“Porn.” Mike didn’t bother to lower his voice. “My business is porn. You can say it.”
Josh looked around. No one had so much as glanced their way, but paranoia crept over him like a figure standing just over his shoulder. “Dude, we’re in public.”
“So? I’m not ashamed of what I do. I’m a porn star. I’m in the sex industry. So are you. I may not be out to my family, but I don’t care if a bunch of strangers know.”
Josh took a deep breath. Clearly, he’d struck some sort of nerve. “Mike, I’m not ashamed either. I just don’t want to invite any spectators into this conversation. There’s a table of guys right over there getting drunk on sake. I’ve had experiences before where I talked about being gay in public, and some jock types decided to take notice. Okay?”
That seemed to lower Mike’s hackles. “Fair enough. I’ll keep my voice down.”
“Thank you. Anyway, what I’m getting at here is that so long as you’re in porn, this could happen again. And if we’re together, then I’m at risk as well.”
The tension in Mike from before sprang right back up again. “So, what do you think the solution is?”
Josh sensed somehow that this was a trick question, but he didn’t want to answer it with anything other than the truth. “I can’t ask you to quit porn any more than you can ask me to quit my jobs. It’s your livelihood. You have bills to pay, and believe me when I say I get that. But if we start dating, then I want you to start using condoms when you film. Every time.”
He paused for Mike’s reaction. Mike had gone wide-eyed, but he didn’t speak, so Josh continued. “I know straight porn doesn’t usually use condoms, but I’m sure you can find people who will work with you regardless. There have to be women out there in your same boat. Or maybe you can exclusively film gay porn? I don’t know. I haven’t thought it all the way through yet, and it occurs to me that it might be too soon to talk about this, but now you’re not talking, and it’s freaking me out. Please say something.”
Josh bit his lip to stop himself from babbling.
Mike blinked, as if coming out of a trance, and looked hard at him. “You’re not gonna ask me to quit my job?”
“No. I won’t lie, part of me wants you all to myself, but I would never ask that of you.”
“Why?”
“Lots of reasons. Namely, we’re not together. Who am I to barge into your life and demand you rearrange everything when for all we know, we won’t last another month? Plus, working for Murmur Inc. opened my eyes. Now that I’m a sex worker too, I get it. This is a job. It has ups and downs, same as any nine-to-five. It’d be hypocritical of me to ask you to quit, even for health reasons. I wouldn’t ask a construction worker to quit their job because they might get hurt. Or a realtor, if you prefer.” He winked.
Mike continued to stare at him for another long moment before he reached over, cupped the back of Josh’s neck, and drew him into a kiss. It was chaste compared to their usual kisses, but the emotion behind it left Josh’s breathless.
“Wow,” he said when Mike pulled away. “What was that for?”
“For being amazing.” Mike stroked his neck with a thumb before letting go. “Sorry I was acting all cagey for a minute there. That wasn’t what I was expecting you to say.”
“What were you expecting?”
Their sushi arrived then, along with a waitress who brought them water and asked if they needed anything else. It seemed the restaurant didn’t have champagne, but they did have sparkling wine, so Mike ordered that instead.
When the waitress left, Mike grabbed his chopsticks and pointed to a decorative sushi roll. “Try that one. I’ll answer while you chew.”
Josh broke his chopsticks and clumsily navigated a piece into his mouth. It was surprisingly salty at first, but then something mild neutralized it. Avocado?
“It’s really good. What’s the salty part?”
“Salmon roe.”
Josh gave him a quizzical look.
“Fish eggs.”
Josh made a face. Mike silently took the plate from him before sliding over some beautiful sashimi in its place. Josh tucked into that with delight.
“To answer your question, when you started talking about risks and all that, I thought for sure you were gonna ask me to quit. When I first started in the industry, I tried dating outside of it, and without fail, everyone I met couldn’t handle it. They judged me, or they tried to ‘rescue’ me, or they gave me ultimatums. Sometimes all three. After a while, I swore I’d only ever date fellow sex workers. That was better, but I still encountered problems from time to time.”
Josh swallowed a bite. “Like what?”
“Remember what Colette said at orientation about the shelf life of a porn star?”
Josh dipped a piece of yellow tail into a little dish of soy sauce and tossed it into his mouth before nodding.
“Well, once I dated this girl who was only in porn for a week. When she quit, she expected me to quit with her. I refused, and that was the end of that. Happened again with a guy who was in phone sex. When we got serious, we decided to be exclusive. Except, I thought being exclusive meant being devoted to each other and not sleeping around recreationally. He thought it meant me being out of a job. In truth, that was long enough ago that I could have packed up and done something else, but I didn’t want to, and I resented him for asking.”
Mike stopped to chew and swallow before adding, “When you were talking a moment ago, I was having flashbacks to that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t know.” Mike shot him a wry smile. “I’ve heard you’re not supposed to bring up exes on the first date.”
Josh shrugged. “I’ve seen you naked. I think we can bend some of the traditional dating rules.”
“That we can. Which reminds me. I have a surprise for you.”
“Oh?”
The waitress returned with their wine, poured it for them, and left.
“Perfect timing.” Mike held up his glass. “I propose a toast.”
“To what?” Josh clinked his glass against Mike’s.
“To my new professional endeavors.” Mike took a sip. “I spoke to Colette earlier today and told her I don’t want to be in porn anymore.”
Josh almost spit out the mouthful he’d taken. “You what?”
“Try not to shout, baby.” His eyes sparkled with mischief. “We don’t want anyone else to hear, right?”
Josh had to struggle to keep his voice down. “What do you mean you quit? I didn’t ask you to.”
“Yeah, and make no mistake, if you had, I probably would have called Colette right back and told her I changed my mind. I’m stubborn like that.”
Josh set his glass down before he dropped it. “I don’t understand. You said you’d never quit for someone else.”
“What makes you think I quit because of you? That’s kinda self-absorbed, don’t you think?” He winked. “In truth, this has been a long time coming. Taking those two weeks off made me realize how tired I was. Tired of everything. I know it was stressful for you, but I’m grateful we had that scare. It gave me two things I needed: time and perspective. It’s funny: I accused you of being a shooting star when I’m the one who burned out a long time ago.”
“It wasn’t all that stressful for me, if it helps. Or at least, I say that now that I know I’m negative.”
Mike laughed. “I know how you feel.”
“How’d Colette take the news?”
“Pretty well. She told me she’d never expected me to last this long, which was a hell of a backhanded compliment. She asked if I want to quit sex work altogether, and I said no. Murmur Inc. is like a second home to me. I have a whole foundation built there, and it’d be silly to give that up. She gave me a bunch of suggestions for other things I can do.”
“Like what?”
“Modeling, for one. I’ve done nude work on and off in the past, and I can put a decent portfolio together. Also, it turns out Colette is
opening some all-gender strip clubs in the city. The popularity of Magic Mike, among other things, created a demand for them. I figured I’ll audition, since I love to dance.” He nudged Josh’s knee with his. “And I have a proposal for you, if you’re up for it. It should be beneficial to us both.”
“Oh?”
“Webcam channels featuring couples and groups make about twice as much as ones with single people. There’s so much more you can offer to clients with multiple performers. I was thinking maybe I could guest star on your channel? It’d be an easy way to get paid for all the sex we’re going to be having anyway.”
Josh, who had managed to keep his hormones in check all throughout dinner, suddenly found himself salivating. “That sounds amazing. You’re welcome anytime you like.”
“I appreciate that, but for the record, it’s still your channel. I’m not going to take over. I think maybe once a week or so we could give your clients a hell of a show. But the rest of the time, I want you all to myself.”
Josh nodded. “I’m so down for that. Out of curiosity, are you gonna be in sex work forever, or are you going to look at other things?”
“I don’t know. The biz has been good to me, and it’s not going anywhere. Sex is one industry that thrives no matter what the economy is like. But I’ve been thinking about getting older and if I want to be that thirty- or forty- or fifty-year-old who’s still putting on a show. The pressure to look a certain way is hard enough, and I’m young. How’s it going to be when I’m going gray and have arthritis or whatever?”
“I’d still buy a lap dance from you.” Josh gave him a cheeky smile.
Mike chuckled. “Sweet as that is, I want to keep my options open. I was thinking I might look into acting someday. I’m always saying that porn stars deserve Oscars for what they do. I’ll still have to look a certain way, but no one will expect me to have washboard abs when I’m fifty.”
“Aren’t you worried people might recognize you from porn?”
“I don’t plan to hide my past,” Mike said with a shrug. “If that keeps me from getting jobs, then fuck ’em. Besides, people are always complaining about how liberal Hollywood is. I’m sure there are producers out there who are willing to hire an ex-porn star. And if that doesn’t work out, I’ll find something else. I could get some use out of my degree, for example.”
“What’s it in?”
“Marketing. I bet I’d be a good PR rep or something. God only knows I’ve spent the past three years marketing the hell out of myself to get where I am.”
“How would you cite that on a résumé?” Josh tapped his chin. “‘Extensive experience interacting with porn addicts on social media’?”
“You’d be surprised. Colette gives great references from what I hear, and she’s not afraid to find creative ways to describe job roles. I heard that once a cam girl who was known for performing in elaborate outfits wanted to become a florist. Colette wrote her a recommendation letter in which she praised her ‘impeccable taste, color choices, and unique aesthetics.’”
“Good to know! I might need that one day.”
“Oh?” Mike raised an eyebrow.
“Well, yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna run a cam channel for the rest of my life either.”
“What do you plan to do, then?”
Josh took a sip of wine to wet his dry mouth. “I’ve been thinking about going back to school.”
Mike was silent.
“I know, I was shocked too. I only ever got my AA, and I think it’s because I wasn’t mature enough for higher education. Well, that, and I was more interested in partying with my friends. It’s funny, I remember sitting in my shitty room, thinking about my minimum-wage job and my routine life, and feeling like I was better than that. But now I know I never did anything to deserve better.”
“What made you realize that?”
“I think you did. Watching you work your ass off. Hearing you talk about how difficult it was to become successful. I got into porn because I thought it was going to be easy, and I was wrong yet again. I expected things to get handed to me, and I shouldn’t have. I’ve grown a lot since then, though. I think once I’ve saved up some tuition money, I could give it another go.”
“If that’s what you want, I’ll support you.” Mike leaned in like he was going to kiss him again.
Before he could, Genzo appeared to clear some of their empty plates. He looked between them and giggled. “We can move you two to a booth if you’d like. They’re more private.”
For the first time since Josh had met him, Mike blushed. “That won’t be necessary.”
“Lemme know if you change your mind.”
As soon as he left, Mike turned back to Josh. “I have a question for you, if that’s okay. A serious one.”
“Shoot.”
“How’s this date going so far? Have I proven myself to you?”
“I think so. Provided you never, ever lie to me again, then I’d say we can leave the past behind.” Josh cleared his throat and did his best official voice. “Mike Harwood, I forgive you. I don’t think you meant any harm, and you did the two things everyone needs to do when they fuck up. You owned up to it, and you accepted responsibility.”
“Thank you. That’s a very mature way of looking at it. When I first met you, there were aspects of your immaturity that I was drawn to, but I must say, I think you’ve grown into someone I like even more.” Mike brushed a strand of hair away from Josh’s face. “Someone I find attractive inside and out.”
That gave Josh an idea. “I have one more question myself.”
“What’s that?”
Josh fiddled with his glass, suddenly nervous. “You said one of the perks of you appearing on my cam channel would be getting paid for all the sex we’re going to have, right?”
Mike’s lips started to turn up. He must’ve sensed where Josh was going with this. “That’s correct.”
“Well . . .” Josh took a quick breath and looked up at him. “How much sex are we talking?”
Mike’s little smile turned into his trademark wicked grin in a flash. “You tell me. There hasn’t been a moment since I met you that I wasn’t ready to go. I’m pretty sure I can deliver on all the toe-curling, world-rocking sex you can handle, and then some.”
Arousal flooded into Josh with such force, it made him dizzy. “And if I said I wanted to get started on that right now?”
“I’d say ‘check please.’” Mike leaned toward him and lowered his voice to the deep, dark tone Josh liked best. “I feel like I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. The chance to be with you the way I’ve wanted to from the moment we met. No cameras. No audience. No one to call cut right when it gets to the good part. This isn’t going to be like anything we’ve done before. Are you ready for that?”
Josh could scarcely draw the breath he needed to reply. “Please.”
Mike had no idea how he got them from the restaurant to his apartment without breaking every traffic law California had, but the next thing he knew, he was fumbling to get his front door unlocked while Josh clung to him like a horny octopus.
“Can’t wait to be with you.” Josh’s tongue brushed the shell of his ear. “Want you so bad.” He was grinding his cock against Mike’s ass, and his hands were everywhere. Pushing up Mike’s shirt and delving into the front of his jeans. Mike had never really noticed the height advantage Josh had on him, but now that the man was splayed against his back, he felt every inch of it. In a good way.
Mike drew a ragged breath. “Much as I love your enthusiasm, if you don’t let me get the door unlocked, we’re never going to get inside.”
“We could give your neighbors a show.”
“Tempting, but I thought you were looking forward to finally being alone?”
That got Josh to back off. Marginally. He stopped grinding against Mike, at least, but he kept his arms wrapped around him. It was as if he thought Mike would disappear if he let him go.
But Mike had no intention of going an
ywhere except to the nearest flat surface. He’d waited a long time for this, and he intended to be very thorough.
He got the door unlocked and flung it open, hurrying inside. Josh followed after him, only to stop in the doorframe, eyes wide as they swept over the living room and up to the loft. “Holy shit. This place is nice.”
“You can admire my décor after.”
Josh’s eyes snapped from the brick fireplace to Mike’s face. An impish grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. “After?”
“You heard me.” Mike grabbed him by the front of his shirt, yanking him inside and into a passionate kiss. Josh made a surprised, muffled sound and then softened like warm chocolate. Mike wrapped one arm around him while the other found the door and pushed it shut. Then he shoved Josh against it. Josh went back easily, without a hint of resistance. If it hurt when his back connected with the wood, he was too busy kissing Mike to complain.
Mike wasted no time taking Josh’s wrists and pinning them up by his head. To Mike’s delight, Josh seemed to like that. He’d been kissing him back fine before, but now he melted into it, opening not only his mouth but what felt to Mike like his whole body. He even widened his stance so they were the same height and Mike could fit their hips together.
Mike broke away with a gasp. “Remember the first time we kissed?” He sucked Josh’s bottom lip into his mouth and nibbled on it. “Seems like forever ago.”
“I can’t believe we’re the same people.” Josh pushed against his hands, as if testing how pinned he was. “Feels totally different, being with you now.”
Mike held him in place without breaking a sweat. “I dunno about that. You’re still a brat.”
Josh stopped struggling and grinned. “I can’t make it too easy for you. What would be the fun in that?” He nipped playfully at Mike’s lip.
“Want me to let you go?”
“Only if you promise to catch me again.”
Mike released his wrists and grabbed a fistful of his shirt instead, hauling him into another kiss, one that deepened and then darkened. Josh didn’t seem content with kissing any longer, though. He pushed at Mike’s jacket, indicating that he wanted it off. Mike let go of Josh’s shirt long enough for Josh to slide the jacket off his shoulders and discard it. When Josh reached for Mike’s belt buckle, Mike captured his hands again.
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