End Online: Volume 1

by D Wolfin

  Lying in a bed in an unfamiliar room, judging from the white sheets and the fact nearly everything else was white it is safe to assume I’m in a hospital. I tried to sit up in the bed and found that I couldn’t, were my legs in casts or something, I couldn’t bend or even move them.

  Memories began flowing into my head of before I was in the hospital.

  Locking up the house...

  The sound of breaking wood...

  My heart started to feel constrained in my chest, using my arms to prop myself into a sitting position, I pulled the white sheet off of me. I’m wearing nothing except a plain white hospital gown, looking down at myself there are a couple of scuffs and scratches, but I can’t see any abnormalities.

  Something however does not feel right at all! Gently I poke my legs, even trying a few pinches.

  I stop being gentle, leaving red marks all across them.

  I don’t understand what’s happening! A few tears trickle down my face, dripping onto the white gown and leaving speckles of moisture in the fabric.

  It feels like I’m touching somebody else, I can feel the skin through my fingers, but not the feeling of being pinched. My stomach twisted up further and further, my breathing gradually becoming more stained with each inhale of air.

  Gripping the bed sheets in my hands with all the strength I can muster, the tears on my chin begin pouring down.

  “I see that you’re finally awake,” Clearing his throat an unknown doctor in his late twenties entered the room, “How are you feeling?” He cast his eyes to the side away from me. We both knew he already knew, it was just a standard procedure with patients that he is required to ask.

  “My name is Doctor Martin, but you can just call me Martin. I’m not sure if you recall, but you were involved in quite a serious accident. A building collapsed on you, a piece of which completely crushing the T11 and T12 vertebrae in your spinal column, consequently severing your nerves and leaving you completely.. Paralysed from the waist down...” Dr Martin then took a deep breath before continuing on.

  “Honestly, you must have incredible luck to even survive such an accident, the piece that broke your spine offset the damage from the rest of the collapse, saving your life.”

  He’s trying to show me the brighter side, I can see that! However that doesn’t change the current situation, I can’t feel my legs!

  “You underwent emergency surgery to clean out the splintered wood and crushed bone from the wound in your back, replacing the missing spine with a solid brace. You also needed significant blood transfusion to replace the blood you lost, the two adorable little donors who provided the blood that have refused to leave your side for the good part of the week you were unconscious,” even Joelle and Shari have been put through all this hardship because of me. How could I do this to them?

  It’s not my fault! It’s not! So why am I feeling so guilty!

  “They are currently out getting some food, I gave them a little money to use the vending machine on the floor below us, but they should be back shortly.” He still couldn’t look at me in the eyes, I don’t know whether he is feeling my guilt or out of consideration of pretending not to see my tear stricken face as if I wasn’t in such a state.

  “As for your surgery, there won’t be any bill. It was already paid by a man called Jack Randall, your boss I believe. However…” He turned to face his back to me, but I witnessed a pained look on his face as he did so, “He has claimed a non-liability clause and that the entire incident to be your own fault, threatening to sue for damages if it proceeds any further. Also with the government system the way it is nowadays there is no further monetary compensation for your situation…” Martin’s shoulders start to shake a little with his fists clenched.

  Turning somewhat towards me but still not looking at me directly he continues, “There is a procedure in modern medicine, it is possibility of have the damaged spinal sections surgically replaced with synthetic vertebrae and regenerate the nerves by harvesting the stem cells found in the human brain… however, the cost is-“

  “I-I know! I know al-already!” Choking through tears and snot I practically shout at the futility of my situation. Information about the operation started spreading through population about 6 months ago. It was a complete revolution in modern medicine and science, only that the price tag for such an operation required you to have about $7 million to spend.

  “I’ve been through your medical and immediate family records, nothing much in the terms of relatives, both short and distant. I’ve also read the report on your parents... All I can really say is, you shouldn’t completely give up hope.” Martin faced me directly as he spoke these lines despite me being unable to return the gaze.

  I want to run away, the urge in me to just run was so incredibly strong I felt I actually might do so, but right now that is probably the one thing I will never do again.

  I was looking out the window when the two most precious people to me came in through the door on the other side of the room, dropping packets of potato chips onto the floor they sprinted over to me, their eyes all red and I can see traces of tears. I lean over and put an arm around each of them and pull them close, ignoring the smell of the two who clearly haven’t showered in at least a few days.

  “Honestly, have you two even washed while I’ve been gone?” fresh tears tried to stream down my face there seemed to be none left, ”What on earth would you two do without me.”

  “Please Holly,” it was Shari who cried out first, “pl-p-please get better and come home!” Joelle sniffled out a few pleases as well. I couldn’t help but give a gentle smile holding these two bright rays of sunshine against me.

  ‘What I should be saying is what would I do without you.’

  “Ahem, sorry to interrupt you,” Martin clears his throat to get our attention, “I also have some stuff for you that the hospital has donated as we can hardly let you leave as you are. First we have a wheelchair, something to allow you to move around, it’s nothing special, truly the basic of all basics.”

  “Secondly is a piece of equipment we trialled a few years ago in an attempt to help give people who were born partially paralysed or disfigured a chance to use the parts of their body they never got a chance to before. The box may be a little bit dusty but it is still brand new and should work perfectly fine.” He picks up a box from the corner of the room and hands it to me. It’s a V-Link, the headpiece to allow someone to access virtual reality.

  “I don’t understand, how can you just give something like this to me?” I have to ask, there is always a reason or a catch.

  “Well,” Martin explained, “to be completely honest the trials we held were for people born paraplegic or disfigured unfortunately ended in a complete failure. We never foresaw that someone who had spent their entire life being unable to move their legs, or never had them to begin with, would be incapable of learning how, leaving them partially paralysed even in virtual reality. In the end we ended up with a whole bunch of those devices in storage.”

  “I discussed it with some people and we came to the conclusion that someone like you would need it the most. It’s not a remedy but to be able to retain the feeling of your legs in virtual reality should help you come to terms with the loss slower. Also I recommend you use it to quite some extent that if in the future you end up getting an operation to repair your spinal cord, your brain will still remember how to walk and all you will have to do is train the muscles.”

  I see his reasoning, but honestly, how is this guy so kind, am I in a hospital in the lower district or above? Incredibly doubtful, looking outside the window it appears I’m in downtown and there isn’t really any general hospitals further out past downtown.

  “That’s about all I have to say for now, you’re pretty much free to check yourself out whenever you want.” While saying that Doctor Martin turns around and exits the room, leaving just the three of us siblings are left in the room, Joelle and Shari a little distance from me.

  I notice there
is now a wheelchair in the room for me and just like the doctor said, it was really simple, an old fashioned style completely operated by your arms alone, not that I’m in any position to complain.

  “Hollis, let’s go, I ca-can’t stand to see you in this be-bed anymore,” It was Joelle this time speaking, there were a few sniffles throughout but overall she had stopped crying and has pushed the wheelchair over next to my bed along with handing over a folded up pair of clothes, “we will wait outside for you to get dressed and ready, co-come on Shari.” She beckons the youngest sibling to follow her out which she doesn’t raise any complaints about and follows quietly.

  With the door closed I grab the clothes and try to pull them over my legs, this is so much harder than it appears to be, getting my jeans past my knees was relatively easy but it was nearly impossible to pull them all the way up, I had to roll around a few times to get them up over my thighs, An embarrassing sight that I wish no one ever has to witness. The shirt of course was naturally the easiest to get into, just a plain grey t-shirt absent of any designs.

  I sat there for a moment, staring into black space as emotions of turmoil and loss waged war inside of me.

  Forcing my head to become clear, I move across the bed like a crippled crab to get to the wheelchair. The height of the seat is a little lower than that of the bed, so it’s a little worrisome that I may have to drop into it, and what if I was to miss..

  Putting my fear aside, I grab my legs and swing them over the side of the bed, inadvertently causing my upper body to maintain the momentum and topple over sideways. At least I’m still on the bed, correcting my posture and pulling the wheelchair against the bed to where I am.

  Getting down doesn’t seem that hard in the end. Leaning my weight forward onto the chair I safely manage to lower myself into it. All the worry was for nothing it seemed

  I find moving the wheelchair in a straight direction to be a little out of my skill range, but I manage in the end. Arriving at the door I move a little to the side so I can open it without being in the way. Joelle and Shari are waiting outside with eyes still red, “Joelle, why don’t you push me out of this hospital?” I try to give the best smile I possibly could to cheer them up but it’s hard to make someone else feel better when you’re not feeling even the least bit like smiling.

  Joelle silently pushes me through the corridors and we eventually leave what was called Saint Martha’s General Hospital. It was only around lunch time but the sky was completely clouded over and looked like it could rain at any moment.

  My entire body feels fatigued, I hope it will pour and wash away my pain.

  We arrived at the nearest train station shortly afterwards, with only a short wait for our train I’m a little less worried about the brand new V-Link, still in the box, that is just sitting on my lap.

  If you were to look directly down on Taile City’s train network system you would see what appeared to be a cobweb branching out from the city, there are trains that run in and out of the city, and also ones that run around the districts. This way you wouldn’t have to go all the way into the city and then back out in order to go from the south side to the east side of downtown, or any other district, travelling without actually having to leave the district.

  The stations that connect these two services are shaped like a + with two opposite diagonal platforms where you decide which train you want and which direction. A mobile phone is all you really need to use these services, but pre-paid cards are available that you can put money onto. There are rumours however that if you travel to the upper districts, quite often they won’t let you leave the station if you from below a certain point in society.

  Even the station names help segregate the districts from one another with first a letter corresponding on which face of the compass you are closest to, and followed by an identification number for each station. The further out from the centre of the city you go the more digits that number has, my nearest station is called E_127442.

  We arrived home a little into the afternoon, the rain beginning to drizzle down. Placing the VL in my room while the girls are in the shower, the speed that they were out was extremely quick and I had to lock them out afterwards due to their persistence in trying to help me clean myself. A bath seemed much more practical given my condition, so leaving my towel on the back of my wheelchair I slid into the water, steam rising all around me as I let my hair down.

  It was a little irritating that I had to pull myself back every minute or so to prevent myself from slipping completely underwater. I also couldn’t shake the feeling that I was drowning and all that was at the bottom was defeat.

  I quickly finished washing myself and placed the towel down the side of the bath and along the floor in a |__ shape. Climbing out of the bath and onto the towel wasn’t overly difficult but there is no doubt it would have been painful for someone to watch.

  Last was the fun part, clothing myself on the bathroom floor and getting back into the chair.

  Leaving the bathroom I could smell something burning, and upon rolling myself into the kitchen there was a considerable amount of black smoke drifting around. Joelle and Shari are side by side at the stove panicking about not knowing what to do about the food on fire.

  I come up beside them, turn the stove off and throw some of the flour I picked up along the way in the pan, successfully extinguishing the fire. The girls wouldn’t look me in the eyes as I looked at them, but I know they meant no harm. Honestly, I’m more irritated at how filthy the kitchen is.

  “Joelle, Shari. Why don’t we just have some instant noodles for dinner tonight?” I don’t mean to sound harsh or anything but right now this food is no longer even remotely edible, “I’m sure you can cook again another night, how does that sound?” Their eyes seem to light up a little thinking of ideas they can cook, I’m definitely going to make sure I’m with them when they do.

  “Okay,” Joelle replied rather meekly, “I will go boil the water, Shari, can you get the bowls and noodles out?” They actually work quite well together, getting dinner ready in about 5 minutes.

  The clean-up of the kitchen however was not quick, far from it. Night had long taken over when everything was clean, I had to have the girls help put away the stuff in cupboards that I couldn’t reach. I also got them to do some minor cleaning around the room.

  Sprawled out on the living room floor watching cartoons on TV is how they spent the rest of the night, I could easily imagine them being cats the way they are spread out. Heading back into my room there was a great deal going on in my mind, we need money, the child welfare officers are bound to come by soon and try take them away.

  No qualifications, didn’t finish school, and now incapable of the grunt labour I’ve been doing up to this point. Maybe something I could do online, write a blog or make videos and receive money off advertisements.

  Who am I kidding, I couldn’t do that, I have never done it before and wouldn’t even know where to begin.

  I can sell my stuff on the internet, but I don’t particularly have much to sell. The only thing I can really sell is my car, especially considering that now I’m never going to drive again.

  Starting up my laptop in my room I go to an a site where you can post free ads to sell basically anything from houses to second hand cutlery.

  I decide to put my car into the antiques section doubting there would be a single person other than me who would buy it to drive.

  Checking my phone shows one voice message from Jack, I already know what it’s going to be about but I check it anyway, “Hollis, I heard you’re out of the hospital. Look, I’m terribly sorry for what happened, nobody expecting things to turn out that way... Also, in light of recent events, I can’t continue to employ you. I sent through your next pay check but that’s all I can really do for you.” The bitterness I felt hearing that was overwhelming, he’s played the innocent role to save himself the insurance claim and basically left me buried six feet under.

  Lying in bed, the events are
once again playing out in my mind. Resting one arm over my face, a tear escapes thinking about the most likely scenario of the girls being taken away.

  I can’t let that happen! I can’t! I know I’m being incredibly selfish, but I want them here with me!

  And I know I probably can’t stop it from happening!

  Why did this have to happen? I want my legs back. Please, give them back...

  Through these thoughts I slowly entered oblivion.

  ***************************************************

  The next morning I fell out of bed trying to stand up before realizing I couldn’t. It was a little painful to fall, but everything from the waist down it was similar to a falling rag doll, absolutely nothing. Checking my back to make sure it didn’t reopen the surgery wounds, I was lucky there was no blood. Good, that meant I’m safe, I will have to be extra careful as I can’t afford to go back to the hospital.

  Turning my laptop back on I see that I have mail, an offer for my car. Well, it obviously can’t be all that much. Opening up the message it appears to be someone like me, no money to buy a proper car, and searching all over for something cheap. $650, it’s not too bad, that was about what I would earn from two weeks of working. I was about in the middle of replying my acceptance when another mail arrived in my inbox.

  !!.. My eye’s just about dropped out of my head.

  Dear Hollis,

  I'm a collector of antiques and odds. I saw your car that you are currently selling as an antique. I would love to purchase this off you so I can turn it into a project of restoring it for a vintage display. My offer is $14,000

  Regards,

  Tyr.

  This is it, the way to turn everything around! I’m sorry for the guy who needs my car but I need this money. I immediately erase the other reply and send one to this collector. The reply coming straight back saying he would like to pick it up today, the sooner the better as his excitement is causing him to want to begin immediately.