Toni L.P. Kelner - Laura Fleming 02 - Dead Ringer

by Toni L. P. Kelner

  Considering how noisy Tiffany and Jason were, I wondered if I should suggest a hearing test for the baby. “Linwood and Sue must be having a tough time. I heard Linwood lost his job.”

  “I guess they’re doing all right. He’s got himself another job.”

  “Oh? What’s he doing now?”

  “I’m not sure. I haven’t talked to him about it myself because Linwood’s kind of hard to speak to these days. You understand.”

  I made an affirmative murmur.

  “Anyway,” Aunt Ruby Lee continued, “Ilene has a friend in Linwood’s neighborhood, and she says that Linwood leaves every morning and doesn’t get back until dinner time. So he must have some kind of a job. I just don’t know what it is.”

  “Doesn’t Aunt Edna know what he’s doing?”

  “Well, they aren’t getting along too well these days. I know they’ll work it out, but it’s kind of awkward right now.”

  I could understand why, after what had happened with Paw and Aunt Edna’s husband Loman. Aunt Edna’s loyalties were with Paw, while Linwood was still mourning his father. It was a complicated situation by anyone’s standards.

  “Anyway,” Aunt Ruby Lee went on, “after Linwood got fired, Edna asked if he needed any help, but he said no. We’ve all been kind of checking around to see, but nobody knows where he’s working. Edna was afraid it might be something a little shady, but I feel sure that he wouldn’t do anything like that.”

  I told her I agreed with her, which was partially true. We chatted a while longer, but that was all I really needed to know. As soon as I got off of the phone, I repeated the information to Richard.

  “Do you want to try calling another aunt?”

  “No need,” I said. “If any of them knew, all of them would. I’m afraid that it does sound suspicious.”

  “I don’t know,” Richard said. “If Linwood were the blackmailer, he wouldn’t have to leave the house every morning.”

  “Unless he was trying to cover up.”

  “Kind of elaborate for a coverup, don’t you think? Is Linwood that thorough?”

  “Linwood’s not stupid,” I said. “He’s just ignorant in some ways.” Richard didn’t look convinced. “You have to admit that he knows more Yankee jokes than anyone else we’ve ever met.”

  “A sterling recommendation,” he said dryly. “Does that mean he is or isn’t a suspect?”

  “Is. Since he goes somewhere during the day, maybe I’ll go over to his house and see what I can find out from Sue.”

  “Shall I come with you?”

  “I don’t think so. Sue will probably be more talkative with just me. You know, woman–to–woman.”

  He nodded sagely. “Then I’ll go visit the offices of the Byerly Gazette. From what Acyle said, the paper gave a lot of ink to the boys in Vietnam, so I’ll look up some old issues and try for leads.”

  I dropped him off at the Gazette office with a promise to retrieve him later, and drove to Linwood’s house.

  Linwood and Sue didn’t live in a bad neighborhood, but it wasn’t a wonderful one either. What with marrying and starting a family so young, they probably wouldn’t have been able to buy a house at all if it hadn’t been for help from Aunt Edna and Paw. Still, most of the houses on the block were decently tended to, and there were lots of other families with children around.

  After I drove by once to make sure Linwood’s truck was gone, I parked in the driveway behind Sue’s station wagon. Then I went to ring the doorbell.

  I heard Tiffany’s and Jason’s voices and somebody came to the door and opened it just a crack, not enough for me to see inside.

  “Yes? What do you want?” someone said in a squeaky falsetto.

  “Sue?” It sure didn’t sound like her, but I said, “It’s Laurie Anne. Can I come in?”

  “Sue isn’t here,” the voice said, cracking a bit. “You can call her later.”

  Who was that in there? Certainly not Sue, and in fact, it didn’t much sound like a woman at all. “Linwood, is that you?”

  The door slammed shut.

  I rang the bell again, and when no one answered, I rang it yet again. Then I pounded on the door. “Linwood! What are you doing?”

  The door opened all the way this time, and I saw Linwood standing there with little Crystal in his arms. “Stop that before someone hears you.” He looked up and down the street. “You may as well come inside,” he said, and stepped back to let me in. Then he quickly closed the door.

  He led me into the living room, which looked neater than I had ever seen it. Jason and Tiffany were arguing over a coloring book in one corner, and Linwood said, “You two stop that fussing and go outside.”

  “Do we have to?” Jason asked.

  Then Tiffany said, “I get the good swing,” and ran toward the back.

  “No fair! It’s my turn!” Jason yelled, and followed her. Two slams of the back door confirmed that they had gone outside.

  Linwood sat down in the rocking chair, expertly jostled Crystal, and glared at me.

  “I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” I said. I knew that if I waited for an invitation to sit down, I was going to be waiting for an awful long time, so I took a seat on the couch. “Where’s Sue?”

  “She had to run some errands, so I’m watching the kids for a little while.”

  “Oh,” I said.

  “What do you want, anyhow?”

  “I wanted to come visit Sue and the children while I’m in town, and I thought it might be more polite to come when you weren’t here.”

  He snorted at that, but didn’t say anything else.

  “I hear you have a new job.”

  “I took the day off.”

  “What are you doing now?”

  “Why do you want to know?”

  “Just curious.”

  “Just nosy is more like it.”

  Crystal picked that moment to assume a look of deep concentration, and I’d been around enough children to know what that meant. A second later, the scent of her accomplishment wafted through the air.

  “I think Crystal needs to be changed,” I said.

  Linwood peeked inside Crystal’s diaper, and wrinkled his nose. “I’ll say she does.”

  Considering how I had seen Linwood react to dirty diapers in the past, I was about to offer to help, but before I could, Linwood said, “I better get her cleaned up.”

  He carried her into the back, and a minute later I followed him down the hall and into Crystal’s room. I didn’t say anything, and I guess he didn’t realize I was there. He already had the offending diaper off and was efficiently wiping Crystal’s behind with a baby wipe. Then he powdered her, pulled a fresh diaper from the stack on the changing table, and had her fixed up again as neatly as I’ve ever seen it done.

  “Did Crystal make a mess?” he cooed. “Daddy’s got her all cleaned up now, doesn’t he? Crystal’s all clean now.” He tickled under her arms, grinned when she giggled, and then saw me standing there.

  “What’s the matter?” he said with a frown. “Haven’t you ever seen anybody change a baby’s diaper before?”

  “I never saw you change a diaper before.” As far as I could remember, I never even saw him hold Jason and Tiffany when they were babies.

  “I do a lot of things you don’t know about,” he said, and brushed past me. Back in the living room, he put Crystal into a baby swing, wound it up, and started it swinging.

  “You may as well leave,” he said. “I don’t know when Sue will be back.”

  I was starting to get suspicious. Linwood looked awfully darned comfortable taking care of Crystal for someone who was only babysitting for an hour or two. And with the kind of work Linwood typically did, I found it hard to believe that he could take a day off in the middle of the week for anything short of an emergency. I said, “Maybe you’re right. Tell Sue I’ll call her later. What time does she get home from work?”

  “About five–thirty,” he answered, and then his face turned dark red
. “How did you know that? What are you snooping around in my business for?”

  I held up one hand. “I haven’t been snooping, Linwood, honest I haven’t. It was just a lucky guess.” I could tell that he wasn’t sure whether to believe me or not, so I added, “If you don’t want anybody to know that Sue is working, then I’m certainly not going to tell.”

  He looked a little happier. “It ain’t nobody’s business, anyway. This is just temporary until I get me another job.”

  “But Linwood, a friend of Ilene’s says she sees you going to work every morning.”

  “Sue drives the pickup. And she wears my hat sometimes.”

  “And your jacket, too?” I guessed.

  “If she wants to. I suppose my old jacket wouldn’t be fancy enough for some people, but Sue don’t put on airs.”

  “That’s true,” I said. Then I couldn’t help it any longer. I started snickering.

  “What’s so damned funny?”

  “I’m sorry, Linwood, but this really tickles my funny bone.” He started to say something else, but I went on. “I really have to hand it to you. Paw always said that living in Byerly is like living in a fish bowl, and I never did figure out a way to keep my private business private. I just think it’s hilarious that all of our aunts are going nuts trying to figure out where you’re working, and you’ve got them all fooled. It’s brilliant!”

  I guess he started to see the humor of it, too, because he snickered and said, “They can keep on trying to figure it out, but they’re never going to find Sue. She’s working in a lady’s lingerie store in Dudley Shoals, and I bet they won’t be looking for me in there.”

  That did it. My snickers graduated to a full–blown belly laugh, and Linwood was right there with me. Even Crystal joined in with a few giggles.

  We finally stopped to wipe our eyes, and Linwood remembered that he didn’t trust me. He asked, “Did you really come over here to see the kids?”

  “That wasn’t the only reason,” I admitted.

  “That’s what I thought. Does it have something to do with Aunt Daphine’s troubles?”

  “How did you hear about that?”

  He snorted. “How do you think? Didn’t you just say that Byerly is like a fish bowl? When Aunt Daphine asked you to come over last night, Aunt Nora knew that she must have told you what was wrong. Aunt Nora told Aunt Ruby Lee, Aunt Ruby Lee told my mama, and Mama told Sue.”

  People up North might need cellular telephones to keep up with everything, but not down here. “Aunt Daphine did talk to me,” I said, “but she made me promise not to tell anyone what she said. I’m sure it’s not because she didn’t trust anybody else, but—”

  “I imagine she’s got her reasons,” Linwood said. “I don’t have to know everything about everybody else. Not like some people.”

  “Linwood,” I started, but then stopped. It wasn’t worth the effort. “I’m glad you understand.”

  “So why did you come over here? You don’t think I’d do anything to hurt Aunt Daphine, do you?”

  There wasn’t a whole lot I could say to dodge that, because it was exactly what I had been thinking. “I didn’t want to think you were involved, but I had to be sure.”

  “Why in the hell did you think I’d do something to harm someone in my own family?” Then he reddened, and I guessed he was thinking about his father. “Well, I guess you had your reasons. Let me set you straight, Laurie Anne. The only Burnette I’ve got anything against is right here in this room. I haven’t forgotten about my daddy.”

  He glared at me, but I met his eyes and said, “I don’t expect you to. I haven’t forgotten about Paw, either.” We stared each other down, and we’d probably still be at it if Crystal’s swing hadn’t picked that minute to stop, which made her start fussing. Linwood winding up the swing broke the tension.

  I guessed that that was the closest either of us was ever going to come to apologizing, which was just as well. I’m not real sure who it was that should have apologized for what. Anyway, Linwood was downright cordial after that. Cordial for Linwood, that is. He offered me a beer, and only told a couple of Yankee jokes. I turned down the beer, laughed at the jokes, and promised once again to keep his secret before leaving.

  Chapter 12

  I wasn’t sure if Richard would be finished at the Gazette office or not, but he came running out the door just as I drove up. He leapt into the car, flung a folder fat with papers into the back seat, and swept me into his arms.

  After several minutes of passionate embrace, I got a chance to say, “Well! You’re awfully cheerful this afternoon.”

  “And why not? To quote your once–and–future–Uncle Roger, ‘I’m in love with the prettiest woman on this earth.’ ” He smooched me again.

  “Does this mean that you found out something good at the Gazette office?” I asked hopefully.

  “As regards Aunt Daphine, probably not. I did, however, make an instrumental breakthrough in the investigation of the death of the mysterious Leonard Cooper.”

  “Is that so?” I started driving toward home. “Tell me more.”

  “As an icebreaker, I started with a request for out–of–town subscription rates. The worthy Hank Parker was delighted to help. Since the amount was not high, I decided that two doses of Byerly news each week is just what we need to fulfill our lives. Hank accessed a program by which mailing labels are generated so he could enter our name.”

  “A database manager,” I said impatiently. “Get on with it.”

  He cleared his voice indignantly before continuing. “It seems that Hank only rarely has occasion to enter new out–of–town subscribers, which comes as no great surprise. As a result, he is not familiar with the program and couldn’t remember how to add a record. He eventually determined that he could modify an existing entry and then save it with a new name.”

  “Of course he could,” I said. “Almost all database managers work that way.”

  “Interruptions merely slow the process of explication,” Richard said with a lofty expression. “Since our name begins with ‘F’ he went to the closest entry in the list, which started with ‘C.’ Obviously, the number of out–of–town subscribers is small.”

  “Richard,” I said seriously, “I am going to hit you upside the head if you don’t get to the point.”

  “I have arrived at the point. The entry Hank happened to choose to modify was for Leonard Cooper, late of Richmond, Virginia.”

  I was impressed. “Really? Why would he want the Byerly newspaper? It never has anything in it but local stuff.”

  “Hank and I asked ourselves that same question. By looking at the records and consulting the Gazette’s secretary, we found out that Cooper first subscribed over twenty years ago. Each year, he sent a typewritten note and a check asking for a renewal for the coming year. Interestingly enough, the papers were not sent to his home but to his office address.”

  “That is interesting,” I admitted. “Did you call Junior and tell her?”

  “Immediately. Hank let me do the honors, so he could then interview me about Junior’s comments. Her response was, and I quote, ‘I’ll be damned. That’s mighty interesting, Richard.’ ”

  “Clearly a success like this deserves reward,” I said. By now we had reached Aunt Maggie’s driveway, so I stopped the car and kissed him.

  “Is that it?” he asked. “It was a major breakthrough.”

  I kissed him several more times, until he agreed that he had been suitably rewarded.

  As we went inside, I said, “Now, not to denigrate your achievement, did you find anything we can use to help Aunt Daphine?”

  “I don’t know yet. After our mutual adventure, Hank was more than happy to let me explore the old papers and I photocopied everything from that era which dealt with the soldiers from Byerly. Since the war was almost the only news topic for several years, it may take us some time to go through this information.” He indicated the folder.

  It was an imposing stack. “Let’s get c
omfortable first.” We got cold Cokes from the refrigerator, and arranged ourselves around the kitchen table. I took the top half of the stack of photocopies, and left him the rest. “We may as well get to it.”

  “What is it that we are looking for, exactly?” he asked.

  “I don’t know, exactly. Since Aunt Daphine didn’t tell anybody about her nonmarriage, I guess what we’re hoping to find out is whether or not Uncle John Ward could have told anybody. That means trying to track down anyone else from Byerly who went to Vietnam at around the same time as he did.”

  “I think that we can safely limit ourselves to the survivors,” Richard pointed out.

  “Agreed.”

  The next hours were long and tedious, punctuated only by Richard pointing out grammatical errors in the articles he was reading. We finally finished reading all of the papers late in the afternoon, and I handed Richard my notes so he could coordinate them with his.

  “The way I see it is thus,” he said after a few minutes. “There were at least twenty Byerly–bred soldiers in Vietnam. John Ward Marston was among the first to go, but seven others from his graduating class were drafted at or around the same time: Sid Honeywell, Philip Jones, Ed McDonald, Larry Parker, Reggie Rogers, Alex Stewart, and Small Bill Walters. There were others drafted a few months later, but Uncle John Ward was dead before they arrived in Vietnam. For now, I think we can ignore them.”

  “That sounds reasonable.”

  Richard went on, “Of that crew, Sid Honeywell survived, and was planning to work at the family filling station.” He peered at me over his notes. “I assume that a filling station is similar to a gas station.”

  “Of course it is. He still runs it as far as I know.”

  “Philip Jones, the former gopher at the Byerly Bank, died in a bout of so–called friendly fire. Ed McDonald, despite the loss of two fingers, went to work at the mill. Larry Parker is the older brother of our own Hank Parker. He worked for the Army news corps, and went to work at the Byerly Gazette.”

  “I remember hearing that Hank has a brother, but I don’t think he lives in Byerly anymore.”

  “Reggie Rogers spent some time in an Army mental hospital, and didn’t return home until long after the others. His plans were not known at the time the last article was written. Alex Stewart survived unscathed, and went to work at the mill. Small Bill Walters died in Vietnam several months after Uncle John Ward did. There you have the fruits of our labor.”