Grayson: Wordsmith Chronicles Book 3

by Christopher Harlan

  There Colton goes again, being all. . .well, Colton! He’s right though, this does feel familiar in the best possible way. We don’t really need to take one car anymore, but we like to travel together. It helps us all get in the mindset of being part of a group, instead of just a collection of individuals.

  A lot’s happened in the last few weeks. We finished Graceful Cocky Knockout on time. I’m usually pretty critical of the work I do, but I’m really proud of this one. The cover looks amazing, and the story is incredible, and as we approach the place I get a little sentimental about the whole thing. I need to say something—a car toast, but with no drinks. “Mike and Colt—before we get to the venue to set up I just wanted to say how much fun it was to collaborate with you on this book. I was a little resistant at first to the idea, but I think this book is as good as anything we’ve done individually.”

  “Speak for yourself, you hack!”

  “Good job ruining a sweet moment, Colton!” I’m kidding. I love his sarcasm. Part of the reason we all get along so well is that we understand the differences in our personality. “But fuck you, I still enjoyed working with you.”

  “Me, too, man. I’m only joking. You ended the book perfectly. I think your part is the best.”

  “Wait, what?” I ask. “Can I get my phone out to record that? Can you say that one more time?”

  “No fucking way, man.”

  Knight’s in the driver’s seat, literally and figuratively. If I’m being honest this signing never would have happened with out him. The Wordsmiths were started by Me and Colton, but Michael’s been taking the group to the next level since we came into existence. I’m happy that he organized this signing. It’s going to be a different vibe from the first one, but that’s not a bad thing at all. We’re almost at the venue now, and after we have our little moment I start to reflect over the last few weeks.

  I’ve been to five therapy sessions, and Cordelia is everything that Colton advertised her to be. She’s smart, insightful, and isn’t afraid to call me on my bullshit, which I need. I’ve been exercising six days a week, and training Jiu Jitsu three times a week. On top of that I’ve been trying to follow Mike’s no sugar diet as best as I can, and I already have more energy. But just as important as any of that is the fact that I’ve been writing. I’ve actually been writing a lot. I started two different books—a rom-com and the first book in a new series. The words and ideas have been flowing out of me. My life has been getting better day by day. The only thing missing is Rowan.

  We’ve texted here and there. Mostly with her checking in to tell me that she needed more time, and me agreeing to it because I have no choice. I’m not sure what needing time means, but I owe her anything she wants. We both have strong feelings for each other, but maybe there’s some other stuff going on with her she needed to work out. Regardless, I trust her, and she sent me a text last night that read:

  Rowan: I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Let’s talk after the signing?

  I was really psyched to get that text. It gave me some hope that this break isn’t actually a break up. The ball’s really in her court as to whether or not she wants to keep seeing me, but I want to tell her about all the changes I’ve made to be a better person than I was two months ago. Hopefully we’ll make time for that. But before that, the signing.

  “When is North getting in?” Colton asks.

  “I think in about an hour or so. He’s staying in a nearby hotel I think. What about Greg?”

  “He was at a signing in Connecticut yesterday with Brody, so they’re coming around the same time and staying in the same place.”

  “Awesome,” Mike says.

  Our pre-order for this signing was out of control. We got pre-orders of the anthology and the our new book in the hundreds. On top of that we pre-sold a bunch of our old books because of the ‘bring a friend’ policy we put into place. It was a brilliant idea. One of the differences is that we don’t have to drag boxes of books too far this time cause the place is local. We rented an SUV for the day, and as we pull up to the venue I smile. I’ve doubted myself every inch of this journey I’ve been on, and sometimes that doubt was justified. But right now I feel hopeful for the future. We’re doing another signing, I contributed to a great book of ours, and I’m back to working on my own. I just hope I can salvage things with Ro.

  “Here we go. I just got a text from the G. Him and Brody are like an hour out.”

  “Thanks, Colt,” Mike says. “Gray, text North and get an ETA.”

  “I’m on it.”

  I text North and he gets back to me that he’s about forty five minutes away, which gives us more than enough time to unpack our stuff and meet them somewhere for lunch. The actual signing is tomorrow, but we thought it would be cool to set up today, maybe get some food with the other guys and, depending on exactly how drunk we might get, maybe get a room and stay over. We’ll see where the day and night take us. “Are the girls coming today?” I ask. It’s not the real question I want to ask and the other two guys know it. I’m really asking about Rowan. I should just text her, but I still feel like she needs me to leave her alone. This is my next best way to finding out when she’s coming.

  “Ev said she might be here later, she’s doing some last minute wedding stuff.”

  “Damn, that shit has taken over your life, hasn’t it?” I ask.

  “Her life, dude. I’m just showing up and saying the right words. Maybe a bad dance or two, and then we’re off to our honeymoon.”

  “Where are guys going?”

  “She booked this whole Caribbean vacation. I can’t wait.”

  “That sounds amazing,” Colton says. “Get out of this shitty New York weather for a while. Have a few weeks of good food, good drinks and good sex.”

  “Great sex,” Mike corrects. “Epic. Guinness Book of World Records level sex.”

  “Wow,” I say, smiling. “Good for you two.” I am happy for Mike, and I love hearing about him and Ev, but I still really want to know about Ro. “Is she coming by herself? Colt, what about Harley?”

  “Jesus Christ, you’re transparent,” he says. “To quote Brad Pitt in Fight Club, ‘. . .just ask, man.”

  “What?”

  “Oh, come on, Gray. Just ask if Rowan’s coming. Go ahead. You’re a big boy, you can do it.”

  “I’m that obvious, huh?”

  “Yup,” Colt says. “And then some. So ask.”

  “You’re a dick. But fine. Is she coming?”

  “I’ll ask Harley, okay. She’s coming later. I don’t know if she’s coming with Ro or not but I’ll ask.”

  “Thanks.”

  We pull up in front of the hotel and park in the visitor spots in front. Mike calls his friend, who’s one of the managers, and he shows us where the room is where the signing is going to be. It’s a nice size—perfect for the amount of people we expect, which is somewhere more than last time but less than RAAC. We made free tickets that people could download, and capped it off after we hit the number of people the venue could hold. So technically, we sold out our own signing, which is a great sign for all of our careers.

  While we’re looking around the empty space and putting our banners and boxes down I get a text from Rowan.

  Rowan: I’ll be there later. Instead of going to dinner with everyone else do you wanna talk?

  Me: There’s nothing more I’d like to do. I’ll be with everyone else, just come find me.

  Rowan: Okay.

  I scream “YES!” out loud, and everyone looks at me like I’m crazy. It just happened. Colton looks at me like I’m nuts. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He asks.

  “Nothing,” I say. “For once, everything’s right.”

  <><><>

  The rest of the day was relaxing. We had lunch with all the guys— us, G, Brody Charles, and True North. The six of us had a few drinks, got loud enough to scare a few of the normal people sitting near our table, and just generally got caught up and had a good time. Afterwards
G and North went with Mike to unpack their stuff, and we all decided to just check in for the night. Colton and I got rooms for the three of us, and G, Brody, and North checked in to the rooms they already booked.

  Once I got to the room I took a long, hot shower, did a little stretching and mediation to relax, and got dressed for dinner. I’m not wearing anything too fancy, but I want to look nice for Rowan. I have no idea what’s going to happen. This might end up being the most well-dressed for break up in history, but it’s a chance I’m willing to take. I want her to know this is important to me, and I need to look the part.

  Everyone gets ready. They’re all going to a place right across the street from the hotel, and if all goes well maybe Rowan and I will catch up with them for dessert or drinks after. I have no idea. I’m nervous the closer we get. Rowan texted me that her and Harley are on their way to the city, they’re just sitting in some typical New York rush hour traffic. That kind of traffic can make getting down two Manhattan blocks into an hour long ordeal, so I’m not sure when they’ll actually get here, but in the meantime I grab Colt to get a drink at the bar to relax my nerves a little.

  “You look like you’re about to ask a girl to the prom.”

  “I feel like that, man. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her. She wanted time.”

  “And you gave it to her. A lot of time. More time than most guys would have even thought of giving without moving on to someone else.”

  “There’s no one else, Colt. No one. She’s the one.”

  I take a sip of my drink. I don’t look at Colt because he’s bound to make fun of me for saying such a corny line out loud, but I feel his hand pat me on the shoulder. “Well, good for you. If she’s the one then fight for her. But, if you’d like some friendly, unsolicited advice, don’t leave this little meeting with any ambiguity. All in, or all out. No half measures.”

  Colt has a point. We’ve taken this little break from one another, and in a lot of ways I’ve become a better person in that time. But I can’t live in relationship limbo much longer. We need to make a decision, one way or the other, tonight. I think of the quote from Shawshank Redemption. . .get busy living, or get busy dying. “You’re right. One way or the other we’ll know.”

  Colton reaches into his pocket and looks at his phone. “Looks like you’ll know sooner rather than later. They’re here.”

  As soon as he says that I start to panic. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just anticipating the awkwardness of seeing her in person after all this time, or maybe I’m worried that this is just a formal breakup that’s coming my way. Either way I take a few deep breaths to try and calm my insides before laying eyes on her. When I see Colton wave over my shoulder I know that once I turn around she’s going to be standing right there. I turn, not knowing what to expect, and there she is. If it’s possible to forget how beautiful some is, then I must have temporary amnesia. She looks like everything I’ve ever wanted. She hair is draped down over both shoulders, her eyes are sparking, and she has the faintest hint of a smile. We make eye contact and it’s like the last few months never existed, at least for me. For me it’s like we haven’t skipped a single beat.

  Colton hugs and kisses Harley while Rowan breaks away and comes up to me at the bar. “Do you need to drink to get ready for this?”

  “I guess that all depends on what you’re going to say. You look heartbreaking, by the way.”

  “Aww, thank you.” There’s a flirtation in her voice and in her eyes—nothing too overt, but something that lets me drop my guard a little bit. She looks happy to see me. Lord knows I’m happy to see her. “You look great yourself.”

  “This old thing?” I joke. “Just pulled it out of my closest, you know?”

  “Riiight.” She jokes back. “Well, are you ready to go? I’m hungry and we need to talk.”

  “Oh, Jesus, that sounds ominous. But yeah, let’s go. The place that’s only about a block or so away.”

  “That’s perfect. And look, don’t worry,” she tells me before we walk out.

  Easier said than done.

  Chapter 24

  Grayson

  The restaurant is getting packed, but we get there right before the rush and get seated right away. Timing is everting in Manhattan restaurants. Rowan’s looking at her menu but I’m not hungry at all. I have anxiety about this whole dinner, and all I really want to do is talk. I order a drink and she does the same. The waitress brings them right away and I take a big gulp. I don’t want to be abrupt or rush her, but I need to know where her head’s at with everything.

  “You can relax, Gray, this isn’t a goodbye dinner. You look so tense.”

  “I am,” I tell her. “Can you blame me? I understand you needed time, and I tried to give it to you without questioning why you needed so much of it, but you didn’t exactly update me as to how you were feeling.”

  “I know, I’m sorry about that. It was probably stressful for you, huh?”

  “It was. I felt really unsure about us. Not about how I felt about you, I’ve always known that even if I did a terrible job expressing it. But I started to think that you didn’t feel the same.”

  “I asked myself that question.”

  “Jeez, that’s blunt.”

  “It’s the truth, Gray. I’m not gonna sit here and lie to you and sugar coat how I felt. Part of the reason I needed some time was because we did a poor job of communicating about how we felt. Both of us, not just you.”

  “What did you do wrong?” I ask.

  “I did a good job of saying things to you that I assumed you would interpret as me feeling a certain way towards you, but I never really said how I felt outright. I complimented you, or supported your career, or tried to make you feel better when you were down on yourself. I just assumed you’d get the message as to why I was doing all of those things. And when you didn’t I thought that it meant you didn’t feel the same way towards me as I felt towards you.”

  “No, Rowan, that was never the case. Ever. I was always really into you. You think I would have let you come with me to my uncle’s house in another state if I wasn’t into you? I wanted you from the moment I met you at the first signing we did. I’m an idiot if I ever let you feel otherwise.”

  She smiles, and it relieves me on some level. “I’m glad you’re saying all this. I wish you would have just told me all of this right at the beginning.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. I think that I was doing the same thing as you. Not exactly the same, but I assumed that you understood my feelings, but I can see that I didn’t really give you anything to go on. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. But that’s not my biggest worry with us, Gray.”

  “What’s your biggest worry, then?”

  “Your state of mind. I can forgive that you yelled at me and were really rude the last time I saw you, but the whole time we were doing whatever we were doing, you always seemed to be a different Grayson from day to day. Sometimes happy, sometimes not. Sometimes motivated, sometimes you doubted everything. I can’t handle those kind of swings.”

  “Neither can I anymore, Ro. That’s really why I wanted to talk to you. Everything is different now.”

  “How can I believe you?”

  “Because a LOT has changed in these few weeks. After we had our. . .thing, Mike came over and helped me get on the road to being normal. I’ve been seeing a therapist every week—the same one Colton saw for his issues. She helped me identify some of what you’re talking about and I’ve worked on it. On top of that I started two new books and finished my part of the Wordsmith collaboration. There’s no miracle cure for what I have, but I’ve take the steps to get myself right.”

  She listens to everything I’m saying. I can’t tell if it’s making an impression or not, she’s straight faced as I speak. And then she’s not. “That’s wonderful to hear, Gray.” Now she’s smiling. “It takes a lot of balls to be honest about your own issues and then address them. But how do I know we won’t get into the same routi
ne we were before. What if your next book doesn’t do as well as you want? Or you start doubting yourself? I can’t be on eggshells all the time.”

  “Listen to me,” I say, reaching across the table to take her hand. “I’m not Superman. I’m going to have off days. Depression’s like that. But you have my word that if something’s bothering me I’ll tell you about it, work to fix it, and that I won’t take you for granted ever again. That I can promise you. It scared the hell out of me when I thought I’d lost you forever. I never want to be without you in my life again.”

  She squeezes my hand, hard, and I can tell that my words are finally having an impact on her. She starts to tear up, and I squeeze her hand back. “And no more yelling?”

  “Pinky swear. Never.”

  “How about I come over after the signing and we hang out and take it a day at a time. How does that sound?”

  “It sounds like everything I wanted to hear the past few weeks.” I lean my whole body across the table and kiss her. It feels like the reason I was born with lips. It feels incredible. It feels meant to be. “I need to run to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” I run over the men’s room only to see that owner is putting a fresh ‘out of order’ sign on the door. I ask him what happened and he said the toilet stopped working. I head back to our table. “The bathroom’s broken, and I have to pee so bad I’m about to start dancing right here.”

  “How manly are you feeling?” She asks. I don’t get the question, but I just go with it.

  “Like I could kill my dinner with my bare hands, watch some football, and eat my fresh kill with an ice cold beer. About that manly.”

  “Good,” she says. “In that case peeing in the alley shouldn’t bother you, then.”

  “Really?”

  “Why not. You have a penis. It points in different directions. It’s getting dark, no one will see you. I’ll come out with you.”

  “You’re going to watch me pee. I’m not sure if we’ve reached that point in our relationship.”

  “Fine. But it’s a city block walk to the hotel. The alley’s right there. I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”