Just Like Em

by Marion Ekholm

  Accepting the comb, Em looked at the shiny black surface with its inlay of mother-of-pearl. “It’s beautiful.” Em made a French twist and slipped the comb in where it would hold her hair in perfect order. “Are you sure you want me to use it?”

  “Of course. I’ve got it wired so I can hear everything you say.”

  Em hesitated. Vivid pictures of the girl listening to their conversation increased her nicotine craving tenfold. “Just kidding,” Samantha said, adding a giggle.

  She used another comb to pull out a few blond tendrils around the back of Em’s neck so that the effect wasn’t so severe. Once done, Samantha plopped down on the bed then immediately jumped up to run to the door.

  “Dad, you can’t come in. Shoo.” The door slammed before Em had a chance to see him.

  Why was Roger here? Weren’t they supposed to meet at the Hyatt after he finished work at the local office?

  “He’s getting anxious. So...” Samantha said, as she sauntered toward Em, arms held behind her back. “Are you going to say yes?”

  “You’re jumping to conclusions. This is nothing more than a simple dinner.”

  Samantha chuckled. “We have simple dinners all the time. He wants you alone. So, what are you going to say?”

  Taking a deep breath didn’t help Em one bit. What she needed was air infused with smoke. When Samantha looked as though she might block her exit, Em realized she’d have to provide some answer. “I don’t know. I’m already a nervous wreck. I can’t handle much more.”

  Samantha came over and gave her a hug, an unexpected show of affection that served as a balm to Em’s spirits. “I just want you to know, it’s fine with me.” When she backed out of the embrace, Samantha brushed a tear from her eye. “I won’t be able to call you Mom, though.” Abruptly, she turned and ran into the hall.

  “What was that all about?” Roger asked as he entered the room. “Samantha nearly knocked me down. She looks like she’s crying?”

  “She’s okay. We just got a little emotional,” Em replied, as she brushed some moisture from her lashes and checked her makeup in the mirror. She glanced at her hair and realized Samantha really had skills. Em had never thought of making the French twist so much softer. She’d have to compliment Samantha the next time they spoke.

  When she turned to face Roger, she saw wonder in his eyes and something more. It made her feel wanted, secure and dizzy with expectation. With her free hand she reached up and brushed the hair off his forehead. “How come you’re home? I thought I was supposed to meet you at the Hyatt.”

  “I forgot something.” He patted his pocket.

  “I could have picked it up for you.” She grabbed a long crocheted shawl in shades of purple and placed it around her shoulders.

  Roger pursed his lips before breaking into a grin. “I don’t think so.”

  “Have our plans changed?”

  “No,” he said, before reaching over to take her hand. “You look sensational.”

  “So do you.” He wore his usual business attire, a dark blue suit and pale blue shirt with a red print tie. It always made him appear ready to take on the world. What did he plan to take on tonight?

  “I’ll tell you more in the car,” Roger whispered. He moved closer so that their hands were pressed between their bodies. “Right now, we better get out of here before your mother grounds me for entering your room.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  THE WINDOWS OF the rotating dining room displayed a scenic view of Phoenix lit by a setting sun. The view held no interest for Em. Even the attractively prepared food was tasteless. All because Roger fixated on a topic she preferred to forget.

  Em never should have brought up Bradley’s call. When she asked Roger if he’d answered her phone, he replied, “Sure, some rude telemarketer. Did he call back? I didn’t think it important enough to mention it.”

  “It wasn’t a telemarketer. It was Bradley.”

  “Your ex?” Roger asked. “He never gave his name.” From then on, Bradley became the focus of Roger’s conversation, something she had no desire to pursue.

  “Divorce is hard. When did you and Bradley decide to break up?”

  Em fidgeted with her fork, pushing some potato concoction to the side, and glanced at the waiter. He rushed to the table and refilled their water glasses. “When he got a job.”

  “What?” The slight guffaw that accompanied the word didn’t help Em’s state of mind.

  Her remark sounded ridiculous without an explanation, but she had no desire to continue. “I’m not very comfortable with this subject,” she said once the waiter retreated. Whenever she thought of her marriage, it reminded her what a blind fool she had been. She didn’t like thinking of herself in those terms. “Can’t we discuss something else?”

  “Sure. It’s just that I want to know as much about you as possible—the good, the bad and the ugly.”

  “Well, my life with Bradley was mostly...” She took a sip of her water, then put the glass aside before glancing up at Roger. “None of those.” His warm brown eyes regarded her with a compassion she hadn’t expected.

  “I’d like to know more, but if you don’t feel comfortable....”

  Maybe she should delve into the bleary details. Why keep secrets? Pushing her skepticism aside, Em propped her face on one hand and pushed something green around her plate with the fork in her other hand.

  “Before we were married, Bradley was attending college, going for a business degree. The goal was for him to get an education that would give him a step-up in the business world. I was to continue working after the wedding while he completed school.”

  “And you didn’t mind being the breadwinner?”

  “I never thought of it that way. We were building a foundation for a good life. Once he had his degree, a fabulous job was guaranteed. I could stop work. We could start a family.” She smiled at her naïveté. “Things didn’t go as planned.”

  “The baby came?” Roger sighed and fiddled with his fork. “I know how an unexpected birth can throw a monkey wrench into plans.”

  “That’s what happened with Samantha?” She sat up. Although she was familiar with the details, she appreciated the change of subject.

  “Right. Fortunately, I only had a few months to go in college when we learned Karen was pregnant. We had planned on a big wedding once I graduated, but took a quick trip to Vegas, instead. It was tough the first few years with a new baby. That can put a strain on any marriage.”

  When Roger paused, Em continued her story. “That wasn’t our problem. We were married a year before Sammy—I’m sorry, I’m still having a hard time calling him Brad.”

  “That’s okay. What was the problem? Bradley couldn’t find a good job after graduation?”

  “Oh, he never graduated. He kept changing his major, dropping courses that weren’t challenging enough.”

  “And you put up with this? I can’t believe it. Not the Auntie Em I knew, who fought like a hellcat any time she didn’t get her way.”

  “I was in love.” Em stared at the table while the silence stretched out. Love. What did she know of the subject? “Then I lost my job.”

  “That first layoff?”

  She looked up and nodded. “I couldn’t find anything immediately, and Bradley was forced to find work. Even without a degree, he managed to get an excellent position.”

  “Problems solved. What could go wrong after that?”

  “Try everything.” Em pulled in a deep breath before continuing. “We owed everyone, and his job alone wouldn’t pay the bills. Once I found another job, he put his money aside for a house for us. But the credit cards that were in my name continued to build. One day he moved out into an apartment of his own, taking any money he’d saved for a house and leaving me with a mountain of debts.”

 
Roger reached over and clasped her hand. “That had to be devastating.”

  The contact felt warm and comforting. “I was in shock. But it was worth it.”

  “How can you say that?”

  Em withdrew her hand and sat back. “I got my son.”

  Roger sat back as well, a look of distaste crossing his face. “Does Bradley have visiting rights? Has he even called before this?”

  Em hesitated, not sure if she should divulge what had occurred in the past months. Or mention Bradley’s last phone message. She decided not to. “He can visit, but he’s never been interested in seeing his son. He told me if I took Sa...Brad out of California, I could kiss him and his insurance goodbye.”

  “Insurance?”

  “He kept Brad on his medical plan at work. But once I left the state, it became my responsibility. As long as I didn’t make any demands on him, he wouldn’t contest my full parental rights.” Em paused. “Unfortunately, the jobs I’ve held never covered Brad.”

  “I never realized asthma could be such a problem.”

  “But Brad’s improving. He could outgrow it or eventually have it completely under control.” Talking about her former husband was making her tense and ruining her appetite. Especially now that he’d started his blackmail scheme. The check she’d written out still remained in her checkbook. She’d have to send it out tomorrow, for sure, if she hoped to avoid any problems. Em pushed her plate of unfinished food aside.

  With a heavy heart, she reached for the water glass again. This was supposed to be a night of untold wonders. Samantha thought her father would propose. Her disappointment couldn’t possibly equal the letdown Em felt after her own expectations fizzled. Instead of leaving her with a high, the night would close with a grueling testimony of her failure as a wife. Her head began to throb, and she massaged her forehead. She couldn’t wait to get home.

  “Em,” Roger said, leaning across the table and reaching for her hand again. “My marriage also ended in disaster. A different kind, to be sure, but it’s made me leery of considering marriage for a second time.” He squeezed her hand. She had no desire to hear all about Karen’s death and his great passion for her. But he obviously needed to share, and Em wanted to offer any comfort she could, so she didn’t interrupt.

  “The first time around, you and I both married for love,” Roger continued. He cleared his throat and gripped her hand tighter. “I propose something different—a business arrangement. We get along. Our children get along. We’re attracted to each other. I think it could work.”

  Em sat motionless, afraid to move, speak, breathe. What was he saying? Was this a proposal of marriage? A loveless union between two people who got along well enough to consider such a thing? She tried pulling her hand free, but it wouldn’t budge.

  “What could work?”

  “Marriage. I think we should get married.”

  Em closed her eyes and held her breath for a moment. This was what she’d always wanted, a chance to be Mrs. Roger Holden. Only one thing was missing. Where was the declaration of undying love she’d heard so often in her dreams? Before she could speak, Roger withdrew his hand and pulled out a blue box from his pocket.

  Confused, Em wondered why he had brought Samantha’s earrings. He flipped the lid and slid the box across the table. One large, single diamond sent its radiant rays twinkling toward her.

  “Will you marry me, Auntie Em?”

  She saw flashes of Karen, laughing, clinging to his side, and suddenly knew Karen would always be between them. How could Em tell him that she didn’t want second best, no matter how much she wanted to be part of his family? Although her heart was breaking, Em reached over to the velvet box, snapped the lid shut and pushed it back to him. “I...I can’t.”

  * * *

  IMMEDIATELY, ROGER THOUGHT he recognized her reasons for saying no. He should have picked a more intimate place to present the engagement ring.

  And, although they may have met fifteen years before, their real knowledge of each other was limited to the past three months. Under normal circumstances that might not be enough time to make a life-changing decision, but Roger didn’t have the luxury of time. He needed an answer before he left for Seattle, and he wasn’t about to accept “I can’t.” She could. She would. All he had to do was convince her.

  Roger tossed his napkin on the table and pushed back his chair. “Come on. We can finish this conversation in the car.”

  They both stood. Roger dropped several bills, enough to cover the dinner and a tip, grabbed the blue box and followed Em to the hallway, leaving most of the meal behind.

  Once in the elevator, Roger glanced at his watch. The trip to the airport would take all their time, and fighting traffic wouldn’t add any romance to their discussion. Convincing Em that he needed her help in raising his children required time. And what about Brad? Didn’t he need a father? Roger had begun to feel her boy was his, as well. It would be as if he’d lost one of his own children if he couldn’t keep them all together as a family.

  “Let’s go to a park, someplace where we can talk.”

  “But your plane?”

  “I can take a later flight.” A redeye again, that wouldn’t allow him much sleep. But a park setting would be more romantic and might give him the leverage he needed. He certainly wouldn’t get much sleep if he didn’t try to convince Em. No way could he live with the knifelike pain that had stabbed his gut when she’d refused his offer.

  * * *

  EM’S TURBULENT EMOTIONS had her head spinning and her heart racing. If he still planned to pursue this marriage, she’d have to come up with some answer. You don’t love me wouldn’t work. If prompted, a declaration of love might fall easily from his lips, but she wanted it from his heart.

  They drove in silence until they entered Encanto Park. Once out of the car, they walked arm in arm along the waterways. “Is this okay?” Roger asked and indicated a bench facing the water. Reflections of the park lights and the moon danced across the water’s surface, and ducks floated contentedly in small groups near the shore.

  “I know I stated it badly,” Roger said, “but I really want to marry you.”

  “Why?” Em had to know. Obviously, it wasn’t because he loved her. She pulled her wrap closer around her shoulders to protect herself from the chill. Now that summer had passed, the nighttime temperatures dropped dramatically once the sun went down.

  Roger appeared taken aback, but after several moments, he said, “You’re great with the kids, especially Samantha. They adore you.”

  What about you? Em thought. “And...”

  “You’re fun to be with. Great sense of humor. Competent in just about everything.” He looked away. “Your mother’s a better cook, though.” He turned back and smiled.

  “Did I miss anything?” His arm curled around the back of the bench and circled her shoulders.

  Em tried to keep her mind focused on potential problems, but his nearness, his breath fanning her cheek, wreaked havoc with her concentration. She moved away.

  Roger Holden’s wife. She wanted that more than anything else, yet she had felt that way about Bradley, as well. How could she marry another person who didn’t love her? Finally, she said, “I don’t want to make another mistake.”

  “Mistake?”

  “I told you what life with Bradley was like. He deserted me when I needed him most. He left me in financial ruin.”

  Roger removed his arm and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “I wasn’t going to mention it, but Harve suggested we draw up a prenuptial agreement. You can put everything in it you need to protect yourself.”

  “And you’d put in everything to protect yourself?”

  “Of course.” He sat up and turned to face her.

  He expects the marriage to fail, Em thought. Why else would he need a pr
enuptial agreement? What could she expect? A year, maybe two? Would he stick it out until all the kids were out of high school?

  Em contemplated the possibilities. Wasn’t it better to have a short time with Roger than none at all? She hadn’t gone into her first marriage expecting financial gain. At least in this one she wouldn’t come out with financial ruin. She had to be practical for her son’s sake.

  Roger sat back but didn’t look at her. “Some people believe prenups are a way to work out the terms of a divorce before the need arises, but I don’t like the idea of divorce. I’d hope we could work on any problems that might come up and not take the easy way out.”

  “You think divorce is easy?” Hot flashes behind her eyes made Em tense. Up to this point, she had held her emotions in check, not willing to show how much their discussions had disturbed her. But this was too much. What did he know about divorce and the heartbreak it caused?

  Before Roger could say anything more, her words tumbled out. “Divorce is the most miserable state a person can be in. You feel like an absolute failure. You go over every aspect of your life, trying to see where you went wrong. You worry day and night that it may bring catastrophic harm to your child.” She drew a deep breath before spewing out her final words, “No one who’s gone through it considers divorce easy.”

  “Em, I didn’t mean... Your situation was different. Bradley was...”

  “What? An opportunist? Out for whatever he could get? A free ride? And why not? He had such a dupe, ready to do anything he asked.” Into it now, Em let her anger flare. “How do I know you aren’t the same, out to get whatever you can?”

  “You think I’m another Bradley?”

  “Well, you are unemployed or will be. I can’t support you and four children on what I make.” Totally out of steam and unable to think of anything further, Em clasped and unclasped her hands in her lap.

  Boy, could she use a cigarette. Not only would it give her hands something to do, it would go a long way toward relieving this tension. To her surprise and further annoyance, Roger started to laugh.