It was strange, but although he had no idea who Martin was or what he looked like, Josh almost had a little crush on him. But then, everything he said about himself could be a lie, and Josh was still hung up on Mike. Sigh. He’d never thought that one day he’d be so committed to a nonexistent relationship with a prolific porn star who might have given him HIV.
What was his life these days?
The screens finished arranging themselves, and the private show began.
Josh greeted Martin as he always did. “Evening, Martin. How was your day?”
An ellipsis popped up, indicating that Martin was typing.
Long. Hard. And yes, those are innuendos.
Josh laughed. “Why don’t you tell me about it?”
Sometimes talking to a complete stranger for any length of time was trying, but Josh was comfortable with Martin. They had a rapport. A routine.
This time, however, Martin deviated from it.
Tell me about yours instead. You look stressed.
“You know me too well. I just got back from Twist with my friends.”
Twist?
“It’s a gay club I like. I go there so much, I feel like I owe them rent.” Josh was about to say more, but a response from Martin popped up.
Bret, we’ve been over this. Don’t tell people things like that. What if I were some obsessed stalker? I could go to Twist and track you down.
“Oh, right. Sorry.” Josh gave the camera his best contrite expression. “Though I don’t think that would be so bad, if it were you. I like you.” Josh must still be in the overly honest stage of being drunk.
There was a long pause.
Very smooth. I almost thought you meant that.
“I did mean it.”
I’m in sex work too, pal. We all have to fake interest in our clients to keep them coming back for more.
Josh rolled his eyes. Martin could be such a cynic. Josh wanted to argue with him, but after the night he’d had, he didn’t have it in him. “Anyway, like I was saying, I went to the club, and some guy rejected me. Kinda put a damper on my night.”
He waited for a response. No ellipsis popped up. Josh waited a minute and then checked his internet connection. He was online, and so was Martin. Had Martin stepped away from his keyboard?
“Hello?” Josh tried. “You still there?”
Yeah, sorry. I was getting some water. So, you hit on a guy, huh?
“No, he offered to buy me a drink. I wasn’t all that interested, but he was hot, and free is free.”
Why weren’t you interested?
Josh bit his lip. Another of the general-knowledge tips Martin had given him was to never mention outside lovers or relationships unless the client had a cuckolding kink. It could make them jealous enough to stop spending money on you. But Martin had asked him a question, and he was in sex work too. Surely he would understand?
“There’s this . . . guy that I like.”
Sounds juicy. How’d you meet?
Josh shook his head. “You’re gonna think I’m such a sucker. I’ve literally seen him twice in my whole life, and both times were at work. I shouldn’t be so hung up on him, but . . . I dunno, I can’t stop thinking about him.”
Martin’s response was immediate. If you really like him, you should go for it.
“Go for what? I don’t know if the guy likes me back. Well, okay, I’m certain he’s attracted to me, but that doesn’t mean anything. We’ve seen each other twice, and we’ve texted once. That doesn’t sound like an epic romance in the making to me. Although”—Josh tapped his chin—“he did ask me out once.”
I’m positive he likes you back. How could he not? You’re gorgeous and funny and fun.
“Thank you.” Josh crinkled his nose. “But you don’t know the guy. He’s not the shy type. If he liked me, he would have done something about it by now.”
Josh’s phone buzzed in his pocket. “Do you mind if I check that?”
I insist.
Josh pulled it out. “Speak of the fucking devil. It’s a text from him.”
Read it to me.
“It says ‘Do you want to go out sometime?’” Josh gasped. “Holy shit. It’s like he read my mind.”
I told you he likes you back.
“I guess you were right. What a weird coincidence.”
Are you going to say yes?
“It’d be silly for me not to, right? I just said I like the guy.”
I can’t give you advice on this one. Do what feels right.
Josh stuck his tongue out at the screen. “You’re no help at all. Dunno why you’ve chosen now of all times to keep your opinions to yourself.” He composed a quick reply. What did you have in mind?
Within seconds, Mike texted back. I was thinking we could go out dancing. Maybe hit a club.
“Damn. That’s spooky. He wants to go to a club. I didn’t think he was the clubbing sort.” I would love to. When?
When are you free?
Thursday is my day off.
I’ll see you Wednesday night.
Holy shit. He had a date with Mike. His heart was pounding. His cheeks ached, and he realized he had a smile stretched all the way across his face.
“Martin, you won’t believe this. I have a date for Wednesday.” Josh glanced at his laptop. A second later, he frowned.
Martin had logged out of their session early. Josh’s first instinct was to panic, thinking he’d pissed him off by texting while they were in a show. But then a dialogue box popped up, indicating how much money Josh had made from the session.
Martin had left him a twenty-dollar tip.
Standing outside of Twist on the night of his date with Josh, Mike actually checked his feet to make sure he wasn’t walking on clouds. Ever since Josh had accepted his date invitation, it was like his insides had been replaced with helium. He felt light and dizzy and excited in a way he hadn’t since . . . Shit. Since the last time he’d been in love.
When he’d first started masquerading as Martin, he’d done it to help Josh out. He’d had no idea it would be the key to them setting up a long-awaited first date. But it had, and now Mike was finally going to get his chance to do this right.
Thank fuck a bout of insomnia had prompted him to log on that night. When Josh had said he’d been rejected by a guy, Mike had panicked. He’d been too stunned and disappointed to respond. For a blinding, white-hot moment, he’d thought he’d waited too long. He’d planned on asking him out again when they got their test results. It hadn’t occurred to him that Josh might not wait around.
But then Josh had explained he was into someone else . . . The look on his face had stolen Mike’s breath away. He’d known Josh was talking about him even before Josh confirmed it. That was the final push he needed to make his move. He couldn’t wait any longer. With every passing day, he became more certain that he wanted to be with Josh.
And now he knew for certain this went way deeper than a physical connection. That was another unexpected bonus of the time he’d spent posing as Martin: they’d gotten a chance to talk.
Mike had never intended to use his secret identity to have sex with Josh. He’d never deceive another sex worker like that. There were enough creeps and scammers out there without them screwing over each other. It was a consent issue. Josh couldn’t give informed consent if he thought he was performing for a stranger, but was actually performing for someone he knew. Sex was so far off the table, it was in the backyard.
But they’d had to spend the private shows Mike had bought somehow, and so they’d talked. Mike had been delighted to discover they had an honest-to-God connection. He’d known he liked Josh, but he hadn’t realized how much they had in common, once he got past the big mouth and the bratty attitude. Oh, and the fact that Josh liked clubbing. That was a bullet Mike was gonna have to bite. It was worth it if he got to bite Josh a little too.
They both preferred Scarface to The Godfather. They listened to all the same music. They both wanted to buy a house someday and
get a dog, though they argued about what breed. (Mike was the pit bull to Josh’s golden retriever.) It was nice having someone else to talk about being in the sex industry with too. Josh listened to Martin, thank God. Mike had almost had a heart attack one time when Josh had talked about what school he’d attended in the public chat. Josh had the survival instincts of a blind baby mole.
Which brought Mike to the other thing he’d refused to do while acting as Martin: use his influence to get Josh to go out with him. Spying was slimy enough, but urging Josh to say yes to his invitation would have been crossing a line. Josh trusted Martin. He followed all the advice he gave him. If Martin had said to go out with Mike, Josh would have done it.
Mike had done the right thing, but now he had a new moral conundrum: he’d been lying to Josh. Getting to know him while pretending to be someone else. It was a lie by omission, but a lie nevertheless. It didn’t help that through their chats, Josh had given him the exact instructions he needed to seal the deal.
Now here he was, standing in front of the entrance to Twist, a gay club he never would have looked twice at otherwise, waiting for a guy he felt like he’d been waiting for all his life. He’d never been this nervous before a date. The thought of seeing Josh again added to the helium feeling inside him until he thought a light breeze would be enough to send him flying.
There was still one thing worrying him, though. Should he come clean that he was Martin right away or wait for an opportune moment? There was no question he was going to tell Josh. He just wasn’t certain he should drop the news on their first date. Josh might start to associate him with getting bad news, and that was the last thing he wanted. But would Josh be angry later when he found out Mike hadn’t told him sooner?
Part of him wished he’d turned on his camera when he had the chance. He could have shown Josh it was him. But he hadn’t, and he knew why: he was afraid Josh would freak and cancel their date. At least this way, if everything went awry, he got to see him one more time.
You’re a fucking coward, Michael Harwood.
Mike didn’t have long to dwell on it. He spotted a blond head weaving toward him through the crowd outside. Mike started to meet him halfway, but as soon as he saw Josh’s outfit, he stopped dead in his tracks.
“Wow,” he said when Josh was close enough. “Why not roll in some glue and then dump glitter over your head? It would have been easier.”
Josh held his arms out and spun around, almost smacking a bystander. “But not more fun!” He was wearing shiny silver pants—like chrome shiny; Sisqó’s hair shiny—and a tight green shirt. His black sneakers sparkled like the pavement at noon. It wasn’t Mike’s idea of fashion at all, but it worked on Josh somehow. His pants also featured zippers running all the way from hip to ankle. If they worked, Josh could be naked in three seconds flat. Now that, Mike liked.
Mike had opted for more traditional club clothing: nice jeans and a designer button-down shirt. He didn’t often feel underdressed, but standing next to Josh in all his glittery glory . . .
“If I’d known you were gonna go full peacock on me, I would have worn something else.”
Josh looked down and then peeked up at him in a shy way. “I think you look great.”
Mike’s heart thumped hard against his ribs.
“You two are adorable, but can we get inside already? I wanna see my girlfriend.”
For the first time, Mike noticed the girl standing behind Josh. “Oh, hi.”
“Mike, this is Ashley. Fair warning, she has no filter. Ashley, meet Mike.”
Ashley stuck out a hand. Four of her fingernails were painted seashell pink, but her ring finger was silver, like Josh’s pants. “It’s a pleasure. Josh has told me so much about you.”
Mike took her hand. “I can’t say Josh has ever mentioned you.”
She glared at Josh, and he recoiled like a cornered animal. “Rude.”
“Sorry. Why don’t you go inside, and we’ll be right behind you?”
Ashley whirled around and marched up to the bouncer by the door, who let her in after a fraction of a glance at her ID.
Mike raised an eyebrow at Josh, a question on his face.
“We come here a lot. I know the bouncers by name.” Josh waved. “Hey, Darnell.”
Darnell nodded once before turning back to the person he was attaching a wristband to.
“Gotcha.” Mike fidgeted. “So. You brought friends with you. On our date.”
Josh looked sheepish. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Like I said, we come here a lot. I found out after I made plans with you that they were going to be here, and I didn’t want to cancel, but I also couldn’t ignore them. Besides, Ashley wanted to split a cab, and I’m not making enough money yet to turn that down.”
“I wish you’d told me. I could have picked you up.”
“I didn’t know you have a car. Most people who live in the city don’t.”
Mike nodded. “Well, Ashley seems nice enough.”
“We could go somewhere else.” Josh stepped closer. “I’ll go anywhere you want to go.”
Again, Mike’s heart took note of Josh’s proximity. In fact, his whole body did. The closer Josh got to him, the more Mike seemed to heat up. “No, it’s fine. I want to meet your friends.” He smirked. “Apparently, you’ve told them about me. I bet if I buy them a couple of rounds, I can get them to tell me what you said.”
Josh blanched. “Well, this has been fun, but I think I’ll go crawl in a hole now.”
Mike laughed. “C’mon. Let’s go inside.”
They approached the bouncer. Mike pulled out his wallet, but before he could do more than hand over his driver’s license, Josh caught his arm. “I got your cover.” Mike started to protest, but Josh shook his head. “It’s five dollars.”
“Yeah. Trust me, I can afford it.”
“No, I mean, it’s five dollars, specifically. We had a bet.”
Mike blinked. “Huh?”
“You don’t remember?” He looked around and then lowered his voice. “After we had sex. You said, ‘five bucks says you’ll be a shooting star.’ I thought at the time I was gonna prove you wrong, but so much for that.”
Mike was actually a little touched. “I can’t believe you remember that.”
“It was a memorable day.” Josh waggled his eyebrows.
“You know, that bet wasn’t serious. You never agreed to it.”
“In my head, I did.”
“Fine, but I’m buying your first drink.”
“Deal.”
They got their wristbands and made their way inside. It was early—and a Wednesday—so the club wasn’t packed, but there was a healthy crowd at the bar. Mike didn’t drink on first dates as a rule, but if he was going to stomach a night at a club, he didn’t see how he had a choice. Good thing he liked dancing. And Josh.
He pointed to the bar. Josh nodded and gestured for him to lead the way. True to his word, when they flagged down a bartender, Mike bought Josh and him a drink. He’d asked Josh what he’d wanted, but in a move that surprised Mike, Josh had said to order for him. Mike made a mental note to ask him about it later and then ordered them both a beer for lack of a better idea.
Drinks in hand, they moved out onto the floor, where a handful of people were already dancing. Random striations of light roved over their writhing bodies. Mike had to admit, this club had a decent atmosphere.
He leaned into Josh under the pretense of being heard over the music. “Do you see your friends?”
“Yeah.” Josh nodded toward a series of tall tables on the other side of the club.
Mike didn’t have to ask which one he was indicating. Even in the dim light, he could see a group of twentysomethings staring at them. A beautiful black man wearing next to nothing waved.
Mike started to wave back, but Josh caught his hand. “Don’t encourage them. They will come over here.”
“What’s so wrong with that? You don’t want me to meet them?”
“No, I do. But .
. . not right now.” He took a gulp of beer. “I need at least one drink in me first, and I want us to have some alone time. There’s something I wanna talk to you about.”
Mike’s anxiety ratcheted up from a six to a sixteen. “Should I be worried?”
Josh glanced at him and did a double take. “No. It’s nothing serious, I swear. Well, I mean, it’s kinda serious. But it’s nothing bad.”
“Well, now I’m really curious.” Mike took his hand, giving him time to pull away if he wanted. “Let’s grab one of the booths along the wall, out of sight of your friends.”
Josh laced their fingers together in lieu of an answer and tugged him toward one of the black velvet alcoves in question. They were circular, like scoops that had been taken out of the walls, with upholstered benches and little tables. It wasn’t in the proximity of privacy, but at least they were facing the dance floor instead of the other tables.
Mike scooted into the booth, leaving enough room for Josh to sit a comfortable distance away from him. Josh did, but then he touched their knees together under the table. Warmth spread through Mike from that little bit of contact.
“I was gonna ask you about your day and all that, but then you dangled that carrot in front of me.” Mike set his beer on the table. “What did you want to talk about?”
Josh looked down at his beer, rolling the bottle between his palms “You know how the last time we talked, I said I was thinking of quitting porn?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I went down to Murmur Inc. and talked to Colette with the intention of quitting, but she offered me another job. As a webcam star.”
Mike wished there was a camera on him. He did a masterful job of sitting up and widening his eyes. “Did she now? And you accepted.” Stating facts as if they were questions wasn’t technically lying, right? As long as he wasn’t outright false, he could circumvent his moral compass, which was spinning out of control.
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