“I did. And I love it. Well, maybe not love, but I’m way better suited to it than porn. The thing is, though . . . my friends don’t know about what I do. Or the porn we filmed. I’m not ready to tell them. I dunno if you’re out or whatever, but I wanted to let you know what the deal was before we went over there.”
“You thought I was going to out you?” Mike frowned. “Do I seem like the sort of person who would do that?”
“No! No.” Josh set down his beer and waved his hands. “I was just making sure. I knew that if I brought you over there, they’d ask how we met or what you do, and I wasn’t sure if you were prepared to answer those questions. A lot of people assume that because I’m so extroverted, I must be open about everything, but I’m not. I didn’t come out as gay until I was eighteen and living on my own.”
Mike leaned back in his seat. “Wow, that is surprising.”
“Yeah. Anyway, it’s not like I’m ashamed of what I do—what we do—or anything like that. I just wanna tell my friends in my own time, you know?”
“What if one of them goes online one day and finds your channel?”
“Trust me, my friends would never pay for porn. Not because they’re against it or whatever, but because they’re broke and there’s plenty of free shit. The chances of them deciding to check out some local cam sex channels are astronomical.” He paused. “Though come to think of it, I found my old coworker on a porn site. That’s how this whole thing got started. I saw an ad for one of his videos, and it led me to Murmur Inc.”
“There you have it.” Mike took a sip of his beer. “It’s more likely than you think.”
“Well, if that happens, I’ll deal. But in the meantime, I’d rather not tell them.”
“What should I say if they ask me what I do for a living?”
“Lie?” Josh grimaced. “I bet you hate lying.”
“Not as much as you’d think.” At Josh’s raised brow, Mike elaborated. “I’m not out as a porn star. I lie to people about what I do every day. I usually say I’m in real estate. They ask how the market is. I tell them interest rates are going up, and everyone leaves the conversation happy.”
Josh grinned. “Real estate? You’re serious?”
“Don’t act so surprised. With the number of strangers’ houses I’ve been in during the course of my porn career, I picked up all sorts of shit. I know a sundeck from a patio.”
“That reminds me of something I wanted to ask you, out of curiosity. How’d you get into porn in the first place?”
Mike studied his face for a moment before cracking a smile. “Well, with a last name like Harwood, I figured it was fate.”
Josh snorted. “No, seriously.”
“I am serious. My nickname in high school was Hardwood. It started out as an insult, but then I wore it as a badge of honor. I came out as bisexual when I was a sophomore, so I had to grow thick skin in a hurry. Plus, I had red hair and freckles, and I didn’t get my last growth spurt until senior year.” He shrugged. “Anyway, the nickname stuck, and people were always joking to me that it should be my porn-star name. Then one day, when I was fresh out of college and struggling with student loans, I came across Murmur Inc. The rest is history.”
“You ever think about doing something else?”
“Oh, all the time. But I’ve made a name for myself, and a lot of money. Turning away from that is going to be tough.” Mike noticed Josh’s eyes had widened. “What?”
“It’s ‘going to be tough’? As in, you’re for sure going to quit?”
“Of course I am. Some day. We don’t have to talk about work right now, though.”
Josh put his elbows on the table and cupped his chin, directing his full attention at Mike.
“Very well. No one stays in porn forever. I always knew one day I’d decide I’d had enough. I didn’t realize how disillusioned I’d gotten until . . . well, until I met you.”
“Disillusioned?”
“When I was telling you about what porn is like, and when I participated in your fiasco of a first time, it made me realize I talk about my job like I hate it. Which, for the record, I don’t. I maintain that I’m realistic about it. But since I haven’t been working these past two weeks, I’ve gotten the distance I needed to realize how tired I am. The scare itself put some things in perspective for me too.”
“Like what?”
“I’m about to be twenty-six. I know that’s not old, but the closer I get to thirty, the more I think about my life. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of spending all my time acting like I’m into strangers instead of forming real relationships with people. I’m tired of having to look a certain way and of pretending to be enjoying myself when I’m not.” He gave Josh a wry smile. “Though sometimes I enjoy myself very much.”
The blush that spread across Josh’s cheeks was lovely. “Me too. Well, I enjoyed my audition. Our second round of filming kind of sucked.”
Mike reached across the table and placed a hand on one of Josh’s. “I hope I get to make that up to you someday.”
Josh’s blush turned into a full-face flame. “I’d like that.” He looked like he was going to say more, but instead he cleared his throat. “I think now would be a good time for me to introduce you to my friends.”
“Lead the way.”
They grabbed their drinks and wove through the crowd to where a group of five people were gathered around a metal pub-height table. As soon as they approached, a brown-skinned girl wearing a cute white dress elbowed the scantily clad black guy in the ribs.
“Ouch, Monica! Why—” He spotted them. “Look who finally decided to join us.”
“Hey, Darius.” Josh nodded to him before turning to the others. “Monica. Ashley. Chris. A.J. This is Mike.”
“Nice to meet you all.” Mike waved.
“The pleasure is all ours,” Monica said with a pronounced Spanish accent. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”
“So I’ve been told.” Mike shot Josh a wicked grin. “What sorts of things?”
“Oh God,” Josh groaned. “Here we go.”
Darius threw a muscular arm around Josh. “We tease because we care. And because your boy here is cute. Where can I get me one of those?”
“I’m so sorry.” Mike put on a somber face. “My parents only made one. I have a cousin who’s my age, but he broke my aunt’s heart when he came out as straight.”
“I like him,” Darius said to Josh in a stage whisper so loud it could be heard over the music. “He’s funny.”
“We’re Josh’s roommates, by the way,” said a guy wearing eyeliner and all black. If Mike remembered correctly, Josh had called him Chris. “There’s one other, but he couldn’t make it due to a severe case of being an uptight straight guy.”
“I used to have a bad case of that,” said the toned, Abercrombie-looking one who had been identified as A.J. “Pretty hard to cure, but I think exposure helps.” He looked at Josh. “You should invite your boyfriend over for one of our roommate dinners sometime. Maybe Will isn’t a lost cause.”
“A.J.,” Josh hissed. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Oh, sorry.” A.J. looked between them. “You guys seemed so cozy.”
Mike played it cool, though at boyfriend, his heart had decided to match the fast tempo of the club music. “This is our first date, actually, and I think it’s time for us to knock out our first dance.” He touched Josh’s elbow. “Come with me?”
Josh nodded, though he shot a venomous look at A.J. “I am so putting peroxide in your shampoo.”
“Do it, bro. We’ll be twinsies.”
Mike took Josh’s hand and tugged him away. There were more bodies on the dance floor now, but they had no trouble finding a spot. Mike closed his eyes and sunk into the beat with ease. Dancing was just like having sex, in his opinion. A lot of hip action, and rhythm was everything. Of course, having a good partner helped as well.
He opened his eyes again and found Josh staring at him. “What?”
“Nothing. You . .
.” Josh’s cheeks had colored again. “You, uh, dance good.”
“Very eloquent.” Mike pulled him closer. “You dance?”
It was like a word faucet turned on. Mike pressed their bodies together, and Josh started babbling. “Oh yeah. All the time. It’s half the reason I go clubbing so much. But, you know, I’m usually dancing with the girls, or Darius, or with guys I’ve met. Not that I meet a lot of guys when I go out. Anyway, I only mentioned it because you looked like you knew what you were doing, and—”
Gently, Mike pressed a single finger against Josh’s lips. He stopped talking. Mike pulled it away.
“—I was wondering if you’re naturally good at it, or if you took lessons, or—”
Mike giggled and pressed his finger against Josh’s mouth again. “Why are you like this?”
Josh’s throat bobbed. Mike dropped his hand, and Josh said, “I can’t seem to stop myself. I think it’s some kind of cosmic joke. I’m just not sure who it’s on.”
Mike laughed again. “If this is making you nervous, we don’t have to dance.” They were standing so close, it was nothing for Mike to brush his cheek against Josh’s. “Feels nice, though.”
Josh’s answer was almost too soft for him to hear. “It feels right.”
The sea of people around them were all moving to the fast pace of the music, but Mike was content to sway in place, feeling the heat from Josh, smelling his soap-and-laundry-detergent scent. “There’s something I want to ask you, if I can have a turn.”
“Shoot.”
It was a question that had been in the back of Mike’s mind for over a week now. “When I invited you out the first time, over the phone, why’d you hang up on me?”
Josh bit his lip. “I thought it was a pity invite.”
Mike was so surprised, he jerked back a few inches to look Josh in the eye. “What?”
“You asked me out after you’d told me I needed to get tested and I was out of a job. I thought you were trying to make me feel better, or maybe make yourself feel better.”
Mike almost couldn’t speak. “That’s the reason? For real?”
“Well, this is me we’re talking about.” Josh grinned. “Part of it was to be coy. I wanted to play hard to get after you were so cold to me. But yeah, when it came down to it, I thought you were being nice.” His smile faltered. “Are you mad?”
“No, of course not. It’s just . . .” Mike swallowed hard. When he spoke again, his voice had roughened with emotion. “How, even back when we first met, could you have doubted my interest in you?”
Josh looked down at his feet. “It’s not like you told me or anything. On that note, why’d you take so long to ask me out in the first place?”
“If you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of a cynic. I had to get to know you before—” Mike stopped short. Josh didn’t know everything Mike had done for him. Helping his cam channel get off the ground. Giving him advice as Martin. Spending hours talking to him. Should he come clean?
That might scare Josh off. This was their first date, and looking back, Mike realized it sounded kind of intense. He studied Josh while he debated with himself. This wasn’t the time or the place to drop that sort of news. In fact, it occurred to him that Josh was a grade-A drama queen. He wouldn’t appreciate a frank confession. He’d want a big reveal. Maybe he could . . .
“You know,” Josh said when Mike failed to speak, “they say if you look someone in the eye for five seconds or longer, you either want to kill them or fuck them.”
Mike scoffed. “‘Or’?”
“Ooh, kinky.” A cheeky smile slid over Josh’s features. “Joke all you like, but you more or less gave me a love confession right here on the dance floor.”
“I said I’m interested in you. Not that I love you.”
“Semantics.” Josh moved away from him and did a little spin. “There’s no taking it back. You want me. You need me. It’s the pants, isn’t it?”
“I know what you’re doing.” Mike moved closer. “You did the same thing at your audition. You act out when you’re nervous.”
“I’m not nervous.” Josh tried to prance around him, but Mike caught him in his arms and held him tight. Josh swallowed. “Why would I be nervous?”
Mike leaned up until their mouths were brushing. The air between them crackled. “Because you think I’m about to kiss you.”
“Well . . . are you?”
“Maybe, but that depends. I think I’d like a confession of my own. Are you interested in me?” Mike was certain he knew the answer, but he wanted to hear Josh say it.
Josh’s eyes were losing their focus. “Interested in what way?”
Mike lips skimmed Josh’s jaw. “If you tease me right now, I’ll remember it later.”
Josh shivered in his arms. It was beyond hot. “I’m not teasing you. I’m having trouble putting my thoughts together.” He leaned into Mike’s touch. “You smell good.”
“What was it you said? Like citrus, right?”
“Yeah. Makes it hard to think.”
“Then let me ask again: are you interested in me?”
Josh wet his lips. “I have been for a long time. Maybe not when I first met you, but I think it started when I first kissed you.”
“Kissed?” Mike mouthed Josh’s neck. “Like this?”
Josh made a small sound. “Yeah, like that.” He stretched his head back, making his throat nice and long.
Mike slid a hand up his chest to cup his jaw. “Part of me can’t believe this is finally happening. I’ve wanted to get you all to myself for so long now.”
“We’re not alone, though. We’re surrounded by people.”
Mike slipped his hand into Josh’s hair. He buried his fingers in it and squeezed like he wanted to grab a handful. “Has that ever stopped us before?”
Josh’s reaction was delicious. He moaned under his breath and pressed against Mike. At some point, he’d gotten hard, and as he pushed their hips together, Mike realized he had as well. “No.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
Josh let out a ragged breath and met his gaze. “No.”
Mike used the hand in Josh’s hair to pull him in for a bruising kiss.
The first time they’d kissed, they’d been strangers. It had been intense, but there’d been no real emotion behind it. Now, kissing Josh felt like standing on the precipice of something. Mike didn’t know what, but somehow, the idea of falling didn’t seem scary at all.
Especially if it felt anything like Josh’s lips. Warm and soft and sweet. Josh melted against him, like he couldn’t get close enough. And the little sounds he made. Mike couldn’t hear them—goddamn loud club music—but he could feel them: hot, wet breaths against his skin.
Maybe it was because it had been so long since Mike had felt like this about someone. Maybe it was because he’d been lusting after Josh for weeks now with no real satisfaction. Maybe it was because Josh made him feel like his lungs were two sizes too small. Whatever it was, Mike went from being kinda turned on to wanting to fuck Josh on the floor of the club in the span of a kiss. He was a porn star. Kissing was like shaking hands to him. But not with Josh.
“Fuck, I want you,” he mumbled without thinking. He was more drunk from touching Josh than he was from the half a beer he’d had.
“You can have me.” Josh was panting, wide-eyed and disheveled.
Mike pulled back and looked at him. “You mean it?”
“Yeah.”
“It won’t be like before. We were working then. Playing our roles. If we do this—” Mike swallowed “—it’ll be because we want to. They’ll be no one to call cut. No one to please but us.”
“I know. That’s what makes me want it so bad.” Josh said the one word that Mike couldn’t resist: “Please.”
A frisson of pure, electric want shot down Mike’s spine. “You asked for it.”
Josh barely managed to lead them off the dance floor and into one of the single-stall unisex bathrooms before Mike pounced on h
im. His back ended up closing the door with a bang so loud, he was certain it could be heard over the music. He fumbled with the lock, and managed to turn it as Mike kissed him like he was oxygen. This was as close to privacy as they’d ever gotten, not that Josh much cared with a sexy man ravishing him.
“Want you so bad,” Mike said against his mouth before biting his bottom lip.
Josh gasped as the little burst of pain mixed with the pleasure of having Mike’s hard body pushed up against his. He managed to say back something like, “Murff,” but coherency was impossible. And then, Mike slid a thigh between Josh’s legs.
Josh had known he was turned on before, but Jesus, having Mike pelvis-to-pelvis with him added sharp pleasure to his haziness. He almost couldn’t see straight, there were so many sensations to sort through.
If he’d known at the beginning of the evening that he’d end up having sex in the bathroom, he wouldn’t have worn such tight pants. He was going to bust a seam any minute.
Mike’s lips found the soft skin below his ear and kissed it. “We don’t have to do this here. You can come back to my place.”
Josh shook his head and whimpered. “Look me in the eye, and tell me you can wait another minute.”
The smile that played across Mike’s lips was sinful. “Touché.” He rolled their hips together, and Mike’s erection nudged up against his. “I have everything I need right here.”
Josh caught his kiss-swollen bottom lip between his teeth and chewed on it to distract himself from how good everything felt. “Then do something about it. I think you mentioned making last time up to me.”
“Oh, I intend to.” He picked Josh up and deposited him on the edge of the sink like he weighed nothing.
“Holy shit,” Josh murmured, stunned. “That was hot.”
“Not as hot as it’s about to be.” Mike slipped his fingers under Josh’s shirt and dragged blunt fingernails down Josh’s stomach.
Josh whimpered, especially when Mike’s fingers continued their slow creep downward. “Fuck, please touch me.”
Mike laughed, breathy and low. “I’m a sucker for when you say please.” His hand reached Josh’s pants, but instead of sliding under the waistband, it ghosted over the front, palming his erection. Josh gasped and canted up into the touch, head back, torso taut. He hadn’t realized he’d spread his thighs until Mike sunk between them.
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