Rogues & Rascals in Goose Pimple Junction (Goose Pimple Junction Mysteries Book 4)

by Amy Metz

“It darn well is a safe community, Officer. I don’t want to hear any talk otherwise. I suggest you get out there and find your vehicle.” He turned to the other two officers. “Spread out and see if anyone saw anything. I want to know who was behind that wheel.”

  The officers nodded and began to follow orders.

  Johnny hollered after them, “Find that car! If they’re out joyriding, no telling who could get hurt.”

  Nosmo King Brown had to chirp the siren several times as he inched through the crowd on Main Street. He pulled up in the ambulance and began tending to Caledonia, who was still sitting on the sidewalk. Peanut was crying, so he assumed the boy was hurt too, but he was quickly set straight.

  A short time later, Caledonia and Louis had been thoroughly examined and were pronounced healthy, except for scratches, bruises, and bumps. Caledonia stood shakily, and hopped down from the rear of the ambulance, trying to forget the memory of that car headed straight for her.

  She searched the crowd and spotted who she was looking for. On unsteady legs, she toddled up to Louis, who was talking to a reporter. She inwardly rolled her eyes, guessing how he had played the hero. Then she mentally slapped herself. He was a hero.

  “Can I talk with you for a minute?” She pulled him aside, declining to comment to the reporter. “I just want to thank you for what you did. I know I’m not your favorite person right now, so I appreciate you not letting that maniac turn me into roadkill.”

  “Mrs. Culpepper,” Louis began in his condescending and superior tone, “I could hardly stand by and watch you get plowed down, now could I?”

  She gave a wan smile.

  He continued. “But I think you might make certain . . .” he searched for a word “. . . concessions, in light of what has transpired.” He stared down at her, a smug expression on his face.

  She still felt peaked, and his remark only made her feel worse. She cleared her throat. “You mean you want me to recant my statement and not testify to what I saw Jimmy Dean do at the school?”

  “I’m just saying you could do me a favor in repayment for my saving your life.”

  She looked around to see who was listening. Louetta and Tess stood ten feet away watching them. Louetta was frowning, and Tess raised her eyebrows as if to ask Caledonia if she were okay. Caledonia nodded.

  Louis’s secretary approached them. “Hon, are you all right?” The woman’s accent made it sound like she said “aw rot,” and Caledonia said another silent thank-you to God for not allowing her to be in a morgue rotting away. She shook off the thought and clasped the woman’s hand.

  “I’m fine, Melba toast, thanks to your boss.” Caledonia held out her arm aimed in Louis’s direction, and she felt like a game show host showing off the day’s prizes. Except Louis seemed to be the booby prize.

  “I’m fine too,” Louis grumped.

  “You don’t have to get all snippety, Louis. I was asking about you too,” Melba shot back.

  “Thanks for asking.” Caledonia squeezed her friend’s hand, and the woman walked on.

  Caledonia turned back to Louis. Her eyes bore into his. She took a deep breath.

  “Mr. Howe, as a matter of fact, I am going to do you a favor.”

  Louis’s heavy-lidded eyes slightly bugged. His face showed relief and hope.

  “Just not the favor you’d like at this moment.”

  His face fell. “You—”

  Her eyes hardened and pierced his as she reprimanded him. “I’m talking.”

  He puffed out his chest as if he were ready for battle. Caledonia didn’t back down but instead inched closer to him. “If Jimmy Dean’s delinquent behavior isn’t stopped now, there’s no telling what he will become.”

  “I hardly—” He tried to interrupt a second time.

  She held up a hand and glared. “Let me finish. I mean no disrespect to your parenting skills. But I know you don’t want your son to go down the path he’s currently headed. You’ve indulged him all his life because of his physical disability. He thinks he can do anything he wants and nobody will care because ‘poor little Jimmy Dean,’” she used a mocking tone. “Everybody feels sorry for him. Well, look how that’s turned out for ya. He’s turning into a man now, and it’s time for him to straighten up and fly right or he’ll be headed for real trouble. The way I see it, you have a choice: you can continue to get him out of trouble, or you can let him be held accountable for his actions.”

  “Mrs. Culpepper—” Louis tried yet again to interrupt.

  She put a hand to his chest. “It’s Ms. And you said your piece; now I want to say mine,” she said with fervor. He visibly backed down. “If you choose the former, mark my words: your boy will turn into a narcissistic rogue whose crimes will escalate with an end result of Jimmy Dean rotting in prison for the rest of his days.” She took a breath and pushed her hair over her shoulders.

  Louis studied her with a sulking expression. He took his hands off his hips and shoved them into his pants pockets.

  “So no, Mr. Howe, I will not recant my testimony. You saved my life, and it only seems right that I save your son’s.” She turned away and joined Louetta and Tess.

  Louetta took Caledonia in her arms. “Oh, honey, what did that vile man say to you? You look positively tormented.”

  “I’d rather not talk about it right now. I’m fine.” She flashed a brave smile. “Let’s find Pickle and Peanut. There they are.” She pointed to the gingerbread house-making tent where kids could make their own gingerbread houses out of graham crackers and candy. The women headed that way.

  “You sure you’re all right?” Louetta whispered to her. “You look like you’re fixing to faint.”

  Peanut came running up to his mother and proudly showed her his house.

  “Why, that’s beautiful,” she gushed.

  Peanut tugged on Caledonia’s coat. “Can we go to the Big Bubble Battle, Mama?”

  “I expect we can,” she said wearily. She didn’t feel like doing anything but soaking in a hot tub in a fetal position, but she knew it was important to the boys that she act as if everything were fine. Even so, when Jack brought her a cup of hot cocoa, her hands were shaking as she took it from him.

  Tess saw it and took over. “Let’s get some food in you all first.” She led them to a table inside the food tent and sat them down. Then she, Jack, and Louetta brought them barbecue sandwiches with onion and pickles, coleslaw, and baked beans. Jack disappeared and came back with three giant cinnamon-sugared elephant ears for dessert. Caledonia did her best to eat, but hunger was the farthest thing from her mind, and she picked at her food.

  Johnny soon joined them, reporting they had nothing definitive on who had stolen the car and tried to run down Caledonia. The vehicle was found a few blocks away, but it was wiped clean.

  The chief rubbed his hands together briskly. It was starting to get cold. “Polly Howard said she saw someone dressed in a parka behind the wheel—”

  Louetta blurted out, “Oh, law, Polly never could see worth a lick.”

  “Well, that may be because it was pretty dark out. Someone else saw Santa behind the wheel. It could have been a white parka, or it could have been Santa’s beard—” When he saw Peanut’s alarmed expression he amended, “Someone dressed up as Santa intentionally disguising his identity.”

  Johnny’s phone rang, and he excused himself to answer it. He came back a minute later saying, “Well that tears it. A Santa suit and beard were found in a trash can over on Walker Street.” Johnny fisted his hand, hitting it against his thigh. “I tell you what, when I catch that goon, I’m gonna arrest him for worthlessness first and then attempted murder.”

  Attempted murder. The words bounced off Caledonia’s brain like a pinball in an arcade game.

  Someone had tried to kill her. Again.

  Mama always said . . . Tell the truth and shame the devil.

  Pickle and Peanut had gone with Louetta, Martha Maye, and Butterbean to the Big Bubble Battle, leaving Caledonia, Tess, and Jack a
t the table. Paprika soon joined them.

  “Where are the kids?” Caledonia hugged her friend tight.

  “At Clive and Earl’s tractor pull.” She hitched her head behind her.

  “Oh, shoot. I wanted to see that,” Caledonia complained. “He and everybody else he knows has been putting that thing together for weeks.”

  “From what I hear, there wasn’t much to see. Earl won hands down. Of course, Clive is claiming the conditions weren’t favorable for his mini-dozer. But he’s letting the kids drive it up and down Pearl Street. It’s cute.”

  Melba Davis came to the table. “Sorry to interrupt, but have y’all seen Judge Fletcher? He’s supposed to judge the Great Bubble Battle, but he seems to be AWOL.”

  Everyone shook their heads. Jack said, “I’m sure he’s here somewhere. The man never misses a Founder’s Day celebration. Check the pie tent.”

  Paprika returned her attention to Caledonia. “What’s this I hear about you almost becoming a pancake?”

  When Paprika was filled in on all the excitement, Johnny turned to Caledonia. “We have to talk about who and why someone would want to kill you. This is the second, possibly the third attempt on your life. What on earth have you done?”

  “Johnny, you know me. I can’t imagine why anyone would do this, other than Philetus. And mean as the man is, I can’t imagine even him wanting to kill me.”

  Johnny took a notepad from his pocket. He wrote down Phil’s name. “Who else?”

  The table was quiet while everybody gave the question some thought.

  Tess said, “Cal, I don’t know and I don’t want to know what was going on between you and Louis a little while ago, but you have to admit it would be awful convenient if you weren’t around to testify against his son.”

  “But he saved my life. He couldn’t have been in the car!”

  Johnny nodded once. “He could have hired someone.” He wrote “Louis” on his notepad.

  “In Goose Pimple Junction?” Caledonia sputtered. “Not likely.”

  Paprika spoke up. “Maybe he had a change of heart at the last minute. Isn’t it an awful big coincidence that he was there, at that spot, at that very moment?”

  Jack said, “If he’s behind it, he sure didn’t have a change of heart after the car accident failed. He up and made an attempt on her life again.”

  “Maybe seeing Caledonia in the flesh brought home what he was about to do,” Tess chimed in. Looking at Cal, she added, “Or seeing you with your kids could have changed his mind.”

  “You know, his car was used in that accident. That’s another awful big coincidence.” Johnny speculated. “And he and his son just happen to have rock-solid alibis. Who has a solid alibi if they’re working by themselves all night unless they’d planned ahead?”

  “Callie, Pickle said Louis called out to you right before the car sped up. Did you ask him what he wanted?” Tess shivered. “Maybe he was trying to warn you.”

  She shook her head. “He didn’t say.”

  “Maybe Dee Dee is mad at you for turning her in to the bar association,” Jack joked. Nobody said a word.

  Johnny stroked his chin and then added “Dee Dee” to his list. “That might not be as far-fetched as you think.”

  “Oh come on,” Caledonia gasped.

  Paprika leveled a finger at Caledonia. “No, think about it. You’re about to put a stop to her livelihood. And you’re about to embarrass her in front of the whole town. She’s bound to be mad as fire at you.”

  “But we’re talking murder! And she wouldn’t have been mad at me back in the summer when Tess and I were run off the road,” Caledonia simpered.

  Johnny had been scanning the crowd while they talked, and he nodded his head toward the front of the tent. “There’s Miss Dee Dee Petty over there. I’ll just go ask her a few questions right now.” He started to walk away then did a turnabout and addressed Caledonia. “I’m putting you under protection until we figure out who’s behind this. Hank Beanblossom will be the first on duty. Don’t leave here without him, you hear?”

  “I hear, Chief.” She did a mock salute.

  He looked at everyone else around the table. “ And long as she’s here, y’all watch her like a hawk.”

  “Yessir, Chief,” they all responded.

  From behind, Johnny approached Dee Dee, who was at a table with three other women who appeared to be in their sixties and seventies. He leaned into her ear. “May I have a moment of your time?”

  She almost jumped out of her skin. “Oh, Chief. Don’t sneak up on an old lady like that.” Her hand went to her heart. “You like to scared me to death.”

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. Just want to talk for a bit.”

  “Now?” She was incredulous. “Whatever for? Make an appointment with my secretary.” She made a dismissive wave of the hand, and turning to her three companions, she twirled her finger next to her temple. They all laughed. Johnny fumed.

  “Okay. We can do it rightcheer if you want.” He pulled up a chair next to her. “Where’ve you been tonight?”

  “Chief, at five thirty I was in my office doing some catch-up work, where I remained until just a little bit ago. I’ve been here ever since.” She leveled her eyes at him and added, “And I don’t, nor have I ever, owned a Santa suit.” Her friends laughed harder than was necessary. She smiled like a Cheshire cat.

  He quietly regarded her. “May I see your cell phone?”

  She frowned. “Whatever for?”

  “I’d like to see the numbers you’ve called and texted this week.”

  She smiled sweetly at him. “Do you have a warrant?”

  He took a long breath and let it out. “No, ma’am. I do not.”

  “Then I think you already know my answer.” Dee Dee patted his cheek and winked at him. “Will that be all?” she asked with mock innocence.

  “For the time being.” He considered her until he could see she was slightly uncomfortable. Then he inched closer until he could smell her bad breath. “But Dee Dee, let me tell you, if you had anything to do with the incidents against Ms. Culpepper, I will not rest until you’re convicted.” He abruptly stood, drug his chair back to the table he’d gotten it from, and stalked off.

  Back at the police department, Johnny talked with Velveeta in his office, relaying what the group had talked about and what Dee Dee had said. He began making a list of things they needed to do. “I want you to go have a conversation with Philetus Culpepper tomorrow.”

  “It will be my pleasure.” She rubbed her hands together.

  “And Louis. I want to know why he was calling to Caledonia right before it happened.”

  “What about Jimmy Dean?”

  “The boy’s been a public menace lately, but I don’t see him killing anyone.”

  “He surely doesn’t want Cal to testify against him.”

  Johnny sat back and propped his feet on his desk. “Well, since he had an alibi for the other one, that would mean he had to have somebody do it for him.”

  “Coulda had one of his friends do it.”

  “The boy doesn’t have any friends. Not that I can find.”

  “Nah, you’re right. Let’s stick to talking to Papa.”

  “And I’m going to—” Johnny stopped mid-sentence and stared into space.

  “Chief?” she asked warily.

  He mumbled under his breath, “She knew it was Santa.”

  His eyes snapped to Velveeta. “When did you find out a Santa suit was likely involved in tonight’s incident?”

  She looked surprised. “When you told me a few minutes ago.”

  “Officer Northington found the suit in the garbage can over on Kentucky Street and called me. He bagged it and brought it into evidence here. I told the gang about the suit, but there was nobody else around us at the time. No way anybody else could have known that a Santa suit was used in the crime.” He picked up the phone. “Northington? Anybody around you when you found and bagged that suit?” He listened. “You
tell anyone but me?” He nodded. “Roger that.”

  Velveeta pointed to Johnny with her pen. “Chief, I can see the look on your face. You figured something out.”

  Johnny pulled his legs off his desk and leaned toward Velveeta. “How did Dee Dee know a Santa suit was involved?”

  Velveeta studied her notes. “And if she wasn’t at the town square when it happened, how did she know what time it occurred?”

  “Sometimes you can be too cocky for your own good.” He nodded slowly, and Velveeta mimicked the action. They sat on opposite sides of his desk, looking at each other, heads bobbing up and down, smiles on their faces. “I do believe we have enough for a search warrant. I want to see her phone, bank, and credit card records.”

  Velveeta, still nodding, crossed her arms and rested them on her belly. “Lawzee be.”

  Mama always said . . . When fear knocks at the door and you answer, there will be no one there.

  Caledonia slid into one of the booths that ran along the front windows of Slick & Junebug’s Diner. Junebug was on a ladder putting up Christmas decorations but heard Slick’s whistle. She followed his head nod to Caledonia and hurried down the ladder and to her table, slid into the booth, and took the woman’s hands in hers.

  “Morning, hon. How in the world are you? I heard all about what happened last night. You poor thing. The whole town’s talking about it.”

  “Believe it or not, I’m okay, Jitterbug. Thanks for asking,” Caledonia said wearily.

  “I’m not sure I believe you, but aren’t you brave to be out in public again.” She made a statement instead of asking a question. “Folks say someone’s got it in for you.”

  “Oh, don’t listen to that rubbish. But I do have a police escort just in case.” Caledonia indicated Hank Beanblossom at the counter. “He’s been with us since last night. Won’t even think about letting someone else take a shift.”

  Junebug leaned forward. “Aren’t you scared out of your wits?”

  “Sometimes, but it’s getting better. I thought about having my appointment at my house, but I’m afraid if I stay home, I might turn into a recluse. I’m not going to allow myself to give in to fear. Whenever I get nervous or worried or panicky, I just tell myself to think about it tomorrow.”