Totally Fishy (A Miller Sisters Mystery)

by Gale Borger

  Three voices chimed, "Fred!"

  Evo turned red. "Fred."

  A few minutes later, Sam pulled into the driveway of a large Victorian house. It wore the whimsical colors of the great "Painted Ladies" of San Francisco. What should have struck Evo as garish, charmed his socks right off. The peach-colored siding gave way to burgundy gingerbread on the eaves. Hues of blues and yellows outlined the windows and gingerbread, bringing the house alive and making it look almost…he sighed because he could not give the feeling a name.

  "Happy."

  Evo looked over his shoulder to see Sam walking up to stand beside him. She folded her arms over her ample breasts and rested on one leg. She smiled, and that always made Evo very afraid. He swallowed hard and said, "Excuse me?"

  "You have the same look I did the first time I saw this house. Happy; I think the house looks happy."

  Evo stared at the house again and relaxed. "Hate to admit it, Doc, but you are exactly right. The house looks happy, and very comfortable in its own skin. Kind of like your friend Fred over there." They both smiled. Tony leaned heavily on Fred as they made slow progress toward the front door. She tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and both of them almost tumbled onto the grass. Evo jumped forward and caught them. Sam chuckled behind him and he straightened. He frowned at her as a thought struck him. "And you read minds–that is very scary."

  Sam put her nose in the air and sashayed toward the house. "You have no idea how scary I can be, Doc." He watched the gentle sway of her hips as she disappeared through the door. Now who's messing with whom?

  Evo reached up to run his hand through his hair and found he had once again broken into a sweat. His feeble mind registered that his pants felt tight as he wiped moisture from his hand. "Crap." He went to unload the truck.

  Loaded down with bags, Evo shoved his way through the front door. He froze and stared. An incredible sight greeted him. Warm, rich light bathed the room and the smell of a crackling fire filled his senses. He could do no more than stare at the beautiful fish tanks lining two walls and acting as a divider for a third. Hundreds of fish swam about, at home in natural environments, shoaling and playing among the live plants and rocks. Evo let the bags he carried slide to the wood floor as he stepped in for a closer look.

  "Pretty cool, aren't they?"

  Evo turned to find Fred standing next to him, her face aglow. Evo said, "Pretty cool is a good description, but I'm thinking more like amazing, or remarkable, or on a bad day, extraordinary. Did you do all this?"

  "Yep; but I had a lot of help. Sam and I met a guy from New Jersey at a fish convention on the east coast in our sophomore year at UW Madison. His name is Hank MacRone, and he's the premier collector and breeder of Corydoras catfish in the country. We all e-mailed back and forth, and the more I learned from him, the more I fell in love with these little guys." She pointed to a group of eight little catfish, wiggling up the side of the tank as if they were one. They made a lazy "S" and turned to repeat the process down toward the bottom. "Those are Schwartzi's. They're endangered; and those over there–"

  "Are Venezuelans, and in this tank are Robustus. You have these giants paired with Pandas and Orange Lazer–what an interesting contrast."

  "You know your Corys. He smiled, and she continued. "Hanging out with Sam gave me a strong sense of conservation, and I ended up doing my master's thesis on the effects of loss of habitat on South American Corydoras catfish. When I graduated and started my pet shop, Hank sent me fish to get me going. Whenever he would discover a new species, Hank would save me a breeding group. Many of the newly discovered species I keep here for my personal enjoyment, as well as to propagate.

  Between Sam and Hank, I do pretty well. I also share with friends and family. My sister, Buzz, keeps a few tanks in her basement, too."

  Evo smacked his forehead. "Oh, my God, fish, basement, I forgot!" He fumbled for his cell phone and barely heard the tentative knock on the front door. Fred went to answer and the Gallegos brothers tumbled in. Luis answered his cell phone. "Hello this is Luis."

  Evo had his back to the door as he shouted into his cell phone. "Luis?"

  "Hola, Dr. Evo, it is me, Luis," Luis answered, coming up to stand behind Evo.

  Evo continued to speak into the phone. "I totally forgot–"

  "That is okay, Dr. Evo, I did not." He giggled and Evo turned to see him standing there, wide-eyed and innocent.

  Evo sighed and slapped the cell phone shut. "Funny, Luis, I totally forgot–˝

  "The fish," Luis supplied.

  "You remembered?"

  "Si, Dr. Evo. I went to the local pet store in town and bought a battery pump and air stone. The lady at the pet store, she gave me reverse osmosis water and a tank to borrow. Whatever fish survived are sluggish, but alive in the car. I knew you did not want to keep them in the poison water, but I also did not want to throw it away. I have it here." He and Alfredo each held up a large Ziploc bag filled with water, huge grins on their faces.

  Evo threw an arm around Luis and grabbed Alfredo with the other. He squeezed them both. "You two are worth your weights in gold."

  Fred grabbed one bag and Sam took the other. "We got a leaker here. To the laundry tub," Fred said, "Then I'm calling Ian and Mag." The two women disappeared down the hall.

  With his arms still around Luis and Alfredo, Evo said, "You guys are the best. Wait, I have to show you something." As the Gallegos brothers recovered from the atypical affectionate reaction from Evo, they were steered into Fred's living room. They stood awestruck until Evo dragged them through the arched entrance and let them go. They went from tank to tank, speaking in soft tones and examining every fish they saw. They gazed reverently into the large unblinking eyes of Peruvian Altum Angelfish in one of the tanks. That's where Sam and Fred found them.

  "They'll eat from your hand," Sam said softly, as they approached the two men.

  Alfredo looked at Fred with watery eyes and took her hand. "This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us."

  Fred shrugged. "Hey, no problem. The pleasure is in the sharing." She winked. "Wait until you see my nursery."

  Alfredo threw a confused look at Evo. "Nursery?"

  "Breeding room for baby fish, I think she means," Evo replied. "We'll see that later."

  They all watched Sam and Fred walk into the kitchen.

  Looking at Fred, Alfredo said softly to his brother, "Luis, I think I am falling in love."

  Luis nodded, his eyes also following Fred. "Me too."

  Evo smiled. Looking at Sam, he leaned toward the brothers and whispered, "Me too, boys, me too." Wide-eyed stares and huge smiles met his statement. Evo held an index finger to his lips and the Brothers Gallegos nodded emphatically. They followed the women into the kitchen.

  Fred had five mugs on the counter and was pouring coffee into them. "Does everyone drink coffee?"

  Affirmative sounds from the men had everyone gathered at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and eating cookies.

  Fred leaned forward and said, "I hope you guys aren't too tired, because around here we need little excuse for a party." The men shook their heads and mumbled negative responses around the cookies. She looked at the clock. "I just wanted to warn you that in about an hour my family is going to descend upon my house, and you guys are going to be inundated with Midwestern hospitality. I hope you like Jell-O." At their collectively baffled expressions, she and Sam laughed as if they shared a great joke.

  9

  Fred put the men to work dragging out grills, moving tables, and filling coolers. Forty-five minutes later, the first car rolled in the driveway. After that, it seemed like the entire town followed suit until they spilled over into the neighbor's yard. Three generations of family, friends, dogs, and kids filled the yards with laughter, noise, and love. The neighbors put out tiki lights and reggae music filled the air with the rich sounds of the Caribbean.

  All cars had been moved from the driveway as three more grills arrived in the backs of pick-up
trucks. Men cooked brats, steaks, burgers, and hot dogs. Women bustled in and out of the house, and teenagers set up a volleyball net, Bocce balls, and horseshoes. Camp chairs went up, and the amount of food crammed on the tables made Evo, Luis, and Alfredo's mouths hang open.

  Luis poked Alfredo in the ribs. "This could feed all of Honduras for a week."

  Alfredo nodded. "Not after I go through there."

  Introductions were made and even Tony joined the throng. Luis' eyes popped wide when someone emptied the coolers into a kiddie pool filled with ice. "I have died and gone to Heaven." He picked up a brown bottle and tried to make out the label.

  Fred whispered over his shoulder. "Leinenkugle, but we call it 'Linie' with a long 'I' up here. It's made here in Wisconsin. Try it. Lots of folks like it."

  Luis opened the bottle and let the beer slide down his throat. "Great. What else do you have in that pool? I'm going to test them all today."

  "Good thing you're not driving, because I see Miller, Point, Rolling Rock, Old Style, Milwaukee's Best, Moosehead–wait just a darn minute! Who put the Lone Star in the swimming pool? Get that Texas swill out of my yard!"

  Everyone laughed and Fred pulled one out of the pool. "Hope this San Antonio swill doesn't give me cooties," she said loudly as she twisted off the top. She leaned into Luis and whispered, "Try one–I love this stuff, it's even good warm, but don't say you like it too loudly–you might get yourself lynched."

  Luis made a great show of looking around before he snatched a Lone Star and put it in his pocket for later. He patted his pocket and followed Fred.

  Luis looked for his brother and found Alfredo watching the grilling process. He held a Miller Lite in his hand. "Alfredo, why are you drinking light beer?"

  "It is light, so I figure I can drink more."

  He tottered off and Luis shook his head. "I am amazed that we are related sometimes."

  Tony slowly made his way to the pool and Evo blocked his way. Taking his arm to steady him, Evo pulled him aside and said, "No beer for you, little brother, you're on drugs."

  Tony shot him a sloppy smile and held up an orange soda. "I know, I know. I'd rather have a beer, but I'm sure I'll make up for it later. Right now, though, I'm going for the female sympathy angle. Did you see that stunning creature that arrived a minute ago?"

  "Who could miss her? That's one of Fred's sisters, Alexandra. The one by the twin men is Buzz, and the one standing on the chair waving her arms around is Maggie. The one they call The Maggot."

  Tony carefully nodded and felt the back of his head. "How do I look? If I don't turn my back, you can't see the bald spot, can you?" He dipped this way and that. He lost his balance and bumped into his brother.

  Evo wrapped both arms around him and stood him back on his feet. "Stop the dance routine before you kill us both and try looking more like a helpless puppy. The women will bring you food and drink, little brother. You can sit by a wall and no one will see your bald spot, but by the time you get done with your sympathy act, they won't care if you are totally bald."

  Tony slapped Evo on the shoulder. "Evo, you're a genius! He wandered toward the house to beg another soda, practicing his "lost puppy" look.

  Evo sat in a chair and sipped his beer. He waited for the burn of his ulcer to begin, surprised when it didn't. He rubbed his belly.

  "Got a bleeding ulcer there, sailor?"

  Evo turned and ran smack-dab into me. He took a step back and nodded I pulled up a chair. He continued to rub his belly as he held out his other hand. "You must be Buzz, am I not correct?"

  "You would be correct. Evo, is it not?"

  He smiled and nodded. "It is."

  "Thought so. I also know you have an ulcer; I recognize the rub. I had ulcers until I retired from police work. I patted her stomach. "Now I'm just fat and sassy." I gave him the once over, but I could tell Evo understood that I saw more than she let on. Intuitive people must make him uncomfortable The poor guy shifted in his chair looking around for an escape route.

  I thought about being delicate, but it came out way too blunt. "Ever think about changing your job or slowing down on those wild nights on the town in Lima?"

  He slid me a glance and said coolly, "My wild nights in Lima usually consist of an evening spent looking into a microscope and dining on take-out dinners."

  Undaunted, I continued. "Once upon a time, back in my younger and dumber days, I almost let the job destroy me." I could see the signs in him. "Look," I said. "I only bring it up because I've walked in your shoes. My job put me in the hospital. I always thought if I went out on a stretcher, it would be because I got shot or stabbed, but a bleeding ulcer laid me low." I dug around for a business card. "Dr. Beth works down at the walk-in. He's actually an internist, but he pulls a couple of shifts a week over at the clinic to help out. He's a good man and a great doc. He saved my life; he can help you save yours."

  Evo leaned forward. "I met him. He fixed up Tony this morning. Nice man."

  "Great guy, Give him a call. He can see what's eating you from the inside out and give you advice on how not to let it take over your life. By the time you head back home, you can be fat and sassy like the rest of us."

  Another voice intruded as one of the twins joined us. He ruffled my hair and threw an arm around my shoulders. "Sassy I'll attest to. Anything else, I'll just say she exaggerates."

  He ruffled my hair again and I elbowed him in the ribs. He stuck out his free hand and smiled. "J.J. Green, Evo. Glad to meet you and your brother." He shook Evo's hand and pulled up two chairs. "I saw you talking to my girl and thought I'd better come and rescue you."

  I ducked out from under his arm and slapped his butt. "His girl, my eye. He couldn't be that lucky. He is, however, my cross to bear at the moment." I got up to leave and J.J. winked.

  As J.J. and I continued our bantering ritual, Evo settled into his chair with a chuckle. He looked a little envious, perhaps of my odd relationship with J.J. I supposed life in the jungle didn't offer up many opportunities to establish deep connections. I stepped away to get us another round, but I stayed within earshot.

  I watched as his gaze drifted to Sam hefting a platter of burgers, which tilted precariously toward the ground. He jumped up to grab the platter, but J.J.'s handsome twin got there first. Sam looked up into his eyes and smiled back, the handsome giant touched the end of her nose as he took the platter from her.

  Ahhhh, so that's how the wind blew.

  Evo started from his chair and J.J. pressed on his shoulder. "Whoa, fella, she's not going anywhere. Don't mind Bob, he's otherwise occupied," J.J. said. Evo looked up and finally relaxed. His mood didn't look good as he examined the top of his beer bottle.

  "Don't feel bad, it happens to all of us."

  "What are you talking about?"

  "You love her. It's not a terminal disease, you know." J.J. tapped the toe of Evo's shoe with his own.

  "You obviously don't know Sam."

  The poor guy actually tried to smile.

  "Look, I'm not trying to start a male-bonding party or anything, but if I get it, don't you think other people do too? The way I see it, Bob over there is safe. Sam can play and flirt and relax around him because they both know neither one is interested."

  "Is your brother blind? Sam's is gorgeous, she's more intelligent than 90 per cent of the population, she's–"

  I warned them of my return with a cough. "Do you find intelligence attractive, Mr. Castillo?"

  He narrowed his eyes and hesitated before he answered. "Yes, very attractive."

  I smiled. "Bob doesn't. He thinks my empty-headed-but-gorgeous sister is attractive. Al is extremely intelligent, but hides it for men like FBI Bob. Part of her psychosis, I think. No one gets serious, no one gets hurt. They play and they part."

  Evo watched the banter of the group consisting of Sam, Al, Tony, and Bob. "I just don't get it."

  I replaced Evo's empty bottle with a fresh one. I placed a hand on his shoulder and a tidal wave of emotion washed ov
er me. Boy-oh-boy, this man had it bad. Not wanting to frighten him, I started slowly. "I don't understand it either, but they do. I always thought it a frivolous waste of time, and insulting to one's intelligence."

  I moved in front of him and took his hand. I stared hard into his eyes. "But let me tell you one thing, Evo. You need to let down the barriers these next few weeks. Everything is all bottled up inside you. It's tying you in knots. It's imperative you open up and let her see this side of you. Let her know the real man under the skin. Take this time and learn how to play. I have a feeling you've not played in a very long time, but if you let this opportunity pass you by, you'll look back on this vacation with nothing but regret."

  Evo sucked in a breath and his eyes widened as he stared first at me and then at our hands. The slight tingle I felt when I originally took his hand strengthened, and our hands grew warm. He jerked out of my hold and broke eye contact. He looked at his hand and looked at me.

  "What are you," he said, rubbing his hands on his jeans, "some kind of fortune teller?"

  I raised a brow to J.J., and he patted Evo on the shoulder. "Isn't she something?"

  Evo eyed me and slid back into his chair. "Yes, she is, but what I want to know is, what that…," he flapped a hand in my direction, "That uh, thing she did was."

  "Just a little Irish magic, my friend. She didn't cast any spell or anything, it's just when she feels a great deal of emotion of some sort pouring off of someone, if she touches that person, most times she can understand the source, or interpret the feelings so the person can channel it in a positive manner."

  J.J. blushed and looked at me. "Did I explain it right?"

  I sat there stunned. I mean bowled over at how insightful that big dumb copper could be. Still a little dazed at the outpouring of emotion from Evo, I could only nod. J.J. picked me up by the armpits and plopped me in a chair. He gave me his beer and fluffed my hair. I shot him a glare and he beamed. "See? All better now." He patted my knee and took back his beer.

  Evo still looked a little shell-shocked, but I figured maybe he'd never met anyone like me before. "Maybe there aren't many Irish people where he comes from, J.J. Maybe I freaked him a bit. Sorry, Evo."