Totally Fishy (A Miller Sisters Mystery)

by Gale Borger

  "Damn cheapskate, couldn't book us a direct flight," Mark mumbled.

  "I'm sure he did it this way so we would be harder to trace. I know we have tickets, but do you think we should turn them in for others just in case the boss man has other plans, like stealing his money back?"

  Mark scratched his chin. "Uh yeah, I thought of that, but I got one better. Let's ditch the credit cards when we get there so he can't trace us through them. What if he claims we stole them later just to get us arrested and rip us off the money he owes us?"

  "Oh. I get it. Yeah, good idea, Mark, but the thing we really have to watch is spending too much of our cash. We may need it later, so we must to be thrifty. I hear it's expensive to live in the States."

  "I read the same thing last week in a magazine. We can use the credit cards for everything until we get there. Mr. Big Boss won't be able to trace us beyond the airports." Mark settled back in his seat. "So, cousin, do we have any plans on how we are going to uh, spend our vacation?"

  Tom looked confused and then the light went on in his head. He cleared his throat in case someone was listening. "Uh, no, Mark, but once we get there, I'm sure something will come to us. Maybe if we sleep on it now, we can think of something to do. I think I want to see the Willis Tower."

  "Why yes, what a good idea. Maybe take in a museum or the art institute, too."

  "Good idea, Mark. We don't have a set schedule."

  "Oh, dude, I thought you had it all worked out."

  "Don't worry about it. I did; or I do–or will have. Go to sleep, Mark. It's a long trip."

  "Yeah, okay." Mark slept and Tom stared out the window deep in thought.

  6

  The aircraft ascended into the evening sky and Evo turned to watch Luis and Alfredo, their noses pressed against the window. The brothers marveled at the twinkling lights below as they left Lima behind them.

  Tony yawned and stretched as the private plane soared toward Chicago. "Can you believe it, Evo? An actual vacation. When was the last time we got to do anything remotely so cool?"

  Evo opened one eye. "I don't know, Disney World as kids?"

  "Yeah, that was cool. We were awfully little, though."

  "You cried when we took pictures of you with Mickey Mouse."

  "You're the asshole who said he'd eat me."

  Evo smiled sleepily. "Yeah well, you always were gullible."

  "And you're still an asshole"

  "Thank you. Now let me sleep."

  Tony said softly, "Hey, Evo, thanks for the vacation." He slumped down in his seat, covering his eyes with his ball cap.

  "Sure, Tony, no prob–Vacation?" Evo jerked upright. "Are you telling me I paid for this entire vacation?"

  Tony smiled and crossed his arms, snoring softly. Evo threw his pillow and knocked the cap off Tony's head. Tony jumped, pretending to have been rudely awakened. "What?"

  "What my ass, you cheap shit. Did you invite me along so I could pay for your trip and suffer abuse from Dr. Death on top of it? You should be paying me to go. Dammit, Tony…" Evo rubbed his stomach and absently searched for an antacid.

  Tony sat up, concerned. "Evo, man what's up? Your secretary told me to make you get your ulcer checked out. She wasn't kidding. You really have one, don't you?"

  Evo shifted uncomfortably. His stomach burned, but he refused to give in to it in front of his brother. "It's no big deal, Tony. Leave it alone."

  "Look, Evo, I'm your brother, not your mother. You want to end up in the hospital playing He-man, you do what you got to do, but don't play me about not being sick. Take care of it while it's still small."

  Evo exhaled and popped two tablets. He sat back, closing his eyes. "It started bothering me a few months ago. I guess part of me thought if I ignored it, it would go away. Now I'm just a little scared. I can't afford to miss work."

  "Elena made me promise."

  "I'll get to it."

  "You got three weeks off."

  "I'm on vacation."

  "Not if you keel over first."

  "You're worse than a wife. It's no wonder you're not married."

  "Speaking of someone who should be getting married..."

  "Okay, okay, I'll see a damn doctor."

  "Good boy."

  "Arf." Evo turned his back to Tony and closed his eyes. Tony permitted himself a small smile and picked his ball cap up off the floor. He pulled it low over his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  The trip was long, but uneventful. They dozed, woke, ate, and dozed again. Luis and Alfredo continued to stare out the window. Tony and Evo played chess and cards, and Evo read while Tony played solitaire. They watched movies and Evo finally fell into a deep sleep.

  When Evo woke several hours later, he noticed right off Alfredo still sat with his nose pressed to the window. Luis was dead asleep next to him, drool running down onto his shoulder.

  Evo whispered to Alfredo, "Why don't you ease him back into his seat? Wouldn't he be more comfortable?"

  "But, Seňor Evo, he may miss the good part."

  "Uh, okay." Evo went to speak with the pilot. When he returned, he woke Tony and told him and Alfredo they were about fifteen minutes out of Milwaukee.

  Alfredo tore his gaze away from the window. "All I see is the ocean, Seňor Evo. Where is this Wisconsin?"

  Tony grabbed his map and flopped in the chair next to Alfredo. He pointed and said, "Look, my friend. This is Wisconsin. This is Lake Michigan. What you are seeing is a lake. Pretty big, eh?"

  Alfredo looked out the window. "Si, pretty big, eh. So where are we going?"

  Tony again pointed. "That's Milwaukee." He slapped Alfredo on the back. "It's the beer capitol of the world."

  "Is it as big as Lima?"

  "There are very few places as big as Lima, my friend. Milwaukee could fit inside Lima, I'm afraid, but it is a large city by American standards."

  "It looks large from up here–oh look, Luis, the airport. We are here, in America, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Beer Drinking Capitol in the World. I like Milwaukee already."

  Tony chuckled. "Beer Capitol, Alfredo."

  "Hah. Not after Luis and I get done drinking, mi amigo."

  They were still laughing as they taxied down the runway. Evo took the brothers to wait for the luggage and Tony went to see about the vehicle. They met at the rental kiosk where they took a shuttle to their car. Evo took one look and thought it was a joke. "Uh, Tony? I thought you rented an SUV?"

  Tony looked at the rental agent, who looked at his paperwork. "It says right here, Castillo, Antonio, one Suzuki."

  "Suzuki, I didn't say Suzuki, I said SUV. I want a big, American SUV, dammit! He stomped his foot and turned to see Evo laughing at him. "What the hell are you braying like a jackass about, Evo?"

  Evo clutched at his stomach, doubled over, laughing hysterically. "SUV, Su-zu-ki–must have been your accent. How the heck are we all going to fit in there?"

  Tony stood by, staring at the tiny car wondering the same thing. "I don't suppose you have anything else, do you?"

  The rental agent shook his head, trying hard not to smirk.

  Evo grabbed the keys. "Okay, I'm driving. Let's go."

  Luis grabbed the door handle on the passenger's side and jumped in, locking the door. He looked at Evo and nodded his head once. Evo smiled as Tony and Alfredo stared at the tiny back seat and the luggage piled next to the car. "Load her up boys!"

  Evo popped the miniscule trunk and tried the radio. He found a country station and kept time by tapping on the steering wheel, occasionally looking in the mirror to see how Tony fared.

  The car rocked back and forth as they tried to stuff the luggage in the trunk. Evo turned up the radio to cover the sounds of Tony swearing. Luis giggled and kept time to the music. Alfredo held an armful of clothes as he squeezed into the back seat, and Evo watched as Tony shook hands with the rental agent.

  Tony opened the rear door and Evo heard him say to the agent, "No, my brother won't mind, I appreciate your help." Evo heard mu
rmuring and Tony said, "No problem. Yes, sir. You're welcome."

  Tony jumped into the back seat and patted Evo on the shoulder. "Let's go, Bro."

  Evo put the car in gear and eased out of the parking area. He looked in the mirror and saw the agent put a suitcase in his car, and a light went on in his head. "Uh, Tony? Where did the agent get the suitcase?"

  "What suitcase?"

  "The suitcase he's putting into his back seat, Tony. You rotten little bastard, that's my suitcase, isn't it? I'm turning around. Now."

  "Evo, wait! You can't turn around–we're on a one-way, Just keep going, and it'll be okay. It must have been his briefcase you saw."

  Evo whispered, "Yeah, right. You probably didn't mess with my underwear drawer, either, did you?"

  Tony smiled and pretended to doze.

  Evo fell silent as he negotiated the car into Milwaukee traffic and promptly turned the wrong way. Through the spaghetti mazes of the Marquette Interchange overpasses and entrance ramps, Evo took two more wrong turns before he headed south. With Luis holding the map and Tony navigating, they finally found themselves on I-94 East, heading toward Kenosha and White Bass Lake.

  With so little traffic in the wee hours of the morning, they made excellent time. The Gallegos brothers stared out the windows into the blackness, trying to see anything beyond the shoulder of the Interstate.

  Their exit onto Highway 50 came up thirty miles later and because of the early hour; they decided to check into a motel by the Interstate before continuing on. Leaving everything packed in the car, Tony grabbed a small duffel bag and he and Evo dragged themselves to their room. Hearing voices behind him, Evo turned to see Luis leaning an elbow on the check-in counter, schmoozing the little night clerk into a nightcap. Alfredo sat sprawled in a high-backed chair in the lobby, snoring to beat the band. Evo smiled and shook his head as he entered their room at the end of the hall.

  Claiming seniority, Evo stumbled into the bathroom first and stepped under the hot water. The pounding spray kick-started his circulation again, and the smell of the body wash rejuvenated his senses; wiping the muzzy cloud from his brain. Not bothering with a razor, he brushed his teeth and stepped out of the bathroom. The aroma of oregano and onions filled his senses, and his stomach growled loud and long. "Wow, Tony, are you a miracle worker? How the heck did you find pizza at two in the morning?"

  "Welcome to America, my boy. The clerk knew of a delivery place open 24 hours, and ordered us up some grub. Is this not fantastic?"

  "Beer! You got me pizza and beer for my first night here. It's a good thing I took ulcer meds on the way here. All I can say is, 'I love you, man.' Really, Tony, you must have done something really rotten that I'll have to kill you for to go out of your way like this."

  "Yes, I did."

  With a mouthful of pizza, Evo asked, "What did you do, Tony? Was that really my suitcase the rental guy had?"

  "Uh, Yes."

  "Why does the rental man have my suitcase, Tony?"

  Tony took a swallow of courage. "Uh, because it wouldn't fit in the trunk."

  "So, we were one suitcase too many which you packed, in a too-small car which you rented, yet your suitcase made it into the trunk, and some rental guy has mine?"

  "Uh, I guess you could look at it that way."

  "And what way would you rather I look at it, oh dead brother of mine?"

  "Well, I got your clothes out first, and this will give you a chance to buy new luggage."

  "I didn't need new luggage, Tony, and I liked that suitcase." Evo picked up his beer and wandered to the window. He pushed the curtain out of the way and froze. He stayed like that for several seconds, and Tony walked over to see what held his fascination. Across the street stood a huge sign in front of an enormous storefront which looked to be borrowed from Paul Bunyan's cabin. The words Gander Mountain made Tony smile. He sighed. He would live another day. He made the sign of the cross, thankful he was off the hook.

  "Don't for a minute think this lets you off the hook, Tony boy."

  "I'm sure it doesn't, Evo, but it sure softens the blow, don't it?"

  "Considerably." Evo put down the unfinished slice of pizza and yawned. "Well, it's going to be an early morning of shopping for me, so I'm hitting the sack. Don't wait for me, I'll find my own way to White Bass Lake."

  "But, Evo, we're on vacation together."

  "There's no together about giving away my suitcase little brother. Get lost."

  "Okay. Good night. You'll see, Evo, everything will look better in the morning."

  "Uh, Yeah."

  7

  The morning found Evo staring out the window just as Tony had left him a few hours earlier. Before he could speak, Evo said, "Hey, Tony, I have a new idea. Why don't you take the micro-car and the Brothers Gallegos and go on to White Bass Lake. I'm not sure they could find it on their own. I'll get some other form of transportation and meet you there. Write me out some directions so I don't get lost and I'll be fine."

  "What if I need to talk to you?"

  Evo dropped the curtain. "That's why we have satellite cell phones, Dr. Almost."

  "That's Almost Doctor to you, Mister. Why can't we hang out and go together?"

  "Because I'm still pissed about my clothes, I want to take my time shopping, and one way or another, I'll find a vehicle I can fit in without decapitating myself, that's why. He looked out the curtain again. "I need clothes, Tony."

  Tony smiled. "So do Luis and Alfredo. We could all go over there and shop."

  "I'd rather go alone."

  "Shopping is no fun alone."

  "Shopping is no fun, period."

  "You'll probably go missing in Gander Mountain without me. I may never see you again."

  "I'd rather go alone, Tony."

  "That, sir, is not an option."

  "Damn."

  Tony smiled. "Life's a bitch."

  "And so are you. Go wake the brothers; I'm going shopping now."

  "I'm all over it." Tony bounded out of the room to round up Luis and Alfredo, and Evo packed up his hygiene kit.

  Evo finished dressing and didn't bother shaving. He rubbed his chin and said to the mirror, "Hell, I'm on vacation."

  They all met at the car, and Evo opted to walk rather than ride. Tony crossed the street with him to the entrance. They couldn't help but stare as they passed under the huge log entrance and through the front doors.

  Evo felt like a kid at Christmas as he gazed in wonder across what looked like acres of outdoor gear and clothing. "Wow," was all he could say as he ran his hand over the ATV that stood next to him. "Look at this, Tony. Camo! I've got to get me one of these. Look, saddlebags you can pack stuff in. I could sure use this in the field. Hey, it comes with its own cooler. I could pack samples and specimens without racing against time and decay. How much?" He rummaged around looking for a price tag. "This is so cool." He rummaged around some more and flipped over a tag. "Here it is, eleven grand plus the trailer." He spun around and looked at Tony. "That's not bad, is it?"

  "Depends. If I were paying for it, I'd say yeah, but since it's you, the only thing I have to say is, how are you going to get it home?"

  Evo was on his back looking under the rear axles. He poked his head out from underneath and looked at Tony with a dazed expression. "I didn't think about that. It would cost a couple of grand to ship it home. Maybe it's a good you're here with me." He jumped up and brushed off his jeans. "I'm not even ten feet inside the door and about to spend thousands."

  Tony laughed, clapped Evo on the shoulder, and shoved him down the aisle. "Let's get you some clothes while you're still a rich man, shall we?"

  They each grabbed a cart and headed for the men's department. As they passed the front door again, they saw the brothers Gallegos standing just inside, gaping at the moose head hanging on the wall. Tony poked Evo and laughed, "They'll probably still be there when we come back." Grinning, he took off ahead of Evo.

  Three hours and several thousand dollars later, four hap
py men exited the store. Luis was dressed like a Peruvian Crocodile Dundee with his khaki bush outfit and Australian hat. Alfredo looked like Nanuk of the North, complete with wolf-skull hat and knee-high fur boots. Tony bought a disposable camera and took pictures of them standing under the moose head.

  Tony turned the camera on his brother. Evo was busy taking inventory of his purchases. Evo'd bought some killer polo shirts and chamois shirts in every color of the rainbow. He'd bought blue jeans, a Carhart jacket, and cargo pants. He'd also bought a fish tie and a foam rubber cheese-wedge hat.

  Sunglasses, ball caps, hiking boots, sandals, tennis shoes, socks, cargo shorts, two sets of fishing gear, and a license filled two more bags. A tent, camping gear, an air mattress, and a king sized sleeping bag leaned against his leg. He'd also included beef jerky, C-rations, and freeze-dried ice cream.

  As they stood out in front of the store with bags and boxes piled high around them, Tony scratched his head and said, "Sweet Mother of Jesus, Evo! Where the hell are you going to put all this? Good thing I gave away your suitcase. We'll never fit all this in the trunk…"

  Pow. Tony flew backward as Evo punched him in the jaw. He landed on his butt and rolled onto the sidewalk. He looked up, rubbing his jaw. "Are you happy now?"

  Evo narrowed his eyes. "My day is complete. I'm very happy, you rotten little shit. You're lucky I let you live after you gave away my suitcase and screwed up the car. So don't go razzing me about how much stuff I bought."

  Tony held up his hands and scooted out of his reach. "Hey, Evo, don't kill me yet, I'm on vacation. I knew you'd buy new stuff anyway. Heck, you're going to need a truck–"

  Evo held up a hand, effectively shutting his brother up. He cocked his head, and Tony could hear a rumble in the distance. A huge black Dodge truck came slowly around the side of the store. It rolled to a stop in front of the South American "Shop-'Til-You-Drop Crew," and a tall man wearing a red polo shirt jumped out of the driver's side door. A man in a blue mechanic's uniform pulled alongside.