Standing Outside the Fire

by Jillian Neal

  Standing Outside the Fire

  A Holder County Novel

  Jillian Neal

  Photography by

  Golden Czermak / Furious Fotog

  Edited by

  Happily Editing Anns

  Copyright © 2020 by Jillian Neal

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  ISBN: 978-1-940174-54-9

  Occupational Therapists help make all of the pieces of daily life work the way they’re supposed to. They help their patients live their lives to the fullest. I could never have written this book without the help of my dear friend, Mary Jo. The pieces would never have worked.

  * * *

  To Mary Jo--

  * * *

  Thanks for always helping me live my life to the fullest.

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  About the Author

  Also by Jillian Neal

  Prologue

  It was Jamie Holder’s twelfth birthday, and he stared at what had to be the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen in all of his years of life. He had a problem. The boner he’d just sprung in the middle of algebra wasn’t going away. He tried to remember what his big brother Ford had told him about getting rid of them, something about turnip greens and Sunday preaching, but he couldn’t think of anything but how pretty she was and how much he wanted to know what her lips tasted like. Cotton candy from the fair, he bet. Not that crap they sold in bags at the feed store on Saturdays. No. She was the real deal, the melt in your mouth, candy-sweet, spun sugar that turned your tongue bright pink.

  The girl with a halo of messy red curls and freckles scattered across her wind-pricked cheeks attempted to smile at him as she stood dutifully beside the teacher. Ms. Hendrix needed to get on with this stupid introduction so that Jamie could get to asking this girl to marry him.

  He shook himself. What the hell was wrong with him? Obviously, he couldn’t get married until his daddy gave him his parcel of Holder Ranch, so Jamie would be able to take good care of her.

  She was wearing a dress that he knew she was gonna get teased for. It wasn’t at all what the rest of the girls in the school wore, mostly Wranglers and T-shirts. But she looked so pretty. Jamie couldn’t stand to think about the other girls teasing her for her clothes. It looked homemade, and that wasn’t cool in Holder County, but it probably had been back wherever she came from. It was also several sizes too large for her small frame. He’d just make sure no one was a bitch to her. That would be his mission from now on—to protect her.

  “Class,” Ms. Hendrix announced, “I want to introduce you to our new student, Charlotte Tilson. She’s just moved here from Oklahoma City. I’m sure you’ll all make her feel very welcomed.” She said that the way teachers do that thing where you know it’s a threat even if the words aren’t necessarily threatening.

  Jamie raised his hand. Ms. Hendrix made no effort to hide her eye roll. He knew she hated him. He sucked at math. It was boring and when he got bored, he tended to run his mouth. He didn’t mean to. It just always seemed to happen. “Yes, Jamie. What is it?”

  “Charlotte can sit here.” He pointed to the desk right beside his, thankful for once that no one had taken the seat on the first day of school. Maybe algebra would somehow magically turn into his favorite class.

  “Thank you,” Charlotte whispered. She headed his direction, and he prayed she wouldn’t notice his…problem. He scooted himself further under his desk trying to conceal his Wranglers.

  There’d been a bunch of talking between Ms. Hendrix and the principal and the counselors before they’d brought Charlotte in. He wondered what that was all about. Almost nobody ever moved to Holder County unless they decided to give cattle ranching a try and there happened to be a ranch for sale. That occurred next to never, so a new kid in school was rare. The school had been named after some relative of Jamie’s just like everything else in Holder County. He couldn’t remember which one, and he really didn’t care. All he knew was that it was a pain in his ass that everyone knew everything there was to know about him, his brothers, and all his cousins just because they were Holders.

  But this new girl wouldn’t know anything about him yet, now would she?

  Smiling at that, he turned to study her again as she sank slowly down in the cold metal seat beside his. Her backside was as pretty as her front. Ford was gonna have to come up with some better plans for the whole boner deal because things were not improving.

  Suddenly, an ear-piercing screech blared through the classroom, piped in through the intercom. Fire drill. Jamie promptly panicked. Now was not a good time for him to have to stand up. He mentally practiced a few of his uncles’ favorite curse words and then, switching tactics, prayed everything in his pants would return to normal size and hardness levels.

  Squeaks and clanks of chairs and backpacks sliding along the floor signaled his classmates standing to file outside. Everyone was thrilled for a fire drill on a warm spring day. No algebra, beautiful girl, and getting to go outside. This day was pretty awesome if you didn’t count the whole hard-on thing.

  But when Jamie forced himself to stand and willed his dick to cut him a break, he saw Charlotte still sitting frozen in her seat. Tears threatened to escape from her long eyelashes.

  His problem went away. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s just a drill. Nothing exciting ever really happens here. I promise. Come on,” he offered her his hand, “I’ll show you where we go.”

  Charlotte placed a timid, shaking hand in his. She was freezing despite the warm day and the windows being opened. He closed the warmth of his own hand around hers and eased her toward the classroom door.

  She moved stiffly like one of those zombies from that movie he and Ford had snuck in to see when their dad had taken them into the new theater out in Odell last weekend. The alarm must’ve frightened her. Poor thing.

  His heart ached, and he couldn’t breathe even thinking of her crying. He’d seen his mama crying once a few months ago, and it had nearly ended him. He didn’t know what to do when girls cried, and mamas shouldn’t ever cry. They’re too good to ever have to go through anything that made them sad enough to shed tears. His daddy had finally told him and Ford that their mama had lost a baby.

  Jamie had seen that happen with a few of their cows, but
never his own mother. He didn’t really think they needed any more brothers. Plus, his Aunt Ruth and his Aunt Leigh had just had babies and he figured his mama could just love up on them since they were always together, but that seemed the wrong thing to say just then.

  He refocused on Charlotte. If he could remember to focus on anything for any length of time, he’d probably do better in school, but it was trying. However, he’d bet the ten-dollar bill in his back pocket, the one that his Uncle Gentry had given him for putting out the fire that had gotten away from them when they were burning the fields last month, that he could focus on Charlotte for a long, long time and never get bored. “It’s okay. I promise. I won’t leave you. I’ll stay right with you. They’ll take roll when we get outside and then maybe they’ll let us go play out on the field. It’s just a drill.” He wasn’t certain what else to say that might reassure her. Maybe they didn’t have fire drills at her old school. That would suck.

  Despite Charlotte’s fear, Jamie still felt that same sense of adrenaline bursting through him at the sound of the alarm. He didn’t want her to be afraid of anything ever, but as far as he was concerned, answering the call of the alarm, rushing into the things other people ran away from, saving anyone who might still be inside—that was the stuff his wet dreams were made of. Although, he suspected they’d be starring Miss Charlotte Tilson from now on.

  He guided her out the doors, through the covered drop off where the buses normally parked, and onto the field. There was no sign of smoke anywhere, and there weren’t any firetrucks coming. He hated that he was disappointed in that, but he was. Somehow, he’d figure out a way to be a cowboy like his daddy and also how to be a firefighter too.

  “See, it’s okay. Told ya it was just a drill.” He tried again to get Charlotte to talk or to even look like she knew where she was. She managed a timid nod, and he took that as a good sign.

  As they stood out in the practice field, Jamie was still holding her hand. He sure as hell wasn’t going to drop it even though he could hear that punk, Sid Ridgeland, making snide remarks about it to his lackeys, Denton Cooper and Clinton Rivers.

  “Finally get yourself a girlfriend, Holder,” Denton chanted.

  Charlotte seemed to suddenly realize that she was still clinging fast to Jamie’s hand. Panic lit in those emerald-green eyes of hers. Jamie tightened his grip. She didn’t seem to mind. “Did you finally figure out how to piss without Sid holding your member, Dent?” he came right back. He wasn’t taking shit off of either of them. If they teased Charlotte, he’d deck them. He didn’t even care if he got in-school suspension for it. His daddy wouldn’t care either. His mama, on the other hand, well, he’d just have to explain it to her real careful like.

  It was at that moment that Jamie heard an angel, or what he thought must’ve been one. Charlotte was giggling. His heart lurched and then began to fly inside his rib cage. Damn thing was going to bust through.

  Her giggles sent Denton back Sid’s way which was fine by Jamie.

  “Only my father calls me Charlotte,” she whispered when her laughter had dissipated.

  “Oh,” Jamie considered that, “well, what do you want me to call you?”

  “Charlie,” she urged. “That’s what all my old friends used to call me. Mama used to say Charlotte’s too formal for me. She called me Charlie too.”

  “Okay,” Jamie grinned. “I’ll call you that too. Hey,” he couldn’t stop himself even though he knew he should, “do you wanna be my girlfriend like they said?” He gestured back toward the resident middle school stooges even though that was not what he should’ve done. Dumbass. He cringed. “I mean not like that but…kinda like that…but not really…because they’re fuckers.”

  She was laughing again. Jaysus, if she kept that up he had no chance of not sounding like a dumbass.

  “Maybe,” she shrugged. “Could we be just friends first?”

  “Sure. Yeah. That’s…yeah.” Defeat shredded through his chest.

  Charlie glanced back at the school. “I hate fire alarms,” she offered cautiously.

  “How come?”

  She shrugged again. “I just do.”

  But the universe was definitely on his side that day because the bell rang just as the fire alarm ceased its constant blare. He grinned. “Wanna go hide out in the tube on the elementary playground? Now nobody’s gonna know where anyone is 'cause half the kids are gonna go on to their next class. We can just hang out. No more fire alarms.”

  Charlie looked at him like he was officially her hero. Oh yeah, he needed more of that. A harsh swallow contracted his throat and if she didn’t stop beaming at him, he was gonna have another problem. Damn thing. She sank her teeth into her bottom lip as kids scattered all around them. Finally, she squeezed his hand even tighter and nodded. “Are you sure we won’t get in trouble?”

  “I promise.” They took off at a run.

  She’d eventually coaxed him into going back inside after skipping one class. They’d eaten lunch together, and Jamie didn’t like that she didn’t have ice cream money. “You can have mine.” He offered her his ice cream sandwich.

  “No, thank you.” But the way she eyed the treat made it seem like she really did want to say yes. He broke it in half.

  “I don’t want all of it anyway.” That wasn’t exactly true, but he didn’t want it as much as he wanted her to have some. She looked like she didn’t get to have things like ice cream all that often. He intended to change that.

  Chapter One

  “Fuck,” Jamie grunted as he forced his body to lean upwards in his bed. Bad plan. He collapsed back down. His muscles ached from fighting the demons of sleep. Christ, his tongue felt like the Sahara complete with tumbleweeds piercing the roof of his mouth. This was the hangover to end all hangovers. After all, that had been his goal when he’d started drinking at noon the day before.

  Slapping at the bedside table, he knocked his watch on the floor. He had no idea when he’d gotten around to taking that off, and it didn’t really matter. Finally, he located the bottle of Crown that he’d tried to drown his sorrows in the night before. Making another attempt at sitting upright, he managed to unscrew the bottle. His head spun right along with the lid.

  Drunk was the only possible way he was going to get through this day, and likely the rest of his stupid life, so he’d deal.

  Another low curse growled from his chest when he upended the bottle and not a single drop of liquid sanity poured out. He tossed it on the floor. The resulting thunk ricocheted through his head.

  As more and more of the reasons he’d gotten shitfaced the night before filtered through his whisky-laden brain, panic bolted him up out of the bed. He squeezed his eyes shut, but it was no use.

  He stumbled to the bathroom and emptied the contents of his gut into the toilet. Bile replaced the whiskey burn in his mouth. “Fuck,” he sighed as he hung his head—which he swore weighed three times its normal amount—under the faucet and let the water run directly into his mouth. Then he let the cold water run over his face as well. That helped some. Swirling a shot of mouthwash in his mouth, he tried to study his reflection in the mirror. Yeah, he looked about as good as he felt.

  He had to get it together, and he had to do that now. He was going to be late. How poetic. He’d give anything he owned, or would ever own, or would ever even hope to own to not have to go do what he was going to have to go do. But he’d never let her down. Not like that.

  Managing to bend over to retrieve his watch, he fought another round of nausea. He had to get to the church. Now. She was marrying that shitlicker in—he willed the dials on his watch to stop spinning oddly in his vision—an hour.

  He’d planned to go by the station early that morning and get Kane to give him a saline IV, so he wouldn’t have to look like this at the wedding. Charlie would never forgive him for showing up looking like death, no matter how he felt.

  This was her day. She’d been planning it for months. He wasn’t going to ruin it by opening his bi
g fat mouth and begging her to marry him instead.

  Nope. No way. He was not an asshole, and only a guy who wasn’t worth the shit on his own boots would do something like that.

  He’d had ten dozen chances, and he’d never had the balls to take one, so now he was gonna have to live with the consequences as much as he’d rather walk into a three-alarm without his gear on.

  Pulling on his black suit and black tie, he decided it was appropriate that he was dressed for a funeral. He completed his ensemble with a black Stetson. Hell, put his boots backwards in the stirrups of his horse. As far as he was concerned, his life was over anyway.

  Charlie stared steadfastly at the parking lot from the window of the second-story bridal room at her father’s church. Where was he? She could not get married without her best friend there. She mentally tried out that sentence in her mind leaving off the words without her best friend there. She could…not get married. She rather liked the peace that settled over her when she allowed the thought to take hold. Oh gravy, that could not be a good sign.

  His big brother, Ford, and his extremely pregnant wife, Callie, were already there. So were his parents. But where was he?