have felt when she lived at home hits me square in the chest, and I instinctively wrap my arms around her in a reassuring embrace. She hesitates for just a moment, unsure of how to react, before she squeezes me in return.

  “You’re not responsible for her, and you don’t have to apologize for anything.” I release her and pick up the stack of papers from the counter. “There’s a lot of information here I’d like for you to read over and seriously think about it. Can you do that for me?”

  “Sure. What is it?”

  “It’s a private school for girls located just outside of Athens. They have a stringent curriculum and a great reputation for preparing their students for college. A high percentage of their graduates get accepted to the University of Georgia.”

  She eagerly takes the packet from me and begins flipping through the pages. I know the very second she lands on the tuition page because her eyes bulge and her mouth drops open. “There’s no way I can afford to go here.”

  “There are ways around that, Zoe. They have financial aid programs and academic scholarships available for their students. And, I’ll pay whatever the other two options don’t—if you want to go there for your senior year. It’s your decision, though.”

  She flips over a few more pages and stops to read the information about the dormitories. “I’ll live on campus? Like I’ve gone away to college?”

  “Exactly like that. You’ll have roommates and a house mother who lives in the dorms to chaperone.”

  “Layne,” she says on an exhaled breath. “I can’t ask you to do this for me.”

  “You’re not asking me. I’m asking you to consider it. If you do this, you’ll be doing it all for you. You deserve so much better than what life has given you so far. All I want is to give you the opportunity to build the kind of future you’ll flourish in. Read the whole packet, give it some serious thought, and weigh your options.”

  “Okay. I will.” When she looks up at me, it’s the first time I’ve seen a sense of hope in her eyes. The glistening tears in her eyes are from happiness instead of despondency. “You’ve done so much for me already, Layne. Thank you. Thank you so much.”

  “Zoe, you don’t have to thank me. Your success and happiness are all the thanks I need.”

  “Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you yesterday. I have a doctor’s appointment before I go to work today. They’re doing an ultrasound to check the baby’s growth since I didn’t have one earlier in my pregnancy when they normally do them. They said if the baby is turned right, they may be able to tell the sex. Do you want to go to the doctor with me?”

  “Yes, of course, I do! Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  “I’d love to have you there with me. Sometimes it feels like everyone in the waiting room is staring at me because I’m the only one who’s there alone.”

  That breaks my heart for her. “You won’t be alone today.”

  She smiles brightly in response. “What was in the big envelope from the courthouse?”

  “What envelope?” I ask and glance around the room.

  “You were really preoccupied last night, weren’t you?” Zoe playfully cuts her eyes at me. “You always check the mail organizer.”

  A large envelope from the courthouse can only be one thing. I grab the parcel and quickly tear it open. “It’s about the adoption.” I feel like I’m out of breath, panting, unable to inhale enough oxygen.

  “What does it say?”

  “They’re sending a social worker out for a home study to make sure the baby will be placed in a good home. If the father doesn’t acknowledge paternity, we have to run an ad in the paper with a notice of adoption intent. It’s probably best to send him a certified letter, too, so he can’t say he didn’t know about it later. We need to attend a couple of counseling sessions to make sure we’ve considered all the ramifications. And, you can sign the consent form once the baby is born. You have ten days after birth to change your mind about the adoption.”

  “You don’t have to worry, Layne. I’m not going to change my mind. There’s no doubt this baby will have a better life with you than with me. I know now that it’s not selfish of me to give my baby up for adoption.”

  “If you think about it, it’s the most selfless thing you can do.”

  * * *

  Zoe and I left the house early to grab lunch together before heading to the obstetrician’s office. After the way Ace reacted when I didn’t include him in my adoption decision, I guessed he’d be equally as upset if I left him out of the ultrasound. Zoe assured me she didn’t mind him joining us after the doctor finished her examination. When I called Ace, he was all too eager to meet us at the doctor’s office after he showered. We’re now waiting to be called back to the room once Zoe is ready for us.

  “Sullivan family?”

  Ace and I rise together and follow the nurse to Zoe’s room. The technician has the ultrasound machine ready and Zoe’s little basketball-sized belly is exposed. She sucks in a sharp breath when the technician squirts the cold gel on her skin, but that’s immediately forgotten when a grainy image of a tiny human fills the screen. The rapid heartbeat reverberates through the silent room as all of our eyes remain transfixed on the screen.

  I’m vaguely aware of Ace’s arm wrapping around
my waist and pulling me into his side. He swipes the pad of his thumb across my cheek and I realize he’s drying my tears. He leans over and places a tender kiss on my temple. “I’m here to catch you,” he whispers.

  “You’re the adoptive parents?” the doctor asks when she enters the room.

  “Yes. I’m Layne Elliott and this is Ace Sharp.”

  “It’s good to finally meet you. Zoe has told me a lot of great things about you.” Taking a seat beside Zoe, she looks over the measurements the ultrasound technician has made and turns back to address us. “All the measurements look good. You have a healthy baby…um, do you want to know the sex now?”

  “You can already tell?” I ask.

  The doctor chuckles. “Yes. This baby is not shy at all.”

  “I’d love to know,” I reply. “Zoe, do you want to know?”

  She smiles up at me. “If you want to know, then I want to know.”

  I grasp her hand and we look at the doctor for the big reveal. “Congratulations. You’re having a girl.”

  Overcome with emotion, I lean in to hug Zoe, and Ace’s arms wrap around me from behind. The three of us maintain this position for several long minutes, lost in our thankfulness for different reasons, while the technician prints out the sonogram pictures.

  “Are you happy with another girl?” Zoe asks hesitantly.

  “Zoe, it doesn’t matter if it’s a girl or a boy or one of each. I’m beyond thrilled, no matter what.”

  “I just thought you may want a boy. You know, since Ace already has a girl,” she explains.

  “I’d take a house full of girls, Zoe,” Ace assures her. “Most girls are daddy’s girls, and I’ll gladly take my place wrapped around their little fingers.”

  “Thank you, both,” Zoe replies, her eyes darting between Ace and me. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me to know what great parents she’ll have. If only the two of you could’ve been my parents.”

  “We’ll still claim you as our own,” I try to comfort her.

  * * *

  “Layne, you’re freaking me out. Stop staring at my stomach,” Zoe laughs.

  “I can’t help it! After seeing the sonogram pictures, it’s so much more real to me that there’s a tiny human being living inside there. It’s a miracle and it’s happening right before my eyes.”

  She rubs her belly. “I think she knows you’re talking about her. She’s active.” Zoe puts my hand on her stomach and I feel the baby moving inside her, then she unexpectedly kicks and makes me jump.

  We laugh together and my heart feels like it’s full of tiny hummingbirds, fluttering and flying up to clog my throat with overwhelming emotions. “That felt so surreal. She just kicked my hand!”

  Parking in front of the grocery store, I turn to face Zoe. “I don’t want you to worry or stress about anything, Zoe. If you want to quit your job because you can’t stand on your feet for hours at a time, I’ll support you. I’m paying your medical and adoption-related legal expenses, too. You’re close enough to your due date now to deserve to relax until she decides it’s time to make her grand entrance into the world.”

  “You’re already doing so much for me, Layne,” she tries to object.

  “No. What you’re doing for me is everything, Zoe.”

  “I read through the packet for that school earlier and I’ve made up my mind.”

  “And?”

  “If you’re sure it’s okay, I’d like to go there. Getting out of this town and starting over somewhere new sounds perfect. The only way I’ll ever be able to move forward is to never look back.”

  “We’ll get the paperwork started as soon as possible, then,” I promise her. “What time do I need to pick you up tonight?”

  “At nine.” She glances at the clock and groans when she realizes that’s over six hours away. “Maybe earlier if I decide to quit today.”

  “If that happens, just give me a call. I’ll be here.”

  She leans over the center console and shyly kisses my cheek before she gets out. One thing I immediately notice is how different she appears today. Her shoulders are back, her head is held high, and she has a spring in her step. It’s remarkable how much she’s changed simply because the stress that’s weighed her down is being removed from her life.

  Ace followed us in his truck and is parked beside me. I hop out of the Jeep and all but skip over to his door. “It’s a beautiful afternoon for a walk. You don’t have to go back to work, do you?”

  “No, babe. I’ve already showered and changed clothes. There’s no point in going back now.”

  He climbs out of his truck and our hands naturally find each other as we stroll down the sidewalk.

  “Now that I know we’re having a baby girl, I can’t resist the pull of shopping for every pink baby item I can possibly find. This urge may warrant a day trip to the Atlanta malls tomorrow, in which case, I’ll need to borrow your truck to haul everything back.”

  “That can be arranged,” Ace assures me. “Do I need to rent a storage building for the next few weeks to hold your loot?”

  I gasp loudly and my breath seizes in my chest. Stopping abruptly, I turn to Ace. “I’m getting a little ahead of myself, huh? I don’t even have anywhere to live yet. Oh my God! They’re doing a home study soon to approve me for the adoption. How could I be so scatterbrained? I’m living in a vacation rental.”

  This is so unlike me—in every way. I’m normally organized, thorough, on point. But this monumental mistake could very well cost me the adoption. They can’t do a home study of my apartment in New York. What was I thinking?

  “Layne, breathe. Inhale. Exhale. That’s it.” Ace is gently rubbing my upper arms. His voice is soothing and inviting. With bent knees, he stoops to put us eye to eye. “Where’d you go just now?”

  “Fairly certain I’m having an anxiety attack.” It’s a strange feeling, this cross between sheer panic and an out-of-body experience.

  “You’re panicking over where you’ll live with the baby? Why are you rattled over that?”

  My response is delayed due to my gaping mouth and vacant stare. “They frown on giving a baby to a homeless woman, Ace.”

  He shakes his head in disbelief, but the warmth in his eyes and his smile is palpable. “Layne, maybe we should have a long talk tonight about what it means to adopt a baby together. I’m not just watching from the sidelines, ready to bolt if I feel inconvenienced. To be blunt, I’m too damn old to play the field, especially when I know you’re the only one I want. That’s just how I’m wired, Layne. It’s you and me from now on.

  “I guess I just assumed, and I’ll take the blame for that, but I assumed you’d move in with River and me. Think about it. With how frequently you sleep in my bed, you should go ahead and bring the rest of your stuff over today and never leave. Is that clear enough for you?”

  “Can I tell you something without making you feel like I’m comparing you to my ex?”

  “Shoot.”

  “We were together for seven years and never lived in the same apartment. It was three years before we finally exchanged keys. Looking back, it’s painfully clear that Bobby and I were just convenient, familiar, comfortable. We never moved forward, never took a risk. We were too polite to put demands on each other. The truth is, I feel like I’m just now learning how to be in a relationship, and I’m unsure of where our boundary lines are.”

  “That’s easy,” Ace replies. “You and I don’t have boundary lines. We’re all in, no holds barred, nothing held back. Don’t hide your feelings or desires from me. We’re way past being embarrassed or shy about anything we want. Deal?”

  “Deal. But I may need you to tell me again later.”

  “And why would I have to do that?” He arches one eyebrow in a display of mock threat.

  “Because I love hearing you say it.”

  “Consider it done, then.” His lips meet mine, softly, tenderly, lovingly. “Every day if that’s what it takes.”

  We continue walking
along the storefront window displays for a couple of blocks before reaching Duncan’s Fine Home Furnishings store. The retro-chic baby bassinet with a delicate pink lace skirt immediately catches my eye before I realize the display is the complete nursery with all the coordinating pieces. There’s a gorgeous mahogany crib, a matching changing table, and a rocker-glider chair.

  “Let’s go in here,” I suggest and reach for the door.

  The bell over the door jingles as we walk in, and a woman in her later fifties steps out from behind the counter. “Hello, can I help you with anything? Oh. Hi, Ace. How are you?”

  “Fine, Stella. How are you?”

  “Can’t complain. What brings the two of you in today?”

  “The nursery furniture in the front window,” I reply. “It’s a gorgeous set. Do you have another set on the sales floor so I can get a closer look?”

  “I’m afraid not. That’s a one-of-a-kind set, handmade locally. You’re welcome to step into the display area and look, though.”

  After we’ve touched every surface, opened every drawer, and checked every square inch for infant safety, it’s blatantly clear we won’t be leaving the store without the furniture. Stella gave us some space to look everything over and talk about it before she approached us again.

  “Ace, are you having another baby?” Stella asks when she rejoins us and her eyes drift to my stomach.

  “Well, not me, personally,” Ace replies. “But Layne and I are getting ready to bring a baby home.”

  “I didn’t even know you two were married.”

  “We’re not,” he replies, then his gaze swings to meet mine. “Yet.”

  “I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Stella replies curtly.

  “We’re adopting a baby. The rest will come in time.”

  “In my day, that was just unheard of.”

  “Welcome to this century, Stella,” Ace deadpans.

  “I love the entire set. We’ll take it—every piece,” I interject to change the subject.