by Vicky Owen
‘I can’t wait until I get the call. Or you just show up to surprise me somewhere. To tell me you’ve broken it off with that gigantic slut. Oh my God, the make-up sex is going to be incredible,’ she says in a breathy voice. ‘I bet you can’t wait to touch me again. This is all part of your delayed gratification thing, isn’t it? It’s so hot.’
I grip her arms with my hands and easily prise them off me. ‘Hayley. For fuck’s sake, no! We’re not getting back together. What is wrong with you?’ I’m really starting to lose any sympathy I have for her.
‘You can’t fool me. If you were really with her you’d be doing more than just ice skating.’ Her mouth twists into a knowing smile. ‘So I know it’s all just about me.’
She’s not entirely wrong.
She pauses for a moment, looking me up and down. ‘I’ll be waiting.’ And then she turns and leaves, slamming the door behind her.
What the fuck just happened?
I look down at the mess of articles on the coffee table.
And then over to the arm of the sofa, where Lexi’s photos were.
They’re gone.
SEVENTEEN
Lexi
‘I DON’T UNDERSTAND why we’ve got to do photosynthesis.’
A small group of us are in one of the university’s many group study rooms.
‘Because it’s plant biology?’
Shannen, the loudest student on my course—the one who actually asks questions at the end of every damn lecture—shuffles her notes in annoyance. ‘Photosynthesis is biochemistry,’ she says condescendingly at Drew.
Drew surprises us all by rolling his eyes in response. ‘Whatever. Let’s just start already. Then we can go. We’ve got training this afternoon.’
His unexpected display of not giving a fuck what Ms Teacher’s Pet thinks startles Shannen for a moment.
‘Training?’ she asks.
‘Rugby.’
‘Oh.’ She eyes him up and down, seeing him properly for the first time. Her face relaxes into a smile.
And she twirls a few strands of her chestnut hair around her finger.
‘Drew,’ she says, suddenly coy, ‘we mustn’t rush.’ Clearly imagining him in shorts now, muddied all over and dripping in sweat.
I exchange a look with Tom, the fourth and final member of our group project team. Also Drew’s rugby team mate. And it shows. Well, to anyone paying attention to anything other than their own superiority.
Drew isn’t even slightly fazed. ‘Seconds ago you were complaining about even being here,’ he says to Shannen. ‘Let’s just divvy up the topic between the four of us and book the room for after Christmas so we can start putting together our findings for the presentation. We’ve got RuBisCO, yeah?’ Drew flicks through his notes before pulling a textbook out of his bag. I’m impressed by his efficiency.
‘Uh, yeah,’ Shannen says, scrabbling for her own notes on the topic that she just recently shuffled neatly together.
Tom looks down to hide a smirk.
Drew is way ahead of Shannen. He flicks open to the appropriate section in his textbook. ‘So we could subdivide into structure, activity, regulation and maybe potential genetic engineering applications?’
Tom and I agree while Shannen continues to search for her notes.
Drew looks at me. ‘Lexi, right?’
I nod. Shannen looks up.
‘Any preferences?’ Drew asks.
‘Drew,’ Shannen says, putting her hand on his bare forearm, smiling. ‘I was going to suggest we work in pairs. Halve the workload, so to speak.’
‘That makes no fucking sense,’ Tom mutters, and I can’t help sniggering.
Drew looks at Shannen’s hand on his arm and narrows his eyes. ‘And even if it did make sense,’ he says, not flinching but clearly not happy with Shannen touching him, ‘we’d have to arrange to meet up with the other person. Only Tom and I have comparable schedules.’
‘But I thought—’ Shannen starts.
‘And we’ve got Christmas and exams in the meantime. Unless Lexi really wants to,’ Drew cuts in. ‘Then you two can meet up and me and Tom will work together.’
Tom looks at me and I cringe. Please no.
‘Don’t think she wants that,’ Tom says, grinning, ducking his head into my line of sight so I’m forced to make eye contact.
Shannen looks at me, insulted. Then she rolls her eyes. ‘It’s only because she’s too busy with her new boyfriend.’ She practically spits the word “boyfriend”. I look back blankly. It takes a second for me to realise she’s talking about Luc.
Awkward silence. I open my mouth to say something, but I’m not sure there even is anything to say.
‘We all saw you skating with Luc Hall the other night. How do you even know him? Are you friends with that girl who’s seeing the singer?’
Drew and Tom look utterly baffled.
‘Cerys?’ I ask, not entirely sure how else to respond.
‘Fucking Cerys,’ Shannen says dismissively. ‘How’d she even get a guy like that? My friend Laura bumped into the singer a few weeks ago in Metro and said he was fucking obsessing over her.’
‘Over who?’
‘Cerys! Fuck’s sake. Keep up. And now you’re seeing the drummer. It’s fucking incestuous,’ Shannen says, flicking her hair over her shoulder and leaning back in her chair.
‘Uh, right,’ Tom says slowly, exchanging a look with Drew. ‘And so what?’
‘Think she’s a bit jealous,’ Drew mutters, looking down with raised eyebrows, collecting his notes.
‘No! It just doesn’t make sense,’ Shannen huffs. She looks at me. ‘Doubt it’ll last, anyway. He’ll be back to supermodels soon enough. Or Hayley, his ex. They were practically engaged.’
‘Whatever. Can’t imagine why no one would want to pair up with you.’ Drew shakes his head as Shannen looks daggers at him, sliding the textbook back into his bag. ‘So one topic each? Any preferences? I wouldn’t mind activity.’
‘Structure,’ says Tom, standing and slinging his bag over his shoulder.
‘Genetic engineering,’ I say quietly, avoiding Shannen’s intense gaze.
‘Leaving Shannen with the huge regulation topic,’ Tom grins, then looks at her and winks. ‘Enjoy!’
I quickly gather myself and follow the guys out, leaving Shannen to gather her notes before she can throw any more venom my way.
WE’LL PICK YOU up from the station. But we can still come there to get you if you want? Xx
I frown at the message on the screen. It would be nice to not have to fight with my luggage on the train. To be able to just hand my suitcase to my dad and let my parents drive me home.
Not so nice would be the four-hour drive and all the questions. The longer I can delay having to tell them about my involuntary change of plan, the better. Not sure what they’ll think about my placement being cancelled.
And then there’s the whole rock star’s girlfriend-but-not-really thing. Although I doubt they’ll have heard about that. They’re not exactly up to speed on the latest celebrity news. So I might be able to avoid that one entirely.
I toss my phone back on the bed and continue folding clothes for the week or so that I’ll be home. I’ll reply once I’m done packing. I haven’t decided exactly how long I’m staying yet. Maybe just until the day after Boxing Day. The sooner I’m back, the sooner I can start revising for exams. I really need to pass with flying colours now that I actually need a PGCE place. Despite Luc’s objections, teaching is still the most realistic option for me to have a career. And Markus—my older brother—will just distract me if I try to do any work while I’m home.
I pause as realisation hits me. Oh no. I’d forgotten about Markus. Damn it. He might know about the Luc thing.
I don’t even know if he’s going to be there. I haven’t asked, and my parents have mentioned anything. Kind of hope he isn’t. It’s bad enough being compared to him when he’s not there, but when he is…ugh. I get it. He’s the golden child.
/>
I stop packing and grab my phone, quickly typing out a message.
I’ll be fine on the train. Tickets booked already. I’ll phone or text when I’m nearly there tomorrow x
Hit send.
It’s a lie, of course. My tickets aren’t booked. But easier to say I’m locked in than deal with Mum trying to persuade me to change my mind.
Why couldn’t it have been that easy to keep up the same kind of pretence when Sam was asking questions? Instead I got flustered and embarrassed. Or I could have just told her that it’s not real.
Don’t think that would have helped, actually.
I shove the last of my stuff in, including the Christmas presents that are taking up most of the room, and zip the case shut. The suitcase is heavier than it looks as I pull it off the bed to make room for me.
It’s just me tonight. Cerys and Mylo have already abandoned the flat for Christmas. No idea what Sam’s doing this year.
My fingers trace the outline of my phone on the bed next to me. I should message her. I hate leaving it like this over Christmas. I hate that she must think I’m an idiot. I hate that I didn’t just tell them all the fucking truth.
I should tell her the truth.
If I just explain what happened with my placement…maybe she won’t think I’m so dumb.
Sam won’t tell anyone. Luc won’t mind. Only Sam needs to know.
I grasp my phone and scroll through my contacts until I find her.
And hit the call button.
EIGHTEEN
Lexi
‘SANDWICHES FOR LUNCH?’
‘I’ll help.’ I get up from the floor and follow Mum to the kitchen.
Dad looks at me over his newspaper. Like it’s any normal day. ‘Getting dressed any time soon?’ he teases. It’s two in the afternoon and I’m still in my onesie. Red and green and covered in candy canes. I feel like a giant Christmas stocking. I childishly stick my tongue out at him in response before disappearing through the door.
I pause in the hallway for a moment.
Boxing Day and I still haven’t told my parents. Not about Luc, and not about my cancelled School Direct placement.
I don’t want to ruin Christmas with the mess I’ve made. Maybe I’ll mention it when I’ve sorted it all out.
Today—without Markus here to make me look even worse—would have been the perfect opportunity. Turns out he’s not home for Christmas or New Year’s Eve this year. He’s training in France. I sort of miss him, actually, even if he is a bit of a prat. But it’s been nice pretending to be an only child. Not to feel compared to him and all his endless achievements. Not as much, anyway. I still had to hear about his latest skiing competition.
OK, so I’m a bit bitter that my parents spent so much funding his hobbies that there was nothing left for me. And I hate myself for feeling that way. It’s not as if I never had anything, but somehow art supplies and an old Polaroid my that no dad no longer wanted don’t really compare to professional skiing lessons, ski equipment and international competitions.
I’m annoyed with myself too. Maybe if I’d actually known what I’d wanted it would have been different. Or maybe it wouldn’t—maybe they would have invested everything in the precious firstborn already.
So screw it. I’m just going to enjoy today. I’m going to lounge around, read books, watch TV, eat crap and maybe play Scrabble or Risk or Ticket to Ride with my parents while I have them all to myself for a change.
They don’t need to know about the School Direct thing if I actually manage to get a PGCE place.
Just like they don’t need to know about Luc.
And they don’t need to worry about how I’m managing to fund anything.
It’s not like they’ve asked. It’s not lying if you don’t say anything, right?
This is how you ended up arguing with Sam.
I frown and shake my head before walking into the kitchen.
Mum is cutting a loaf of white bread into thick slices. She looks up and smiles at me as I enter, putting down the bread knife and walking to the other side of the counter.
‘Turkey?’ she asks, opening the fridge.
‘There are other options?’ I grin as I grab the cranberry sauce from the cupboard.
‘Watch your lip, Missy,’ she says, voice stern but face smiling as she puts the platter of leftover turkey on the kitchen counter.
I peer into the fridge. ‘Is there any cheese left?’
‘At the back,’ she says, stacking the sliced bread on a plate.
I reach in and grab a blue plastic food container from the back, taking it from the shelf before closing the fridge door. Mum exits the kitchen with the platter, heading towards the dining room, and I open the box.
Cheddar, Gouda, Stilton…Camembert! I pull the wheel out and put it on a plate along with a knife.
‘Lexi! Bring the cranberry sauce when you come in,’ my dad calls from the other room.
I smile to myself. He’s the only reason we even have it.
The doorbell chimes. And I’m the closest.
‘I’ll get it,’ I say, not caring how childish I look in my onesie to someone from my hometown. They’ve all known me since I was a toddler anyway.
As I approach the big white door, I have a thought: who would be calling on Boxing Day anyway?
Must be my auntie or cousins or something. Or Markus is home early.
Yeah. That’s probably it. Damn it.
I unchain the door and open it.
And, somehow, my heart sinks and soars at the same moment.
The tall blond tilts his head at me, his cobalt eyes piercing me like never before.
The smile spreading across his face makes my heart melt a little bit.
‘Alexis.’
I STARE IN silent, open-mouthed shock for a moment.
After a few seconds, I find the words.
‘What the hell are you doing here?!’ I hiss.
‘Seeing my girlfriend,’ he says simply.
‘But we’re not…’ I trail off as he raises his eyebrow at me. Shaking my head, I sigh. ‘How do you even know where I live?’
‘What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t know where my girlfriend lives?’
‘Luc!’ I scowl at him.
He laughs. ‘I have my ways.’
‘You couldn’t even find your way across town the first time we met,’ I point out. ‘This isn’t even in the same county!’
‘You look adorable in that onesie, by the way,’ he says, ignoring my dig.
Footsteps approach. ‘Who is it, sweetie?’ Mum says, tentatively stepping into view on her way to the kitchen.
I look between them. ‘Uh, this is Luc,’ I say.
‘Friend from uni?’ she asks, smiling.
‘Um, sort of. We’re sort of seeing each other,’ I add, slowly. ‘Luc, this is my mum.’
My mother looks confused for a second. ‘Lexi, you never said you had a boyfriend,’ she scolds gently. ‘Luc, lovely to meet you. Come in!’
I step aside so Luc can enter. He takes my hand in his, squeezing my fingers softly.
‘It’s lovely to meet you too, Mrs Johnson,’ he says, smiling.
‘Oh don’t be silly. Call me Claire, please.’
This is not supposed to happen. This is complicating things.
‘Lexi, take him through to the dining room. I’ll slice some extra bread.’ Mum turns back to face the dining room. ‘David!’ she calls through to Dad. ‘Lexi’s brought her boyfriend home.’
Mum disappears into the kitchen and I narrow my eyes at Luc.
Today was meant to be simple. Board games, not real-life games. Now I’m introducing my parents to some guy who’s paying me to pretend to be his girlfriend to get rid of his ex-girlfriend.
Five minutes later, the four of us are sat around the table, assembling sandwiches. Luc chatting like he’s known my parents for years.
‘We met at a gig,’ he says, nudging me playfully.
‘Oh, I hope yo
u’re not letting your snapping cut into your studies,’ Mum says to me, disapproval in her tone.
‘I haven’t even touched my camera this year,’ I protest, glaring at Luc. ‘I haven’t had time. Got to focus on uni work.’ I turn back to my parents, giving them as reassuring a look as I can manage.
‘Have you heard from your placement?’ Dad asks between bites. ‘They said they’d check in on you, didn’t they?’
I hesitate. ‘I, uh…yeah, they called last month. Or the month before.’ I’ve lost track of time since Luc showed up in my life. I take a deep breath. ‘The funding has fallen through, though, so they can’t offer me a place any more,’ I add quietly, my heart rate quickening.
‘How did that happen?’ my mum says, some panic in her voice.
‘It’s OK,’ I say quickly. ‘I’ve already applied for PGCEs as a back-up. I’m sure I’ll get a place somewhere.’
I chew on my lower lip, waiting for their reactions. Under the table, Luc finds my hand with his and looks at me, stroking my thumb. I look at him. He nods slightly. It’s OK.
Dad studies my face. ‘You do still want to teach though, don’t you?’
I look back. I can’t lie to his face. But I can’t tell him the truth. They seemed so happy when I first told them I’d finally figured out a career path. And they’ll blame Luc, and think I’m—
‘I don’t know why you don’t consider professional photography,’ Luc’s voice says from my right.
I look at him again. What are you doing?!
He takes a bite from his sandwich using his free hand.
‘No, no that’s not realistic,’ I say before my parents can react. ‘I need a real job. Photography’s just a hobby.’ I look at them across the table, watching for their reaction. Their approval.
Dad nods and Mum just smiles. ‘As long as you’re happy. The kids liked you though, didn’t they?’ she says.
I nod, taking a small bite and looking down. Crisis averted.
‘What about you, Luc? What do you do?’ Mum asks, and I remember they have no idea he’s a famous rock star.
Luc swallows his bite. ‘I’m a drummer,’ he says, smiling.