by Vicky Owen
Drummer. Rock star. Girl magnet.
‘Full-time?’ Dad says. ‘Do you get much work?’
‘I thought you were a student,’ Mum adds before Luc can respond.
Luc smiles. ‘Full-time musician. My friend and Lexi’s friend are seeing each other, so we met through them,’ he says, looking at me.
Dad raises an eyebrow. ‘Does it pay well?’ he asks. Clearly wondering if this guy is good enough for his daughter. If only he knew.
‘It fluctuates, but I get by,’ Luc confirms, nodding.
Mum brushes the crumbs from her hands into a napkin. ‘Well, it’s a good thing Lexi wants to teach then. At least one of you needs a stable income,’ she teases.
I can practically taste the irony.
NINETEEN
Luc
LEXI’S MUM EYES the decorative skulls on the side of Harry’s van suspiciously. ‘Are you sure you have to go so soon?’ Claire pulls Lexi into a hug under the street lights.
‘Yeah,’ Lexi responds after pulling back. She stands several inches taller than her mother. ‘Need to start revising for January exams. And there’s a group project I’m in the middle of.’
While they say their goodbyes, I load Lexi’s stuff into the back of the van. Not that there’s much to load. One case that barely weighs anything.
‘It was nice to meet you, Luc,’ Claire says. ‘Good luck with the drumming.’
‘Keep an eye on her, won’t you?’ adds David, Lexi’s dad.
Lexi’s face twists in annoyance. ‘I’m not a little girl any more, Dad.’
‘You are to me.’ He pats her on the head, laughing, and she bats him away before opening the passenger door to get in.
Claire walks over before Lexi can close the door. ‘Give us a call when you’re back. So we know you’re safe,’ she says.
‘I always do,’ Lexi smiles, before gently pulling the door shut. As we pull away, they wave and Lexi watches her house disappear in the distance. She says nothing.
‘Your parents seem nice,’ I say after a few minutes.
‘Yeah. They are.’ She looks down and fiddles with her seat belt. ‘You know, I was going to stay until tomorrow.’
‘It was your idea for us to leave tonight. They wanted us both to stay.’
‘Only so you’d stop saying things that make them think I’ve lost any sense of direction! It’s hard enough as it is.’ Lexi folds her arms and looks out the passenger window.
‘What do you mean?’ I ask.
‘Photography.’
‘What’s wrong with photography?’
‘Nothing.’ She looks forward.
‘You seem to like it.’
‘I do!’ she says, exasperated.
I frown. ‘Then what’s the problem?’
She sighs audibly. ‘What would I even do with photography? I wouldn’t know where to start. And I’m already over two thirds of the way through a biology degree, with teaching experience. I can’t just change direction now. It would be a huge waste.’
‘But you don’t want to teach,’ I say, stating the obvious thing she’s avoiding.
‘That’s not the point!’
I brake slowly as we approach a red light. The streets are almost dead. Guess everyone is still at home on Boxing Day night. Or down the pub.
‘What do you mean?’ I ask, deliberately keeping my voice calm to balance out the anger in hers.
‘It would be a huge waste of time and money if I changed my mind now.’
‘But you don’t want to teach. And I already told you that you don’t have to worry about how much it’ll cost to do a different postgraduate course because I’m going to fund it.’
She turns to look at me as the lights start changing to green. ‘Yeah, and I appreciate that, but the chances of me getting any kind of stable job or income as a photographer are much lower than if I just go into teaching.’
I don’t respond for a few moments. Instead I focus on the road, following the signs for the motorway.
‘Wait,’ I say eventually. ‘What do you mean, “it’s hard enough as it is”?’
‘My brother. The firstborn,’ she responds flatly.
We exit a roundabout onto a slip road. ‘I thought you were an only child.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
I indicate to join the motorway. ‘Well, where was your brother?’
Lexi bristles. ‘He’s away. Training. Skiing. I don’t know.’ Lexi reaches forward and turns the radio on.
I nod and decide to let the whole thing drop for now.
For three and a half songs, neither of us speak. Just music, cat’s eyes and the occasional car on the road with us. Partway through the fourth song, Lexi finally says something.
‘Why did you come?’
‘I told you why.’
‘But I’m not really your girlfriend,’ she says, her voice noticeably calmer than before.
I check my rearview mirror as we close in on a slower vehicle in front, and indicate before moving to overtake. ‘Harry’s got a party on New Year’s Eve. I want you to come.’
Her brow creases slightly. ‘That’s nearly a week away.’
‘Today is the only day I could have the van. Harry needs it tomorrow night.’
Lexi looks around the cabin. ‘You could have just messaged me. I could have just got the train back.’
I shift in my seat. ‘Yes,’ I say slowly. ‘Where’s the fun in that, though?’
Lexi looks at me, dark hair slipping over her shoulder, softly reflecting small glimpses of light from other cars on the motorway.
I keep my eyes on the road, fighting every urge to look back as she studies my face.
I wonder if she can see right into me.
Can see that, really, I just wanted to see her.
TWENTY
Lexi
‘DID YOUR PARENTS like him?’
I throw some clothes on my bed, still having no idea what to wear tonight. To this New Year’s Eve thing. ‘I think so.’
Mylo lies back on one of my pillows and interlaces his fingers together behind his head.
‘And you haven’t spoken to Sam?’
‘I tried, but no answer.’ I hold up a little black dress that I lent to Cerys a few months ago. It’s clean. It’ll do.
‘You know she just worries about you, right? About all of us.’
I nod, frowning. I know. Worried and overprotective. That’s Sam all over.
Mylo watches me. ‘And you’re just doing it for the extra money?’
I pause, looking back at him. ‘Does it sound awful? It does, doesn’t it?’ I look at the dress again. ‘I’m getting dressed up in a little black dress and being paid to be someone’s girlfriend.’
Mylo bites his tongue, grinning. ‘Well, it’s not the worst job in the world.’
I raise an eyebrow in return.
‘It’s not like you’ve got to have sex with him.’
‘No.’
‘Want to though, don’t you?’ he says, sitting up and leaning forward.
I screw up my mouth. ‘Shut up!’ I toss the dress at him and duck into the wardrobe to find some shoes to go with it. And to hide my flushing cheeks.
Mylo laughs. ‘Just be careful.’ He stands behind me. ‘Right, I’m going to start getting ready. I’m meeting Dan in about an hour. Want me to pour you a drink?’
I stand up, holding three very different pairs of shoes. ‘Alcohol? Because I’m going to need alcohol for this thing.’
‘Obviously.’ He grins before leaving me to my panic dressing.
I’ve had days to figure this out. What to wear, at least. The rest, not so much.
Tonight is going to be the hardest so-called date so far, according to Luc. The press will take any innocuous physical affection as a sign of a red hot affair, but some mere hand-holding isn’t going to cut it in a room full of party guests. Selective paparazzi shots are a bit different to having dozens of people seeing us interact all night long. Although he was q
uick to reassure me that we’d keep everything above board.
I wanted to tell him that I wouldn’t mind if he felt like we had to go further, but there’s no way to say that without a big flashing neon I REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU AND I WANT TO KISS YOU sign flashing over my head.
Besides, I’m still a bit annoyed with him showing up and making my parents question my ability to follow through with a sensible plan.
I’m still not entirely sure why he showed up on Boxing Day. Maybe he doesn’t trust me to not tell anyone. I’ve already told Mylo and tried to tell Sam. But I had to. I’ll still need my friends once Luc is gone. And Cerys probably already knows anyway, thanks to Jake. He must know by now.
I eye the three pairs of shoes on my bed.
Black wedge boots. Pink slingbacks. Silver Mary Janes.
After a moment of deliberation, I toss the first two pairs back in the wardrobe. New Year’s Eve is all about sparkle and glitter, and silver is the best colour for that, I reason.
‘Good choice,’ says Mylo, nodding at the shoes as he re-enters my bedroom with a tall glass of something deep pink and fizzy.
‘What’s that?’ I ask, nodding at the glass.
He hands it to me. ‘Just cider, but I thought it would look more festive in a glass.’
I take a long sip. Sweet and fizzy and cool.
‘Because all my clothes are here, that’s why,’ says a familiar voice from outside the front door. Mylo and I both hover in the entrance to my bedroom as Cerys and Jake enter the flat. ‘You two! How was Christmas?’ she squeals, coming over to hug us both.
Jake nods from behind her.
Cerys steps back and looks at me. ‘Have you seen Sam?’
‘Not yet. I tried calling. I wanted to tell her…’ I trail off, glancing at Jake for some recognition on his face.
Cerys shakes her head. ‘What?’
‘Hasn’t Jake told you?’
Jake looks confused. How can he not know?
Cerys looks back at him, then me. ‘Told me what?’
I sigh. ‘I’m not really seeing Luc. It’s just an arrangement. His ex-girlfriend is causing him trouble and I’m sort of acting as a decoy girlfriend until she leaves him alone.’
‘Oh, that makes sense,’ Jake says, leaning against the wall.
Cerys looks at him. ‘And you didn’t know this?’ she says, sounding incredulous.
‘Well I’m not an oracle,’ he says, frowning.
‘Uh-huh.’
‘And I haven’t seen them since before Christmas!’ he protests.
Cerys tries not to laugh. ‘OK.’ She turns back to me. ‘But why?’
I sigh. ‘My placement fell through. There’s no real funding for a PGCE. He offered to pay me.’
Cerys raises her eyebrows at that.
‘No, nothing like that. It’s all platonic,’ I explain.
She doesn’t say anything for a moment. ‘Well, maybe just word it better when you tell Sam. She’s just overprotective and stuff, after everything that happened a few years ago.’
‘Yeah. When’s she back?’
Cerys shrugs. ‘I can text her if you want?’
I nod. ‘Thanks.’
She smiles. ‘OK, well, I’ve got to get ready. You can come with us tonight. Harry’s? I mean, I presume that’s where you’re going?’ Cerys looks at me.
‘Yeah, just getting changed.’ I indicate to the mess on my bed.
‘Yeah, I should get ready too,’ Mylo says, checking his phone.
Jake walks over. ‘You joining us?’
Mylo shakes his head. ‘Meeting my boyfriend in a bit. Just going to town.’
‘You should come with us! Way better than town,’ Jake says enthusiastically.
Mylo laughs. ‘Thanks, but I promised Dan—’
‘Bring him,’ Jake cuts in. ‘We can pick him up on the way.’
Mylo looks at Cerys, and then me. We both nod, Cerys grinning. ‘Yes! We haven’t been out together for ages!’
Mylo eyes his phone and takes a deep breath before smiling back. ‘OK. I’ll ask Dan.’ He looks at Jake. ‘Thanks.’
‘No problem. Will you all just hurry the fuck up though?’
JAKE’S CAR IS less roomy in the back than it looks, but somehow we get there without me, Dan and Mylo being squished into a human smoothie.
‘Nice!’ Dan says, looking out the window at Harry’s house as we pull up on the drive.
I duck my head so I can peer out the window. He’s right. It’s huge.
Jake parks the car and we get out, into the night. I brush my hands down my dress and generally try to straighten up after spending fifteen minutes playing the part of a sardine in a can.
We approach the door. The music practically thrums through me, even standing on the wrong side of the door, and the movement of shadows through the window indicates it’s pretty full inside.
Jake tries the handle.
Locked.
He frowns, then reaches in his pocket, putting a key in the door and unlocking it.
Cerys watches, aghast. ‘Do you all have keys to each other’s houses?’ she asks before he opens it.
‘Yeah,’ he shrugs.
‘But what if they come over when I…we…I mean—’
‘They won’t,’ he says, reassuringly. He hesitates for a moment and opens his mouth to say something, then changes his mind.
Cerys looks unconvinced as he pushes open the door and the music hits us full blast.
We enter one by one and follow Jake, who seems to know exactly where he’s going. All the while I keep looking around. Trying to find my “boyfriend” so I can avoid saying something wrong before he’s with me to avert any such mistake.
‘Here he is!’ Harry, surrounded by women, tosses his arm around Jake’s shoulders. Then he spots the rest of us. ‘Cerys, Lexi, and…I don’t think we’ve met?’
Jake introduces everyone while I scan the room, but I can’t see Luc anywhere.
Cerys nudges me. ‘Isn’t that Miseducation over there?’ she says, pointing over to the other side of the room.
‘Yeah, I think so,’ I say, not really sure, but they look familiar enough that it could be them.
‘Drinks?’ says Harry, offering us some cups filled with something neon pink in colour.
‘Is this that stuff we had before?’ Jake says, frowning at his cup.
‘Yeah. I found the recipe.’ Harry takes a sip.
Cerys eyes her drink suspiciously. Mylo does the same, while Dan follows Harry’s lead.
‘What is it?’ Cerys asks slowly, looking at Jake.
‘Just alcohol,’ he shrugs before taking a sip. ‘Fuck. Forgot how fucking sweet it was.’
‘It’s so bright. It practically looks radioactive,’ I say, holding it up at eye level.
‘Wouldn’t that be yellow?’ says Mylo.
‘Or green,’ adds Dan.
‘We’ve got those too!’ Harry grins. ‘And blue.’
I take a sip. It’s nicer than I expected. Like really sweet strawberries. I let the taste linger on my tongue as long as possible while I scan the room again.
The concoction warms me inside as someone touches my hips from behind. I frown for a second, thinking it’s one of those people who tries to physically move you out of the way instead of just asking.
But they don’t move me. The hands softly grip me before sliding around my midsection. Strong, secure arms enveloping me, pulling me closer. The warmth inside me spreads and I let myself sink into him, resting my head back on his shoulder as his warm body presses against me from behind.
I don’t have to look to check. It just feels right, somehow.
I know it’s him.
‘You look good,’ he whispers, his breath brushing against my neck and sending an almost imperceptible shiver down my spine.
He pulls me ever so slightly closer.
‘I felt that,’ he adds.
This is so unfair. Teasing me like this.
I take a deep breath. ‘Fuck
you,’ I whisper back.
TWENTY-ONE
Luc
SHE SMELLS SWEET, her hair the scent of vanilla and berries as she leans back against me. Telling me to fuck off.
Music moves the air around us, and I’m aware of the others—Harry, Jake, Cerys, some guys I’ve never met—watching us. I know what they’re wondering.
I don’t even care.
She looked too good to resist when I was walking over from the other side of the room.
I’d seen her enter a few minutes ago. Looking around. Looking for me.
No one else can have her. Not while I’m here.
I slide my arms tighter around her and she yields to me. Leaning back. The dress she’s wearing is tight around her midsection. The fabric soft.
‘Get a fucking room, you two,’ Harry says, rolling his eyes but grinning at the same time. I notice Cerys’ expression as she looks at Lexi.
Lexi must have told them.
For a moment I wonder what they said. And what her face looks like now.
Fuck it. I don’t care. I know she wants me too. And we’ve got to make it look real.
I lean in and whisper in her ear. ‘Come over here.’
She turns slightly and I slip her hand into mine. She’s got one of those godawful drinks in her other hand. ‘Tipsy yet?’ I tease as we cross the room.
Lexi looks at me, confusion on her face. I nod towards the fluorescent liquid.
‘Oh.’ She frowns. ‘No!’
‘It’s OK,’ I say. ‘Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve seen you drunk.’ I grin at her and raise my eyebrows as we reach a slightly less crowded part of the room. I lean back against the wall and pull her towards me, gripping her waist and pressing a hand into her lower back.
She looks even better from the front. Her lips pinker than usual from the drink. The contrast between her thick dark hair and flawless milky cleavage.
Fuck. I really want to touch her.
I really want to tear off her dress and—
‘Haven’t you had any?’ she asks, interrupting my thoughts, defiantly taking another sip.
‘Maybe.’