by Jillian Neal
A whimpered groan was her only answer. He fucked her hard with his fingers and slapped her ass with his other hand. “Not until I’m inside of you. If you come before I say, I’ll turn you over my knee and make you count the strikes.”
She pulled at her makeshift binds and moaned constantly. “Please. Please, I need to.”
Jamie longed to roar out his dominance as she begged for release now. He stood, unable to wait longer, gripped her hips, and fucked her like rag doll. She fell apart on his second thrust.
“Good girl,” he growled. “You come because of me. Understand? You’re mine. Say it.”
“Yours,” echoed from her.
He pounded inside of her, burying everything everyone else thought he was and letting her atonement make him whole. Every accolade, every admiration, and every failure ever associated with his name turned to ash in her heat. She washed him clean.
His right thumb strummed her rosebud again. She trembled against the bedpost. He continued his rhythmic pounding and eased his thumb gently inside of her ass.
She screamed out his name.
“I know now, don’t I? I know when you want to run away what you really want is to be tied down and for me to take care of this pussy. Isn’t that right, angel?”
“God, yes,” she gasped.
“It’s my job, baby. My privilege. You don’t have to run away. You just beg me like a good girl.”
The buildup of fears and frustrations she’d clung to her entire life shattered at his hands. The bindings had freed her of every expectation she ever had of herself. Charlie swore her orgasm was blinding. Wave after wave of pressure released and washed her clean. It stripped every piece of herself that someone else had pinned on her. No longer the preacher’s daughter. No longer the pitiful girl. No longer the function of some male’s title. She was all her own and, in turn, all his.
The muscles in her pussy cinched along with the ones in her ass. He roared as he filled her full of him. Feminine pride welled from deep in her soul. He was all hers as well.
His pumps were ragged and desperate. No rhythm. Only love and satisfaction.
When he finally stopped and they caught their breath, he untied her. Fear still played cruelly in his eyes when she stood. She threw her arms around him. “Thank you.”
“I don’t know how I fucked up so badly when I love you so much. I didn’t mean to keep all of that from you.”
She lifted her head from his shoulder. “I love you too.”
He crushed her to him. “Really? You’re sure? You love me like that?”
She nodded against him. “I always have.”
Eventually he went to the bathroom and returned with a warm, wet cloth to clean her up. He carried her to bed and laid her gently on the mattress. She crawled up on his chest and refused to acknowledge the anxiety of what might happen now that she’d said the words out loud.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Still rather enjoying that delicious rubbed sensation between her thighs, Charlie slipped her jeans up her legs. Jamie watched her from the bed. She knew there were a thousand things he wanted to say, but he kept each word locked tight behind his tightly sealed lips.
“I know you don’t want me to go without you, but I’m a big girl. I have a lot I want to say to my father.”
He climbed out of bed and cradled her face in his hands. “I have no doubt that you’ve got this. It’s just…I have a weird feeling. I like knowing you’re safe here. Something’s riding me weird.”
Charlie remembered having a weird feeling the morning of the fire. She took intuitive feelings seriously always, so she considered his words. “Okay, I get that. Do you want to drop me off over there? Would that make you feel better?” She couldn’t feel much beyond her nerves and her irritation with her dad, so if Jamie was feeling something, she wanted to hear him out. She vividly remembered her father brushing her off that morning when she’d told him she was sure something bad was going to happen.
“Maybe.”
“You can. I hate for you to have to come back out there and pick me up later, though. I have no idea how long I’ll be there. And I kind of wanted to go to the nursing home afterwards and have a face to face with Ms. Billingham. Plus, I want to prove to her that I left my laptop on my desk right where I said it was. If she’s really going to refuse to give me my job back, when there’s no one to even replace me yet, I want to see her do it in front of the rest of the staff.”
Jamie studied her. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispered.
“Just making sure you haven’t changed your mind.” He beamed.
“Never.”
He leaned his forehead against hers. “I’m being crazy. I’ll be fine. You go.” He considered for a split second. “Maybe text me when you get there.”
Charlie brushed a tender kiss on his soft, eager lips. “You got it.”
“Tell me one more time before you go,” he urged.
Beaming at that, she gushed, “I love you, Jamie Holder.”
“I’m probably gonna want you to say that about fifty million more times.”
“Anytime. Now, I need to go because I do not want to be late. I don’t want to give Daddy any leverage.”
He patted her backside. “Go on. Be careful. Tell your old man that if he needs help getting that corncob out of his ass, I’ve got a thousand-pound fence pull bar he can borrow.”
Charlie shook her head at him. “I’m probably not going to tell him that, since my goal is for him to eventually not hate you, but we’ll see where the breakfast conversation goes.”
“I might go by the fire station,” he stated hesitantly.
“To do what? I thought you hadn’t decided yet.”
“I don’t know. Just…kinda want to talk things out with the chief. He’s been married longer than I’ve been alive. Maybe his wife will have some advice. Or maybe he’ll tell me I’m right and to go on and quit and cowboy up about it.”
“Promise if you quit, you’re not quitting for me.” She knew she was obviously the only reason he’d quit, so she was hoping that would buy them some more time to discuss this. He had a determined look in his eye that bothered her. She knew when Jamie Holder was bound and determined to make things happen he didn’t let much stand in his way.
“I’ll be fine. You go,” he urged.
A little while later, she sat in her car and checked her makeup again, though she had no idea why. In a moment of pure rebellion, she’d smeared on a deep red lipstick she knew her father would hate. She was debating wiping it off, but finally flung herself out of her car. She was tired of letting his wishes dictate her life.
The door swung open before she could knock. Louann beamed at her. “I’m so relieved you came.” She swept her up in an all-encompassing hug. “And you look so happy. I’m so glad you’re back home.” Charlie hugged her stepmother but wasn’t really comfortable with the huge display of emotion. “We just weren’t sure what to think when you didn’t come down the aisle.”
“I’m sorry I left everyone hanging. I never meant to hurt anyone. I just knew marrying Ed would be a huge mistake, and I had to get out of there.”
“I understand that.” Louann led her into the kitchen where there was a huge casserole dish of the delicious egg, bacon, and mushroom strata and a basket of fresh croissants. She hadn’t cooked the strata since her father’s heart attack, so this was a special treat. Charlie’s mouth watered. “Your father, on the other hand…well…it might take him some time to come around.”
“He can take all the time he needs, but I’m very happy with Jamie. It’s the way it always should’ve been.” With each truth she spoke, the more solidly she stood on her own two feet. “I won’t apologize for that.”
“You shouldn’t have to, honey,” Louann assured her. “Your father loves you so much. He just struggles with how to show you sometimes.”
“Where is he?”
“In his office. I’ll go fetch him in a minute.”
>
A knock on the door signaled Becca’s arrival. Charlie noted that she was still wearing the dress she’d had on at Rusty’s the night before. She wondered who her sister had gone home with and whose bed she was rushing out of this morning.
Becca waltzed into the kitchen, snagged a croissant from the basket, and pinched off a hunk of the warm bread. “Where’s Daddy? I’m ready to get this show on the road.”
Louann shook her head. “You’ve been in a rush for as long as I’ve known you, child, but I still don’t think you know where it is you’re rushing to.”
Before Becca could make a retort about that, Reverend Tilson joined them in the kitchen.
Charlie forced a smile. “Hey, Dad.”
He gave her a slight nod and took his usual seat at the table. Charlie decided there was nothing more annoying than passive-aggressive pastors and then remembered that she’d been about to marry one. She shuddered at the thought.
The girls helped Louann bring the food to the table and bowed their heads as their father said grace. Charlie caught the digs in the prayer. The quotes from Proverbs about rash judgement and not considering one’s vows. She and Becca shared a quick eye roll while their parents’ eyes were closed.
They ate in silence for several long moments while Charlie debated just leaping into everything she wanted to say. She’d envisioned her father starting the conversation, so she needed a new plan.
“Do you intend to marry Jamie Holder?” erupted from the other end of the table. Yanking herself out of her own head, Charlie wiped her mouth.
“Jamie hasn’t asked me to marry him yet, but if and when he does, I will say yes.”
Becca did a quick little dance in her seat.
“Rebecca,” her father scolded.
“Dad,” Becca came right back. “I can be happy for them. You don’t have to be. I’ll do it for you. That’s what I’ve always done.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Charlie leapt in. This was her fight and she wasn’t going to let Becca go to bat for her anymore. “She means that no matter what either of us does, you’re not happy for us. Nothing is ever good enough for you. It doesn’t matter that it makes us happy. That means nothing to you. You spent our whole lives trying to force us into some kind of perfect preacher’s kid mold. We’re our own people with our own wants and our own dreams. And there is nothing wrong with us being who we are. But Bec and I have always had to be excited for each other, because you never were.”
Becca gave her two discreet thumbs up, but then there was a knock on the front door.
“What now?” Reverend Tilson lumbered from the table and headed to the living room.
Louann’s lips drew to a thin line. “I hope it’s not Mrs. Thomas again. She’s been driving your father crazy about the youth carwash lately. She’s stopped by four times in the last two days. You all need to have this discussion.”
But it wasn’t Mrs. Thomas from the church. When her father returned to the kitchen, Ed was with him. The few bites of strata Charlie had gotten down turned to a brick in her stomach. “Why are you here?” she demanded. “I have absolutely nothing left to say to you, and I’m fairly certain that none of the Holders would hesitate to make good on their threats from last night.”
“I deserve to have a conversation with the woman I was going to marry,” he sneered.
“That doesn’t seem like he’s asking too much,” Reverend Tilson agreed. Of course he did.
Charlie pursed her lips and gestured to the empty seat at the table. “Fine, if you want to talk, then let’s talk. Why were you trying to access my bank statements?” Ed gaped at her question. Good. She wanted him off balance. “And why on earth did you tell Trinity Church that we would be at a dinner when we were supposed to be on our honeymoon? And along those same lines, why didn’t you tell them I would not be coming after I left?”
“It was my right to see how frivolously you’ve been spending your money since we began our engagement. I also needed to make certain that you’d quit your job as I told you to. I wanted to check when your last paycheck went in. And you didn’t deserve a honeymoon. I cancelled our trip weeks ago, right after the last time I found out that you’d gone back over to Jamie Holder’s house, despite my orders not to. It was high time you learned a lesson. I intended to teach you to be obedient.”
Unmitigated rage ignited in Charlie. “To be obedient?” She spat every syllable of the last word. “You know, I really didn’t want to have to spell it out for you, but if that’s what you want, here goes—you are a pitiful excuse for a man. I can’t even stand to be in the same room with you much less to be your wife,” she gagged on the word. “I do not love you. I didn’t ever love you. I will never love you. I’m sorry that I didn’t end things between us before the wedding. I do take full responsibility for that, but I am not sorry that I did what I did. Being miserable for a few weeks until you get over your stupid ego trip is better than being miserable for a lifetime.”
“Trinity won’t hire me without you,” he raged.
“That is not my problem.” Those words were every bit as freeing as the bounds Jamie had tied her in the night before. It wasn’t her job to make everyone happy. It wasn’t her responsibility to fix everyone’s problems.
Sinister reprisal tensed in Ed’s eyes as he leaned across the table. “I meant every word I said last night. You are nothing but a filthy notch on one of the Holder bedposts now, and you will never live that down. I was trying to save you from becoming what you’re so determined to become, but it’s too late for you. You’re no longer good enough for me. I should’ve known after what happened to your mother. God himself tried to correct your spiteful, willful ways, but you still remained sinful. I have no idea why I thought I could do anything with you at all.”
Charlie leapt from the table sending her chair careening backwards into the hutch. She didn’t care. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away,” he sneered.
The satisfying slap of Charlie’s hand flying across Ed’s cheek echoed throughout the room. The sting on her palm throbbed upwards to her fingers, but she didn’t care. There was an outline of her fingertips in deep red across Ed’s stupid face.
“Get out of my home,” Reverend Tilson roared as Ed stumbled backwards in shock. “You were wrong about Trinity not hiring you without Charlie. They won’t hire you without my recommendation, which you no longer have. If that’s really how you believe God works, then you don’t deserve a church, or to be a chaplain, or anything at all, most certainly not my daughter’s hand in marriage. Get away from her and do not ever come back. I was blind and chose to only see what I wanted to see in you. But Charlie is so much smarter than I am. She saw you for what you really are just in time—a self-righteous fool.”
“If you take away my recommendation, I’ll make you sorry,” were Ed’s final words before he stomped out of the house.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Jamie’s father had been right. He sucked at taking time off. It made him anxious. He needed something to do. Correction, he needed Charlie to come back so he could soothe whatever her father had inflicted on her this morning. He swore if the good reverend told her he was disappointed in her, Jamie was going to have plenty to say about it.
She’d texted when she’d gotten there, but he hadn’t heard anything since, and he still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
He turned his horse back out in the pasture after he’d checked his cattle and then stumbled up on his father and Wes in the barn. He batted away a few gnats as he entered. The beams of sunlight breaking through the slat boards lit the path. “Hey, listen, can we put off spring burning for a week or two still? I’m trying to get Charlie comfortable living here. Us setting shit on fire is probably going to be rough on her.” Every spring, cattle ranchers in the area burned back dead grass and brush to bring out the nutrients in the pastures for the newborn calves.
Barrett nodded. “I think it’s still a little too wet to burn now, anyway. Winter went on so damn long. We need another few weeks at least. Shouldn’t be a problem. And I am sorry I got between you and Ed last night. You may not believe this now, but someday you’ll know why I did it.”
“Why don’t you just tell me now?” Jamie hadn’t meant to come off quite as pissed as he sounded.
“I did it because of Charlie. Do you remember me telling you about the other man your mother was set to marry?”
Jamie nodded but Wes’s mouth hung open before he managed a confused, “What?”
Their father stared out at the endless prairie just outside the barn, but Jamie knew he wasn’t seeing their tallgrass fields. The memories almost danced in his eyes. “I decided I needed to show him that Sara was mine, and to make sure I left a mark. So, he came into Rusty’s one night forty-some odd years ago, and made a ridiculous remark, and I took the bait. Your uncles and I went after him. He went out on a stretcher, but I went home with the shame. I’ll never forget the hurt and disappointment in your mama’s eyes that night. I just…I didn’t want you to have to go through disappointing Charlie the same way I did your mother. If I could go back and do it all again, I never would’ve lifted my fists that night. I was trying to save you from living my mistakes.”
Damn. All of the fiery gall Jamie had saddled up and ridden with that morning dissipated in the dusty air.
“The worst part of it was,” his father continued, “I was hurting too bad to love her that night. I decided then and there that there wasn’t anything worth doing if it kept me out of her bed. I’ve kept that vow to myself every day since.”
Jamie chuckled. “So, you’re basically saying make love not war?”
Barrett tipped his Stetson to his son. “One will always make you a whole lot happier. I can promise you that. Where is my future daughter-in-law this morning?”
“Over at her daddy’s. She wanted to hash things out with him.”