Wedded in Scandal bf-1

by Jade Lee

  Her knees went out from beneath her and she sank to the couch in terror. “What do you want?” she said. “There are so many lives dependent upon me. I pray you remember that. Not only my mother, but now Penny and the boy. Wendy would survive. Dressmakers always need a talented seamstress. But the rest of us…” Her voice trailed away. What would she do if he turned against her? He touched her shoulder then. She had seen him move forward, had steeled herself for his caress. What demands would he make?

  He stroked her cheek just once, and then let his hand fall away. “I shall call for my coach. I will stay here, Helaine, and he will return you to your home.”

  She looked up at him, feared that he was merely delaying the inevitable. Eventually he would call on her and demand something. Men always did. How many times had her father done something nice for her? Out of guilt or charity or simply because he had won at the gaming tables that night. He would gift her with something, say it was because he loved her, but then weeks or months later he would turn it on her. He would point to his gift, whether it be a necklace or the food on the table. He would rail that he had done that for them, and he’d demand that they repay him in some way.

  “I am not a monster,” Robert repeated, though it was clear he didn’t expect her to believe him. “I will never tell.”

  “And will you never lose control? Never become angry with me and wish revenge? Never—”

  “Helaine!” he snapped, clearly offended. “You have no reason to fear me!” Then he huffed, his gaze going to the ceiling. “How can I convince you? I have already sworn that I will do nothing to interfere with your business. My sister has decided to make your shop fashionable. I stand here like a monk, though God knows that’s not what I want. I still find you beyond beautiful. What else can I do?”

  She had no answer. He could promise her the moon right now, but she wouldn’t believe him. “There is nothing,” she whispered, wondering how it had all changed so fast. “I have no faith in men’s promises. I should have remembered that before I began this night.”

  “So we are all villains merely because of our biology?”

  She lifted her hand in a gesture of futility. “Biology, rearing, education, I don’t know. But no man has ever proved himself true to me. None have looked to my thoughts before theirs, to their family before their lusts.”

  He frowned and shook his head. “I have never betrayed you like that.”

  “You were about to.”

  “You cannot know that. You damn me without ever giving me a chance.”

  She bit her lip. Was that what she had done? She didn’t know, and she hadn’t the focus now to figure it out. So she straightened to her feet. “Thank you, my lord,” she said with as much dignity as she could muster. “I can honestly say that I will never forget this night.”

  He nodded, his gaze still searching her face. “Nor I.” Then he crossed to the door, opened it, and called for the innkeeper, instructing the man to have his carriage readied immediately. When that was done, he turned back to her, gently holding up her wrap and gloves.

  “You will wish these,” he said neutrally.

  She nodded and forced herself to step up to him. It wasn’t that hard. Indeed, now that she was leaving, she found herself wanting to go back to the moment before. What if she’d closed her eyes when he stripped her of her gown? What if she’d clung to the oblivion of passion? Would she even now be experiencing pleasure the likes of which she could only imagine? She doubted the end would be any different, but the memory would be. The knowledge would change as well. She would finally know what women experienced in their marriage bed.

  “I am sorry that I couldn’t be different,” she said as much to herself as to him. “I am sorry that I cannot find a way to give us both what we want.”

  The side of his mouth quirked up in a rueful smile. “Your fears are natural, Helaine. I have handled this badly.”

  She shook her head. “You are a man used to getting what he wants when he wants. I should never have thought otherwise.”

  He had been putting her wrap on her shoulders when she spoke, but at her words, she felt him shift. He laid his hands flat on her shoulders and gently turned her around. “So that is my excuse, you think? I am a man and an aristocrat, so I must by definition hurt you? I have no control of it at all?”

  “You didn’t tonight,” she said, her chin lifting as she challenged him. “Your every intention was to charm me, to pleasure me, to make this a night when everything was perfect. And yet I will leave here more unsettled, more afraid, and more uncertain than ever before.”

  He grimaced. “I will not reveal your identity, Helaine. To anyone. I swear it!”

  “And what is my forfeit when you do?”

  He threw up his hands. “What do you want?”

  “A livelihood, my lord. Promise that if you ruin me, then you will give me the means to start anew.”

  He nodded. “Done.”

  She searched his eyes, reading his intention in every line of his body. He meant what he said, and he was generally believed to be a man who honored his debts. She felt her breath ease out in relief. She no longer feared total disaster. If he destroyed her, he would do what he could to make amends. It wasn’t much, she reminded herself. A dozen things could change between now and then. A passionate promise today could mean nothing at all tomorrow. But it was the most reassurance she could have right at the moment.

  “Thank you,” she said. Then there was no more time. The innkeeper returned to say the carriage was ready.

  She left then, her gaze lingering as long as possible on his face. She wanted to memorize the texture and the colors to hold close to her at night. Perhaps she would damn him someday, but for tonight, she simply felt a longing for what could have been. If only things were very different, they could have had something wonderful together.

  If only…

  “Good-bye, my lord.”

  “Good-bye, Mrs. Mortimer.”

  Then she walked away.

  Robert stayed in the inn for hours after she left. He ate roasted almonds, stared into the fire, and thought. First he cataloged his emotions. He felt everything from anger that all his plans had been for naught and elation that he had escaped a viper-tongued, inconsistent harpy. That was a childish fit of pique, but he indulged it for a few moments. It was allowed in the privacy of this little room.

  Eventually he admitted that he was to blame. She had told him they would not lie together, that she would not be his mistress. He was merely angry that his plans to circumvent her morals had failed.

  Which led him to shame. Deep and penetrating shame. He recalled in detail all those times when he had felt superior to his father, more levelheaded than his younger brother, more morally upright than most of his peers. Did he not care for sick prostitutes? Had he not thrown his father out of the house for accosting a maid? While his peers were drinking and whoring throughout London, he was the one working, trying to salvage his brother’s tuition money from his father’s latest business inspiration. He was a prince among men, the most constant, moral man of character in London.

  Until Helaine. The moment she’d stepped into his sights, he’d planned her seduction with the same force of character that he’d applied to managing the family estate, disciplining his father, and raising his younger siblings. In short, the only reason he was accounted a man of good character was because the right temptation had not yet crossed his path. Once Helaine had appeared, all his virtue had flown away and he’d become as depraved as all the rest.

  Quite a sobering thought. More sobering was that he was still thinking about her, lusting after her, and if he let his mind wander at all, he was still planning just how he could seduce her. The very idea was appalling, and yet he could not stop himself. He wanted her with a passion bordering on insanity. It wasn’t just simple lust. If that were the problem, he could sate himself with any number of women. But tonight he had enjoyed her company, her humor, and yes, even her good advice.

>   Never had he thought a woman could be so amazing, and never had he expected that he couldn’t have her. That he couldn’t devise some stratagem to make her his. Or that, even worse, it would be immoral for him to do so.

  But it was. Because she had refused him. Completely and utterly this time, despite his careful seduction techniques.

  Which led him to one inescapable choice. He could continue down this path to ruin—hers and his own—or he could give in to her wishes and leave her alone. Obviously a good man would choose the latter. It was sobering just how hard it was to make that choice. But eventually ethics won over. Sadly, he had no faith in his own constancy now. He had to leave London or risk going back on his decision. He needed to return to the coal mine anyway. He had clothing for the night, as he’d planned to stay with Helaine. He could leave in the morning without ever driving through London, without risking a change of heart, without finding some excuse to see Helaine again.

  So it was decided. He would leave her alone by way of leaving London. Once committed to the choice, he dashed off notes to the relevant people and then sought a cold and lonely bed upstairs.

  Chapter 14

  A week later, Robert was feeling almost back to normal. He had labored hard at the mine, which was now running more smoothly. Charlie had been a good choice, and together they had stopped most of the grumbling. Yes, he now employed children, much though he hated the idea. But only boys fourteen years or older. There were new ponies and new carts for the other children to tend in the sunshine, and he had toyed with the idea of school if he could hire a teacher.

  What he couldn’t do was make money appear out of thin air. It would be a long while yet before he recouped his latest expenditures, but at least everything was on the right track. So he turned his horse toward London and rode steadily home. Sadly, the minute the day no longer held constant work, his mind wandered straight back to Helaine. Their evening together had taken on a rosy hue this last week. He was constantly remembering the laughter they’d shared. New things struck him every day that he wanted to share with her. And yes, he nightly tortured himself with the glorious softness of her skin, the sweet gasps she made when he touched her nipples, and the sight of her naked and dazed as he slowly penetrated her exquisite body. That last part hadn’t actually happened, but he had lived it a thousand times in his fantasies.

  Fortunately, he was finally home. Soon he could revel in his dreams in the privacy of his own bedroom. He stabled his horse and began trudging up the steps. He could see there were still lights on downstairs, so he knew someone was awake, most likely his sister. He rapidly readjusted his thoughts, picturing the way Gwen would squeal when she saw him and run into his arms. That was a dream he had experienced in reality hundreds of times, but it never got old. So his step was lively as he entered his home, barely giving Dribbs time to take his hat and coat.

  “Where’s Gwen?” he asked.

  “In the back parlor, my lord, with her fiancé.”

  Robert felt his eyebrows raise. “Please tell me that my mother is acting as chaperone.”

  “Your mother retired some hours ago.”

  “His mother, then. Or sister. Or that aunt.”

  “I’m sorry, my lord. But I do believe the door has remained open.”

  Robert didn’t wait to hear any more. He was tromping through the house to the back parlor, growing more furious the moment he saw that the back parlor door was not in fact open, but firmly shut. He grasped the doorknob and threw the barrier open, only to wish he had banged loudly on the door. He had not, not, not wanted to see his sister wrapped in Edward’s passionate embrace, her hair askew, her lips swollen, and his hands…damn his hands! They were on her breasts!

  They gasped and flew apart, but that didn’t stop him from slamming the door hard enough to shake the rafters. “Out!” he roared at Edward.

  Sadly, the boy didn’t leave. He stood slowly, his expression grave even as he adjusted his pants. Good Lord, Robert did not want to see that the man had an erection!

  “Welcome home, my lord,” Edward stated calmly. There wasn’t even a trace of anxiety in his tone, damn his eyes.

  Robert glared at him. “This is not a welcome home, Edward. This is a crime.”

  “Oh, good God!” exclaimed Gwen as she straightened to stand beside her fiancé. “We’re engaged! And you cannot be home!”

  “Go to your room, Gwen. I shall see to it that Edward remembers that until the ‘I dos’ are spoken, he shall remain at a proper distance from your person at all times.”

  Gwen gasped in outrage and folded her arms across her chest. Sadly, it only served to emphasize to his mind that her nipples were tight and, again, he did not want to know that! “I am not a child to be sent to my room, Robert. And you must leave immediately!”

  He gaped at her. Did she really think he was going to just go upstairs and ignore what they’d been doing down here? “Have you taken leave of your senses?”

  It appeared that she had, because she waved at him with both hands, shooing him out the door. “Go to your club. You cannot be here. I have promised.”

  “I don’t have a club.”

  “Then go to Father’s club. I don’t care. But you can’t be here!”

  It took him a moment to understand that she didn’t mean he couldn’t be in the back parlor where Edward was debauching her, but in the house at all. “This is my home! And you!” He rounded on the debaucher in question. “You can take yourself—”

  “I cannot abandon the love of my life, my lord. Not when you are in such a state.”

  “What!”

  “Shhh!” That was Gwen. “You’ll wake the house!”

  “They should be awake!” he roared back. “They should be chaperoning you. Does no one think in this house? Dribbs!”

  “My lord,” Edward began, “I take full responsibility for this terrible lapse in judgment. I—”

  “You will not!” snapped Gwen. “If you recall, I was the one who climbed atop you, who kissed you first, who—”

  “Stop!” bellowed Robert as he jerked open the door. “Dribbs!”

  “Here, my lord,” said the butler, who appeared to be cowering—yes, cowering—in the hallway. “I was just going to find your brandy.”

  “I don’t want brandy, I want a chaperone right here, right now! Better yet, two footmen to stand guard—”

  “Fine, then!” huffed Gwen as she grabbed hold of the boy’s arm. “We shall simply go to his house. In fact, forget the downstairs parlor. Edward, take me to your bedroom. Lay me down on your bed. We shall have our wedding night now!”

  “The devil you will! Dribbs! My sister is under guard. Three footmen at all times! Until the moment she walks down that aisle, she is never to be left alone, not even in her bedroom. They will stand there and stare at her and make sure she doesn’t climb out of the window!”

  He wasn’t nearly done with his tirade. He had merely stopped to draw breath, but in that moment of silence, a quiet voice cut through the room. It was stern and calm, and very, very female. It was, in fact, the one voice he had never expected to hear again: Helaine’s. And that was why his tirade stopped in midbreath. Because he couldn’t credit that he had heard her at all.

  “Goodness, you do have a way of making sure everyone knows you are about, don’t you?”

  Robert stood still, his mouth hanging open as he spun around to stare at Helaine. She was dressed in a simple gown that was obviously hastily pulled on. He knew that because the buttons in the front were mismatched around the belly and because her hair was tumbling loose about her shoulders. Honey brown hair flowed freely down her back.

  He didn’t know what to say. Indeed, he didn’t know anything at all. What was she doing here? Meanwhile, Gwen rushed forward, all heartfelt embarrassment as she apologized, not to Robert for creating such a scene in the first place, but to Helaine.

  “I am so, so sorry, Mrs. Mortimer. He came home unexpectedly. He said he would be away two weeks at the least. That’
s what he told Dribbs. Two weeks! But as you can see, he came back unexpectedly. But he’s leaving straightaway. Just getting some clothes and repairing to an inn or some such thing.” Gwen twisted slightly to pin him with an evil glare. “Tell her, Robert. Tell her that you’re leaving straightaway.”

  “I finished early,” he said, knowing that he wasn’t speaking to anything at all. “I came home. I thought you would squeal and hug me.”

  Gwen scoffed as only a younger sibling can do. “I haven’t done that in ages. Really, Robert, can you not open your eyes and see that I am a woman?”

  That was exactly what he didn’t want to see! Swollen lips? Pert breasts? Good God, he was her brother! “Please just go to your room, Gwen.”

  “No, I won’t! You must—”

  “Actually, my dear,” interrupted Edward in low, rational tones, “I believe it has been a long day.” He grabbed her hands and lifted them together to his mouth. Gwen huffed, her anger fading as a softness entered her body.

  “You don’t have to go,” she said, her tone a great deal more moderate.

  Robert opened his mouth to say he bloody well did, but Helaine’s hand jerked upright, distracting him enough that the moment—and his words—were lost. Edward finished pressing a kiss to Gwen’s knuckles, then executed a respectful bow to all before he nimbly dashed around Robert for the door.

  “I’ll see you to the door,” Gwen said as she scampered with him.

  Dribbs, of course, stayed well out of their way. The only reason he wasn’t sacked at that very moment was because he did indeed have a bottle of brandy in his hand. But it didn’t stop Robert from snapping one last insult.

  “Three footmen,” he called. “And bars on your window.”

  “That’s fine, brother dear,” Gwen called back. “I’ll just sleep at his house tonight.”

  “Gwen!”

  “Oh stop it,” Helaine said as she neatly cut off his pathway to the front door. “She’s just poking for the fun of it. And you respond like a bear with a sore paw every time.”