by Gow, Kailin
Jack doesn’t have to spell out the implications of that. “It isn’t safe for them to stay where they are, is it?” I ask.
Jack shakes his head. “We’ll have to move them, change their identities. The Others have made it clear that they’re happy to use your family against you now, so we can’t give them the chance.”
“It will be worse this time, won’t it?” I guess. “This time, the Underground will change their looks, their lives. They’ll be different people. Different enough that the Others can’t find them.”
Jack is silent for a moment, but then nods. “We thought before that not remembering you would be enough to keep them safe. Now, it’s obvious that it’s who they are that matters, not just what they know. This needs to happen, Celes. Though I don’t know how my father plans on that when his memory fading machine went down in the rubble of Location Six.”
It doesn’t seem fair, doing that to them. Not again. “How many times are they going to have to uproot, Jack? Is this going to have to happen every time the Others get close to them?”
Jack spreads his hands. “We’re just trying to keep them safe, Celes. Sometimes that means doing things that aren’t ideal, but it’s better than getting them into the line of fire.”
“Maybe, Jack.” I don’t much feel like agreeing with him, though. “Maybe it’s just better for them to become them again, though. At least that way, they would know what they were facing, know why they’re being put in danger. They wouldn’t have to keep running the same way, and they could make their own decisions about what happens.”
“That would put you in a lot of danger,” Jack points out. “That would put them in a lot of danger. Changing their identities is the best way to prevent the kind of mistakes that would let people find them. Anyway, do you really think they would ever make the decision to go back to who they were, knowing Richard is right there, waiting to get to you?”
“I don’t know,” I admit, “But it is their decision, Jack. It’s their lives, and they should be able to decide whether they want to take the risk or not. We shouldn’t be the ones deciding this kind of thing for them.”
“Then go and ask them,” Jack suggests. “Talk to them.”
“What?” I realize then that I’ve backed myself into a corner. If I’m serious about my family getting their memories back, then I need to talk to them, even though they don’t remember me at the moment.
“You don’t have to do much,” Jack says, reaching out to put a hand on my arm. “Just find out what they might decide if they were given a choice. It will be more convincing if you know the answer before you speak to Sebastian.”
He’s right, of course. Sebastian will be more easily swayed by people who actually want their lives back than by some hypothetical situation. I force myself to head over into the next room, where my family are sitting, talking to one another with the kind of easy familiarity that families have. The kind of familiarity that I miss so much.
Bailey stands, going to get something from the corner of the room where the Faders have left out food, and I decide that’s probably the easiest place to start. Not that any of this is easy. I move up next to him, taking a couple of sandwiches as an excuse to do it. Bailey looks up at me a little nervously, and I can see my mom and dad’s eyes following me too. But then, they would. They just remember me as the girl who helped them out of the Fortress, after all. The strange one the Others claimed was their daughter.
“So, Bailey, what have you been up to for the last couple of months?” I ask, trying to keep my tone casual. I know I can’t just walk back into his life, but I can at least ask the kind of thing that a friendly stranger might, can’t I?
Bailey blushes. He actually blushes. “Ah…”
“Celestra,” I say. “Celes for short. People close to me call me that.”
“Just the usual stuff, I guess… Celes. Computers, comics, games. That kind of thing.”
He sounds nervous, but then, seeing it from his point of view, he’s a ten year old boy being asked questions by this girl he either doesn’t know, or knows only from pictures half glimpsed in magazines. I try smiling to make this a bit easier on him. Though I don’t know who is going to make it easier on me.
“That sounds like the kind of thing I used to do with my little brother. Play video games, talk comic books, stuff like that.”
“You have a little brother?” Bailey asks.
Why did I have to say it? I have now, though, so I have to go through with it. “Yeah. He’s roughly your age, a handful, too smart for his age, and gosh, I miss him.” I move a bit closer to Bailey. “You remind me so much of him. Can I give you a hug?”
That probably sounds really odd, this complete stranger wanting to hug him. Bailey certainly seems startled enough by it. Yet he recovers well. “Sure, okay.”
I hug him briefly, exactly the way I always used to. It’s nice. Too nice, given that eventually I have to let go of him, pretend that there aren’t any tears in my eyes, and make my way over to where my parents are sitting. I join them.
“Mr. and Mrs. Caine,” I manage. “You have a remarkable and delightful son. Take very good care of him.”
That pleases them, of course. They always like it when people praise Bailey.
“Thank you,” my mother says. “And thank you for helping to get us out of that place.”
“I’m just sorry they took you there,” I say. “Especially over what was a huge mistake.”
I know they won’t believe me if I tell them that they’re my parents, so what else can I call it? Even so, I see them staring at me.
“You know, you seem so familiar,” my mother says. “Are you from around these parts?”
“I used to live not far from here,” I reply.
“Thank you for saving us, Celestra,” my father says, “but there’s one thing I don’t understand. “The man who took us and threatened us; he said we were your parents, that you were our daughter.” His brow creases in that way it does when he’s thinking hard about something. “We don’t have a daughter, but something about that idea feels… it feels as though there is something missing.”
Like his memory. Maybe if I push them in the right direction? “Maybe you had wanted a daughter, but couldn’t…” I think of the footage of them getting me. “…couldn’t have one?”
Does that trigger a hint of recognition? No, there’s nothing. Not so much as a flicker.
“No,” my mother says, “I can’t remember ever wanting anything like that. Are you all right, dear?”
“I’m fine,” I lie. “Just fine.”
So anything based on remembering me is out. I just need to ask the question I came here to ask, and get out of this room before it breaks my heart.
“I… I need to ask you both a question. A hypothetical question, but I need you to both think very carefully before answering. Is that okay?”
My parents look at one another. It’s my father who nods. “Sure.”
“I want you to imagine your child, Bailey, was found to be remarkable. Not just clever, or gifted, or anything like that. I’m sure he’s all of those things already. Truly remarkable. But I want you to imagine that would make it dangerous for you, and that there would be people hunting you. If it meant keeping Bailey safe, would you completely change your current life to protect him?”
“Of course we would,” my father says. “What kind of a question is that?”
My mother nods her agreement. “We would do whatever it took to keep our child safe.”
“What’s this about?” my father asks. “Bailey isn’t in any kind of danger, is he?”
I shake my head. “Bailey is fine,” I say. “I promise. I can’t really explain the rest of it to you. Not in a way that would make any sense. Just…” I reach forward to hug them both. “Thank you for being such good parents.”
I leave quickly, desperate to get out of there before the tears I feel coming can overwhelm me. Jack is out there waiting for me, ready to take me into his arms
. I let him, staying there pressed safely against him until I’m sure there are no more tears. It takes a while. Only then does Jack say anything.
“Did you get your answer, Celes?”
I nod. I have an answer, even if it isn’t one that I would have thought anyone might have given.
“They would choose to be Faded to protect their child. They would do whatever it takes to keep their child safe.”
“And they would want to keep you safe, Celes,” Jack reassures me.
“They don’t even remember me.”
“Not consciously,” Jack says, “but feelings? Feelings are harder. I’ve seen people who have been Faded completely, yet they still have the same feelings about other people they had before. They might not act on them, because they don’t know why they have them, but they’re there.”
“You sound so certain.”
“I am. It’s not something we can explain. Feelings just seem to be stronger that way. But they linger. Time, space, even Fading can’t change that. Your parents love you, Celes, and they want to do what’s best for you.”
I nod, wanting to tell Jack how grateful I am he talked me into asking them. How much I care. There isn’t a chance though. Sebastian comes over, sweeping Jack away into some urgent Underground business or other, leaving me to feel simply grateful that I’ve had such a great family.
EIGHTEEN
When Jack goes off to talk to Sebastian, I’m left alone. I could go after them, but I guess there’s a lot they need to talk about. I go outside instead, looking up into the cool night air, watching the stars. Is the place I came from out there somewhere? I walk out to the edge of the farm’s fields, taking some time alone for the first time in days.
I’ve been looking up for several minutes when there’s a tap on my shoulder. I look around to see Grayson offering me his jacket. It’s one of his old ones. One I remember him wearing back when we were together. Given everything we’ve been through recently, I’m surprised it has survived.
“I thought you might need this, Celes. You look cold.”
It’s such a small gesture, but it brings back memories. Grayson was always giving me his jacket when it was cold, this jacket usually, and I used to love curling up in the warmth of it, with him close by. I used to feel safe. I used to feel like the world couldn’t touch me. So much for that idea, I guess.
“Thank you.” I take the jacket anyway and slip it on, because the night is starting to get cold, and because… well, just because. It occurs to me then that I haven’t spoken to Grayson since the mission. “And thank you for getting my family out. I don’t know if they would have gone with us if you hadn’t been there.”
Grayson looks a little uncomfortable with that, but then, he’s never been much good with praise. “It’s nothing, Celes.”
I shake my head. “It’s not nothing. You could have been killed, confronting your father like that. He could have decided to have you shot, or his men could have done it without asking.”
Grayson shrugs. “He was going to kill innocent people,” he says, as though it’s what anyone would have done. But most people wouldn’t. Just Grayson. “And your family were our neighbors. They’re good people.”
“People you helped to get out,” I point out, “because you were the one they remembered.”
“Yes.” Grayson hesitates, and I get the feeling he’s not sure whether to say what he’s thinking. “I remember things. Things about you, Celes.”
I’m not sure what to say to that. “What do you mean?”
“I… I think I’m starting to remember.”
“I didn’t think that was possible,” I say, because as far as I know, the only people who have shaken off the effects of Sebastian’s machine have been me and Jack. And we’re… well, we have the advantage of not being human. If you can call it an advantage.
Grayson looks straight at me. “It’s all coming back to me, Celes. I remember… I remember us. I remember what we had, how close we were. I remember how we were going to go to the same college, and that I planned…”
“Yes?”
“I was going to propose to you when we finished college.” Grayson looks away. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
My heart feels… I don’t know what it feels like in that moment. “I’m glad you remember,” I say, “but it’s going to make things complicated. I’m with Jack.”
“I know,” Grayson says, but he doesn’t sound like he knows it. “I know you’ve moved on to Jack, but I still care about you. I still remember that we never really resolved the things between us. I still remember this.”
The kiss is sudden, catching me by surprise. Or am I kidding myself about that? It’s so loving, so sweet, that I can’t bring myself to step back, the way I know I should. It’s Grayson who finally breaks the kiss.
“I will always be there for you,” he promises, “no matter where you are. No matter what happens. I love you, Celes. I know you don’t want to hear that, but I love you. I always will. Even when everyone else turns on you.”
“Why would everyone else turn on me?” I demand.
Grayson looks down. “Celes, everyone here is happy to see you come into your powers at the moment, but there’s talk. Talk about reining you in. Some of the Faders think you might be a problem in the future.”
“The Faders?” I can’t help being a little skeptical. “Is this about making me distrust Jack?”
Grayson shakes his head. “It’s not Jack. It’s not Sebastian or Jonas either.”
I know who that leaves, of the key people here. “Lionel? But I… I saved him.”
“And almost killed him, from what I hear,” Grayson says softly.
I have to nod. There was a moment when I almost did it. When I almost reached out to touch him just because I could.
“He’s grateful,” Grayson says, “but he’s scared too. And scared people do stupid things.”
I kick the ground. This is so unfair. “I risked my life and Jack’s to get him out, and he does this? I thought he was on my side.”
“I think he is, up to a point,” Grayson says. “It’s just… people are scared of the kind of power you have, Celes.”
“Are you?” It’s not a fair question, but I remember he was scared back in the corn fields where my power first came out.
“No. Never.”
“So, do Jack and Sebastian know what Lionel has been saying about me?” I ask.
Grayson shakes his head. “I don’t think he intends for them to know, especially since he thinks Jack will do anything to prove him wrong.”
“This is so…” I won’t say unfair out loud, but we both know it’s what I mean. “The Underground were looking for someone like me, with their whole search for life beyond Earth, and now…”
“And now they’ve seen what it means,” Grayson says, “and they don’t understand you, so they’re being cautious. They’re…”
Grayson stops, his head whipping around, just in time for someone to hit him with what looks like a short club. I turn and see Phillipa, the older Fader Grayson was flirting with on the plane over here. Please let this be about something as stupid as jealousy, I hope, but I know it’s not going to be as simple as that.
“Now what you’ve made me do,” the woman says. “You should know better than to rat out one of your fellow Faders, Grayson. Especially not the Major.”
Grayson pulls himself back to his feet. “But he’s going against what Dr. Cook wants.”
“Sebastian isn’t in a position to make good decisions at the moment. And he has been in the custody of the Others until recently. So the Major gets to give the orders, and his orders are to make sure that the girl doesn’t get dangerous.”
“Even if that means killing Celestra?”
Phillipa shrugs. “It’s a moot point, dear. You shouldn’t have told her what you did. You certainly shouldn’t have let me hear that you’ve started remembering.”
She moves forward quickly, swinging the club. Gray
son steps inside the movement, trying to use his elbows to knock Phillipa back, but the trainer is expecting the move, hitting Grayson viciously with her knee, then following it up with a kick as the attack forces Grayson back. He partly blocks that, but it still knocks the wind out of him.
Phillipa swings her club in an arc that ends with Grayson’s knee, and he goes down, crying out in pain with his leg twisted to an impossible angle. Grayson puts an arm up, trying to fend her off, and she breaks that with the club too. She moves down over him, pinning him with her legs while she raises the club.
“This is kind of a pity, Grayson, but we can’t have you spreading tales. You or her. Just one thing, what are you? After all, no one keeps their memories unless…”
I’ve had enough. I throw myself forward, reaching down to touch the woman. The power in me is only too eager to rise up, leaping into her in a glowing blaze of power. She sits there for a moment, almost seeming to glow with power herself as my energy wells up inside her, burning its way through every cell, every atom. Then Phillipa disintegrates. As thoroughly and quickly as the Others back at the Fortress, Phillipa burns to nothing.
Of course, nothing can’t support my weight.
I topple down, falling onto Grayson before I can stop myself, my hand still glowing with power. I try to will it back into me as I fall, but I’m too late, and I don’t know how to stop it anyway. I touch Grayson, and the power jumps into him, heat rising up through him, his skin glowing with it, exactly the same as Phillipa’s did.
I throw myself from Grayson, rolling to my knees with my hand over my mouth as the power subsides. “Grayson. No. Oh, please, no.”
Grayson is so still. So still as he just stares up at the night sky. Energy still crackles over him, making him look like he has been hit by lightning, and I can’t touch him. I don’t dare.
“Grayson, can you hear me? Please, talk to me!” I hesitate, not wanting to leave his side, but knowing what I have to do. “I’ll get help,” I say. “I’ll get Jack. Jack will know what to do.”