Jane Blonde: Spylet on Ice

by Jill Marshall

  She sped to where she had left her father, watching the amazed expressions of her colleagues and friends as she hurtled towards them. ‘Get out of here!’ she yelled. ‘The whole iceberg’s going to disappear down the tunnel!’ She shot past Alfie, who looked suspiciously as though he might have been about to cry, and led the way back across the ice, racing against time and subverted nature as the iceberg creaked and sagged and finally, with a great groaning scream like a huge animal dying, imploded into the tunnel, closing over the top completely so that it might never have existed.

  They all turned to look from the safety of the penguin enclosure at Abe’s Spylab. The king penguins were relatively calm now; one or two of the seals had even rejoined their group, and even though they were all still twitchy, the panic of the previous few days had disappeared.

  ‘Your dad was in there,’ she said to Alfie.

  For a moment she thought he was a little upset. The creature might be a monster, but he was still his father, after all. But then Alfie rounded on her. ‘You idiot! You said you were making a sacrifice, and I thought . . . we all thought . . . I think . . . you’re an idiot!’

  ‘Oh, thanks for saving all our lives, Blonde. Thanks for getting rid of Vicious Squid once and for all. Thanks for stopping the planet from exploding, Blonde.’ G-Mamma stood protectively behind Janey. ‘But we understand, don’t we, girly-girl? It’s difficult seeing your friends and loved ones do something dangerous, maybe even life-threatening.’

  Alfie turned scarlet. ‘She’s not a l . . . a what you said. A friend, kind of, maybe, but . . .’

  ‘Oh, shut up, Alfie,’ said Mrs Halliday pleasantly.

  Janey was looking at her dad. He was nodding, agreeing with what G-Mamma had just said, and as she saw his expression something finally became clear. ‘Dad,’ she said softly, ‘you know when you didn’t choose me for the team – was it because I kept flaking out in that terror-tube thing?’

  He shook his head as he held out his arms. ‘No, Janey. It’s because you’re my daughter. Way up on the assassination list, and most likely to try to sacrifice yourself for me. I just couldn’t bear to lose you.’

  They walked into the white labyrinth together. Just a normal spy family, thought Janey with a sigh.

  Despite the pain from his injuries, Abe wasted no time in gathering everyone together for a debrief. A bunch of worried-looking scientists grouped themselves around the outsides of the Spylab, while the SPIs clustered in the middle.

  ‘It’s over, for now.’ Abe rubbed his hand across his eyes. ‘The mystery of the animals has been cleared up – the electromagnetic field had been completely disrupted by Copernicus tunnelling through the planet. He was about to carve out a chunk of the Earth’s core and cart it away in his rocket, which, by the way, would have caused the whole planet to tip and be destroyed. Instead, thanks to a rather sensational Spylet and her whole Earth from destruction. Suddenly she wanted a bit of normality and a hug from her mum.

  ‘Oh no!’ she exclaimed. ‘Mum!’

  Going a little pink as the SPIs around her laughed, Janey tried to calculate how long she’d been away from home. ‘I was meant to just go to bed, but I must have been here ages! She’ll have called the police and everything.’

  ‘No, she hasn’t,’ said a familiar voice from the doorway.

  Janey turned around, and in walked . . . herself. She gulped. Her cloned twin was back! ‘Chloe?’

  Even Rook laughed, despite his flushed face. ‘Just hang on a minute,’ he said.

  He disappeared into the CC room with the other Blonde. A few minutes later he emerged, accompanied by a red-headed girl with a gap-toothed grin.

  ‘Tish!’ Janey stared. ‘You were me?’

  Tish shrugged. ‘Rook and I saw you Crystal-Clarify, and I thought that was a pretty brave thing to do. Like I said: sometimes, Blonde, I like your style. So I decided the most helpful thing I could do was pretend to be you so your mother didn’t start upsetting the apple cart back at home. Rook CC’d me and I’ve been standing in for you there, and eating some totally disgusting food.’

  Janey couldn’t help herself. ‘Did she do that speed-dating thing?’

  ‘I’m obviously not half as nice as you.’ Tish smiled broadly. ‘After a few of my “smart comments”, they ran away faster than a Spylet on an ISPIC.’

  ‘Wow. Thanks,’ said Janey.

  ‘Actually, your mum was pretty pleased. I don’t think she was really that keen. Seems to have fond memories of someone else.’ And Tish grinned cheekily at Abe.

  Janey could hardly understand it. She had been so determined not to trust anyone, especially Rook and Titian Ambition, but it had just dawned on her that the only thing wrong with Tish was that she always said exactly what was on her mind, for good or ill, and maybe that wasn’t so bad, after all. And what they’d done between them had been really special. ‘We’re . . . we’re a really good team.’

  ‘And I’ve been promoted, Zany Janey!’ G-Mamma pointed to the large diamanté brooch on her lapel. ‘Look – SPI:NE – SPI: Newbie Educator. I can train SPIs as well as Spylets now.’

  ‘You were . . . just training Bert?’ said Janey.

  ‘Well, what else would I be zipping off to Oz for the whole time?’ G-Mamma rolled her eyes and helped herself to a doughnut.

  Janey shook her head as theSPIs and scientists dispersed, some fussing over Maddy and Trouble as if they were their own pets and others desperate for a clean-up and a lie-down. Lingering behind, she waited for a moment alone with her father.

  ‘I have to go home, Dad,’ she said. ‘Are you coming too?’

  ‘Yes.’ Abe wrapped his battered arms around her. ‘I just can’t say when.’

  ‘As long as you don’t say “never”,’ said Janey.

  Because that was the truth of it. As long as there was hope, she could always be exactly what she was today – half schoolgirl Janey Brown and half spylet Jane Blonde. Brown and Blonde. Blonde and Brown. It was getting harder and harder these days to tell the difference.

  abe's babes

  Janey smiled at her father as she prepared to Satispy. Given what the planet had just been through, it seemed a better option than SPILL-Drilling though the Earth. Tish and Rook had already left on a tiny plane piloted by Leaf and Ivan, and Alfie and his mother were going to Navy Seal as far as they could before Satispying back from southern Europe. Janey thought it was an awfully long time to be trapped in a tin, but they’d both seemed pretty excited about it. And they’d be safe – Trouble and Maddy were keeping an eye on them from the air.

  Jane Blonde waved briefly. ‘Bye, Dad. Keep in touch.’

  Abe Rownigan smiled as he held out the remote control.

  ‘Hey, skiddaddle, Pengy-poo!’ G-Mamma flurried into the Spylab, flapping her hands at something in the corridor behind her. ‘Out with your other weirdy brothers.’

  But Janey recognized the lumbering walk as the ragged penguin waddled towards her just as her cells began to separate.

  SPUD Nik! She called out his name but her voice had evaporated to nothingness. He’d come back to complete his mission, like every good spy should.

  And Janey’s disintegrating lips curved into a smile. She’d be back too, to finish whatever mission she was needed for next. Whenever that might be, the Sensational Spylet would be ready.