by Jillian Neal
Charlie had so many questions, but answers required the guts to ask them. She ordered herself to stop being so tentative. “So…was that…good for you?” Okay, stupid question, but she needed some warm-up time.
He chuckled as he brushed a kiss in her hair. “Good doesn’t even come close to describing it, but you’re stalling. What is it you really want to know, angel?”
“Why have you started calling me angel? What we just did doesn’t seem very angelic.” She was getting warmer.
“Because you are an angel. My naughty little angel, which is the best kind. I could call you sugar tits if you like that better.” He waggled his eyebrows and she penned a giggle behind her lips. That certainly wasn’t something she’d ever even considered as a pet name. “Besides, angels have sex, right? That’s how they make more angels.”
She propped herself up on her elbow and laughed at him outright. “You didn’t pay any attention at all in Sunday School all those years, did you?”
He joined in her laughter, and it struck her how good it sounded when they laughed together. “I paid attention to you. The rest, not so much. I hated school, you know that. I’d rather have been out working the ranch, Sundays included.”
“No,” she shook her head, “you’d rather have been down at the fire station, which is another reason you are not quitting.”
“There was never anywhere I would rather have been than with you, then or now. But you still ain’t talking about what you really want to talk about.”
“How do you know that?” Another question she already knew the answer to, but for some reason wanted to hear him say it.
“Because I know you. Because I love you. I’m lying here watching your mind churn in that pretty head of yours. You know there ain’t nothing wrong with you wanting what we did, right? There’s nothing wrong with wanting more than we did.”
He’d told her he loved her twice now, and not in the best friends kind of way, but she just couldn’t say it yet. People she loved got hurt. The person she’d never thought she could ever live without was the person she’d told that she loved most often. “What does ‘more than we did’ look like for you?”
He shifted in the bed and cradled her face in his hand. “Baby, I can lie here and enumerate kinks for you all evening long, but I think it’d be a lot faster, and probably scare you a whole lot less, if we just focus on our own.”
The pounding of her heart urged Charlie onward. “I liked everything you said you wanted to do when we were having sex.” Her cheeks flared with heat. “I always felt guilty for imagining things like that.”
“Why?” He brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear and she was in awe at how such a small motion could make her feel so incredibly loved.
“I guess it’s that thing Dec told you about women developing their sense of what’s okay to want from the church and their parents or whatever. Weird to think about my dad while I’m lying here naked with you. Kinda makes me want to puke.”
“Well, then we’re on the same page there.” He winked at her. “So, how about if we try to decide that as long as it’s between the two of us and it’s what both of us want, then it’s fine. No shame. If you want something from me, say it. I can pretty much guarantee you that whatever it is, I already want it too.”
Charlie smirked. “So, you mean you also have a fantasy about you wearing a pink tutu and a tiara while we’re doing it?”
A harsh laugh exploded from Jamie, but he dialed it down into a smirk of his own in record time. “First of all, I would rock a tutu and crown and don’t lay there and act like I wouldn’t. I might need to attach it on my cowboy hat to keep it from slipping while I pound that pussy the way you like, but I’m nothing if not adaptable. Fair warning, though, seems like that stuff they make them tutus out of might scratch.”
The image he painted so vividly, the easy comfortable way they were with each other—it was all so perfect that it gave her the courage to say, “I like being held down, which I know is crazy, I mean I’m the girl who always wants to know how to get away, so it makes no sense, it’s crazy like I said, but for some reason I do,” all in one big rushed breath.
All teasing was erased from the air between them. “It makes perfect sense to me,” he assured her.
“Why?”
“Because then you don’t have to be in control. It’s not your responsibility to try to feel anything but what you actually feel. There’s nothing wrong with that. And I happen to love holding you down and giving you pleasure, so it’s yet another way that we’re good together.”
Unable to do anything but hide in that moment, Charlie buried her face against his chest. He wrapped her up in his arms, always the person who could restore her when nothing else worked. She mumbled, “Thank you for getting that,” into his pecs.
“Come again,” he teased.
She lifted her head, certain her cheeks were as red as her hair. “You’re so obsessed with that,” she tried to joke.
“I’m obsessed with you. The rest just comes along for the ride.”
Chapter Thirty
Jamie’s phone buzzed on the bedside table. Refusing to do anything that might distract Charlie from what she’d just confessed, he studiously ignored it. But she crawled over him and picked it up.
He pinned her legs open over his crotch as she made her way back. “Put the phone down. I’ve got a better idea.”
“Are you always horny?”
“If you’re nekkid, or anywhere in my general vicinity, then yes, I’m horny.”
“It’s Wes. You should answer it. He might need you.”
Jamie’s brothers always needed him. That’s how the Holders worked, but Wes could wait. The whole damn world could wait until later. Right now, she was his only focus. But Charlie wasn’t having it. She shoved the phone in his hand and wiggled out of his grasp. Rolling his eyes, he answered just before it went to voicemail. “What?”
“Nice to talk to you too,” Wes sniped.
“Kinda in the middle of something.”
“Do you mean in the middle of something or between something? You know like, along the lines of Charlie’s legs because if that’s what you mean, what the fuck are you doing answering your phone, dumbass?”
Jamie ground his teeth. “Can we just get to why you called?”
“You told me to tell you what goes on down here. I was trying to do my brotherly duty.”
Jamie had to admit he was being a bit of an ass. “All right, fine. I’m sorry. What’s up?”
“I went into Odell today to pick up some new tires for the feed trucks. Went by The Kettle for lunch and happened by a table with a newspaper. According to the front page, that church out there that Ed’s the new preacher of is hosting a meet and greet for the new pastor and his wife tomorrow night. It’s a covered dish apparently, so if you wanna go you might want to pick up a bucket of chicken.”
It was a testament to how little happened in their corner of Oklahoma that a church gathering made the front page, but it also made absolutely no sense. He held the phone away from his face. “Weren’t you supposed to be gone all week on your honeymoon, darlin’?”
Charlie stuck out her tongue and gestured her index finger into her mouth pretending to gag. “Yeah. Why?”
“Wes says the Odell Patriot ran a story today that you and Ed were gonna be at some kind of covered-dish meet and greet tomorrow night at his new church.”
“What?” Charlie jerked the phone out of his hands. “Are you sure it was for tomorrow night?” she demanded of his brother.
Jamie couldn’t quite make out what Wes was telling her, but he watched her temper rise as she sat beside him in the bed. When he got back to Holder County, he planned to whip Ed’s ass just for being a shitlicker but also for making her pissy when Jamie had her naked and sated.
“But why would he agree to that when he knew we were supposed to be out of town? And if it’s a new arrangement then he really is nuts. Does he not get that I’m not going to come b
ack and pretend to like him anymore?” Suddenly she grinned and switched on the speakerphone option. “I’m with Jamie now.”
They both heard the delight in Wes’s chuckle. “Well, it’s about damn time, I’ll say that. Listen, you go make my brother smile. God himself knows Jamie’s been useless as tits on a bull ever since he thought you were marrying someone else. Be nice if he went back to not being such a pain in my ass.”
“You can go piss up a rope, Wes,” Jamie retorted.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see if I can’t track down Ed and make sure he ain’t had some kind of head injury or something.”
“I appreciate it.”
“Anytime. And Jamie, don’t…”
“Fuck it up, I know,” he concluded for him and then ended the call.
“Becca told me the same thing. Why does everyone think we’re going to mess this up?”
“It took us a while to get here, so I figure they don’t want us to waste any more time.”
Charlie settled her head back on his chest. “That’s kind of sweet, actually.”
“I s’pose. Honey, I know Ed’s tighter than a dick’s hatband, but are you sure he wasn’t having some kind of financial troubles or something? Guy’s acting like he ain’t smart enough to pour piss out of his boots. Seems to me if he’s needing his new job in a bad way, he might not be real forthcoming with them about you leaving.”
Charlie shook her head. “Not that I know of. It’s like you said, he squeezes pennies so hard they weep. He was getting a paycheck from Pecan Crescent and Dad was paying him for his help around the church, so how could he possibly have financial trouble? His stupid Sebring is paid for and his rent is cheap.” She sighed. “I should probably call him and see what on earth he’s thinking.”
“Fuck that. You wanted a week off. That’s what we’re doing. You can talk to Ed when we get back, and when I can go with you.”
“Overprotective much?” Her tender grin said she really didn’t mind.
“Always. And you’ve known me so long don’t even pretend that you were unaware that I’m like this. I’ll never apologize for it either. Taking care of you is why I was put on this earth.”
She wrapped her arms around him as best as she could. “I don’t want you to apologize. I love that you’re like that.” She loved that he was overprotective, but she hadn’t yet said that she loved him. He refused to press her. He knew there was so much tied up in her head right now, he didn’t want to further complicate things. For now, he’d just love her enough for the both of them.
“Hey, are you sore?” he asked her suddenly.
She shook her head. “I’m fine. Just trying to process everything. I thought if it ever happened when I was with someone else I would freak out afterwards, but I’m not freaking out. I’m beginning to understand the connection. I didn’t really get how much I was missing out on, I guess.”
Grinning at that, Jamie rolled her underneath him again. “Good. Now, hush up. We’re gonna do some more connecting.” With that, he sank his lips to hers and drank the hungry moan from her mouth. He didn’t need her to tell him she loved him if she’d just keep making noises like that.
* * *
By five thirty the next morning, Jamie was only half-asleep when his phone buzzed on the table beside his head yet again. In terms of sleeping in, this vacation was sucking so far. But as he stared down at his baby sound asleep in his arms, he redacted his opinion. Absolutely nothing about this sucked at all. If he got to have her like this every single night, he’d give up his career without a second thought. Even if his stomach continued to twist painfully at the thought.
Rubbing his hands over his face, he lifted the phone. Ford? Realization had Jamie sitting bolt upright in the bed. “You okay?” he tried to whisper for Charlie’s benefit, but her eyes fluttered open anyway.
“Uh yeah. I think. Callie’s contractions are about a half hour apart, but I don’t think we should wait. It’s gonna take me an hour to get her to the hospital.”
“Did Doc Thompson tell you to wait?”
“Yeah, but…she’s hurting and something about waiting don’t feel right.”
Jamie had been the healthcare go-to for his family ever since he’d become a firefighter. He wondered if that would stop when he quit. “You can go on and take her if you want to, but she’s likely to be waiting for a while there before anything happens.”
“Better there than here,” Ford ground out.
“All right. I’ll give Doc Thompson a call. Tell him to simmer down as a favor to me.”
“Thanks. Hey, she’s several weeks early. You think that’s okay?” His brother was officially coming unglued. Jamie tried to keep his smile to himself.
“She’ll be great, man. I swear. My nephew’s just gonna be like his daddy. Likes to get shit done early.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Hey,” Jamie needed to loosen his big brother up. That had always been his role in their relationship. “When she starts really having hard contractions, you go ahead and put your sac in her hands and let her squeeze. Then you’ll have some kind of idea what the hell you did to her.”
“You’re funny,” Ford harassed but he was chuckling. “Hey, I know you’re finally getting shit figured out with Charlie, but I was really hoping you’d be here for this.” Charlie was now sitting up in the bed giving Jamie a deeply concerned look. Jamie had been his big brother’s best man in both of his weddings. He’d always been there, bad times and good. Ford was the greatest big brother anyone could ever ask for. Jamie had always tried to emulate him when he was with Wes and Dalton. He hated to miss this birth too.
“Uh, yeah. Let me talk to her and see what she wants to do. Even if we left now, I’m not sure we’d make it back in time.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”
Ford had guided Jamie through life forever, and that was the first time he’d ever gotten the sense that Ford was lying.
Charlie rubbed her eyes and yawned out, “Is Callie in labor?” Jamie nodded. “Then we’re going home.”
“Hey, I think we’re heading your way.”
“Really?” Relief perforated Ford’s tone.
“Yeah. You get her on to the hospital, and we’ll be there as soon as we can.”
Charlie was already up packing before he even ended the call. He didn’t want to miss his nephew’s birth, but he also wasn’t sure they were quite ready to go back. He needed this time to work on the two of them being a couple. “You sure you’re okay with this?”
“Of course I’m okay with it. This is your first nephew. And it’s Ford. You two have been attached at the hip forever. You are not missing this.”
Nodding at that, he considered. “Okay, but what about us? We haven’t tried us out in reality yet.”
“Everyone knows I left with you. I’m fairly certain everyone suspects that we’re now dating. And we are dating, right?”
“I was thinking committed relationship, but dating works too, I guess.” He tried not to sound disappointed.
She dropped the shirt she’d been folding and wrapped her arms around him. “I like yours way better.”
Grinning, Jamie placed his forehead to hers. “Does that mean you finally wanna be my girlfriend?”
She beamed at him. “Maybe.”
“Do I need to take you back to that tunnel thing on the playground?”
“That won’t be necessary. I think I’ve been hoping you’d ask me that again for twenty years now.”
“I never said I was smart.”
She closed the distance between their lips for a brief moment. Just long enough for him to taste his past and his future. “I was the one that originally said no, so maybe neither of us are smart.”
“What do I have to do to get you to turn that maybe into a yes?”
She lifted her head and pretended to consider. “You have to keep on being my best friend, too, and still share ice cream sandwiches with me.”
“Done.”
&nbs
p; “Then, yes!”
Jamie crushed her to his chest. Life just kept getting better and better. He knew they’d have a shit ton of manure to sort through once they got back home but he’d deal. As long as she was his, he’d make it work.
Chapter Thirty-One
Charlie and Jamie thanked all of the Camdens for their hospitality and then got on the road. A parade of emotions marched through Charlie as they drove. She was going to have to face her father and Ed. She dreaded both, but she’d also never felt more at peace than she did knowing Jamie was really hers.
She knew she shouldn’t want him to quit the fire department, but she also wasn’t certain how long she’d be able to encourage him to keep his job. He loved it, but it would eat her alive every time he was on a call. She wasn’t certain how long she’d be able to go without telling him the truth either, but he also shouldn’t have to give up something he loved for her. That wasn’t how things were supposed to work, was it? The war in her mind went back and forth constantly.
“When we go back…” she wasn’t even certain what it was she wanted to say. There were so many questions.
Jamie threaded his fingers through hers. “After we go see just how tight Ford gets himself wrapped around his new little plowboy’s fingers, we go to my house and you stay. We’re still on vacation.”
Relieved to hear that, Charlie knew it likely wouldn’t be that easy. As soon as they walked into the hospital, word would get around that they were back. She would only really be safe from everyone wanting to know every single thing about the non-wedding, and her and Ed, on Holder Ranch. It struck her how many times in her life she’d only felt safe on Jamie’s ranch, and how thankful she was to have an open invitation.
“You might wanna watch out for my mama,” Jamie warned.
Charlie adored Sara Holder, so she had no idea why he’d say something like that. She’d been a second mom to her since she’d moved to Holder County. “I love your mama.”
“Yeah, I know, and she loves you too. She’s getting a grandbaby and I finally got things going with you so she’s likely to be so happy she’s orbiting the freaking moon right about now. Dad’ll have to lasso her to keep her grounded.”