Essence

by A. L. Waddington

  William knocked on the Adamses’ front door without hesitation. We waited impatiently as Grady, their version of our Eddie, finally opened the door. He greeted us with a strange look but allowed us to enter the house.

  “Good mornin’, Mr. Timmons ‘n Miss Timmons. I’s sorry, but Miss ‘Livia’s feelin poorly dis mornin’ ‘n not receivin’ ‘ny guests.”

  “Grady,” William looked agitated. “Please go and get Miss Olivia immediately.”

  “I’s sorry,” Grady started, but William stopped him short.

  “I will not tell you again, Grady. Please, go tell Miss Olivia that we must see her at once.” His voice raised an octave.

  “Yes, sir.” Grady disappeared up the stairs and I looked at William with disbelief.

  “William, I am surprised at you.” I smiled and he smiled back at me.

  “I am tired of all this.” He shook his head. “Here I am, supposed to marry this woman in six days, but I am not allowed to even speak with her. It is ridiculous.”

  I was so proud of him. This was the first time I had actually seen him behave like a grown-up.

  Olivia came down the stairs in her robe, looking extremely pale and thin. Her eyes were red and swollen. Obviously, she was not faking being ill. I could see why she refused to attend classes. She was not in any shape to go anywhere. Her hair was down over her shoulders, brushed back away from her gaunt face.

  William met her halfway down the stairs, taking her hand and kissing it gently.

  “How are you feeling this morning?”

  She gave him a weak smile. “Better.” Her voice sounded hollow and foreign to my ears.

  “Let us sit down in the front room.” William guided her over to the loveseat by the hearth and propped her feet up on the stool before covering her with a blanket. “Jocelyn wanted to speak with you.” He sat down beside her and I took a seat in the chair across from them.

  “It is wonderful to see you, Jocelyn. How have you been?” She sounded like an empty shell of who she had once been.

  “I have been very worried about you. Your mother would not allow me to see you, so I am afraid I had to fake being ill this morning in order to speak with you.” I smiled.

  “You honestly should not have done that, but I am glad you did.” Even her smile looked as if it took real effort on her part. There did not seem to be any strength in her.

  “I am sorry that you have been so sick.”

  “I am afraid that my mother also suffered from intense morning sickness with each of her pregnancies.” She let out a small sound that should have been a laugh. “I hear your birthday celebration was quite an event. I am sorry that I could not attend. I wanted to.”

  She looked down at her hands and I noticed that tears were now covering her cheeks. William reached over and took her hands in his.

  “I really wanted you there, Olivia. It was not my decision.” I did not know how to finish the sentence.

  “I know. My parents will not allow me out of the house, not even to sit on the porches and get some fresh air.” She kept her head down, staring at her hands that were entwined with Williams.

  “Olivia, I want you to know that I am here for you. You are still my dearest friend, and I love you so much. Please, do not feel that you are alone.”

  Olivia nodded her head. “I am sorry that I seem so distant lately. Things around here have been a little tense. My mother will not even allow my brothers to come in and see me. I am in my room all the time.” She sobbed.

  My heart was breaking for her. I guess this wedding was going to be a blessing after all. At least with Olivia living under our roof she would no longer be a prisoner.

  “I hate that your family is behaving this way. I want you to know that not everyone feels the way they do.”

  Her eyes widened at my words and she finally looked at me. “Who all knows?”

  Her words caught me by surprise. “Just us, Jackson and I and our families. No one at school or anything.”

  She lowered her head again and nodded. “Jocelyn, can I ask you something?”

  “Of course.”

  “I realize that I can no longer be a part of your wedding but next weekend, it would mean the world to me if you would stand beside me when I marry your brother.”

  “Yes. Of course I would be honored to. I am seriously disappointed, though, that you cannot stand up with me.”

  “I know. Are you going to ask Elizabeth?”

  I nodded slowly. I did not have the heart to tell her that I already had and that Elizabeth had agreed. I knew it would only make her feel worse.

  “Good. She is very sweet and will be wonderful, I am sure.” Olivia gave me a weak smile.

  Her words were sincere, but I knew how much it was breaking her heart to be replaced. “Did you know she has a beau now?”

  That news brought an even bigger smile to her face.

  “His name is Lee Miller. She brought him to the party yesterday. He is really nice. I like him and she is very happy.”

  “How wonderful for her. She deserves someone who is going to be good to her.” A little life glimmered briefly behind her clouded eyes.

  “Yes.” I got up and walked over to her. I knelt down in front of her, placing my hands over hers and William’s. “Olivia, I meant what I said. I am here for you. Nothing between us has changed, and I cannot wait until next weekend when you are truly my sister. Things will be so much better once you are living in our home and get away from this house.” I squeezed her hands and she finally gave me a smile that looked somewhat like her old self. “Now, we must be getting back before anyone notice’s our absence.” I glanced over at William.

  “I know.” He turned to Olivia as I straightened back up. “I will be back this afternoon.”

  William kissed her cheek and they both stood. Tears began to fall down her cheeks again. She wiped them away and sniffled. I embraced her lightly, afraid that she was as breakable as she appeared. I was horrified when I realized I was hugging nothing but bones. She had lost a great deal more weight than I had initially estimated. It was frightening.

  “I love you,” I whispered in her ear.

  “I love you, too. Please do not be a stranger. I can really use some company,” she pleaded.

  “I will try. I promise. I will be here if I can get past your mother.” I gave Olivia a teasing smile, but the truth behind my words no longer made it funny.

  She only nodded then embraced my brother.

  ***

  I laid down on my bed, waiting for Jackson and my parents to return from church. William had retreated back into his room in his own search for solace. I could not get the image of Olivia out of my mind. It scared me how poorly she looked. I had never seen anyone who was still able to walk look so pale, weak, and grossly thin. I tried to push it out of my mind and focus on something else entirely.

  I pulled a blanket up around me and stared over at the flames dancing around in the hearth. It brought me back to what I had seen the other night: the girls, the cages, Jackson’s birthday gift. I climbed off my bed and walked over to the mantle. There in the box lay the silver pocket watch that Jackson had given me. Eddie or Mimi must have picked it up and placed it back in its box. My fingers reached out to touch it. But I stopped.

  Almost as if it too were flames and burn me if I touched it. I halted only inches from it, terrified that it had some enchanted power and was responsible for causing that episode. I lowered my hand back to my side and laughed softly. The sound echoed across the silent room. I knew I was being incredibly silly. There was no way for this piece of metal to be responsible for causing anything.

  Voices drifted up the stairway, informing me that everyone had returned. I backed away from the heat and set off to find Jackson. As I descended the stairs, I notice my brothers, Jonathon and James, along with their families, had returned with my parents for Sunday dinner. Even Jackson, his siblings, and his parents had decided to stay for the afternoon. I lingered momentarily on the stairs and
scanned over the room and once again, William was nowhere to be found.

  “Hello, my love. Are you feeling better?”

  I nodded and approached Jackson, who took my hand and kissed it tenderly.

  “Much. Thank you. Where is William?”

  Jackson shook his head. “I have not seen him today. He probably went over to Miss Olivia’s to see how she is feeling.”

  I took Jackson aside and told him the truth about the morning’s events. When I finished, he stared at me in disbelief.

  “What do you think we should do? They cannot continue to treat her this way. They are literally holding her prisoner in there. It is not right.” I narrowed my eyes in disgust. I had always had a good relationship with Olivia’s family, but now I despised them.

  “No, it is not. But what do you expect us to do? She is their daughter. They are not starving her or beating her, and she is not in harm’s way. There is nothing we can do at this moment.” Jackson faced me, holding my hands in his. His eyes were full of sympathy for Olivia’s situation, but his face held as firm as his words.

  “Can we not bring her here now? She’s terribly distressed, and it cannot be good for the baby or her,” I begged.

  “We cannot interfere in this, Jocelyn. She will be married to William in six days. Then she will move in here and everything will be fine.”

  He tried to reassure me, but somehow, his words only felt patronizing.

  “Are you serious? We are supposed to let them treat her this way. It is not right, and you know it.” I raised my voice causing everyone to turn in our direction and stare.

  “Please, lower your voice. This is not the time or place for this discussion.” Jackson’s face turned serious.

  “Why not? This is my home. If I cannot discuss something like this here, then where can I?” I huffed, placing my hands on my hips solely for emphasis.

  “Jocelyn, you know good and well what I am talking about. Now will you please calm down?”

  But his effects were fruitless. His parents were already walking over to see what was going on.

  “Is everything all right?” Robert asked.

  “Yes,” Jackson responded lightly.

  “No.” I gave him a mean-spirited look before facing Robert and Emily. “I saw Miss Olivia this morning, and she looked ghastly. Her parents will not allow her to leave her room. I have been trying to see her all week, but her mother never allowed me into the house. So this morning, when everyone went to church services, I decided to go see her. I was worried and tired of playing silly games with her family.” I paused, looking at the two of them. “I am sorry that I deceived everyone about being ill, but I had to know if she was all right. And she is not!” I glared at Jackson.

  Emily put her arm around my shoulders to comfort and calm me. “Jocelyn, I understand why you found it necessary to see her. I would have done the same for my friend. However, in this kind of situation, there honestly is nothing that we can do. She is not married to your brother yet.”

  “But she is carrying his child, and the health and well-being of that child is in danger. They cannot treat her like this.” I pleaded with Emily. I knew she was my best chance for understanding. “Olivia looked like a dark, hollow shell of who she was just two weeks ago. I know that morning sickness can have an effect, but this is much deeper than that. Her eyes are swollen and red. Her skin is so pale it is almost transparent. When I hugged her, she felt like only bones. We need to get her out of that house.”

  “All right.” Emily studied my face carefully for a moment and slowly nodded. Finally, someone got it. She looked at Robert and nodded again.

  Robert walked over to our stairs and began climbing. Emily kept her arm around my shoulders as Jackson looked from his mother to me. The expression he held had a mixture of disbelief and confusion. Everyone in the room had become silent and all eyes were turned in our direction.

  Robert descended the stairs with William in tow, looking utterly baffled and tired. As the two of them approached the three of us, my parents closed in the circle around us, demanding to know what was going on. My mother looked deeply concerned, but my father looked angry.

  “What is going on here?” Patrick demanded in a not-so-subtle tone.

  “Patrick, we seem to have a situation with Miss Olivia,” Robert began.

  If there was any hope of getting anything done immediately for Olivia, I knew Robert was the only one to make my father get involved with the right frame of mind.

  “What now?”

  “William and Jocelyn just explained to me what condition Miss Olivia is in.” Robert began but my father immediately looked angry.

  “We are all well aware of what condition Miss Olivia is in.” Patrick glared at his son.

  “That is not what I am referring to, not entirely. From what I understand, Miss Olivia is gravely ill and I am not referring to morning sickness. Both William and Jocelyn have expressed deep concern for her well-being as well as the health of your grandchild.”

  I knew his words were chosen carefully to have an effect of my father’s sentimental nature as well as his innate desire to care for people as a physician.

  “Benjamin never said anything to me this morning,” Patrick stated flatly but my mother looked concerned.

  Emily tightened her grip around my shoulder and I held my eyes locked with Jackson’s.

  “Wait here a moment, dear.” Robert placed his hand briefly on his wife’s arm. “Please, Patrick. Let us talk in your study for a moment.”

  Several minutes later, we heard the office door open and my father hollered for William to join them. William gave Jackson a terrified look then left the room.

  “I wonder what they are talking about,” my mother said to no one in particular.

  Jonathon and James had gathered close to us, while their wives held back just a little, trying to keep their children occupied and calm. Jackson’s siblings and their spouses looked extremely uncomfortable.

  “I am not sure,” Jackson responded.

  “What do you think they will do?” I asked him, but he shook his head.

  “Is Miss Olivia in danger?” My mother’s voice quivered a bit.

  “I am not sure,” Jackson answered. “I hope not. I hope we are making too big of a deal out of this and there is nothing to worry about.”

  “You did not see what I saw,” I quietly added.

  We all stood in silence, waiting for anything to happen and unsure as to what to expect. Sarah came in and announced that dinner was served. Mother nodded towards her, but no one moved into the dining room.

  After several more long and grueling minutes, she asked the others to please take the children into the dining room and feed them since they were getting fussy and hungry. Soon, the only sounds were that of the staff in the kitchen and the muffled sounds from the children in the dining room. None of the adults in the room spoke, and their silence was deafening.

  Robert, Father, and William had gathered their coats and hats before they joined us again. My father stepped in the doorway with troubled eyes over at my mother.

  “Jackson, would you mind joining us? Jonathon, James, please.”

  The three men nodded and got their overcoats and hats.

  Father walked up to my mother and gathered his hands in hers. “We are going over next door to speak with Benjamin.”

  My mother let out a small sound but said nothing.

  “Not to worry. I only want to see Miss Olivia with my own eyes and make sure she is all right. We will be back shortly. Please go and eat something, my dear.”

  I looked at Jackson, who gave me a smile in attempt to comfort me. I only hoped he knew what he was doing. Benjamin had a horrible temper. I knew he would feel like this was an intrusion and a personal attack on his family.

  The door closed behind them and Emily smiled light heartedly to the rest of us, trying to ease the tension. “Shall we have something to eat?” She tried to make her voice as light and cheery as possible, but she t
oo, could not hide her nervousness.

  “I am not hungry.” Mother rang her hands together and walked over to the fire. I followed her.

  “What do you think they are going to do?” I whispered to her.

  “Nothing rash I hope.”

  “I do not believe they will.” Emily joined us, taking a seat in the rocker. “Robert and Jackson are very level headed.”

  “Yes, they are,” my mother agreed. “I am glad they went with them. Patrick is very passionate and I sincerely hope that Miss Olivia’s only suffering from morning sickness.”

  My mother sat down in the other rocker, picking up her knitting to keep her hands busy. I paced back and forth, stopping occasionally to glance out the front window.

  A short while later James’s wife, Rachael and Jonathan’s wife, Lizette, wandered back into the room with their children followed by Jackson’s sister, Phoebe with her son. Rachael and Lizette took their children upstairs and tucked them away for their afternoon naps. Phoebe sat down with Wallace and gently rocked him to sleep. However, in the absence of their noise, the house was dreadfully silent.

  Finally, Mother could not stand any more. “I am going over there,” she announced, standing.

  Emily rose to object, but Rachael was the one who interjected. “Mother, please let the men handle this. I am sure they will be back shortly.” As she spoke, the front door opened and the men walked in, looking upset, but satisfied.

  William came in behind them all, carrying Olivia in his arms. Jackson closed the door behind him as they all entered the front room. Olivia was still dressed in her nightgown but had her robe on. There was a blanket wrapped around her and her bare feet were sticking out from underneath it. She had a corpse appearance about her that caused the women in the room to gasp upon laying eyes on her. Embarrassed and humiliated, Olivia turned and buried her face in William’s shoulder.

  “What in the…” Jackson’s brother, Alexander blurted out accidently.

  Our mothers rushed over to Olivia, in horror of what they were seeing for the first time.

  “William, take her upstairs to Jocelyn’s room.” Mother turned to Rachael. “Please go and have Sarah fix a plate and take it to her, along with some hot tea.”