Saint Nicholas

by Jamie Deschain

  “It was,” Carter drained his coffee cup and stood with it empty, dangling at his side. “But like I said, she’s strong.”

  “You think tonight was a result of the cancer?”

  “No doubt. He was originally diagnosed with a grade two astrocytoma. They were able to go in a remove most of it, but not all, so there was always that chance it could resurface. Now, I guess it has.”

  “What about treatments after the fact?”

  “Not much. Follow-up scans, mostly, but I don’t think he’s been going to his appointments. They suggested some radiation to get the part of the tumor they couldn’t remove, but he refused. Said he’d rather take his chances than be pumped full of poison rays.”

  I sighed, glancing back in Sarah’s direction, thinking about her sitting there alone just around the corner. I tapped Carter on the chest and motioned for him to follow, that it was time to head back. He nodded, and tossed his empty cup in the trash.

  She was talking to a doctor when we returned, and both of us stayed back a little to give her privacy. Sarah stared expectantly into his eyes as they spoke, never breaking contact with him. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but when a sob escaped her throat I knew the news wasn’t good.

  I rushed to her, letting her slump into me while the doctor patted her arm before walking away. Carter joined us, and together we sat Sarah down in a chair. Her skin was hot and flush as she cried into my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around her and drew her closer to me, offering soft words of comfort that I’m not even sure registered with her.

  After a few minutes she sat up and looked at my shirt. I glanced down, following her gaze. It was soaked in her tears.

  “Hey,” I whispered. “It’s okay. I got lots of them.”

  She did her best to smile as Carter offered her some tissues, which Sarah gladly accepted. She dried her eyes, blew her nose, and balled it up into her tightly clenched fist. The red dress she was still wearing was a wrinkled mess of cloth and she tried to smooth it out, but to no avail.

  “What happened, honey?” Carter finally asked.

  “Grade four,” Sarah answered, her voice dry and husky. She cleared her throat and spoke clearer. “Doctors give him two months. Six, max.”

  I stared on in disbelief. For all the pain and hurt he’d caused, I could tell the news was breaking her heart. I wrapped my arm around her once more but she stiffened, pulling away.

  “No,” she said. “It’s okay. I’ll be okay.”

  She nodded to herself as if to convince us that was true, but Carter and I both knew differently.

  We sat in silence for a while before she said, “The doctors are going to keep him for a while until he’s stable, and then we’ll go from there. He’s out cold right now, so I’ll come back tomorrow to see him.”

  She stood up and asked Carter to take her home, since we’d all piled into his car to get to the hospital. I sat in the backseat with Sarah on the short, twenty-minute drive, never letting go of her hand. When we arrived at her apartment Carter and I ushered her upstairs and she asked if I’d stay with her.

  I felt weird about that and looked to Carter for approval, though I’m not sure why. He nodded and said goodnight, leaving Sarah with a hug. I locked the door behind him and sat on the couch. Sarah lied down and placed her head in my lap and we sat like that for a while before we both fell asleep.

  TWENTY-FIVE

  - Sarah -

  I woke up groggy and with a sore neck, unsure of where I was for a moment before I sat up and saw Nicholas sitting next to me. I looked around the apartment, and the memory of what happened came flooding back to me.

  I stared at him for a while, looking at his chest methodically rising and falling as he dosed. His shirt had dried but was still stained with my tears, and I momentarily felt bad for ruining what was a really nice shirt.

  He looked so peaceful. His hair was a tousled mess, his lips were slightly parted, and his hands lay slack at his side. I reached over and brushed his hair with my fingers, thinking how lucky I was that he was here. Not only for me, but for my father as well.

  I was so scared in that moment, when Dad basically transformed into the man I so desperately wanted to forget. I didn’t know what to do, and when he collapsed and started seizing, I faltered. If it hadn’t of been for Nicholas and Carter, I’m not sure he would have made it, and now? I knew their efforts hadn’t been in vain, but to help someone in their time of need only to be told they only had a short time left to live, it didn’t seem worth it.

  Nicholas stirred, opening his eyes. When he saw me, his body tightened and he sat forward, but I quickly ushered him back against the couch.

  “I’m okay,” I whispered. “I was just…looking.”

  I curled up next to him, pressing my body against his as he put his arm around me. He took a deep breath and absentmindedly ran his fingers up and down my bare arm for a while. It felt nice—safe—and when I looked up at him I could see it in his eyes that he felt the same way.

  “What did you whisper to him?” I asked.

  He furrowed his brow, confused, and cocked his head toward me.

  “When you were on your knees with him, you leaned over and said something. What was it?”

  He brushed my hair out of my eyes, curling it around my ear. I felt my throat tighten at his touch and a wave of heat passed over my body while I waited expectantly for him to answer.

  “I told him I forgive him.”

  His words slammed into my heart and I gasped. My bottom lip began to tremble and Nicholas placed his thumb over it. I closed my eyes and felt tears spill out and down my cheeks. His fingers lightly brushed them for me, circling their wetness into my skin. My entire body was trembling then, only I didn’t know if it was from my emotions, or because of his touch.

  This—this is what I’d always wanted. Maybe not under these circumstances, but I’ve always wanted Nicholas to be the one to hold me and comfort me in times of stress. To take away my fears and doubts. I may not have been the same girl I was back then, but that didn’t mean I still didn’t need saving.

  I arched my head up and kissed him. A low, unexpected moan traveled from his throat to mine while our lips melted together and I put my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat faster and faster as our tongues hungrily entwined together. His hand slid down delicately to my lower back, making me tingle, and I shrugged his arm away so I could sit up and look him in the eyes.

  I placed a hand on his cheek. “So much for taking things slow, huh?” I said.

  He grinned. “I didn’t want to say anything.”

  I didn’t know if this was the right thing to do after what happened just hours ago, all I knew is that Nicholas had been there for me through some of my darkest times. He was the only man I’d thought about for seven years, and now that he was back in my life I didn’t want to ever let him go.

  I’d never wanted anybody as desperately as I wanted him in that moment.

  I whipped my right leg over his lap and straddled him. He looked up at me with a hunger in his eyes that was evident by the bulge between his legs pressing against me. He reached up and ran his hand down the side of my face, his fingers trailing along my cheek and down to my neck.

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  I nodded, asking, “Do you want me?”

  He raised his hips up, pressing himself against my growing wetness.

  “I’ve wanted you since the day I met you, Sarah.”

  I leaned in and kissed him, running my fingers through his hair. Our breathing intensified the more passionate we became, and our bodies writhed against one another.

  “Then take me,” I whispered into his ear, nibbling his lobe and covering his neck with my hot breath. “Take me, and don’t be gentle. I need to feel you tonight. Please.”

  He tugged on my hair, exposing my neck. I gasped as he ran his tongue over the slow roll of my throat while my fingers probed frantically at the buttons on his shirt. One by one I undid them, and Nichol
as pulled the tail free from his pants and allowed me to remove it for him. I slid it down around his arms, trapping him for a moment. He didn’t protest.

  I bent and licked at his chest, gliding my tongue over his nipple. He shivered and finished removing his shirt while I continued to straddle him, gently swaying my hips in circles as he gyrated up against me.

  “You drive me crazy,” he said. “You always have.”

  I reached down and tugged at his belt buckle. Nicholas’s strong hands closed over mine and I met his eyes with a glance of playful disappointment.

  “I wanna see you first,” he said.

  His hands reached around back, inching their way up to my neck. He gently forced me back down toward him, his tongue sliding across my lips and over my teeth. I sucked on it, taking it in my mouth and gobbling him up with a satisfied moan while he pulled at my dress, trying to coax it off my body.

  I wanted nothing more than to be naked with him, so I reached down and pulled it up over my head, feeling vulnerable in my bra and panties. Nicholas marveled at my figure, gliding his hands up my ribcage and around my shoulders. They felt so tender, yet powerful all at once.

  Forcefully yanking my bra straps down my arms, Nicholas sneered with desire. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said, bringing his thumb up to my lips. I suckled it, tasting the saltiness of his skin while baring down on his crotch. I throbbed with the anticipation of slipping his hard cock inside me.

  I looked down at it and giggled, “You’re pants are wet,” I said.

  He followed my gaze, grinning. “Jesus, somebody’s turned on.”

  I leaped off his lap and stood before him, removing my bra and letting it fall to the floor. I slipped out of my panties and bared myself—body, mind, and soul—to Nicholas. The way it always should’ve been.

  The hunger in his eyes was undeniable, and I watched as he removed his belt and unzipped himself for me. I leaned over and took his pant legs in my hands, pulling them off for him before dropping to my knees and sliding my hands up his thighs. My fingernails scratched the surface of his flesh and he threw his head back the closer they got to the bulge in his boxers. I gripped the waistband and yanked them down, licking my lips with a nervous tongue.

  His cock sprang free and I gasped. It was beautiful. His eyes met mine for a moment while I gripped the thick shaft and started stroking from base to tip. His breathing intensified at my touch, and I smiled, enjoying the way my hands teased him.

  “That looks so good from here,” he said.

  “Doesn’t look too bad from down here, either,” I said coyly.

  Then I dipped my head and snaked my tongue all around the tip, letting my saliva slip down the shaft as my hand continued to stroke. I sucked him between my lips, bobbing up and down for a moment. His girth stretched the corners of my mouth and I popped him out with a gasp and a swipe of my chin.

  “It’s pretty big,” I said, my eyes wide with delight.

  “Big enough to fuck you with,” he said.

  I stood up and straddled him once more. Nicholas licked his fingers and reached down, teasing my sopping mound. His knuckles brushed against my clit and my breath hitched at the sensation. God, it felt so good it gave me goosebumps.

  His cock slid between my wet pussy lips, parting me ever so slightly. I eased down onto his hardness, taking him inch by glorious inch into me until he was balls deep and we were both breathtakingly embraced with one another. Nicholas’ tongue flicked back and forth over my breasts as I began to ride him; lifting myself until just the tip was inside before boring down hard onto his lap. His hands clutched my ass and he bucked up against me, and soon our bodies found the rhythm and in no time flat he was fucking me good and hard.

  “You feel so good,” he panted.

  “So do you,” I breathed heavily.

  “I’ve dreamed about this forever. Touching you, tasting you, fucking you. God, it’s like a fantasy come true.”

  “Do it. Make me your fantasy.”

  “You already are, baby. Always have been.”

  I buried my face in his neck, letting his hands caress my ass as we fucked. I could feel him buried deep in my sex, pounding away and throbbing inside me. My thighs trembled on the verge of orgasm and he must have felt me tighten around him because Nicholas yanked on my hair and growled, “Do it, don’t hold back. I want you to come.”

  I cried out as he thrust hard into me, bucking his hips up so quick as he speared me with his cock that I was lifted off the couch for a moment, relying solely on his weight to sustain me, and sustain me it did, for what felt like a full minute as my body spasmed and shook over the course of my orgasm. When it was over, I breathlessly came back down to earth and looked into his eyes. His cock was still hard and pulsating with each slow movement.

  “Did that feel good?” he asked.

  “You have to ask?” I laughed.

  “I just like to know that I make you happy,” he grinned.

  “You always make me happy.”

  I kissed him hard, sliding my tongue past his teeth and wiggling it around in his hot mouth.

  “Now it’s your turn,” I breathed into him.

  “Where do you want it?” he asked, and I thought that considerate of him rather than just assuming I was on the pill.

  Which I totally was.

  “I want it inside me,” I said.

  He didn’t question me, just took hold of my hips and flipped me onto my back, spreading my legs wide so he could slip back into me.

  His chest was a sweaty mass of muscle, which I eagerly gripped. His powerful thrusts sent droplets of perspiration raining down on me. When he looked into my eyes, I knew it wouldn’t be long, and I licked my lips in the heat of the moment, begging for him to come inside me.

  After a few more strokes, he groaned, and I felt his cock throb with release, emptying itself deep in my hole. My walls clutched tight around it as I took him all in, gasping and moaning while looking up at his O face. Damn it was sexy.

  He panted and leaned over, kissing me gently on the neck and chest. I wrapped myself around him, enjoying the feel of him as he softened inside me.

  “That was amazing,” he said.

  “Worth the wait?” I asked, nipping at his ear.

  “Definitely.”

  He pulled out and collapsed next to me, holding my fingers as we caught our breath. An influx of emotion overtook me as I realized that I’d finally been with the one man whom I’d always wanted to be with, and tears spilled down my cheeks. I felt ridiculous, but Nicholas just leaned into me and tenderly swiped them away, smiling delicately at me like he understood.

  His words from earlier replayed in my mind, and I shook.

  I told him I forgive him.

  The timing may not have been right, but I had to know. “What made you say that to my father?”

  He took a deep breath, not expecting the conversation to turn this serious, and sat forward while I laid against the back of the couch, trailing my fingers along the tattoo on his back.

  “Honestly? I was just tired. I saw this frail, fragile man shaking on the ground, and for all the pain he caused in his life, I realized that he was hurting as much as anybody, just in a different way. I was so angry for so long, but after seeing you again, speaking to Carter, I just had to let it all go. Not just for us, but for myself.”

  “And, have you? Let it go, I mean.”

  Nicholas nodded. “I think so. When I said that to him, it felt like this huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders because I meant it. I wasn’t just saying it because I thought he was going to die right then and there. Deep down I wanted to forgive him, like you did, that was just how it came out. Does that make sense?”

  I sat up, resting my hand on his shoulder. “It does,” I said, kissing the salt tang of his skin before resting my head in place of my hand. I laced my fingers through his and we stayed that way for a while, taking in everything that happened this evening. It went from good, to horrible, to amazing, an
d as much as I didn’t want it to end, I knew when I woke up in the morning Nicholas would be laying next to me, and that made it all okay.

  TWENTY-SIX

  - Nicholas -

  We slipped comfortably back into each other’s lives.

  Over the course of the next few weeks, Sarah’s father was released from the hospital and came home to die in his own bed. It was a struggle for her at first. On those long, lonely nights when he was delirious and rattling on about things that happened years ago, she’d call me crying. I asked her once if she called me now instead of Carter, and she said yes, which made me feel on top of the world. Not because she was sad, obviously, but because she trusted me enough to help her through things, rather than seeing me as a trigger.

  Soon I found myself spending those nights with her, bringing my computer with me so I could get some writing done during the quiet times. We slept in the same bed, finished each other’s sentences, and ate breakfast together almost every morning. When I did go back to my place, it was to grab a fresh set of clothes and perhaps sneak in a couple of hours of fresh words.

  Productively, I’d never felt better. Everything that was holding me back was gone, and a new novel idea came to me one night after making love to Sarah, if making love was what you would call it. I’m partial to the term ‘animalistic passion’. I didn’t tell her about my idea, but that wasn’t so unusual. I liked to keep those things to myself until I knew they had some substance to them.

  I talked to Helena and told her the good news. She was devastated to learn that Ma had lied to me all those years, but she was ecstatic that Sarah was back in the picture and promised to come visit the first chance she got. Things were going pretty well for her out west—she met a guy, was having fun, and her classes were extremely bitchin.’

  “You’ll be the next Penelope Cruz in no time,” I’d said.

  “Penelope Cruz? Fuck that, I wanna be Morena Baccarin when I grow up.”

  “Who?”

  “Never mind.”

  As for my mother? Well, I managed to forgive, though never forget. Our relationship was still a little rocky, and she had yet to face Sarah because of all the stuff going on with her father, but I promised that once things were better, we’d all get together and clear the air a little more, which I think she appreciated because ever since that day she hasn’t stopped sending me recipes on Facebook.