After she left, he spotted Mike over by the table where they’d left their stuff. He’d pulled on his underwear and jeans but not his shirt. Josh couldn’t blame him. With a body like his, where was the rush to get dressed? Mike was absorbed in his phone, perhaps texting someone. There was nothing to indicate he was interested in talking, but that’d never stopped Josh before.
He decided to bring Mike his shirt as a peace offering and see from there. He found it pooled on the floor by the couch. After scooping it up, he made his way over and stopped in front of Mike, waiting to be acknowledged.
Mike didn’t look up from his phone. “What?”
“Here’s your shirt.”
“Thanks.” Mike took it, slung it over his shoulder, and went back to texting.
Well, so much for the subtle approach.
Josh tried for a joke. “You owe me an orgasm.”
Mike’s head whipped up. The cagey expression on his face made Josh regret his words. “I don’t owe you anything.”
“Whoa!” Josh made a T shape with his hands. “Time-out. I was kidding.”
Mike glanced at him askance. “Sorry. I’ve had some bad encounters with entitled assholes in the past.”
There was a pun on the tip of Josh’s tongue about the fact that Mike had recently vacated his asshole, but he swallowed it down. “So, that was filming porn, huh?”
“Yeah.” Mike’s expression was sympathetic. “Welcome to the glamorous sex industry.”
“It’s funny, you warned me so many times that it wasn’t going to be what I expected, and yet I still wasn’t prepared for it.”
Guilt flashed across Mike’s face. “I’m sorry the shoot went down the way it did. It’s an unfortunate part of the industry. Be glad you’re on the gay side of things. The ladies have to fake orgasms all over the place.”
“I still had fun.” He hesitated. “I, uh, hope you did too.”
Mike’s cautious expression was back. “Do you need something? Or did you just come over to chat? Because I have another shoot to get to tonight, and I’d like to go home and shower.”
Already? Josh’s stomach roiled. He didn’t like the thought of that, and he really didn’t want to examine why. He needed to think of something to say, fast. Mike was already turning back to his phone.
“I wanted some advice,” he blurted out.
Mike looked skeptical. “You know that whole ‘mentor’ thing doesn’t go beyond your first video, right? You’ve been pushed out of the nest and are now expected to fly on your own.”
“Oh. Right. Well, I still thought I’d ask.” An idea came to Josh. “I have to take the bus home, and I can’t very well go out in public like this.” He indicated the bulge that was clearly visible in his pants. “Any advice for how to deal?”
“I dunno. Think unsexy thoughts? Go rub one out in the bathroom? You wouldn’t be the first. This is a work environment, but it’s still a porn studio.”
“Ah. Okay.” It was then that Josh realized he’d been hoping Mike would volunteer after all.
“If it were me, though, I’d wait it out. Whatever you took should wear off soon. If not, you need to see a doctor.”
Josh had followed along with his advice right up until the end. “‘Took’? Huh?”
“Yeah. I dunno if you’re a Viagra or a TriMix kinda guy, but regardless, I think you’re at around the three-hour mark. If you’re hard for much longer, you’ll need to go to a clinic.”
“I didn’t take anything.” Josh furrowed his brow. “I didn’t even know that was a thing.” Mike’s unwavering erection from before flashed into his mind, and horror washed over him. “Wait a minute. Do you take drugs to stay hard? Is that why you never got soft while we were filming? You weren’t actually turned on by any of that?”
In a flash, Mike seemed to realize he’d blundered. “Wait, I didn’t—”
But Josh had already turned away, hands on his head. “Holy shit. This whole time I thought you were enjoying yourself, but all of it was fake. Like everything else around here. I can’t believe I bought your act. You must think I’m the most gullible newbie ever.”
Mike grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. “Don’t freak, okay? I can explain.”
Josh decided to earn the “brat” label Mike had given him and fire back. “I thought you had somewhere to be. No sense sticking around here. You’re done mentoring me, remember?”
Mike made a frustrated noise. “I know I hurt your feelings, but there’s no need to be like this. Especially considering I didn’t take anything before our shoot. All my reactions were real.”
That shut Josh up. For a second. “How do I know you’re not just saying that?”
“Why would I lie?”
Josh ticked off reasons on his fingers. “To spare my feelings. To keep me from causing a scene. To shut me up so you can leave. To keep the peace with a coworker. To—”
“Okay!” Mike rubbed his temples. “Christ, you can talk. Look, I’m not lying. I normally do take Viagra before a scene because filming takes hours, and no one, not even a vet like me, can perform for that long without help. But when Colette told me I was filming with you . . .” He took a breath. “I shouldn’t tell you this, but whatever. It’s the truth. I don’t have any trouble staying interested when it comes to you. I have no idea why, but there you have it.”
For once, Josh was speechless. A little flicker of hope flamed up in him. Maybe Mike liked him after all. He’d just admitted he was attracted to him. That might not mean anything beyond the surface, but it was a start. Perhaps there was something here after all.
Questions swirled around in his head. There was so much he wanted to know. What he ended up asking was, “If you didn’t want to tell me that, why did you?”
“I wanted you to believe me.”
“Why? Why would you care? This is all business, right?”
That seemed to give Mike pause. “I’m not sure why. I guess because you’ve always been real with me. It’s not often there’s a genuine connection around here, so when it happens . . . It deserves to be acknowledged.”
Despite himself, Josh’s heart fluttered. Yup. There’s no denying it. I may not have a thing for gingers, but I do for one in particular.
Great. Their situation couldn’t be more complicated. They’d just had sex, for Christ’s sakes, and pretty unsatisfying sex at that. He shouldn’t want Mike after the epic disaster that was their first time. If he were smart, he’d go home and sort out all of his feelings before he said another word.
Once again, his mouth plunged forward without him. “Sorry I overreacted before. I know I don’t need to tell you this, but I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Yeah, that much is clear. Do me a favor and don’t quit your day job.”
At that, Josh flinched.
Judging by Mike’s widening eyes, he didn’t miss the reaction. “You didn’t. Did you?”
“Well . . .” Josh rubbed the back of his head.
Mike cursed under his breath. “Dude, are you self-destructive? What about your disastrous audition made you think that was a good idea?”
“I, uh, sort of quit before my audition.” He swallowed. “I quit as soon as I found out I had one.”
The look Mike gave him could have melted glass. “Before you knew if you liked this job? Before you knew if Colette was going to offer you a job? What were you thinking?”
“In hindsight, I realize it was . . . impulsive.”
“Impulsive? That’s so much kinder than what I’d call it.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Do you know how few people make it in this industry as long as I have? Fuck, after the introduction to porn I just gave you, five bucks says you’ll be a shooting star after all.”
Josh frowned, remembering that term from before. “I’m not going to quit after one film.”
“I can’t imagine why not. From my perspective, it’s been a miserable experience for you. If you were smart, you’d go back to your old boss and beg for your job
back. Forget you ever came here.”
Ice shot down Josh’s spine, curdling in his gut. “You don’t mean that.”
Mike stared at him, eyes darting over his face. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“You’re only saying this because you feel guilty. You think you ruined my first time, but Mike—” he stepped closer “—you were the only good thing about it.”
Mike sucked in a breath. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re making me think this meant more than a paycheck to you.”
“Maybe it did. Is that a crime?” Josh shut his mouth so hard, his teeth clicked. One of these days, he was going to think before he spoke.
But it was too late. Mike’s face had shuttered like he’d closed blinds behind his eyes. He looked around. No one was nearby. “You know what I’m going to say, Josh. I’ve said it all before.”
“I know. This is a job. Don’t get attached. But there’s something I need to know.” Am I really just a coworker to you? The words were heavy on his tongue. He chickened out at the last second and swapped them for something safer. “Do you want to, uh, hang out sometime?”
Mike looked flummoxed. “What?”
“Hang out. You know. Get coffee, or dinner, or something.”
“Like a date.” Mike’s tone was deadpan.
“No, like two friends hanging out. Or two coworkers. Doesn’t anyone around here do anything outside of work?”
Mike studied his face with the attention of a cat watching a squirming mouse. “You want to be my friend?”
“Yeah. Of course.” Josh had never told such an egregious lie. He wasn’t totally crystal on what he wanted from Mike, but it wasn’t friendship.
Mike was silent for a long moment. Then he sighed and held out his phone. “Give me your number.”
Josh took it and programmed his number in, trying not to crow with triumph. Mr. Doesn’t-Get-Attached gave me his digits.
His victory was short-lived. Before he could hit the Call button, Mike snatched his phone back. “Nope. If I want to contact you, I will. And if I do—note the emphasis—it will be in a strictly professional capacity. Capiche?”
Josh’s heart crumbled into little shards that slid into his stomach, shredding as they went. Mike wouldn’t even exchange numbers with him. He might have no intention of calling at all. Maybe he’d only taken Josh’s number to shut him up. Josh must be the most pathetic person on the planet.
“Yeah, I get it.” He swallowed around the glacier in his throat. “I guess I’ll get going. Today was, um, informative.”
“Bye.” Mike paused. “Take care of yourself.”
That sounds an awful lot like “Goodbye forever, loser.”
Josh grabbed his things, turned away, and walked off, numb from head to toe. It was silly to be upset, but he needed to get out of here. Between Colette’s criticism and Mike’s rejection, he felt worse than he had in . . . God, maybe forever.
And to top it all off, he had no one to blame but himself.
I’m a terrible person, Mike thought as he posed—naked and oiled from head to toe—in front of a fleet of photographers. He’d been standing in one of Murmur Inc.’s first-floor photography studios for the past two hours, and while he could hold an uncomfortable position with the best of them, the hot lights were starting to make him sweat.
Next to him was a skinny blond man who didn’t look a day older than nineteen. He bore no resemblance to Josh, other than the flaxen hue of his hair, and yet every time Mike looked at him, his erstwhile costar barreled into his thoughts.
I’m a bad, bad man. The lead photographer ordered them to switch to a new pose, and Mike heeded on autopilot.
A week had passed since his shoot with Josh, and every time Mike saw a blond head or a set of green eyes, he thought about him and what a clumsy job he’d done handling their situation.
If asked, Mike would say he loved his job. He loved getting paid to look good and make people feel good. But he was realistic about how tough porn was and the fact that it was a bad fit for some. Mike had spotted all sorts of warning signs that Josh wasn’t cut out for this: the cockiness that didn’t quite mask his insecurity, the waffling before showtime, and the way he’d clung to Mike like he was a life preserver. Mike had done his best to warn Josh about the pitfalls ahead of him; he’d even tried to guide him around them. And yet, they’d still ended up with hurt feelings and remorse.
The look on Josh’s face when Mike had rejected him was haunting. He’d regretted snatching his phone away the moment he’d done it. He’d almost called out to Josh as he’d turned away, but a hoard of confused feelings had stayed his tongue. It had gotten too personal, and as much as he’d known he should have been stopping it . . . He hadn’t wanted to.
It’s because you like him, you mook. You’re torn up about this because you wanted to lay him out and make sweet love to him, and instead you had to do a half-assed job of fucking him.
Damn.
He shouldn’t have performed with Josh. As the more experienced partner, he should have made a judgment call, despite Josh swearing up and down that he wanted to go through with it. On some level, Mike knew it wasn’t entirely his fault. He’d been following orders—doing his job, as he was so fond of saying—but he still felt responsible. In hindsight, he believed that Josh had wanted to have sex with him, but he didn’t think Josh had wanted to film porn. Again, they were different things. Josh had learned that the hard way.
Mike hadn’t made it an easy lesson, either. The fact was, his attraction to Josh scared him, especially since there was every indication that it was mutual. After what Josh had said at the end of their shoot—when he’d admitted that this meant something to him—there was no denying it.
Josh’s attempt to claim he wanted to be friends had fallen flat. Mike had panicked and gone into deep-freeze mode when he should have been thinking about how this must all seem from Josh’s perspective. One second, Mike was warning him away. The next, he was telling him he’d enjoyed their kiss. All those mixed signals would be enough to confuse anyone.
On Mike’s end, he couldn’t pretend it was simply physical either. Mike worked with some of the most beautiful people in the industry. If attraction were all he needed, he’d be having sordid affairs left and right. There was obviously something deeper about Josh that appealed to him. Mike had already copped to liking Josh’s realness and his lack of filter, but those weren’t qualities that made a long-time bachelor settle down.
Neither was Josh’s petulant attitude. The man had brat written all over him. When he mouthed off, all Mike wanted to do was shut him up with a kiss. Leave bite marks all over his neck. Make him whimper and beg. Push him down ass-up on a bed and spank him until—
Okay, so there was a definite physical aspect to their attraction, but Mike still wanted to probe at what lay below the surface. To do that, he’d probably need to spend more time with Josh. That was the part that scared him.
After what happened, you’d be lucky if he gave you the chance to know him.
That was a sobering thought.
“Sean!” The lead photographer snapped her fingers. “You having some kind of fit?”
“No, sorry.” Mike shook his head. “I drifted off for a second. What’d you say?”
“I said hold Blondie’s chin like you’re about to fuck his mouth.”
Charming.
Mike got into position, with Blondie kneeling at his feet, mouth open an inch from the head of his swollen cock. He understood Blondie’s appeal, on a superficial level, but the guy just wasn’t doing it for him. Blondie kept talking dirty, for one thing. Telling Mike what a great cock he had and how much he wanted to suck it. That would have been fine if they were filming, but they were shooting stills. And the way he kept rolling his eyes back when Mike touched him was allegedly supposed to be sexy, but came across like a cut scene from The Exorcist.
You’re being judgmental because you wish Josh
were here instead.
Jesus, could he go two seconds without thinking about him?
No.
Mike sighed. This was what he got for being such a workaholic. He’d been single for so long, he was drooling over the first guy who’d caught his eye. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to date. It was just difficult to find anyone outside of the sex industry who was cool with what he did for a living. He wasn’t about to lie, and when he announced over dinner that he was a well-known bisexual power top, things tended to go south.
He could date within the sex industry, of course, but the only people he ever met were ones he was about to have sex with, and it seemed creepy to hit on them then.
Except when it comes to Josh, apparently.
Which brought him right back to his initial problem: he’d struggled to keep his relationship with Josh businesslike, going so far as to hurt his feelings in the process, but Josh didn’t seem to want to be professional. Now his phone number was burning a hole in Mike’s pocket—or it would be if he were wearing clothes—and he had no idea where they stood.
Every decision he’d made since that fateful night Colette had asked him to stay late seemed to be the wrong one.
This just wasn’t his month.
“Sean.” The photographer sounded impatient. “Focus, please?”
“Sorry.”
“Switch positions again.” The photographer fiddled with the settings on her camera and then blinded him with a flash. “Sean, I need more variety from you. You’re giving me the same pensive expression in every photo.”
“My bad. My knees are starting to lock, though. Are we almost finished?”
She sighed. “Give me five more good frames—and I mean good, usable frames—and we can wrap.”
Mike managed to pull his head out of his ass long enough to give some solid poses. Five cornea-frying flashes later, they were finished, and he was free to wipe himself down and collect his clothing.
He was sliding his belongings into the pockets of his black Saint Laurent jeans when his hand lingered on his phone, as had been happening more and more often of late.
Cam Boy Page 9