Third Child

by Kate Mitchell

  But he just carried on grinning and collected the rest of her papers and notebooks, and then he presented them to her like an awkward and bashful schoolboy who had taken a great downer on his teacher.

  Even from this awkward start, it was written on the cards that she had fallen for him. Compared to Peter he was one of those irresistible guys who could do no wrong. He had charm, and instantly she liked him.

  ‘Well, aren’t you going to say something?’

  ‘What’s there to say. I wasn’t looking where I was going, but you are prettier than the girl I was following.’

  She was angry, she had no intention of smiling, but one look at his handsome boyish face, and she knew she was his. Instead of him apologizing to her, she was now apologizing to him.

  ‘It’s my fault, I saw you as I was walking out, I thought I could get past you before…’ she shrugged. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘No, I’m glad we bumped into each other,’ he grinned rather cheekily. ‘But let me make it up to you, would you? What are you doing after you’ve finished work?’

  Never had she made a date like this, she wasn’t cheap, but his boyish face and those beautiful hazel eyes told her to quit this doctrine and get herself a life. People that passed them, or rather, the women who took that extra look, not because he had tumbled her, but because he was good-looking.

  Did anyone refuse him, no, they didn’t? This was a test. Should she play hard to get, but if she did, she might lose this handsome man?

  ‘I suppose I’m doing nothing.’

  ‘Great, then I’ll meet you here, outside this place at seven?’

  Just as soon as she said, okay, he was off.

  At five to seven, she was waiting outside the office. At five past she was still waiting. She had been stood up. At seven-thirty, she knew she had been stood up, and turning on her heel she started to leave. Never again would she put herself into this situation. It was humiliating.

  ‘So, you weren’t going to wait for me?’ his long legs, golden hair, and handsome face were walking towards her.

  ‘I’ve been waiting here for over half an hour. Where were you?’ how handsome he looked, just as if he had walked off a beach.

  ‘Busy,’ he said casually picking up her hand while continuing to walk.

  If she wanted to be with him, she had better start walking.

  ‘Man; isn’t this a lovely day?’ his head in the air, dreamy eyes looking at something that only he could see.

  A couple of young women walked past and fluttered their eyelashes at him. If she didn’t want him, they did. But Thomas didn’t even look at them, yet by the look in his eyes, she knew that he knew he had been admired, it was something he’d got used to and accepted.

  So, where are we going, he was holding her hand and taking her nowhere in particular? But he must have a plan, a reason as to where they were walking. He was breathing the air and feeling pleased with himself.

  ‘Where are we going?’ she asked at last.

  He shrugged. ‘Just walking, we don’t have to go anywhere to feel happy with life.’

  He was good to look at, but she didn’t know him. How can you commit to a stranger when you haven’t passed through those questions? What sort of things do you like to do, the books you read, the food you eat and how you feel about this or that?

  One must have a plan in life and know where you’re going, and here she was walking along without any direction.

  If there was one thing Cecelia hated it was indecision. Every question must have an answer to it, there must be no room for emptiness or surprise. So, what on earth was happening? But he had a plan, he knew where he was going.

  They were heading to Hermosa Beach and The Strand. It was a while since she had been to the beach, people who went there weren’t the type of people she mixed with. The golden people who thrived on the beach filling their days with beach sports. Sunshine’s eternal children. These were his type of people. Their uniform was their golden tan which he also decorated himself with.

  She liked him, but he wasn’t saying anything. They were walking along, hand in hand as if they were spiritual and as if they were in love. Was he showing her something about his kind of life? Showing and not telling, breathing and not speaking, feeling life and not thinking? Was he someone who should have lived in the sixties?

  ‘Do you think we could sit down somewhere? I’ve got the wrong shoes on.’

  ‘Well, take them off then.’

  Take off my shoes? Why? Sure, the sidewalk would be cooler on the eve of the day, but this wasn’t like her. She needed her props, and her bits and pieces in life to know who she was. But then, it was as if something had clicked in his head because he dragged her on to the sand.

  ‘You can walk on sand, it’s better for your feet,’ he was now taking off his shoes. He wore no socks.

  Reluctantly, Cecelia slid off her heels and found herself several inches shorter. He had grown considerably or rather, this was how he always was, a tall man in a tall world.

  They carried on walking for a while.

  ‘I just love the sea,’ he said taking his shirt off and walking towards the blue waves.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she was trying to run on the soft and uneven surfaces to keep up with him. Unsure as to what was happening, she didn’t feel like smiling, she was an alien in this world.

  ‘I’m going for a swim,’ he called over his shoulder.

  ‘Why?’ what was she supposed to do while he was swimming?

  ‘Come and join me,’ he was now taking off his pants while still carrying on his approach to the beckoning Pacific.

  ‘But I haven’t got a swimming costume.’

  ‘Free yourself from the constraints of life and come and join me. You should do what you want whenever you want. This is your time. Don’t allow anyone to tell you what to do.’

  ‘But I can’t,’ she stood dismayed staring after him.

  ‘You can babe. You’re wearing panties and brassiere, aren’t you? You’re all covered up and decent? No one knows any different. I’ll see you in the sea.’ And then he was running towards the big blue.

  Bewilderment, she didn’t know what she should do and never had she been put into this situation before. In the distance, she could hear him whooping and laughing, he was enjoying himself. It was a choice of whether she wanted to join him or stay on the perimeter of life. She unbuttoned her skirt, letting it fell to the sand, leaving it in a huddle with her shoes, she ran towards him.

  Splashing into the sea, Cecelia was wading towards him. Twisting and turning from one leg slowly to the other, this was the only way she could move through the sea. He turned around and smiled at her, his arms outstretched waiting to take hold of her. She was in his arms and up to his still warm chest. Pleased to see her, he kissed her, then started to undo her bra followed by panties, while in the water she became naked. How breathless she was and vulnerable that he had access to every intimate part of her. Her covers had been taken away, and she had nowhere to hide, yet he liked her better for this. He approved of her; this was how he wanted her to be.

  On the beach, he made love to her. She didn’t consciously know if she was enjoying it, being aware that several passers-by were watching as they strolled along, but it was an honor to be mounted by a man like this.

  ‘I could sit out here all night and watch the sea.’ He was staring at the sea as if this blue moving body was his lover.

  ‘I don’t know your name,’ she had dressed straight after the lovemaking.

  An inward laugh as if knowing the other person’s name was the least important thing for anyone to know.

  ‘Thomas,’ he volunteered still staring at the sea. Ignoring the minutes and hours which were passing by.

  ‘Do you want to know mine?’ she frowned staring up at his face because he hadn’t asked.

  ‘Yeah, ok, what’s your name?’ he had turned to her taken by her curiosity.

  ‘Cecelia.’

  ‘Ce-ce,’ he grinned turni
ng back to his mistress the waves.

  ‘Shall I see you tomorrow?’

  He held his head upwards feeling the spray from the sea. A seagull flew past, an aimless stranger so like this Thomas.

  ‘I could meet you again outside the office at seven.’

  ‘Sure.’ Speaking it appeared was his second language.

  This was not the sort of guy that she usually went for, but after the lovemaking, they had spiritually joined together.

  Now they were officially going out together. This was a day to remember for the rest of her life. Important and wonderful, their first memory had been formed.

  Difficult, she was trying to be like him, relaxed, laid-back and just be, but it wasn’t natural for her. Surprisingly, for a good-looking man like him, he was an excellent lover. Good-looking men are never any good in bed, not that she slept around. This was going to be a new way of life for her. Were they always going to make love on the beach? She wasn’t an exhibitionist. But these were the rules.

  Yet, inside her mind, she was making plans for them both. April was a good time to get married because they would have the summer together. And they would get a house instead of renting, although there was nothing wrong with that, having a house together suggested their relationship was more concrete, and at twenty-three if she intended to have children, it was better to start early and enjoy their children together. After thirty-five, it really was too late for a woman.

  He never asked any questions of her which meant she wasn’t to ask any about him. This is what she understood from his silence. Rules which were felt but not said. There were many things she wanted to know about him, and it was difficult for Cecelia not to have any answers. The few times she asked little things like where he was born, and lived, these were always answered by silence.

  Why wouldn’t he talk to her? What was all this secrecy about? Was he ashamed of her? Or was this the person he was? Whatever it was, took some getting used to

  They met every weekday and headed straight to the beach. They would walk forever, strip off and go for a swim and then make love. But it was not enough for her. She wanted the solid arms of commitment. She wanted to know how he felt, the politics he voted for, or if he ever took the time to join the committee of the majority of people.

  What did he do with himself at the weekends? She wanted to know but didn’t dare to ask; if she did, she felt he would drop her. Yet, she knew he loved her. No one made love like that if they didn’t love you.

  They were in love and this was their time.

  It’s amazing how you can find out the answer to your questions on your own without any help from anyone else. Friday evening and after the lovemaking and staring at the sea, the sea by now had just become the sea. The time had come when the night world was turning and curling itself under its bedcovers, time for the inevitable sleep. His hand linked in hers had come to retrace their footsteps back to the lights of the town. It was ten-thirty.

  Time to say goodnight and see you on Monday. A light kiss, a smile and their fingers drifted apart. A few steps towards her direction and then Cecelia stopped. This time, she was going to follow him home. She had to know where he lived, she needed to know everything about him to make him real for her.

  Hanging back as far as she could, Cecelia dogged his footsteps, only stopping when he stopped. He caught up with a few guys and stopped to chat, clashing their hands together before parting. Everyone he met liked him, yet who could not like this kind of guy?

  They had been walking for an hour. From Sixth Street, he headed towards Eighth street, and he still carried on walking, not knowing or caring if she was behind him. And then he stopped and turned into a front yard. Taking out some keys, he headed to the front door very sure of himself. He had the key to the house.

  So, this was his home. She stood for a few seconds staring at it.

  This house where he lived was not how she pictured it. A bungalow in an ordinary street that said family and domestic. Where had the bohemian gone, doing what he wanted to do and dismissing all the rules? This was an enigma. But he had the key to the door which said this must be his home.

  Thriving in her imagination was the idea that he was the leader in a band, he played the guitar and smoked dope especially when he was doing a gig. He said, peace not war. What was he doing here?

  Moving towards the windows and blinking in and out across the shadows while walking on soft mowed turf, Cecelia kicked something hard. Bending, she found it was a child’s toy. Thomas lived in a house where there were children. Young legs and arms and happy faces, her heartbeat frantically with the word no. This could not be his home.

  Knowledge kills as it answers. She ran to the house and looked through the windows. Thomas was just about to switch off the light when she saw that he was a man who had children. There were the articles of their living everywhere around. A pretty doll, a cuddly teddy bear, who would have thought that these things could be dangerous?

  ‘What the hell do you want?’ he said as he opened the door to her thunderous rapping.

  Their eyes met, and the illusion was destroyed. His anger turned to sarcasm because she had spoilt everything for them, for him and then, for herself.

  ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

  ‘What do you mean, what am I doing here? What are you doing here?’

  ‘You’re on my property. I want you out. You’re not invited.’

  ‘You led me to believe that we were going out together that we are in love,’ she was panting, fear and denial were mixed with incomprehension. He couldn’t be doing this to her, he couldn’t. We are in love—we love each other.

  ‘I led you towards nothing. You wanted to believe.’ He was angry.

  ‘Thomas, Thomas, it’s me. Your Ce-ce. Please don’t do this to me.’

  ‘Who’s that Thomas?’ a woman’s voice behind in the dark was switching on the lights and now walking towards them.

  A woman who was in no way attractive was now standing beside Thomas, she was plump and plain, but she was beside him, and now she was staring at Cecelia. She was the woman who owned him.

  ‘What is it you want?’ she asked staring at Cecelia.

  They were both staring at her. Cecelia looked at this pudgy woman’s hand trying to understand what had happened. Yet it was her hand that the band of white gold was on and not on Cecelia’s. Thomas then put an arm around his wife.

  ‘You two are married?’ Cecelia asked incredulously.

  ‘As you see, and we have three children. Now, what is it you want?’

  ‘Thomas is mine. We are in love. We’ve been having an affair.’

  ‘Oh yes, well I know all about you. Thomas told me you were following him and offering yourself to him. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, going after other women’s husbands. Why don’t you get one of your own instead of trying to steal mine? Haven’t you any decency? You're the kind of woman that disgusts me.’

  ‘But it was he who came after me.’ Standing with the awareness of a child, Cecelia was lost.

  ‘Yes, a very nice story which you would like to tell yourself.’

  She wouldn’t believe anything bad said about her husband. She was adamant. Her loyalty to him was stupid or was it? There was nothing Cecelia could say to make her ever feel that she had been betrayed.

  ‘We go to the beach every night and make love.’

  ‘Yes, of course, you do. My husband goes every night and you’ve been following him. It’s his break, his release after working, but every weekend, he’s always with me. You think I don’t know my husband is handsome. Of course, I know, as I know that he will always attract attention from women like you.’

  There was a lazy dry smile hanging on Thomas’s face while he gloated at Cecelia.

  ‘But I love him,’ cried Cecelia.

  ‘You don’t love anyone except what you see and what you want. Leave my husband alone because if you don’t, I’ll get the police after you. Do you hear, do you see, do you understand? C
ome on Thomas, let’s leave this white trash outside.’

  ‘Thomas, Thomas—please don’t do this to me. I gave you everything, I gave you my heart.’

  ‘As my wife said, go home and get out of our lives,’ he was closing the door. ‘You wouldn’t leave it alone, would you?’ he whispered. ‘You had to have more.’

  ‘I can’t believe I was just an affair to you—Thomas please, don’t close the door on me. I love you.’

  What could she do? Where should she go? He had become everything to her. She couldn’t believe he would do this. But she would get him back. She understood why he was doing this to her, it was because of the children. He was staying with his wife because of the children. It wasn’t possible for him to love his wife—just look at the state of her. But when he divorced and married her, they would take custody of the children. And she would love them as if they were her own because of Thomas. If he didn’t have a wife anymore, she knew he would come back to her.

  How she heated up when the memory of this whirlpool pulled her back, swimming in the agony of embarrassment, she couldn’t disown this episode, it was her. The humiliation of her actions, not even a restraining order could have stopped her…

  But she wouldn’t do this with Peter, not go through the humiliation and anguish another time. Let him make the advances. This was the only way she would feel sure about him.

  10

  The shift started at eight in the morning and finished by four, but the conditions were that if they needed her, she would have to stay later. It wasn’t an imposition to Cecelia, she welcomed it. Strangely, the other staff working at the clinic were also single.

  Being conscientious and as this was the beginning of her employment, Cecelia arrived early getting there at seven-thirty, she didn’t want to put a foot wrong. A cellophane bag contained a white uniform eradicated from any dirt or germs, this was to be worn only on duty and was to be left in the clinic.

  No one was allowed to wear the uniform outside of the clinic, and all hair was to be tied back from the face. No one was permitted to wear jewelry which included rings, and nor was perfume allowed. Short nails, no nail varnish. In fact, there was to be no sign of personality. No one was overweight because this was a sign of unhealthiness. Their shoes were flat, no heels permitted. No one was allowed to frown or look upset. The best look to have was a neutral expression.