100 PROOF

by Shanora Williams

  He thought that just because he would always be there for me, that I would be too. The thing is, I had never promised him that because I couldn’t even be there for myself half the time. It was a trait I hated, but with a childhood and a life like mine, it was hard to commit to such a thing at such a young age.

  Honestly, I was terrified.

  I knew enough about him to know he wasn’t good with pressure. He wasn’t consistent. All it took was one fall out between us, or his mother, or even a conflict with a stranger, for him to turn to the drugs and drinking—for him to disappear for the night and not show up until the next afternoon.

  Things changed—slowly but surely—and it sucked because I was there to witness it all.

  VIN

  Present

  She got dressed in silence.

  She didn’t utter a peep as she adjusted the shoulder of her dress, focusing on the tips of her shoes.

  “I really should go now, huh?” She huffed a laugh, finally looking at me.

  “I’m assuming you’ve sobered up.”

  “Ha. Barely.”

  “Why were you drinking so much anyway?”

  Her lips pressed. She looked deep into my eyes, hers glistening now. “I . . . caught Lloyd with another woman.”

  I frowned, taking an immediate step forward. “What? With who?”

  “She’s a flight attendant. I used to work with her. It’s funny—I used to think he was so serious about his job that he didn’t pay the attendants much attention. I guess I was wrong.” She shrugged, like she didn’t care, but I knew she did.

  “Where did you catch him?”

  “In our bedroom.”

  “Wow. He has some serious fucking balls. And you still plan on marrying that piece of shit?”

  She pulled her eyes away, refusing to answer.

  I sighed, folding my arms and sitting on the edge of the desk. “It would be stupid, Marley, and you know it. You have enough reason not to marry him now. Catching him cheating is enough.”

  “It’s not like I didn’t do the same—and with his brother of people.”

  “He doesn’t know what you’ve done. Don’t pull that bullshit card with me. You can still walk away. Hell, if you need me to take care of the bills, I will.”

  “I’m not going to put you through that,” she said.

  “Why? Because you don’t think I can handle it?”

  “I just . . . I can’t, Vin. It’s already happening, okay? And it may not seem like it, but he needs me in order to achieve something too. It’s not just a one-way relationship.”

  I rolled my eyes, pushing off the desk. “Yeah, okay.”

  She walked up to me, grabbing my hands, trying to catch my eyes. “You are finally starting to pull your life together, Vin—without me. I’m not going to let you take on extra baggage, and my baggage at that.”

  “You know I don’t give a shit about that. Believe it or not, I did all of this for you—so you could be proud of me and take me back. Whatever you’re going through, I can be there for you. I can provide too, Marley. Just say the word.” I held her chin and she dropped her hands. “You know you don’t need him. Not as much as I need you.”

  She smiled faintly and slowly started to pull away. “I know you will be there for me. You always have been and that’s what worries me.” She sighed. “I’m going to go, okay? You have a club to run, things to do. I don’t want to hold you back on your first big night.”

  I blinked slowly as she stepped back. “Marley—”

  “This is a great turnout for you. I wasn’t kidding about what I said. I am proud of you and Zay for pulling this off. I hope it’s like this every weekend from now on.” She forced a wide smile, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

  “Don’t walk away again, Marley, please.” I met up to her, wrapping a hand around the back of her neck. I tipped her head up so her eyes could meet mine. “You can go if you really want to, but I want you to think about this. Think about what you really want, because even if you think it’s not me, I know damn well it isn’t him.”

  She shut her eyes briefly, pressing a hand to my chest. When she pulled away again, I felt defeat settle in, making my body feel heavier.

  “I’ll see you in Texas in a few days?”

  “Yeah.” I turned halfway, shoving a hand through my hair. “Sure, Marley.”

  “Good.” She walked to the door with her cellphone in hand. “I’ll see you then.”

  Before she could go, I asked, “Are you going to think about it?”

  She opened the door, glancing over her shoulder, not meeting my eyes. “I’ve already been thinking about it, Vin. A lot more than you can even begin to imagine.” After she said that, she was out of the door, leaving it wide open, the music flooding right in.

  Several seconds later, Zay stepped into the office holding his hands out and asking “What the fuck?” with his eyes alone.

  I held up both hands with a slight shrug. “I don’t know,” was all I could say, because I didn’t know. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on. I didn’t know what she was doing, and I didn’t know what she really wanted.

  She was confusing the fuck out of me. She clearly needed space—time to think. I would grant her that much, but I was tired of the games. She didn’t want him, but did she even want me? Was I worth running back to and dropping everything for?

  I probably could have answered that question myself: No, I wasn’t.

  MARLEY

  I didn’t hear from or about Vin for a week, not that I was supposed to hear from him at all. I don’t know why I expected him to reach out to me, when I was the one with clashing emotions.

  I didn’t know what the hell I wanted.

  I loved Vin, yes. I loved him a lot, but with Lloyd I was safe, and though he was a complete jackass, I could rely on him. Plus, the wedding was already set in motion. I couldn’t just forget about it; we had a deal. It was set. If Lloyd had never been Vin’s brother, I never would have seen him again and would have coasted right along until wedding day.

  I was a believer that everything happened for a reason, but I hadn’t the slightest clue as to why this was happening to me. I sucked at confrontation. I hated facing truths. That’s why I left California years ago—to escape the past and walk as far away from those dreadful memories as possible.

  I was in the kitchen making blueberry pancakes, but my mind was elsewhere. That was proven by the overly crispy edges of the pancakes, and even the eggshell pieces accidentally falling into the bowl. I got most of them out, hoping Lloyd wouldn’t notice if some remained.

  I sat at the table after finishing up breakfast, listening to him come downstairs with a loud yawn. He stepped around the corner in a blue robe, his blond hair damp and combed back like he’d just gotten out of the shower.

  “Morning,” he murmured.

  “Morning.” I looked at him briefly before standing and picking up my empty plate. It was usually like this. Most mornings I ate alone because he was either working, or had come home from work late and would sleep in.

  He sat at the table as I walked to the sink. “Coffee?” I offered.

  “Sure. That’d be great.”

  I grabbed a mug from the cabinet and poured some, adding a large spoonful of creamer afterwards, the way he liked it. I placed the mug in front of him.

  “Thanks.” He picked it up, taking a quick sip. While he drank it, I prepared a plate for him. We still weren’t on good speaking terms—well not much. It was one and two words here and there.

  He’d been home all week. Apparently he was either taking or had received a break from the airline. I didn’t care to ask. He’d been working a lot, and he was known for taking a few days off at a time to relax a bit. Yes, he had it that good with the airline, considering the owner of Redwire borrowed loans from his family’s bank from time to time.

  “Going to get fitted for tuxedos today, finally,” he said with a small laugh. “I took time off to get some things handled for th
e wedding. Mom just called ten minutes ago, said Vincent will be landing within the next two hours.”

  I squeezed the spatula a little tighter when he said Vin’s name, but I quickly let the feeling pass, dumping eggs onto the plate. “Oh. That’s great.” I breathed as evenly as possible, twisting around and putting on a full smile. “Here you go. Blueberry pancakes and scrambled eggs.” He didn’t bother looking down at the plate. He kept staring at me, and I felt the hairs stand on the back of my neck. “What?” I laughed it off, but really I was a nervous wreck. Could he see right through me, like Vin always could? Could he tell I was nervous? I really, really hoped not.

  “Marlena, I’m sorry about what happened that night,” he murmured, holding my gaze. Oh. I was shocked to hear it. Lloyd hardly ever apologized for his actions. As a matter of fact, he’d never apologized—not as sincerely as now. He was a know-it-all. If he wasn’t right, no one was. “I just—I was stressed,” he admitted. “With the wedding looming, and you flying out to Cali to take care of your sick mother and me not being able to be there, I just—well, I fucked up. Okay?” He pushed out of his chair, walking around the glass table to meet up to me. He lifted my chin, putting my eyes on his. “I swear it will never happen again. I missed you when you left—I always miss you when you leave.”

  I lowered my line of vision, pursing my lips.

  “I want this to work,” he continued. “I really do. That’s why I took time off. So we can spend it together, get to know each other a little better. You’ve been so distant with me lately. I’d hate to lose you because I did something stupid. You’re a good woman, and you’re here for me, and that’s something I need.” I nodded and he tipped my chin again, forcing my eyes on him. He craned his head, looking me hard in the eyes. “Do you forgive me?”

  “Yeah,” I mumbled. “Sure.”

  He put on a satisfied smile and then dipped his head down to kiss me on the lips. It was a slightly aggressive kiss, one that made me stumble a bit, but I caught myself, holding the back of the chair next to me. Then he said, “I love you.” He released me, going back around the table to sit in his chair.

  “Yeah.” I forced a wide smile, one to assure him everything was okay, but it was far, far from it. “Me too.”

  • • • • •

  Lloyd got a call about three hours later from his mother, who was letting him know that she had Vin and was on her way to the boutique with him. Lloyd left twenty minutes after the phone call, telling me goodbye with a swift kiss on the lips.

  I watched as he walked to his BMW convertible with the top already down, placed his sunglasses on the bridge of his nose, and drove away. When he left, my heart didn’t ache. When he drove away, I didn’t yearn for his touch or want to cry because he wasn’t around.

  I felt . . . nothing.

  I used my free time to read in the den after changing from my lavender robe, to a pair of black yoga pants and a solid white T-shirt. My phone chimed an hour and a half later with a text from Lloyd.

  Lloyd: Get dressed. Having an early dinner at my parents’ house.

  I sat up almost immediately, staring at the text. If we were having lunch at his parents’ house it meant Vin was going to be there. Mrs. Harris wasn’t going to let him escape.

  I dropped my book and my phone, rushing up the stairs and then pacing the bedroom, debating on which excuse to use. I could have said I had menstrual cramps and wasn’t feeling well, or maybe I had a splitting headache that wouldn’t fade, but the more and more I thought about it, the more I realized I wanted to see Vin, even if it was for a short while. I wanted to know how he felt—what he was thinking. I wanted to know that he wasn’t giving up on me or this—whatever this fucked up situation was.

  So I quickly got dressed in a creamy romper that showed off my arms and shoulders, and even a slice of bosom. I gave my hair a bump with the flat irons, and then I did my makeup.

  I was dressed before Lloyd even walked through that door.

  He came upstairs, spotting me picking up my clutch, eyes rounding like he couldn’t believe he was staring at the woman he was about to marry.

  “You dressed quickly,” he noted, walking to the closet and kicking off his leather loafers. He came back out in jeans, a black button-down shirt rolled up to the elbows, and a pair of suede derby shoes.

  “I was already on my way upstairs when you sent me the text,” I lied.

  “Oh.” He flipped his wrist. “Well, come on. She ordered catered food and went straight home and we have a thirty-minute drive.” He walked out the bedroom and once I checked the mirror one last time, I was following right after him, my body surging with exhilaration and an ounce of dread.

  MARLEY

  My entire body was heavy, pulse still skittering, as Lloyd pulled up in front of the familiar slate gray and turquoise home that could have been considered a mansion.

  The Harris’s two-story home came with a swimming pool, hot tub, and even a tennis court only a short walk away. They had four garages, all of them occupied with cars, and they even had two maids, Rosa and Titi. I’d only met them once, when I first came to this place for a luncheon, and thought this was the nicest home I’d ever seen.

  And it was. As I walked inside, beneath the chandeliers with gold lights and across the glossy wooden floors, I remembered just how much I admired this home.

  I could tell Mrs. Harris was the one who deemed this one the winner. It suited her more than Mr. Harris. It was sleek and clean, the furniture a smooth, gray suede.

  There was a violin pouring out of the hidden speakers as we walked down the foyer, stepping around the corner and into the kitchen, where the Harris’s were uncorking a bottle of chardonnay.

  “Marlena! Honey, how are you?” Mrs. Harris nearly squealed, waltzing around the island counter to reel me into her arms.

  “Hi! I’m doing great! If I’d known you guys already had chardonnay, I wouldn’t have brought another!” I laughed, holding the bottle up in the air.

  “Oh, please,” she playfully dismissed me with a wave of her hand. “The more wine we have around here for this crazy husband of mine, the better!”

  “Hey, now,” Mr. Harris scolded playfully, pulling down a few wine glasses. Lloyd helped him set them up and then Mr. Harris grabbed the bottle, filling each one. “There’s nothing wrong with a fine, refreshing drink on a nice Sunday.”

  “That’s right,” Lloyd agreed. “I could use a little wine myself with all the complaining Vincent did earlier.” He looked around. “Where is the douche anyway?”

  As soon as he asked, I heard footsteps behind me and I smelled him before I could even see him. He had a distinct smell, so familiar and warm, with a touch of cologne. My heart doubled in speed, the voices in my head escalating, screaming, “There he is! There he is!”

  He stepped up to his mother’s side, but I didn’t look. I saw through my peripheral as he wrapped an arm around Mrs. Harris’s shoulders. “Hey, Becks.”

  “Hi, baby,” she smiled.

  “Why can’t you just call her Mom?” Lloyd questioned, voice slightly agitated. He gripped the edge of the counter, staring hard at Vin.

  Vin merely ignored him, and his gaze descended, gluing on me. “Marlena,” he murmured, his voice smooth like silk. I swear my heart was beating out of my chest now. There was a little drummer boy in there, banging away, not giving a damn how much it hurt. “Good to see you again.”

  “You as well,” I responded formally, keeping my voice steady.

  Lloyd stepped towards me, handing me a glass of wine. I accepted it, thanking him silently. Lloyd started to hand one to Mrs. Harris, but she held her hands up, shaking her head.

  “No, it’s okay, baby. Vincent can’t, so I won’t tonight while he’s here.” She looked up at her son, his arm still around her shoulder, and he put on a sweet smile for her, showing off his one dimple.

  “Seriously?” Lloyd frowned, looking between them. “It’s just one glass, Mom. Vin is a grown man. He knows he can’t dr
ink.”

  “It’s called being supportive,” she responded, tone clipped. “If you cared about your brother enough, you’d be doing the same. Addiction is a serious thing and support is important. I read that.”

  Lloyd and Mr. Harris looked at each other and then burst out laughing. I pushed my lips together, frowning. “Just because he can’t control his liquor doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy myself while he’s around.” Lloyd brought the glass up to his lips, taking a large swig and staring Vin in the eyes as he swallowed it.

  Vin glared back, brown eyes hard, nostrils slightly flaring. He was about to say something. I could tell by the way his mouth twitched and the fist forming at his side.

  “You know what?” I stepped forward, placing my glass down on the counter. “I won’t drink either. Your mother is right. He’s recovering. You should respect him enough not to drink around him, Lloyd.”

  Lloyd laughed so obnoxiously I wanted to sock him in face. “Do whatever you want, Marlena. Join the pity party if that’s what you really like.” He turned his back to me and looked at his father who was already pouring himself a second glass. “Dad, you want to play a few rounds of darts out back before the food arrives?”

  Mr. Harris bobbed his head, looking from Lloyd to Vin. “Sure, son.”

  Vin frowned then, the rims of his eyes glistening a bit.

  Mrs. Harris shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. She didn’t have much control over Lloyd or Mr. Harris. They were just alike, and with them in the same room together, you honestly needed to drink to get through it.

  “It’s okay, sweetie,” she finally sighed when Vin calmly pulled his arm from around her shoulders. “You’re doing good. You know how your brother is.”