by Jillian Neal
“Right. It’s easier not to. I think both of us have grown up doing a lot of things because of who our daddies are, and I think for the most part people are so interested in us for the same reason.”
“What does us going from friends to lovers have to do with our fathers?”
“Baby, don’t you get it? My family has a reputation of being way more sinner than saint, and I ain’t saying we didn’t earn it, but you’re Reverend Tilson’s daughter. I’m ruining your reputation with mine.”
She shook her head at him. “Well, now I’ll be the queen of Fuck that Nonsense.”
“See that, I’ve already got you cursing like a cattle rancher. Half the people in here are worried over you, and maybe they’re right. But the other half want to come over here and shake my hand. Whole damn town drives me nuts.”
“I do not need anyone to worry over me. You’re the best person I’ve ever met. So, if some of the Holders are more sinner than saint, you’re still not.”
Jamie made certain no one could hear them and lowered his voice another few decibels to be safe. “Pretty sure saints don’t talk women into doing what I had you doing last night.”
“I don’t really want to have this conversation with you in here, but I will say this—I loved what we did last night. I love being with you like that. I love being with you no matter what we’re doing, but no one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel. That’s why I’m sitting right here beside you. I’d really appreciate it if you’d get over your own self-imposed guilt and stop obsessively worrying about me. I’m not a dried flower. I won’t fall apart if you shake me.”
Well damn. All right. Maybe he had gotten too caught up in his own head. “Sorry,” he offered quietly. “I’ll get over myself.”
But she wasn’t finished. “I also don’t care what anyone in here thinks. That’s why we needed to come out tonight. People can see us together and move on.”
“You cared enough not to drink,” he couldn’t help but argue.
“I don’t care what people think about me and you. Not wanting to get my father in trouble with the church board is a whole different thing. Besides, you didn’t put our drinks on the Holder tab because you don’t like the idea that your father pays that bill.”
Jamie couldn’t argue that. “I don’t need people taking care of me. It’s my job to take care of them.”
Suddenly Becca spun into the booth seat across from theirs. “Hey, Sis. You look good and fucked,” she goaded her sister.
Delight sparkled in Charlie’s eyes and her megawatt grin at her sister made Jamie feel guilty for trying to keep her at his house. “You’re here!” She all but applauded. “And being supremely crass, as usual.”
“I am not crass. I’m just calling it like I see it.”
“I want to know what Dad did and said after I left”
Becca rolled her eyes but managed a smile for the waitress who delivered their drinks. “Dad is going to be Dad. I don’t get why you worry so much about what he thinks.” In a distinct juxtaposition to her big sister, Becca proceeded to order a martini with an extra shot.
“What did he say?”
Becca shifted uncomfortably, and Jamie tucked Charlie closer to him. This was going to be ugly. He could feel it.
“Just tell me,” Charlie prompted.
“That he was hurt and disappointed…in you.”
But Charlie didn’t seem rattled. “Is that it?”
“Louann tried to talk to him and explain that you’d been in love with Jamie forever and that you’d only agreed to marry Ed to make Dad happy. But Dad went on for most of dinner about the sacrament of marriage, and honoring vows, and seals on your heart or some jazz like that. Honestly, I don’t know. I zoned out for like half of it. You know I can’t pay attention when he starts in on all the Johns. I mean, how many Johns were there in biblical times? Or are they all the same dude? Why couldn’t there have been sexier names back then? Like Zeke, maybe.”
Charlie gave her sister a withering glare. “You do know there is a book of Ezekiel in the Bible, right?”
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“Who knew?”
Jamie cut in, “Even I knew that.”
Becca gave them both a sweet but defiant grin. “I’ll look it up. Anyway, Daddy wants us both to come to breakfast with him and Louann at their house tomorrow at seven o’clock. And he wants you to come alone.” She wrinkled her nose which was a duplicate of her sister’s. “On the plus side, Louann is making her bacon strata so at least that will be good.”
“I’ll come. I have a few things I’d like to say to our father.”
Becca gave mock applause. “My big sissy really did finally find her balls.”
Jamie was just about to inform both of them that Charlie wasn’t going alone. He’d be there. But Becca’s proclamation gave him pause. He didn’t want to be overbearing or make Charlie feel like he thought she couldn’t handle herself. Negotiating that, he decided on, “If you want me to come, welcome or not, I’ll be there.”
Charlie grinned at him. “I’ve got this. You sleep in. You’re still on vacation, remember?”
“Yeah, like my daddy isn’t gonna have my ass up on a horse first thing in the morning.” He downed another sip of his drink.
“Have you talked to Ed?” was Charlie’s next question for her sister.
“I drove by his house last night just to do some spying on your behalf. His car was there, but as far as I know no one’s seen him in town lately.”
“He tried to access my checking account and he told his new church that I’d be at a covered-dish dinner last night.”
“I told you he was a twat-waffle.”
“But why would he do that? Wouldn’t he not want to make promises he knows he can’t keep, especially to his new employer?”
Becca considered for a moment. “I don’t think that’s Ed’s game. I don’t think he cares anything at all about promises. I think he wants to control you. I think that’s what he’s always wanted.”
“That still doesn’t explain why he’d do what he did,” Charlie pointed out. The gnawing in Jamie’s gut over Ed’s actions hadn’t let up in days, but he wasn’t able to come up with a logical answer either. What was the guy up to? And why?
Becca swiveled in her seat when a contagion of gasps worked through the bar crowd. She turned back with her mouth hanging open. “Uh, well, you could ask him I guess because he just walked in.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Jamie’s chest expanded with a deep breath. His muscles contracted of their own accord as he stared down Ed who was heading their way.
Jace and Boone were right behind him and looked way too eager to leave a Holder brand on Ed.
“Fucker does not want to do this,” Jamie spat through his teeth.
Charlie shot him a pleading look. “Don’t hurt him. Please. He’s just being stupid.”
“Not gonna start anything, but if he does, I guarantee we’ll finish it,” he quickly explained the way the Holders fought before he stood up out of the booth. “You lost, preacher boy?” He gestured to the bar. “Not your usual digs, now is it?”
“Jamie!” Charlie huffed. Much to his dismay, she stood and positioned herself between him and Ed. “Why are you here, Ed? This is ridiculous.”
“I’m here to take you home,” Ed informed her like she was some kind of insolent child.
An almost inhuman snarl sounded from Jamie. “You are fucking my last nerve, boy, and that ain’t gonna end well for you.”
“We’d love to see you try to make her go with you,” Jace laughed in Ed’s face. “None of us take too kindly to assholes who try to make women do something they don’t wanna do, especially one of our own.”
Charlie was still standing in the center ring of this shitshow. Jamie had to get her away from Ed and away from his cousins before she was in the middle of the flying fists. Jace was a bronc rider by trade, and his temper was even shorter than his worst rid
es. Boone had only slightly more logic in the head on his shoulders, but he’d come out swinging in the name of Holder pride quicker than a lightning strike.
“Let’s go, Charlie. I think you’ve made enough of a fool of both of us,” Ed sneered.
A blood-red haze of fury flared in Jamie’s vision as he lunged to yank Charlie out of the way, but she held her ground. “You, calm down,” she ordered Jamie. “And you,” she spat at Ed, “are obviously delusional. I’m really not sure how to make it any more obvious that I want nothing to do with you than leaving you at the altar. I don’t have to make you look like a fool. You do that all on your own. I have no idea what your game is but telling your new church that I’m going to be attending events with you is borderline insane, and stay the hell out of my checking account. Walk away. I never want to see you again.”
Ed’s beady eyes flipped from Charlie to Jamie and back again. And then he dropped the lit match on the soaked fuse. “That’s not how this works, Charlotte. I do have some say over the fact that you’re perfectly happy to just lie down and become another Holder whore.”
A quick gasp echoed from Becca as she yanked her sister out of the way. Jace caught Ed from behind and held him in place. Like an over-pumped shotgun, Jamie burst forward, but before his fist connected with Ed’s vile face, someone caught his arm and pushed him back.
Everyone gathered around the fight took several steps back as Barrett Holder entered the ring. “Simmer down, son. He’s not worth it. Jace, let him go.” Terror rode hard in Ed’s eyes. Having been robbed of a brawl, Jace shoved Ed forward much harder than was necessary.
The adrenaline rolling off of Jamie was palpable in the air surrounding them. “If you ever call her another name, my father won’t be able to stop me,” he spat.
“He’s not going to ever say anything like that again, because he’s not nearly as stupid as he looks,” Barrett spoke calmly and with the authority of the man who called every shot in that county. “Ed, I get that your pride is hurt, but don’t be a fool. Stay the hell away from my kids and away from Charlie. Don’t press me. I pack an even bigger punch than my son, but I won’t be here to save you next time.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
“I’m taking you home,” Jamie informed her as he slammed his truck door.
“I’m sorry, what?” she huffed.
“You don’t want to be around me for a while.”
“Why is that?”
Instead of answering that question, Jamie exploded. “Who the hell does my father think he is getting in the middle like that? I don’t need his help. I don’t need anybody’s help.”
“That’s right. You’re the only one who gets to be a savior, right?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re just fine as long as you’re the one cast as the hero in every situation, but man, as soon as I or anyone else wants to step in and help you out, we become the villain fast.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You don’t have to say it. I know you. You taking me home because you’re in a bad mood is not how relationships work, and maybe your father stepped in because you were letting your ego make all your decisions.”
Jamie gripped the steering wheel so tightly he was mildly concerned he was going to rip it from the console. “I like making things better, okay? Is that such a bad thing?”
“Not unless you ruin relationships in the process. It’s okay that you need some help sometimes. You want me to be your wife, but you don’t want me to really have an equal role in the relationship. I don’t want to always be the one who needs to be saved, Jamie. I’m not a damsel in distress. Your father had every right to keep you from being an ass tonight.”
Since that sounded a lot like what his father had told him the last time he and Charlie argued, he dialed his temper down a notch or two. “I do want you to be an equal partner, and it doesn’t seem like it should be a freaking crime that I like saving people, especially people I love. But for the record, I never thought you were ever a damsel in distress.”
“Prove it.”
“And how do I do that?”
“Tell me what you’re scared of, and then tell me what you’d do when we get to your house if I was just some random girl you were blowing off steam with.”
“I’m angry, not scared.”
“Trust me, they’re always one and the same.”
Jamie shook his head and refused to comment. He was driving under the Holder Ranch sign on his father’s side of the ranch before it occurred to him that he hadn’t made good on taking her home. He didn’t want her to spend the night away from him, but he was afraid to show her the way he could be when he was pissed like this. Holy fuck. She was right. He was scared. “I’m scared for you to see me angry, okay?” And somehow that confession led to others. “Everyone keeps telling me not to fuck it up like they’re sure I’m going to. I’m scared that I won’t always do right by you. And goddammit, I’m…”
“Just say it,” she soothed.
“Scared if I quit my job I’ll end up resenting you. I’m scared I’ll never be good enough for you. That I’m gonna somehow turn you into exactly what Ed called you. That’s all I know how to do. That’s all I’ve ever done.”
By the time he finished his diatribe, they were at his house. Somehow, she didn’t even look offended. “Nothing about you being angry scares me,” she whispered. “It would scare me more if you stuffed all of that away and never told me any of it. I don’t want a relationship where we’re not allowed to feel how we feel.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want to feel like this.”
“We don’t always get a choice in that. Do you plan to really use me and then move on in a day or two instead of that just being a fantasy?”
“Of course not.”
“Do you get that you don’t get to decide how other people see me or you? If people want to think that I’m a Holder whore, then that’s their problem, not ours.”
Jamie let his head fall forward onto the steering wheel. “Please stop saying that.”
“Sorry. But it’s true. You have been the very best person you could ever have been to me for the last twenty years, so you thinking you’re somehow not good enough is ridiculous. You seem to have me put up on this ridiculous pedestal that you somehow don’t think you can ever reach. I don’t want to be up there. I want to be down here right beside you. I don’t know how many different ways to show you that. You don’t have to do anything to earn me. I’m right here, right where I want to be.”
That just couldn’t be true. All the shit people said about his family…some of it was accurate. He had to always be the hero because that was the only way he’d ever deserve to be hers. “I don’t want to ruin you,” choked from him.
“But that’s exactly what I want.”
She climbed out of his truck and headed into the house. He followed after her, tracked her to the bedroom, and watched intently as she spun back to face him. Stubborn defiance lit in her eyes as she stared him down. Her fingers flew to the top button on her blouse and slipped it seductively through its closure. She slowed with the next, only amping up the ravenous need running rampant through his veins.
A rumble of frustrated hunger curled up from low in his throat as she tossed the shirt away. “Use me,” she demanded.
“I…can’t.”
She popped the snap on her jeans. “Can’t or won’t?” He stared as she slipped them down her shapely legs and stepped out of them. His eyes zeroed in on the wet satin panties she was wearing. “I hurt,” she cooed. His fantasy come to life. A walking wet dream standing before him asking him to be rough. “Make it better. You’re the only person who can.”
Fuck him. He lost all ability to talk himself out of this. Diving across the few feet that existed between them, he ravaged her mouth with his own. She was so much more than just one of his conquests, and he was desperate to prove that he was more than testosterone and muscle and bad judgement.
&n
bsp; But there was knowledge in the way she kissed him. The familiarity drained him of a little of his outrage. He didn’t have to prove himself to the county. He only ever had to prove himself to her. She’d told him exactly what she wanted.
It wasn’t her that needed to be saved. It was him, and she was holding out her hand and telling him to take it.
He yanked his own shirt off and then turned her so she was facing his footboard. He used the shirt to bind her hands to the bed. She shuddered from his force. “Yes,” she whimpered. “Please don’t stop.”
“I’m just fucking getting started, honey,” he assured her.
He toed out of his boots and shed the rest of his clothes. He gripped her ass hard and rough, ashamed but unable to keep himself from her flesh. She wiggled that sexy as sin ass all for him. He swatted her twice and then pressed his fingers to the crotch of her panties and growled out, “Such a good girl. So nice and wet for me.”
Her breaths disintegrated into vibrations, and her moans were half-starved for more.
Dropping to his knees, he hooked his fingers in the panties and slowly slid them down her legs but left them as a strap for her ankles. He raked his teeth over the thick globes of her ass and then nipped until he was certain she’d have marks. The cream of her arousal soaked the tender curls between her legs, and her scent made him savage.
He spread her cheeks and feathered his tongue over that puckered little rosebud almost as pink as her pussy.
“More, please, please more,” dissolved into a deep, throaty moan. He spread her legs further, testing the panties, and devoured the honey he’d just gotten her to produce. Pressing the palm of his hand against her clit he gave her something to grind against as he fucked her with his tongue.
When he could feel her lips tensing as she pulled at his tongue, he dove deeper, walking her to the cliff’s edge of arousal. He replaced his tongue with his fingers a moment later. “You don’t get to come until I’m buried deep inside of you. Do you understand that?”