When You're With Me

by Wendi Zwaduk

  Because she loved him and always would. I’d relive the whole relationship again in a heartbeat.

  Jude stood before her door and rifled through her pockets. Damn, no keys. She puffed out a long breath and dropped her chin to her chest. He’s got my keys and my purse. She touched the peeling brass knob. The door creaked open and her blood ran cold. She dragged air into her lungs in an attempt to calm her frayed nerves.

  Jude gave the door a shove, yet stayed in the hallway. “Hello?” Maybe she’d left the door ajar when she’d gone out in such a hurry the other day? She shook her head. No. Locking her door was second nature.

  She scrubbed a shaky hand over her mouth and ventured a foot into the apartment. She flicked on the overhead light. The curtains to the lone window fluttered in the stiff breeze. Glass shards and the torn remnants of her clothing lay scattered all over the floor. Drawings flopped in between the piles of strewn pencils and drawing pads. Her blood thumped in her ears. She was a smart woman, but suddenly she felt like a fool. Being a stripper wasn’t worth it if she had none of her personal things to show for it. No art work, makeup, clothing…

  She needed to get out. Now.

  Jude forced her feet to move and ran into a solid object. She pounded her fists. The scent of pine and cigarettes curled around her brain. “Let me out of here!”

  Thick fingers encircled her arms. “Jude, honey, it’s me.”

  She knew that voice and that scent. Corey. She inched away from the hulking bouncer. “What are you doing here?” Jude smoothed the wrinkles in her T-shirt and cursed her vulnerable state. Her ire rose. “It’s gotta be way past midnight. Why are you outside my door? You live on the top floor next to Tiny.”

  Corey smothered her in a hug. “I heard your scream, baby. You know I’ll come running when you yell.”

  “She didn’t scream.”

  Jude backed away from Corey. “Ramon?”

  Ramon elbowed past the bouncer. “Are you hurt?”

  She nodded. “I’m fine, but the apartment’s a mess.” Tears once again streamed down her cheeks. Why did she always seem to turn into a puddle of mush when Ramon came around? Because, despite the things he didn’t say, she cared about him. Yet, all he seemed to care about was who wanted to trash her apartment.

  As if he sensed her inner turmoil, Ramon wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back. He kissed the top of her head. “You’re safe now.” He spoke over his shoulder. “Call Tiny and tell him what happened.”

  Corey huffed. “You don’t give orders, Decker. That’s my job. Besides, we call him Mr Balthazar.”

  Ramon went rigid around her. Jude leant back within his embrace. “Corey, please? I’ll be fine until you get back.”

  The bouncer snorted and stomped into the hallway.

  Ramon folded his arms tight around her once more. “You’re coming home with me.” He stroked her hair. “I can’t risk losing you. Go back to my apartment and wait. I’ll make sure there’s no one here.”

  Jude pushed away from him. “No. This is my home. I can take care of myself. Who do you think you are? The police? Tiny will decide how to proceed if he doesn’t know already. Really, I’ll be fine.” She knelt to right her tackle box and replace the scattered and broken conte crayons.

  Ramon crouched next to her. He handed her some crushed charcoal pieces and said nothing. A lump formed in her throat. Where was she going to go? Tiny would probably want to check things out. He wielded absolute power and didn’t take kindly to people butting in.

  Footsteps thumped behind her and Corey rushed back into the room. “Decker, you and I are supposed to clear the apartment. Ross is on his way.” He turned to Jude. “Balthazar wants you safe. He wants you to wait in my apartment with Andie. She’ll keep you company until I get this cleared up.”

  She stood and braced her feet a shoulder’s width apart. “No.” Both men turned in tandem. “I refuse to leave my home.”

  Corey folded his tattooed arms. “You can’t be here.”

  Ramon dropped his head. “As much as I dislike this clown, I agree. You can’t be here.”

  Tension filled the room. Corey glared at Ramon, while Ramon raked his fingers through his hair. As if to give everyone space, Ross knocked on the open door instead of walking in. “Corey, go to Mr Balthazar’s room and let him know I’ve arrived and then you’re free to go home. Mr Balthazar feels the situation is now under control.”

  Corey nodded his head sharply. “I’m watching you, Jude. This isn’t over.”

  Jude dropped her head into her hands. “I hope it is.”

  Corey crossed the room and yanked her aside. “I want to help you.” His breath heated her ear, making her squirm. “He ain’t right, Jude. There’s something about him. He’s off.”

  “Ramon’s a bouncer at the club, just like you.”

  “No.”

  Corey’s curt answer shocked her and sent shivers through her body. She brushed him back. “Go home. I’ll be fine. I always am.”

  Corey jerked away from her and glared at Ramon. “Whatever.” He gave Ramon the finger and stalked out of the apartment.

  Jude raked her fingers through her hair. “He’s infantile, but he’s loyal.” She glanced around the room. “And this is a certified disaster.” Her chin quivered and her resolve crumbled. “Who would do this, Ramon? Why?”

  Tears rolled down her face, stinging her skin. She caught sight of Ramon’s clouded expression. I can’t let him see me cry. She turned away. “Never mind. Just go away.”

  “No.”

  Her voice cracked. “What?”

  “I’ll fix this.”

  Jude swallowed and dried her face. “How? You’re just a bouncer, not the police. Beyond that, you don’t love me, so you have no say in this situation.”

  Ramon clenched his jaw. She must have hit a nerve and the small victory softened the severity of the moment. She shook her head, looking at the mess. “I’ll have to rework my portfolio.”

  “Jude, you need to give me a chance. Please?” he whispered. “I can fix this.”

  She fought the urge to buy into his plea. “I’d love to believe you.”

  “This is a cluster fuck.” Ross took up the doorway. His brows knotted as he surveyed the damage. “You’re needed upstairs, Decker.”

  “I’ll be right back,” Ramon said and shuffled past Ross.

  Ross folded his arms and leaned against the doorframe. “Well, what happened?”

  “My apartment’s been ransacked,” she groused. “I’ll be here until I’m fifty just cleaning it up. Look around. You can’t miss it.”

  He crouched next to her. “Why don’t you find somewhere else to stay?”

  “You, too?” She plopped down on her butt. “This is my home. What’s it with you men telling me where the hell I can stay?”

  “Ramon is unattached and trustworthy. He will protect you.”

  “Yeah, he’s trustworthy and heartless.” She tossed a broken chalk stick across the room. “I’ll follow him straight to hell.”

  “Stop.” Ross grabbed her arm. “Make amends with him. Yes, he’s blunt and he’s curt, but he’s in your corner.”

  Ross wasn’t one to show emotion and he rarely raised his voice. Jude closed her eyes. “Fine.”

  “Go.” Ross stood and pulled her into a standing position.

  Jude stomped down the hall and stood in front of Ramon’s apartment. Part of her wanted to slug him. Another part of her wanted to run away. The rest of her wanted to go to sleep and wish the whole damned situation away. She rapped her knuckles on the door.

  Ramon strode down the hallway. “Hi, hon. Let me open the door for you. I’m supposed to have you stay with me tonight.”

  “I don’t want to know who decided that for me. I’ll sleep on the couch.” She stepped into his apartment and stopped. This was too close to being a couple again. “It’s only right since we’re not together.”

  “I disagree.”

  Jude whirled around. “Oh, you do?
I won’t sleep with a man who doesn’t care for me and is acting out of duty to his superior.”

  “Let me explain…”

  Jude gritted her teeth. “No need. I see everything clearly. I’ll sleep on the couch until Ross gets my apartment sorted out. Period.”

  Ramon closed the door and stepped in front of her. He took a deep breath and cupped her chin. Shock rocketed through him that she didn’t back away. “I can’t protect you when you’re out here alone. If you come with me, I can.” She looked away. Ramon cocked his head to regain her gaze. Fear and panic registered in her eyes. “Someone wants something from you, Jude. I want them to go through me before they hurt you.”

  Her chin quivered. “So you can hurt me first?”

  “Babe.”

  Jude jerked out of his grasp and plopped down onto the couch. She tugged the crocheted blanket over her body. “I refuse to sleep with you. You want me only for sex. I put my heart on the line and you smashed it. Not a second time. Go away. I can protect myself.”

  Ramon threw his hands in the air and stalked into the bedroom. He glanced around the lonely space. Jude’s essence permeated the room. Her scent marked his pillows. Her things cluttered the bathroom. Her love—thin at the moment—wrapped around his heart. He rubbed his eyes. Did she love him, or just the character Ramon?

  The light in the living room flicked off, bathing the apartment in darkness. Ramon sat on the edge of the bed. Ramon’s decree had nothing to do with his feelings. His affection for Jude urged him to protect her. He took a deep breath. Anger or not, he couldn’t stand to be apart from her. He strode into the front part of the apartment. What could he say? He needed to rebuild her trust.

  He squatted next to the couch. Jude shifted, yet remained silent.

  “Deal.”

  Jude looked at him with questions in her blue eyes. “With what?”

  Ramon scooped her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. Jude thumped his chest, squirming within his grasp. Undeterred, he dumped her on the bed.

  “What are you doing?”

  “You’re right. No sex. But I want us to act as a couple of.” I need you too much. He bit down hard on the tip of his tongue. Admitting his truths wasn’t going to win him points with her. Still, it couldn’t hurt to try. Putting space between them, he sat on the edge of the bed. “I care about you, very much, Jude. You’re a sweet girl, a fantastic lover, and an inspiring artist. I’m a better man when you’re with me and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose you.”

  Jude considered him a moment. She knotted her fingers together. Did she want to reach for him? “You got me.”

  Relief flooded into his mind. “You want to make love?”

  Jude rolled her eyes. “You never give up, do you?”

  “Never.”

  She fell back against the pillow. “Then go to sleep with your pyjamas on.”

  Twenty minutes later, Jude fell asleep with her back to him. The desire to spill his secrets and feelings battled with the knowledge that more hidden cameras lurked in his apartment. Who would overhear the specifics of his job if he revealed his true identity? Tiny and anyone else who wanted dirt.

  Ramon stroked her hair. A lump formed in his throat. She deserved the love in his heart. When Jude rolled into his arms and snuggled against his chest, Ramon allowed himself to drift to sleep. If she cuddled, she didn’t hate him. If she didn’t hate him, there was a chance they could survive the roadblock. If that happened, they could forge a future together. He needed that future. He needed her.

  Chapter Seven

  Ramon spent the next four days observing and protecting Jude. He remained at a safe distance. Although she stayed with him, her fear and independent streak kept him just beyond reach. At the same time, he immersed himself more fully in the drug trade within the club. Most of the dancers delivered the condom packets. His bar tab reflected the extra purchases. Ramon made notes and reported to Wallace via text messages and personal meetings.

  After he dropped Jude off at the college, Ramon met with Wallace and Mateo at the Curry-n-Carry Deli in Crawford, Ohio. He slid into the booth and unzipped his hooded sweatshirt. The thick plastic creaked and groaned with each movement.

  Wallace stirred his coffee. The spoon clinked against the ceramic cup. “I see you became close with the dancers. According to Kenworth, you have a favourite.”

  Mateo snorted. “Close? Favourite? Shit. He’s screwing around. I hope your lady friend’s a good lay.”

  Ramon growled. As much as he respected his best friend, sometimes friends needed a swift kick in the ass. “You want to do the job for me?”

  Wallace sipped his coffee and his gaze vacillated between the two officers. “I wonder if you know what you’re doing.”

  “I do.” I’m in over my head and in love with a woman I can’t have in the end. “You worry about dickhead here screwing up his traffic detail.”

  “Me screw up? Nah.” Mateo burst out laughing. “But you’d better keep that ‘I do’ phrase in mind.”

  “Why?”

  Wallace folded his napkin. His moustache bobbed as he wiped the corners of his mouth. “She’s under your skin.”

  Irritation flowed through Ramon’s veins. “I can walk away.” I think. “It’s not as complicated as it looks.”

  “Yeah?” Mateo drummed his fingers along the edge of the Formica. “Why didn’t you leave her alone when Malsam cleared her apartment? You let her sleep in your bed like a good, pussy-whipped man. I’m telling you, you’re wrapped around her little finger, man.”

  “I’m concerned.” And in love. Damn it.

  Wallace pinched the bridge of his nose. His salt and pepper brows knotted together and he sighed. “Are you going to be able to nab him? You don’t have much time left. He’s going to get wise if you piss around.”

  “I’m working up to him. The girls are the main distributors. Tiny only deals directly to specific clients. I can see it in his eyes he wants to sell to me, but the bastard’s being careful.”

  Mateo slapped his hands on the table. “Then force his ass! Kiss up to another dancer and get her to convince him. You’re slipping and we’re wasting time. We can’t afford to find someone else dead because of his shit cocaine.”

  “I will.” If I can convince Jude it means nothing…

  “Take my advice, since I don’t usually get involved in your personal life.” Wallace tapped his finger on the table top. “Forget your piece of ass and get the job done.”

  Drew shifted back into his Ramon persona and nodded. He slid away from the booth. Because of his job, her heart was shredded. Because of lies he couldn’t cop to, her trust in him was shaky. Now he had to toss her aside in order to seal the deal. Shit.

  * * * *

  Ramon drove across town to the community college campus. He pulled into one of the parking spots lining the street. Jude sat on a bench with her sketch pad open. She’d folded her legs beneath her and her skirt flared around her hips.

  “Hi.”

  She looked up. A small smile flashed upon her lips before fading. “Hello, shadow. Funny seeing you in the daylight.”

  Ramon shoved his hands into his pockets. “Well, at least you spoke to me. It’s a start.”

  “I know how to be civil.” Jude closed the pad and folded her hands. “Do you know where the Ryman Building is?”

  He nodded to the building on the hill. “North campus.”

  She placed the spiral drawing pad in her backpack and stood. “Let’s take a walk.”

  “Lead on.”

  Jude grinned as she fell into step with him. Her hands swung at her sides. Ramon itched to take her hand in his. Would she inch away? Would she slap him? Would she give in? He rubbed his sweaty fingers against the leg of his jeans and reached for her. Although she didn’t look at him, she squeezed his hand…and didn’t pull away.

  At the doors to the Ryman Building, she stopped. “I want to show you something. Are you game?”

  Ramon stood
on the bottom step. “I get it. You want to have your wicked way with me on campus.” He shook his head. “I’m yours. Find the nearest empty classroom and take me.”

  Jude raked her free hand through her hair and visibly suppressed a chuckle. “You’re incorrigible. You know that, right?”

  “It’s why you like me.”

  “I suppose.” She shoved the thick glass door open. “Come on.”

  Ramon cheered his small victory and followed her lead. Jude walked a couple of paces ahead of him. Her ass swayed and turned his insides to jelly. His mouth watered and he flexed his fingers, ready to capture her in an embrace. Just to touch her and feel her silky smooth skin under his. He needed his Jude fix.

  She stopped in front of a frosted glass door. “You wanted to see my artwork, correct?”

  Ramon came to a halt behind her and twirled a lock of her hair between his fingers. “I seem to recall asking that, yes.”

  Jude turned the knob. “This is my studio. Not even Tiny knows about it. No cameras, no peepers, nothing.”

  Ramon eased past her into the room. Although not much bigger than a nine by nine cell, the space sported a wall of windows, bathing the room in natural light. A storage unit with four shelves housed her supply boxes. Next to the door sat a tall filing cabinet with long flat drawers. The scent of paint and fixative hung persistently in the air. He glanced at the photos tacked on to the corkboard and the painting on the nearby easel. Her knack for capturing personality in her subjects was uncanny. “Beautiful.”

  She took a deep breath and nibbled her bottom lip. “This is my sanctuary. I come here when I need to think and escape.”

  Ramon opened a portfolio case. The image staring back at him made him pause. She’d captured him at the club on paper. His breath caught in his throat. He looked like Drew—the real man—tired, interested and in awe.

  Jude slapped her hands over the image and wrestled to close the black portfolio case. “You weren’t supposed to see that one.”

  He cupped her cheek. A bit of the chalk from the drawing smeared on her creamy skin. He didn’t care. To him, she was perfect with smudges. “Was that handsome hunk supposed to be moi?”