Never in a million years would he have imagined this would happen. He didn’t think he had the emotional capability of loving someone. He had no idea how to do it. And, even if he figured that out, there was the little issue of Hudson.
The male had tried to kill him with a pool cue before, and he’d instructed Axel to stay away from Eden. Noah had backed that up, so if he did act on the ache in his chest, he’d be going against every SR44ian alive.
He whispered at the ceiling, not expecting an answer. “For the sake of all the gods, how did I end up in this mess?”
However, the more he considered his situation, he knew his answer to be the truth. The pain in his chest represented his love for Eden, and he was SR44ian male who had found his mate.
Now, he just had to decide what to do about it. Did he go to her and tell her his revelation, or did he do nothing and just continue living with the pain? And, what if she rejected him? Would that make the agony even worse? Did he want to find out?
The knock at his door signaled that, at that moment, he didn’t have time to figure it out.
Chapter 16
When Axel opened the door, Eden studied him carefully before speaking to him. She wanted to make sure her analysis had been correct.
Around him, she saw bits of red, blue, and purple, and the longer she stared at him, the stronger the colors became, especially the red. What she needed to figure out was if it was a sign of passion and love, or anger and a warning for her to stay away? She looked at his impassive face, intrigued and frustrated that she couldn’t understand him.
“Are you angry at me?” she finally asked.
He furrowed his brow and shook his head. “Why?”
She took a deep breath, knowing full well she would be putting herself in a position for him to hurt her emotionally, and it frightened and exhilarated her all at once.
“May I come in?”
He nodded and stepped aside. They stood in the room staring at each other, about a foot of space between them.
Well, here goes nothing.
“Axel, I’m just going to lay everything out on the line here. I have been completely intrigued by you since the first time I saw you. Now, I will admit, in the beginning, when I first arrived here, it was because I couldn’t see colors around you where everyone else lit up like a neon sign. It was like a sensory overload for me, and when it became too much, I sought you out because looking at you calmed me. But I wondered why I didn’t see anything when I stared at you. Then, these past couple of weeks, something has changed inside of you. I now see colors around you, but you are so hard to read, I can’t figure out what they mean.”
He ran his hand over his face and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Based on what I’ve seen and our interactions, I have to ask this. Do you have feelings for me?”
As he stared at her a long while, her heart thudded in her chest, her stomach clenched, and warmth traveled up her neck into her cheeks. She couldn’t believe how much she wanted him to say yes.
Finally, he looked down at the ground and simply nodded.
Her heart leapt with joy, but crashed again a moment later when he said nothing.
“Axel?”
He gazed up at her, his face stony, but the red around him swirled and danced like a fire in a windstorm.
She laid her hand on his forearm. “I have feelings for you, as well.”
Looking down at her hand on his arm, he remained silent for a moment, then said, “I can’t do this, Eden.”
A lump formed in her throat. “You can’t do what?”
He laid his hand over hers, the rough pads of his fingertips squeezing hers. Waves of yearning ran through her at his touch, and she wanted nothing more than for his big arms to encircle her.
“I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to love you.”
His words cut through her with precision of a surgeon’s scalpel, yet the cut healed almost immediately. He loved her.
She stepped closer to him, close enough to feel his body heat. His hands dropped to his sides, and he stared down at her.
Reaching up, she caressed the strong jaw, his beard tickling her palm. He closed his eyes as he tilted his head to the side, as if he enjoyed her touching him, reminding her of Neptune, the cat, as he presented his cheek to be scratched. Her thumb skimmed his cheek while the colors around him became more vibrant and beautiful. They warmed her heart, and as the heat of his love flooded through her, she wanted to bathe in his beautiful aura.
“I don’t think we have to do anything, Axel. I don’t think there’s an instruction book on how to love and care for someone.”
Slowly, she stepped into him and wrapped her arms around his waist. His breath caught in his throat and his body tensed, but she didn’t let go. After a moment, he relaxed, and placed his arms around her, encasing her in his safety.
They stood like that in silence for a long while. He had so many secrets to reveal, and as she listened to his strong heart pound in his chest, she knew that being with this man wouldn’t be easy. He’d stepped out from somewhere dark, and was slowly coming into the light. That black place had made him the man who held her today, and it had done something cruel and awful to him.
“This isn’t right, Eden,” he whispered, placing his chin on top of her head. “We can’t do this.”
She furrowed her brow. “Why not?”
“Because it goes against everything your father wants for you.”
Tilting her head up, she stared up at him. “Wasn’t it you that told me to quit asking for others’ permission and to do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it?”
He sighed. “Yes, but this is different.”
“No, Axel, it’s not. I want this, and even though you can’t express your emotions very well, I can see that you do, too. Let’s concentrate on making each other happy and not worry about what the others say, okay?”
As he studied her face, she thought she detected a small grin. He placed his hand on her head and pulled her close to him again.
“This feels … being with you like this makes me feel so good.”
She smiled, but didn’t answer, perfectly content to have his arms wrapped around her.
“We need to go slow, Eden. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Having no idea what that meant, she nodded. The way he held her so gently, she knew within her soul he didn’t mean to physically harm her. Therefore, he must be concerned about injuring her emotionally.
“Yes, Axel. We’ll go slow, but I do think we are off to a wonderful start.”
Chapter 17
As an SR44ian, Axel’s body had been similar to a human’s but comprised of wispy smoke. As the Miladrids brought him to their planet from SR44, they put in him stasis, where his body became still. He was unable to move, no matter how much he tried.
When they landed on the planet, he and four other SR44ian children floated above their captor, almost as if the Miladrids carried a balloon, except there wasn’t a string.
The bluish walls of the cave-like structure seemed to sparkle and dance as if small diamonds had been embedded in them, but the pounding boots of the Miladrids gave him intense fear, overriding any beauty he may find in his surroundings.
As they reached a fork in their path, his guard veered to the right while the others went in other directions. The guard took him into a single room where a line of Miladrids waited. He studied their faces, looking for any indication of what would become of him.
The guard stopped and waved his hand, bringing Axel down to his eye level, but still unable to move. As the male spoke to him, he didn’t understand a single word, but his fear had become a debilitating force.
Once his keeper had finished speaking, he yelled something at the Miladrids in line, and they all raised their hands above their heads, their clothing disappearing. It was then Axel realized their bodies had been comprised of small, worm-like animals.
The one who had brought him turned to him, then reached
forward. Axel screamed, unable to move as the painful violation of his wispy form began. When the Miladrid had finished, a smile on his face, the next one in line moved toward him. It was then he realized his fate as a sex slave to the Miladrids. One that wouldn’t end, not just anytime soon, but which would last forever.
Axel sat up in bed, his heart thundering, his body covered in sweat, and he swore he couldn’t get enough breath as his chest seemed to have constricted.
After a few seconds, he looked around the room, and threw his legs over the side of the bed, placing his head in his hands.
Would the nightmares ever stop? Would he ever find peace?
“Axel?”
He flinched as a soft hand landed on his shoulder, and he realized Eden hadn’t left yet. They’d ended up lying on the bed while Eden did most of the talking and he listened. He liked the sound of her soft voice in the dim light. It relaxed him, and at some point, they’d both fallen asleep.
She came and sat beside him. “Are you okay, Axel?”
He took one last deep breath and nodded, the final remnants of terror fading. Then, he turned to meet her gaze.
Worry creased her brow, and her yellow eyes glowed softly. At least, she hadn’t spent the whole night with him, and she still could go back to her own quarters. If someone knocked on her door in the morning, they’d wonder where she’d gone.
“I’m okay. I think you better go back to your room, though.”
She tilted her head, then licked her lips as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “I would rather stay here with you, if that’s okay.”
Yes, he wanted her to, but he also knew they played a very dangerous game. Taking her hand in his, he squeezed it. How he longed to feel her fingertips caress his chest, to feel her lips on his.
“I’d like that, but you should go back.”
Arching an eyebrow at him, she grinned. “By the look of your aura, you have other things on your mind, Axel. It’s filled with lust and longing. Since I’m sitting next to you, I have to assume it’s directed at me.”
He grinned. She saw him. With Eden, he never had to put his feelings into words. Because of that, she was the only female … hell, the only person on this Earth who truly understood him.
Before he knew what happened, she leaned over, pressed her palm to his cheek, and her lips met his.
He’d never been kissed before, and the tenderness brought tears to his eyes and cold fear to his heart. How he wanted to be a normal male and take her into his arms and make love to her as ordinary couples would, but he couldn’t be that male. He didn’t know how. Instead, his whole body trembled with terror and lust, and he didn’t know which would override the other.
Energy raced through him as her lips moved over his, and finally, he closed his eyes, the lust now taking over the fear.
His cock thickened painfully in his sweatpants as she scooted closer to him, their thighs now touching, both of her hands on his cheeks. His fingers ached to touch her, so he placed his quaking palm on her lower back and lifted the hem of her T-shirt just a bit so he could feel her skin. It was softer than he had ever imagined.
As his head swam, he almost seemed as if he floated, slowly spinning in a cocoon of softness comprised of Eden’s silken skin, the smell of her shampoo, and the tickle of her hair against his cheek.
Maybe he could do this. Maybe, just maybe, he could be with the female he loved naturally instead of the twisted ways he usually had sex. His body roared with desire, the need to mark her as his, to claim her, rising to the surface with force.
You shouldn’t be the one to take her virginity.
He pulled away and tried to calm his thundering heart. Placing his fingertips on his lips, he marveled at the way they tingled from her kiss.
“What’s wrong?”
He stood and began pacing the room, his rational side knowing that he should just end this right here and now and love her from afar. She needed someone better than him as her first, and for the rest of her life. “I can’t do this, Eden. I can’t have sex with you.”
“Why not?”
He shook his head. “I can’t take your virginity.”
She smiled. “You won’t. That was gone about fifty years ago.”
When he turned to her, surprise railed through him, as did pure possessiveness. “What?”
She lay back on the bed, stretching her arms over her head. He eyed the perk nipples through her shirt, and wondered what it would be like to swirl his tongue around the hardened peaks.
When she spoke, her voice brought him out of his reverie. “Remember my story about the bear?”
“Yeah?”
“It happened shortly after that.”
Eden trudged through the forest covered in a light dusting of snow, furious with herself and shaking from head to toe from the frigid cold.
Benedict had come home from his hunting trip completely empty-handed except for a rabbit. They’d never make it through the winter with so little food, and she wished she’d gone after the bear. Although not a fan of bear meat, at least they wouldn’t starve to death. She could have had the whole carcass cured by the time Benedict arrived home. Now, she looked for anything to shoot, anything to help them get through the winter.
So deep in her own thoughts, she arrived on the man’s camp without even realizing it. Their gazes met at the same time, and she froze for two reasons. First, she had very little contact with humans, and second, the man’s blue eyes seemed to be the color of a clear, summer sky. She’d never seen a color so beautiful and pure on a human.
He stood, his brow furrowed as he glanced at her shotgun. “Can I help you, ma’am?”
She wanted to run, but for some reason, her legs couldn’t move. She didn’t know if it was the smell of meat cooking over his fire or just pure exhaustion that kept her in place.
As he walked toward her, she swallowed past the lump in her throat. She feared the man, but at the same time, she couldn’t turn away from those eyes. Thick, black, shoulder-length hair framed his bearded face, and he wore a coat of animal fur.
“Are you okay?” he asked, stopping directly in front of her.
Tears sprung to her eyes as she studied his face, her fear fading as she considered his aura. Nowhere did she see any danger; only concern, protection, and friendliness. He seemed to really care about her welfare.
“I’m hungry,” she whispered.
He nodded. “Come on. I’ll feed you.”
She followed him into camp and sat down on one of the logs next to the warm fire. She’d worn some of Benedict’s pants for her hunting excursion, and she felt the cold moisture seep through them to her skin. As she warmed her hands next to the flames, her stomach howled at the smell of food.
The man got down on his haunches and moved some of the meat around in a pan cooking over the fire.
“I found this injured bear a couple of days ago. Took two bullets, but it didn’t kill him. I finished the job, buried the carcass in the snow to keep it fresh, and now I’ve got more meat than I know what to do with. I’m preparing it now, and then I was going to take some to town and see if I could sell it.”
She stared at the pan. The bear she’d been too afraid to go after.
He offered her some, and she took it greedily, glad she wouldn’t be taking food out of his mouth.
As he sat back on the log next to her, he asked, “What’s your name?”
She realized she’d stuffed her mouth and couldn’t answer. He looked over at her, and smiled at her predicament.
After a moment, she could speak. “Eden.”
“I’m Jim, Eden. Nice to meet you.”
They ate together in silence, and she knew she should offer him something for the meat, but their crops had died in the early winter. She thought about their meager possessions in the cabin. Maybe she could knit him a sweater.
When it felt as if her stomach would burst, she glanced over at him.
He stared at her, his blue gaze soft.
“Do you live around here?” he asked.
She shook her head, not wanting to give away her and Benedict’s location.
He grinned, then stared back in the fire. She studied his strong jaw and sharp cheekbones covered under his thick beard.
“We’re all up here in these lands for one reason or another, Eden. You have yours, and I have mine. We’ll just agree to leave that part of our pasts in the ‘do not discuss’ area.”
“So, what happened then? You jumped into bed with him?”
Axel hated the bite his voice held, but he couldn’t help it. His SR44 male roared as he listened to her story, and he had a sudden urge to go back in time and wear Jim’s skin as a coat.
Eden laughed. “No, silly. My goodness. Look at the green envy waving around you.” She stood and walked toward him. “Relax, Axel. I’m here with you, right now. This is where I want to be. This happened fifty years ago.”
As he stared into her yellow gaze, the jealousy slowly drifted away. Rationally, he knew that her past had nothing to do with him and what they experienced together now, but an SR44 male was anything but rational when it came to the female he loved.
“After our meal, I realized I did have something to offer him in exchange for feeding me, and I also hoped to take some of the meat for Benedict and me to get us through the winter.”
“What was that?”
“My skills.”
“I can help you prepare the rest of the meat so that none of it goes bad. In exchange, I would like to take some of it.”
Jim studied her a moment, then nodded. A cold, icy wind shook the trees around them, stinging her cheeks. Yes, winter had definitely arrived.
“That sounds fair. You’re right—if it was just me doing the work, some would probably go bad.”
She grinned, pleased with herself. She’d found a way to feed her and her brother. It wouldn’t take them through the winter, but it was something.
“Well, then, let’s get started.”
Axel Page 8