Happy Families

by Janey Fraser

‘Please, Bobbie. You can ask me anything!’

  ‘All right.’ She looked slightly more reassured. ‘You’re married to his sister. So I wondered if Rob has said anything to Pamela? I don’t want you to break confidences but I have to know.’

  ‘If he has, she hasn’t told me. Pamela keeps her cards close to her chest. In fact, she’s not at home any more than your husband. Made from the same stable, those two.’ The anger flew out of his mouth before he could hold it back. Bobbie looked startled. ‘Sorry.’ Mentally he kicked himself. ‘I didn’t mean to tell you all my stuff too.’

  ‘No.’ Her hand rested on his, briefly. ‘Please tell me, Andy.’

  Then somehow it just all blurted out! How the girls weren’t well behaved at all but had been bribed over the years by Pamela (with money and clothes and anything they wanted) to behave well when he was at home ‘just so that Pamela could have a quiet life’. About Pamela going down to her mother’s and the sports car. About the enormous loan which he had paid off for her, even though she wouldn’t tell him what it was for.

  It was so nice to tell someone who understood what this family was like.

  ‘I would never have believed it,’ she whispered.

  ‘Nor me.’ Andy took a deep breath. ‘So tell me. What do you think about Pamela from a woman’s point of view? Does this man in the sports car sound dodgy?’ He tried to laugh. ‘Do you think she’s having an affair? I mean, I know I’m being silly. She wouldn’t really do that to me.’

  ‘Actually.’ Bobbie’s fingers began tapping the table. ‘I wasn’t going to tell you this but …’

  A coldness wrapped itself round his chest as he leaned forwards. ‘No, please. Do. I need to know everything. Just like you.’

  Bobbie bit her lip. ‘All right. You know I told you that I’d started working in that second-hand designer shop in town?’

  He nodded. He’d been impressed by that. Somehow he couldn’t see Pamela working in a shop if their finances ever went tits up. ‘Well, the other day I was sorting through some clothes and I found this pair of trousers that Pamela had asked my boss to sell.’

  ‘My wife sells her clothes? Why? I thought she just gave them away when she didn’t want them any more.’

  Bobbie flushed. ‘A lot of seemingly wealthy women need the pin money; you’d be surprised. Anyway, Vanessa – she’s the one who owns the shop – told me to always check the pockets first.’

  She stopped for a second. Andy’s heart felt as though it was going to burst out of his body with apprehension.

  ‘What did you find?’ he asked slowly.

  ‘A receipt. For drinks at a club.’

  Was that all? He’d been expecting an incriminating note. Or another loan statement. Or a condom, even. No. That was ridiculous.

  ‘The date,’ Bobbie continued solemnly, ‘was Rob’s birthday. That’s why it rang bells. I was having a family dinner: you couldn’t make it because you were away in Singapore.’

  He remembered that.

  ‘Pamela said she couldn’t come because of a migraine.’ Her hands were twisting nervously in her lap now. ‘It might be nothing but on the other hand …’ Her voice tailed off.

  ‘Thank you.’ Andy felt surprisingly calm. Very quiet. Not angry the way he thought he might. Almost distant as though this wasn’t happening to him at all.

  ‘It’s not proof of anything,’ Bobbie was now saying quickly.

  ‘No. No. Of course it’s not.’

  ‘What are we going to do?’ She was looking at him as though expecting him to take the lead. Despite his churning chest, Andy rather liked the ‘we’. It made him feel that he wasn’t alone in this. ‘I think,’ he said, putting his elbows on the table and leaning towards her again, ‘we should carry on as normal for the time being. But we need to be watchful.’

  ‘You’re not going to say anything to Pamela about the man in the sports car?’

  He shook his head. ‘Call it cowardly if you like but I don’t want to rock the boat until I have proof. It’s the way we work in the office if we suspect someone of fraud. I’d do the same with Araminta, if I were you.’ He sighed. ‘It’s very easy to get too close to people you work with; I’ve seen several of my colleagues make mistakes like that. But if you accuse someone too soon, they can talk their way out of it and you look stupid. And you’re not,’ he added hastily. ‘Anything but.’

  Bobbie ran her hands through her hair again. ‘Maybe you’re right.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘I’ve got to get back now for the babysitter.’

  ‘You definitely don’t want to use Mel any more, then?’

  There was an embarrassed look. ‘I’m so sorry. Rob says that he can’t allow the children to be …’

  ‘To be in the company of a pot-smoking teenager,’ he finished off the sentence for her. ‘I understand.’ This time his hand really did stretch out across the table to give hers a little squeeze. ‘It’s good to know we can talk, isn’t it? Only we know what that family is really like. I blame our mutual mother-in-law. Camilla’s an absolute cow.’

  Bobbie laughed though her eyes were still wet. ‘She is, isn’t she?’

  Then they left, going their separate ways. He would have liked to have told her about Kieran but enough was enough for one night. Besides, he needed to get back to see what the girls had been up to during his absence.

  The house was impeccably tidy. He’d say that for his family. They were very good at covering up their tracks. If it weren’t for the stubs in the bins outside and the giveaway smell of air freshener, he wouldn’t have known. No wonder he had been fooled when he’d come back from one of his many long trips.

  At least in the office he got things done! Here, he felt that hours – no, days – could go by when he didn’t actually achieve anything.

  ‘I’m back! Mel? Nattie?’

  His elder daughter was sitting at her desk in her bedroom, with an open textbook beside her. Her coursework? But as he approached, she quickly pressed a button so that the screen changed. Clearly she’d been looking at something else. ‘Working hard?’ he asked with a slight touch of sarcasm.

  She nodded. ‘I am, actually.’

  ‘What are you doing then?’

  ‘Researching the life of Matisse. Go away, Dad. You’re putting me off.’

  Matisse? Andy felt so inadequate when his wife and daughters came out with names and words that he wasn’t familiar with. It all went back to education: something he hadn’t had. The only thing that made sense to him was figures; a gift that neither of the girls had inherited.

  ‘Where’s Nattie?’ he asked, looking around and nearly tripping over her telephone charger. He’d never seen her room in such a mess before! Clothes everywhere; mugs half-full with cold coffee; books all over the floor; nail varnish with the lid off … whoops, discarded lacy black pants. And the air was so stale! He made his way to the window to open it. It was like negotiating your way through a female minefield.

  Mel shrugged. ‘In the shower. She’s just been to the gym.’

  But there was giggling from Nattie’s bedroom!

  ‘Dad!’ His younger daughter glared at him as he opened the door. ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘What are you doing, more like?’ he said, taking in the youth who had jumped up from the bed wearing only a pair of boxers. At least his daughter had a dressing gown on but her hair was wet and so too was the boy’s. She might well have been taking a shower, but not alone. The kid only looked about twelve!

  ‘Get dressed,’ he growled, ‘and then get out.’ Furiously he turned to Nattie. ‘I want you downstairs to talk. Now.’

  It was bad enough that he’d found Mel half-naked the other day, even though she swore it hadn’t gone any further. But Nattie? His little girl?

  ‘You’re not listening to me,’ yelled his daughter as she perched on the kitchen surface, glaring at him as though he was the one who’d been caught virtually with his pants down. ‘I’ve told you. Tyrone’s a friend from the gym. The showers weren’t work
ing so we came back here. Nothing happened, Dad.’

  Did she think he was born yesterday? ‘I don’t believe you.’ His hands clenched inside his pockets. ‘You’re fifteen, Nattie. Too young to do that sort of thing.’

  ‘What sort of thing, Dad?’ Nattie’s eyes were sparkling with fury. ‘Go on. Say it. Sex. That’s what you meant, wasn’t it? Well, Tyrone and I don’t do that. He’s gay anyway.’

  Good one. She was a clever liar. Just like his wife.

  ‘I’m not talking about this any more!’ She jumped down from the counter. ‘What’s the point of you running some stupid parenting course if you don’t listen?’

  ‘Come back,’ Andy called out. Too late. His daughter had already run upstairs and slammed the door behind her.

  After that, Nattie refused to speak to him. ‘What do you think I should do?’ he asked Pamela on the phone.

  ‘I don’t know!’ She sounded amused; as though enjoying this. Quite chatty in fact. Almost over the top. Very different from their last meeting at her mother’s house. ‘You could always email Dr Know’s problem page! Did you know he’s going out with Bobbie’s little mother? Rob told me. Now I must go. I’ve got to take Mummy to the physio.’

  ‘You’re not going out with your friend then?’ he couldn’t resist saying. ‘Out to another club?’

  ‘What on earth are you talking about?’

  Andy could have kicked himself. Hadn’t he decided not to say anything? To let it all blow over in the hope that it might be all right again? ‘I don’t know,’ he mumbled. ‘You must have friends down there from when you were growing up.’

  ‘They’re not here any more,’ said Pamela sharply. ‘What are you implying, Andy? I’m not here for a holiday, you know. I’m looking after Mummy.’

  But Camilla had said she was looking after her. Couldn’t anyone tell the truth any more? Including him?

  *

  ‘OK, everyone. Let’s get into pairs.’ Andy glanced at the tutor’s notes to make sure he was getting this right. ‘We’re going to be doing a listening exercise. One of us is going to be a stroppy teenager and the other is going to be a parent. The idea is that the parent has to resist the temptation to butt in; instead, they have to listen to what the teenager is saying.’

  If only they knew, thought Andy, what a hypocrite he was!

  ‘I’ll pair up with you,’ purred Audrey.

  Uh oh. Was he imagining it or did she have a crush on him? She’d been hanging on to his every word during the feedback session. And now she had pulled her chair right up close. ‘Do you want to go first?’ she trilled.

  Andy took a deep breath. ‘OK. I’m, er, a stroppy teenage daughter.’

  She clapped her hands together. ‘I love it already!’

  ‘How dare you barge into my room like that!’ Andy heard Nattie’s voice coming out of his mouth. ‘Aren’t I entitled to any privacy?’

  ‘Very realistic, if you don’t mind me saying!’

  ‘If I want to have a shower with a friend, that’s up to me.’

  Audrey’s eyes were opening wide. ‘Imaginative!’

  ‘And yes, I was surfing the net when I should have been doing my homework just now. But sometimes I need a break, just like you need a break from the office.’

  More nodding from Audrey. ‘I get that. Sorry! I’ll keep quiet. You’ve finished? Really? I don’t know much about your girls even though I’m on the PTA with Pamela. Keeps her cards quite close to her chest, doesn’t she? But if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were basing it on real experience! Shall we swap places now?’

  She stood up and managed to knock into him. ‘Sorry! Mmm. You smell nice. Is that Hugo Boss cologne?’

  Andy felt unsettled all through the post-exercise discussion. It wasn’t just Audrey’s open admiration; he’d had to bat away that sort of thing for years in the office. It was the way he had felt indignant on behalf of both his daughters during the role play. He could sort of see where they were coming from. They did need their privacy. Up to a point. And if they didn’t make their own mistakes, without him interfering, how would they learn?

  ‘Have I missed something?’ The mother who flitted between his class and Judith’s slid into the classroom. ‘Sorry but I got caught up with this amazing role play. I was a screaming toddler!’ She beamed. ‘They couldn’t stop me yelling! It was brilliant! Really therapeutic!’

  ‘Actually, you’re just in time for the relaxation exercise.’ This bit, with its physical contact, really made him squirm, but the handbook said it was important. ‘Let’s hold hands, everyone, and visualise what it would be like to return home to a peaceful family without any arguments.’

  Audrey didn’t need asking twice. ‘I loved the way you listened to me, Andy,’ she gushed, squeezing his hand so tightly that his wedding ring cut into his flesh. ‘No one else does that to me. I really enjoyed our session tonight! You’ve got a gift for teaching. An absolute gift!’

  ‘Actually,’ he tried to say, ‘it’s not teaching. It’s simply facilitating.’

  ‘Nonsense!’ There was a shake of that red mane. ‘Pamela is a lucky woman!’ Her eyes flickered for a minute. ‘A really lucky woman, under the circumstances.’

  What circumstances? Andy went cold. ‘I’m not sure what you mean.’

  ‘Really?’ Audrey smiled. ‘Then I’ve said too much. After all, they’re only rumours and you shouldn’t believe gossip, should you?’ Then she was gone in a waft of perfume and hair shaking before Andy could ask more.

  ‘Finished talking to your admirer now, have you?’ Kieran was smirking beside him. Thank goodness the classroom was empty now. ‘Then you’re ready for that chat, are you? Your local or mine? We agreed your local, didn’t we?’

  ‘Neither.’ Andy couldn’t risk being overheard. ‘We’ll go out of town.’

  Kieran’s eyes narrowed. ‘Don’t want to risk your reputation? Frankly, I can’t blame you. Come on then. I’ve always fancied a ride in a fancy car like yours.’

  They ended up at the same place that he and Bobbie had gone to the other day. If only he was here with her now instead of this monster. Because that’s what Kieran was. A monster! Every now and then, Andy allowed himself to think what had happened that night. When he did, the horrifying memories were always mixed up with that distinctive odour of urine and cabbage and Brussels sprouts; funnily enough that was exactly what he could smell now, sitting opposite Kieran.

  ‘I reckon it’s meant that our paths crossed again,’ Kieran said, slurping the pint that Andy had bought him. It left a froth on his upper lip; something that Andy chose not to point out.

  ‘Meant?’

  ‘That’s right. I found God a few years ago. When I got married to the missus.’

  ‘You didn’t tell her what happened, did you?’ broke in Andy, appalled.

  ‘Nah. She wouldn’t get it. But she’s Catholic, the missus. So she got me into going to church. It’s great, Andy. You go, do you?’

  Andy thought briefly of Midnight Mass, which he and Pamela always attended with the girls because it was the thing to do. A perfect family. Neatly dressed. Christmas lunch cooking slowly in the Aga for the next day. ‘Not much, to be honest.’

  ‘You ought to try it.’ He took another enthusiastic slurp. ‘Any road, the priest wiped my slate clean. Said God understood cos I said I was sorry.’

  ‘Sorry!’ Andy felt sick. ‘You think that saying sorry is enough?’

  Kieran’s eyes grew even piggier. ‘I know what you mean, mate. It’s always on your conscience, isn’t it? That’s when I began to think of the alternative.’

  That sick feeling got worse. ‘What alternative?’

  ‘Don’t you see, mate? We’ve got to go to the police. Tell them what we did. Face up to our responsibilities.’

  ‘What we did? What they did, you mean.’

  Kieran’s eyes narrowed even more. ‘You were there, mate. Like me. We were up to our eyeballs. We could have stopped them.’

  ‘I tri
ed!’

  ‘Yeah, well, blubbing wasn’t enough, was it? Nah.’ Kieran stood up. ‘I reckon that if your missus and kids knew what you were like as a kid, they wouldn’t have much to do with you.’

  So that was it! He was blackmailing him. In a way, that was a relief. Frankly Andy would give away any amount of money to shut him up. ‘How much do you want?’

  Kieran laughed loudly; so much so that the drinkers at the table next to him turned round to stare. If he wasn’t mistaken, they were the same people who had been there when he’d had a drink with Bobbie.

  ‘I don’t want money! I want justice. If I’m going to confess – and that’s what the priest says I’ve got to do if my soul is going to get saved – I’m taking you down with me.’

  He shook his head. ‘Let’s face it, mate. Murder is pretty serious. Isn’t it?’

  ALL TOO TRUE …

  ‘Parents are the bones on which kids cut their teeth.’

  Peter Ustinov

  ‘A parent is allowed to embarrass the kids. It’s a perk of the job. And one that you can’t be taxed for.’

  Anon

  ‘Parenthood is the one job you can never get sacked from. But sometimes we should be.’

  Anon

  Chapter 22

  BOBBIE

  ‘HI, EVERYONE!’

  Judith Davies looked a bit nervous. That usually bright smile of hers seemed to have dimmed, although when she saw Vanessa in the circle, she gave a little tilt of the head in recognition of their chat on the train.

  It was weird meeting teachers outside school. Made them seem more normal; more like approachable human beings instead of kids in charge of your own kids.

  ‘How did we get on with our half-term diaries, everyone?’

  ‘Absolutely brilliantly, thanks!’

  Bobbie and Vanessa rolled eyes. Perfect Dad, as they called him, had turned up at the second session and always announced that everything was brilliant. He and Perfect Mum took it in turns to come to the parenting classes because, as they announced smugly, they didn’t like the idea of babysitters. She wasn’t so bad but Bobbie had disliked him on the spot.