Mike had seemed different somehow. Smoother, in the sense that some of his rough edges had been sanded down. He’d seemed genuinely interested in how Josh was doing, and not just in terms of sex work. He’d asked about Josh’s family and friends and if he had any plans for the weekend. It was . . . normal. The first normal thing that Josh could claim had happened between them.
It also reaffirmed in Josh’s head that there was something between them. Something worth exploring, even after the handful of disasters they’d been through. He didn’t know what Mike’s intentions were toward him—and one text conversation did not a relationship make—but he wanted to find out.
Darius waved a hand in front of his face. “Did the sugar short-circuit your brain or something?”
Josh snapped back to the smoky pink and blue reality that was the club. “Sorry, I was thinking.”
“About what?”
“His new boyfriend,” Chris cut in.
Josh spat some of his drink back into the bottle. “What?”
“I share a wall with you, dude. I’ve heard you talking to someone at all hours of the night.”
Oh fuck, he’s heard me doing webcam sessions. How much did he hear?
Chris continued. “No clue what you’re saying, but the only person you’d spend that much time on the phone with is a boyfriend.”
Josh’s heart started beating again. “Oh, no. That’s not what you think.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to shove them back in.
“Then what is it?”
Ashley and Monica both turned to look at him. Darius leaned on the table, propping his chin on a fist. Even Will stopped scowling long enough to give him a curious look.
Fuck my life and my big mouth.
“It’s nothing.” Josh took another sip to calm his nerves, which had frayed like fine rope in the span of ten seconds. He hadn’t planned on telling his friends about his secret double life. It wasn’t like he was ashamed or anything. But he wasn’t sure he wanted them to know. And he definitely didn’t want to answer the hundreds of probing questions they’d ask him. Plus, there was a chance his roommates wouldn’t like the idea of him performing sex acts for an audience under the same roof as them.
Fuck. It would have been best if he’d kept his trap shut, but now that they’d scented blood in the water, they weren’t going to leave him alone. He had to give them something.
“All right. You caught me.” He set his bottle down on the table and raised his voice over the new, much louder song that had started playing. “There is a guy, but he’s not my boyfriend.” He went in for the kill. “Not yet, anyway.”
The collective gasps from his friends were every bit as overdramatic as he’d expected. Monica even pretended to swoon into Ashley’s already-waiting arms. Relationship goals.
“Tell us about him.” Darius shimmied with excitement. Bent over the table as he was in his tiny shorts, the movement attracted plenty of attention. But when a man screwed up the nerve to approach, Darius shooed him away and looked back at Josh. “Spare no detail. What’s his name? How did you meet?”
Oh shit. I didn’t think this through.
“Um, his name is Mike. We met online.” It wasn’t a total lie. Murmur Inc.’s website was what had brought them together. “It’s not as serious as I made it seem, though. We haven’t been on a date yet.”
Ashley’s eyes gleamed. “Have you hooked up?”
Shit. Can’t get anything past her.
“Well . . .”
More melodramatic gasping.
Will clapped his hands over his ears. “If you’re gonna talk about butt sex, I’m leaving.”
“Not me.” A.J. held up his beer. “I’m here for you, bro. Bring on the gay.”
“Seconded,” Monica and Ashley said in unison.
Josh frowned. “I don’t want to talk about it. Hell, I don’t know how. It’s—”
Darius groaned. “If you say complicated, I’ma smack you.”
“Well, it is.”
“Tell us what he’s like, then.” Monica waved a manicured finger at Darius. “Tall? Dark? Handsome? Nice? Funny?”
“Kinda cranky, to be honest. The way he talks sometimes, you’d think he was in his fifties instead of his twenties. He’s cynical too. And proud. But protective, in a weird way. He gets all gruff when he’s worried you’re gonna hurt yourself. Like a muscular, red-headed bear. A sexy one.” Josh eyed his drink. “I might have had too much.”
“Does he treat you well?”
“That’s . . . kind of a tough question.”
Monica’s dark eyes flashed like a blade’s edge. “Papi, if he’s not being good to you, I volunteer to hunt him down.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just, when I first met him, I thought he was all business. Total ice king. But the more time I spent with him, the more I realized he was trying to help me. In fact, pretty much everything he did was to keep me from getting hurt.”
Ashley frowned. “Hurt? By him, or what?”
Josh swallowed a frustrated sound. Explaining this without explaining it was beyond him when he was three drinks deep. “Never mind. Forget I said anything. The point is, he’s a good guy, and I’m hoping I’ll get to see more of him.” Though I’ve seen a lot already.
“Well, I’m confused.” Darius shrugged. “But if you like him, I’m sure we will too. When do we get to meet him?”
“Um . . .”
In a paragon of perfect timing, someone knocked into Josh’s arm. Josh stumbled over his clubbing boots but caught himself before he went sprawling.
“My bad. I’m sorry.” A dark-haired man reached for him as if to help him up. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. No worries.” Josh’s eyes widened as they dipped down the guy’s body and darted back up to his face. Holy shit, he’s hot.
The guy must’ve noticed Josh scoping him out, because he grinned. “Let me make it up to you. I’ll buy you a drink.”
Free booze. Score. Josh turned away from his bottled sugar with glee. “Sure. I was about to get one myself.” He made it all of three steps before someone yanked him back. “Ow! What the—”
“What do you think you’re doing?” Monica hissed in his ear. “You told us you’re into someone else.”
He lowered his voice. “It’s not like that.” After years of clubbing, Josh’s brain was hot-wired to accept free alcohol without question. Especially since he’d been too young to buy it for himself until recently. “I’ll be good, okay? I just want the drink.”
Hot Guy raised a thick eyebrow. “Everything all right?”
“Yeah.” Josh pulled out of Monica’s grasp. “Lead the way.”
They cut through the pulsating crowd with minimal resistance. The bodies melded around them, welcoming them into the hot, sweaty fold. It wasn’t until they reached the bar that they encountered resistance. It was slammed.
Hot Guy brought his lips to Josh’s ear, purportedly so he could hear him. “While I flag down a bartender, why don’t you tell me your name? And what you’d like?”
“Josh, and I’ll take a . . .” He racked his brain for a cocktail he’d never pay for on his own. “Manhattan.”
“Ooh, que fancy. I’m Ray.” Ray managed to snag the attention of a bartender and placed their orders, bending over the bar to be heard. Josh took the opportunity to sneak a peek at his ass.
Yup. Definitely hot. But not Mike.
Orders placed, Ray faced him and smiled. “You from around here?”
Josh nodded. “Born and raised. I’m an LA devotee. You?”
“I’m from your cocktail.”
Josh’s alcohol-infused brain trundled its way through that sentence. “You’re from Manhattan?”
“Yup. You know how you can tell if someone’s from New York?”
“How?”
“They can’t go ten minutes without saying they’re from New York.”
Josh laughed so hard he teared up a little. The bartender appeared
with their drinks.
Ray paid for them, scooped them up, and handed Josh’s to him. “Did you come here with those people I saw you with?”
“Yeah, those are my friends and roommates. Are you out with friends?”
“No, I came here by myself.” Ray gave him a smile that was dripping with suggestion.
Josh, who spoke fluent gay, didn’t need a decoder ring to figure out what that meant. He’s looking for a hookup. Josh took a sip of his drink to mask his sudden nerves.
As he was struggling not to blurt out something awkward, Ray stepped closer.
“I’m not usually this forward, but I’m having a rough night, and you’re hot. What do you say we ditch your friends and get out of here?”
Josh blinked. “Wow, that was direct.”
“Sorry. I got dumped the other day, and I haven’t dated in a long time. But I’ve heard the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Up for it?”
Josh opened his mouth only to close it again. Two weeks ago, he would have said hell yeah. But now, all he could think about was Mike. It was ridiculous, of course. They weren’t dating. Hell, they weren’t anything. But he couldn’t help it. Sleeping with Ray would feel like a betrayal, and not just to Mike, but to his own feelings.
What was he going to say, though? Sorry, I can’t. I have a non-boyfriend. Ray would think he was blowing him off, and he didn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings. Maybe there was another excuse he could use. Hadn’t Colette said he shouldn’t sleep with anyone until he got tested?
He seized onto that with both hands. “I’m sorry, but I can’t have sex for at least another week.”
Ray furrowed his brow. “Is it Lent, and no one told me?”
“No, I need to get tested. I might have HIV.”
The effect his words had was instant and explosive.
Ray backed away from him, eyes wide. “Holy shit, dude. What the fuck?”
Josh bit his lip. That reaction seemed a little extreme. “What’s the big deal? I’m just being honest.” He held out his hand. “Friends?”
Ray looked like Josh had offered him a bomb. “Don’t touch me. I don’t want to catch anything from you.”
“You can’t get HIV from shaking—”
But Ray had already turned away and was pushing through the crowd. It seemed like he was trying to put as much distance between them as he could. Josh didn’t chase after him. He was caught between confusion and rejection. Ray’s reaction was way over the top. It reminded him of how the jocks in high school would react when he told them he was gay. Back then, it’d seemed like they hated him, but Josh understood now that they were scared of shit they didn’t understand.
It’s not personal. It’s not about you. He needs to work through his own ignorance.
It was true, but it didn’t make him feel less like a mutant.
Josh trudged back over to the table. Monica, Will, and A.J. were missing—it was their turn to get drinks, no doubt—but the others were still there. Ashley took one look at him and pursed her neon-pink lips. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m just exhausted all of a sudden.”
“What happened to that guy?”
“He left. Good riddance.” Josh took the drink Ray had bought him and knocked it back, as if to destroy the evidence that he’d ever been there.
Darius looked between him and the empty glass. “Whatever you say.”
Chris touched his shoulder. “You wanna go home? We can split a cab.”
“Home sounds phenomenal. Do you think Will and A.J. will be pissed?”
“Nah, they found some straight girls having a bachelorette party. They’ll be fine. I’ll go get us a cab. Meet me outside?”
“Right behind you.” Josh glanced at his friends. “Will you tell the others where I went?”
“Sure thing,” Ashley said. “But you know Monica’s gonna call you later, right? She’ll expect full details.”
“And that’s why God invented the Reject Call button.” He pecked her on the cheek. “Enjoy the rest of your night. You too, Darius.”
He slipped away before they could ask any more questions. It was a cool, clear night, though this far into city center, stars were never visible. Josh was wearing one of his tamer club outfits: tight faux leather pants and a slashed black shirt. It provided almost no insulation against the wind. Good thing this was California. Even at night, it was hotter than noon in New York.
Don’t think about New York.
Chris was standing by the curb with a cab idling next to him.
Josh hurried over. “I dunno how you always manage to find a cab in two seconds flat no matter where we are.”
Chris opened the back door and climbed in. “We’re in the nightlife district. The cabs know this is where the drunk people live.”
Josh laughed, giving their address to the cab driver between giggles. Chris wasn’t the chatty sort, which was perfect. He didn’t ask Josh about Ray or make small talk. Fifteen minutes later, they were home. Chris invited Josh to play some Call of Duty with him, but Josh declined, claiming he was exhausted. In truth, after the rejection at the club, he was looking for a nice hit of self-esteem, and he knew exactly where to get it.
When he got to his room, he didn’t bother changing out of his clothes. His club outfits were always a hit with the clients. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand. It was after midnight, which for most jobs would be slow, but as Josh had discovered, it was prime time in the sex industry.
He switched on a lamp for some mood lighting, flopped onto his bed, and opened his laptop. The portal he used to log in to his channel was already loaded. A few minutes later, a screen popped up, showing his account information and a window with his camera feed. He checked himself out. Sweaty and a little disheveled, but his clients would like that.
When he was ready, he set his status to online. Within seconds, people popped into his chat. He grinned as he watched his channel fill up. Colette had told him that when he was no longer a new face, he’d have to rely on repeat customers, but for now, he loved seeing all these people clamor for his attention.
Their comments were exactly what he needed too.
u look hot tonight bret
Very sexxi. Did u go out?
bet you got hit on, dressed like that
It had taken Josh some time to get used to how everything worked, even with Colette’s instructions. He logged in to Murmur Inc.’s website with his employee ID, he loaded the chat, marked himself as available, and boom. His webcam turned on, and hopefully so did his clients.
Anyone who logged in to the free public chat could see and hear him, but Josh couldn’t see them. If the clients wanted to communicate, they had to type in the chat box, or buy a private session with him. Josh could type too, but that option was used by people who didn’t speak English well or flat-out didn’t want to talk. As it just so happened, Josh loved to talk.
“Hey, guys.” Josh affected the deep, sexy voice he used when camming. Remembering what his roommates had said earlier, he kept his volume down. “I was out at a club tonight. Wanna see more of my outfit?”
That got a round of affirmations. Josh climbed off the bed and stood back so most of his body was visible in the cam window. He did a slow turn, pushing his ass out and lifting up the hem of his shirt like he was going to take it off. He couldn’t read what his clients were saying, but judging by the speed with which responses were flying up the screen, they liked what they saw.
Josh grinned. Cam work had its ups and downs, like any job, but it was always good for a confidence boost.
A moment later, a notification pinged on his screen. Someone had bought a private show with him. Jackpot.
Josh hurried back to his laptop and clicked Accept. The chat screen minimized while a new screen popped up. Josh squinted at the process. He was still getting used to how it worked. If someone bought a show from him, it put him offline and opened a new window. The client—or clients; group shows were an opt
ion—could then choose to turn on their webcam or simply type to Josh, depending on what they wanted.
The handle of the person who’d bought the show flashed onto the screen: gingersnap93. Josh knew it well. It belonged to a man who called himself “Martin.” He was the closest thing to a regular that Josh had, and he was . . . Well, he was a bit odd.
Josh had given a dozen private shows since he’d started doing cam work, and he’d learned that clients wanted one thing: to watch him get off. Sometimes they got off with him, ordering him to watch them masturbate, or they wanted him to use toys on himself. But at the end of the day, it was always the same thing.
Except with Martin, a mild-mannered LA native who only ever wanted to talk.
Josh didn’t know if he was ugly or shy or what, but Martin never turned on his cam. He never asked Josh to strip or touch himself or talk dirty to him. Nothing. They just had regular conversations for hour-intervals at a time.
Josh had never thought that there would come a day when talking to a man would seem odder to him than getting off with him, but that was the case here. Martin was an enigma wrapped in a mystery.
Stranger still, Martin had claimed he was in sex work as well. He’d never said what kind, but it was clear he was knowledgeable about the industry. And he was from LA as well.
Josh had spent a whole session with him talking about his disastrous foray into porn, and Martin had listened with infinite patience. He’d even offered Josh some tips on how to be safe and successful in cam work. Josh now knew how to hold shows for multiple customers at a time, and that if a client harassed him, he could boot him from the chat. They might get blacklisted by Murmur Inc. if what they’d done was bad enough.
Josh appreciated Martin’s insight, but he couldn’t figure out what the other guy got out of their chats. They seemed to benefit Josh way more than they did him, and they weren’t cheap. Josh had offered no fewer than a dozen times to do something for him, but Martin refused every time.
There was a chance Martin was simply lonely. Either way, Josh wasn’t complaining. He was a cool guy, and the money was great. Plus, they’d talked about everything. Books, movies, their favorite foods, what albums they’d take with them to a deserted island. Even their families. Martin had a complicated relationship with his father, to say the least, and Josh couldn’t remember the last time he’d sat down and called his mom.
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