The Good Son

by You-Jeong Jeong

  ‘That’ll be a bit difficult, Auntie. You’re standing in front of my wardrobe.’

  She lifted her chin and glanced back, her eyes flicking over me. She seemed to decide that the current situation put her at a disadvantage, and so she uncrossed her arms and turned towards the door. ‘Will you come downstairs, then?’

  ‘Sure.’

  She seemed to want to show me that she wasn’t cowed, maintaining her dignity as my aunt. She lifted her chin and, with a ramrod-straight back, left my room and closed the door behind her. I was sure she hadn’t seen the journal.

  Yu-jin is a danger to others. The worst kind of psychopath.

  I turned towards Mother. ‘Mum, Auntie came here to devour me. What should I do? Do you think I should let her, or should I devour her first?’

  Mother didn’t answer. Do what you want, I thought she was saying. She grinned with her red Joker mouth.

  I turned round and closed the journal. Even if I had been dying to know what That Day was, right now wasn’t the time. I slid it into the drawer and put on some underwear, black sweatpants and a black T-shirt. I closed the blinds and padded downstairs.

  Auntie wasn’t in the living room or out on the balcony or in the kitchen. Mother’s room was still locked. She didn’t have any reason to enter Hae-jin’s room. I wondered if she was in the bathroom, but I didn’t hear a thing. Her grey coat and her blue handbag were on the island.

  I remembered something I’d once read. Something about seeing into a woman’s soul if you looked into her handbag. I’d never been curious about Auntie’s soul the way I was now. What kind of soul saw an omen of matricide in a six-year-old’s picture? What kind of soul sentenced her nine-year-old nephew to life as a psychopath? What kind of soul fucked up another person’s life in the name of treatment? What kind of soul burst into the home of a so-called ‘danger to others’ all alone? Next to her bag was a cake box. The cake, which I could see through the clear plastic, said ‘CONGRATULATIONS’ across it. I went through the kitchen toward the laundry room, not making a sound, not even breathing. My mind was chatting away: Don’t do anything rash; say nice things and send her on her way.

  Auntie was standing in front of the washer-dryer, craning her neck to look inside. The buttons on the machine were all unlit. It would have finished its cycle a long time ago. I stopped behind her, my hands resting behind my back. It was hard to watch as she opened the door and rummaged around inside. She grabbed a corner of the blanket and yanked it out of the machine, and my heels itched. I wanted to kick her in the back and shove her in the machine, then slam the door behind her.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I asked.

  Auntie stopped and I thought I saw her shiver.

  ‘You’re washing blankets?’ she said, turning around slowly, as though she’d known I was behind her all along. The corner of the blanket she’d dragged out fell limply to the ground like a dead person’s arm. ‘Did you wet your bed?’ I could almost detect a merry smile spreading across her face.

  I smiled too. ‘Have you come to take care of us while Mum’s away?’

  ‘I heard the machine beep.’ Her gaze went to the blanket and returned to me. ‘Looks like it’s done.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it. I can take care of it.’ I turned and stood to the side, trying to usher her away. Hurry up and get out, you stupid bitch, I thought.

  ‘Okay.’ She went back into the kitchen.

  We looked at each other in front of the balcony. Auntie glanced at my all-black outfit as I looked down at her wrinkled neck, remembering.

  Last year, at New Year, we’d spent the holiday in Kusatsu, Japan, enjoying the hot springs. We had all gone: Mother, me, Hae-jin and Auntie. We’d bumped into a woman whose child was a patient of Auntie’s. She was a little clueless about the rules of confidentiality; she went on and on even though Auntie looked visibly annoyed. She said they were on a family trip too; that her child was calmer thanks to Auntie, and all he needed to do now was study hard. She should have stopped there, but then she glanced at Mother and began to praise her dramatically. Oh, Doctor, your younger sister is so beautiful, she looks like a young actress! Mother corrected her in embarrassment, saying she was actually the older sister, and the woman kept saying, My goodness, I thought you were the baby! What do you do to look so young? Auntie’s face had contorted, her forehead wrinkling deeply. I remembered how she’d muttered after the woman left, ‘What a bitch.’

  She broke the silence. ‘When did Hae-jin say he was coming home?’

  I answered by asking a question of my own. ‘Didn’t you ask him that yesterday, when you saw him?’

  She cocked her head. ‘What makes you think I saw him yesterday?’

  ‘How else did you get in?’

  ‘Oh, I know the code to your front door. And I followed someone into the building. Why, is something the matter?’ Auntie flashed a smile, revealing her teeth and her gums, as though she’d just realised something. ‘You’re upset because I went into your room, huh?’

  She was being fake; I should have rummaged through her bag when I had the chance. Then I could have shoved the evidence in her face.

  ‘I even brought a cake to celebrate your exam results,’ she said, going over to the island and showing me the cake box.

  ‘You didn’t have to. It’s not like I passed the bar.’

  Auntie raised her eyebrows. ‘Getting into law school is a big deal. If your mother knew, she’d have thrown you a big party. Don’t you think so?’

  Would she have thrown me a party? Mother was pretty indifferent to my studying law; all she wanted was for me to follow the life she had laid out, in which I would graduate college, go to grad school, get a degree and spend my days in an office. Now I knew where that blueprint came from: this woman standing before me, this woman holding up that pathetic cake, asking, ‘Don’t you think so?’

  The two of them had devised an invisible prison to contain this psychopath for the rest of his life, so that he could live unscathed and harmlessly, among people but not with them. The result of this plotting meant that I remained a child, having to return home by nine every night and not being allowed to travel by myself.

  ‘So should we wait until Hae-jin comes home?’ Auntie asked.

  I didn’t reply.

  ‘It’ll be more fun when he’s here, right?’ She answered herself, then took the cake box towards the fridge. She was going to stay here until Hae-jin got home. ‘Your mother hasn’t called yet, has she?’ She put the cake in the fridge.

  ‘No.’ I sat on a chair by the island, from where I could see Auntie’s movements without having to turn my head.

  ‘Still nothing, huh?’ She pretended to look in the fridge. She asked casually, ‘Did she take her car?’

  Mother’s car would still be parked in the garage. Auntie would have seen that when she parked there herself. I decided to head her off. ‘I checked yesterday and her car’s still here.’

  ‘Your mum left her car?’ she said, sounding incredulous.

  Mother rarely went anywhere without her car. I decided to continue along this track, now that I was committed to it. ‘Maybe she went in someone else’s car, someone she was going with.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘If I knew that, wouldn’t I have already called them?’

  Auntie closed the fridge door and came towards me, a calm, gentle expression on her face. What kind of face would she make if I became angry or agitated? ‘But Yu-jin,’ she said kindly, ‘why is her door locked? Does she lock it every time she goes out?

  I was about to say yes but remembered arguing with Hae-jin through the door. I doubted Hae-jin would have told her that but I had to be consistent. ‘I locked it.’

  ‘You did?’ She was watching me.

  ‘The police came yesterday.’

  ‘The police?’ She pursed her mouth and her eyes grew wide, the way people typically conveyed surprise. She’d look more convincing if she tried a bit harder.

  ‘Someone seems to ha
ve called in a false report that there was a burglar.’

  ‘Really! Who would do that?’ She would be interested in the conversation I’d had with the police. I decided to put some pressure on her.

  ‘Apparently the caller used a pay phone near Inhang Street. The police said they’d be able to see who it was when they checked the CCTV footage. I asked them to let me know when they found out.’

  Auntie was about to say something, but stopped herself.

  ‘I wonder who it was,’ I added for extra effect.

  We stared at each other. It was clear that Auntie realised that I knew who’d called the police. The conversation was basically over.

  ‘So what made you lock the door?’

  ‘I went to get my ID and they barged into her room. I locked it so they couldn’t do that again, just in case they returned when Hae-jin was here and I wasn’t at home. You know what Mother is like about her things. She wouldn’t want anyone touching them.’

  Auntie squinted suspiciously at me. ‘Do you have the key?’

  I glanced over at the key cabinet in the corner. It was almost a reflex reaction. Auntie’s gaze followed mine.

  ‘Can you open it?’ she asked.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I want to have a wash. I came here as soon as I had a moment, and I didn’t even have time to wash my face.’

  But apparently she’d had enough time to put on a necklace and a pair of earrings. I gestured to the hallway bathroom. ‘You can use that one.’

  ‘That’s Hae-jin’s,’ Auntie protested. ‘Do I need your permission for every little thing? Aren’t you being a little possessive just because your mother’s not home?’ Her tone was light but her eyes were steely.

  I wanted to ask her what she was if not a guest in our house. She picked up her bag and coat and looked at me, silently ordering me to open the door. She seemed certain that there was something to see in the bedroom. ‘Yu-jin,’ she prodded.

  I got up. I found the key and opened the door.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said as she walked inside. ‘Don’t mind me. I’ll wash and take a little nap until Hae-jin comes home. I didn’t sleep a wink last night.’ She closed the door in my face. I heard the lock engage. I didn’t hear her moving around. Maybe she was standing by the door, listening. I tossed the keys back in the cabinet and went into the living room. I didn’t want to leave her alone downstairs in case she roamed around and found something I’d missed.

  I lay on the sofa like Hae-jin had done yesterday morning and started flipping through the channels. Films, fishing… Auntie began moving around in my mind’s eye. She would put her bag down on Mother’s writing desk. She would hang her coat on the back of the chair. What next? She’d fulfil her purpose of coming to this house. I could see her entering the dressing room. She would look in the bathroom, open the door to the study, then come back to the wardrobe and open the doors. She would look over the neat vanity and the things on the shelves, the pots and creams and perfumes, the hair dryer, the make-up brushes, the hats and purses and luggage and backpacks. She wouldn’t find anything suspicious, since she wouldn’t know what Mother would have taken with her. She would return to the desk and open the drawer. What was inside? I tried to remember. A notebook, pens and stapler, glasses case. My thoughts stopped at Mother’s red wallet. I could practically hear Auntie, triumphant: Your mother left for a trip and didn’t even take her wallet? Then I remembered that Mother’s driver’s licence and credit card were in her mobile phone case, and that was in my bedroom. Not bad. She’d have to ask me in order for me to answer, but still.

  Next she would open the linen cupboard. She wouldn’t find anything out of place there either, since I’d checked several times and wiped any surface I had touched. The only thing was the mattress. I’d put a white sheet on it, but if she wanted to, she could easily lift it up and take a look. How likely was it that she’d want to?

  There was an action film on the TV featuring Kristen Stewart. I placed the remote on the table and lay back on the sofa. I aimlessly followed the story about a druggie convenience store clerk who was planning to marry his girlfriend. The clerk actually turned out to be some sort of a superhuman groomed by the CIA who had lost his memory. I looked up when the clock chimed four times.

  I hadn’t slept a wink since waking up at dawn yesterday. I hadn’t even relaxed for a moment. But for some reason I wasn’t tired. My eyes were dry but I felt pretty good otherwise. Even though I’d been watching the film for over an hour, I didn’t feel sleepy. When I thought back to two nights ago, when I was on the verge of collapse, this level of alertness was inexplicable, as though my entire body had entered a state of emergency. Thoughts floated around my head without context and mixed with emotions of all kinds – despair that I wouldn’t be able to lead a normal life, anger towards Auntie for branding me a latent killer, resentment at Mother, who hadn’t given me any choice over my life, scenes from the killings that flickered like embers, the suspicion that I’d never be able to forget the feeling of fullness and pure joy I’d felt with that woman with the earring.

  Someone once said that humans used a third of their lives dreaming, and that they led entirely different lives in their dreams. All kinds of foolish, violent and dirty desires came to life during this time. I was the kind of person who didn’t fight against anyone or anything. I was the one who waited all by myself with a knife, along the back wall. Thousands of bastards were on my hit list: bastards I didn’t like, bastards who sided with those bastards, bastards who were friendly with the bastards who sided with the bastards I didn’t like, bastards who walked past the bastards who were friendly with the bastards who sided with the bastards I didn’t like… On nights when my mood was foul, I summoned each one into my dreams and cut their throats. Auntie might say that was psychopath porn.

  I was in elementary school when I first dreamed something pornographic. The bastard who appeared was the one Mother mentioned in her journal, the guy who took the medal from me by 0.45 seconds. As the diary noted, I moaned all night long. I fell into a light sleep and woke up having had a wet dream.

  I had countless wet dreams after that. I didn’t feel guilt; my dreams only revealed the desires hidden within me. In dreams, everything you wanted came true, and unimaginable things happened all the time in the name of your desires. That was normal and I was entirely normal as well. There wasn’t a hint of any desire that would elevate me to a special level, until last August, when I met the woman with the sparkling ring on the night her car had broken down.

  She was the pilot light that made me step into the streets, tired of the same old porn in my dreams. And because of that, I was cornered. I only had a couple of choices. I had to craft a story that made sense in case I was arrested or decided to confess. Nobody would believe me if I said I’d acted out the images in my head without realising that it was real life; that Mother had discovered that and tried to kill me; and that in defending myself I’d ended up killing her but that I certainly wasn’t a bad person. If I decided to flee… My heart began to beat faster. An intuitive thought flickered beneath my consciousness. I didn’t grab it, but left it where I could fish it out any time.

  I looked up. The phone was ringing. Hae-jin. I picked it up and pressed the talk button.

  ‘What are you doing? You busy?’ He sounded out of breath, like he was the busy one. I could hear people talking, something rattling by, cars honking.

  ‘I’m watching a movie. Why?’

  ‘I’m going to be on the 6.05 train. I got caught up in something.’

  ‘So you won’t be back until at least nine?’

  ‘I’ll be at Yongsan by 8.30, so it won’t be until after ten,’ he said apologetically. ‘Can you do me a favour?’

  What kind of favour was it that he was dragging it out like this? ‘Go ahead.’ I picked up the remote and started changing channels. All I saw were food-related shows. On one channel they were eating marinated grilled spare ribs, on another a man was cutting a slab of meat i
nto pieces, and on a third two soldiers were grilling pork belly over charcoal. Every organism learns from the moment of its birth how to survive and how to wait, learning how to eat and how to forge on until it can eat again. But modern-day humans don’t learn how to be hungry. We eat all kinds of things without regard to time and place, indulging ourselves in restaurants and never learning to delay gratification. This obsession over consuming food isn’t any different from psychopath porn. From that perspective, it seemed that humans were the most impatient about their desires out of all living beings on earth.

  ‘You know the DVD section in my room with Eastern European shorts?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘There should be a movie in the middle called Dual. Can you find it and take it to Yongi’s? Now?’

  Now, of all times? I was annoyed and didn’t say anything.

  Hae-jin added a long explanation as though he could read my thoughts. ‘So the director of Private Lesson needs it immediately, but since I’m in Muan I can’t get it to him. But he and the people from the production company are going to be near the Gundo sea wall. You can leave it with Mr Yongi and they’ll pick it up.’

  ‘If they’re coming all this way anyway, why not ask them to come to the flat to pick it up? I can take it down to the car park for them.’ I glanced at Mother’s door.

  ‘Apparently it’s not his car and he’s with a group, so it might be tricky.’

  ‘So if Yongi’s isn’t open, I have to stand there and wait?’

  ‘It’s almost always open at this time,’ Hae-jin said, sounding a little deflated. I could hear him thinking, I went all the way to Yeongjong Island for you when you thought you’d lost your phone, and you can’t do this one thing for me? ‘It’s okay if you’re too busy.’

  I managed to stuff the words ‘I’m too busy’ back into my mouth. It would take only twenty minutes if I ran. As Mother always said, if someone gives you something, the best thing to do is to return the favour. I didn’t want to refuse this small favour and risk him getting suspicious. ‘No, no. I’ll run over. I don’t have anything going on right now.’