* * *
It must have been after five by the time they drove through the township of Katoomba, and Jamie took a left turn off the main road. It was virtually dark and Meg was freezing. The heater didn’t work, she was not surprised to discover.
Jamie took another left and then stopped the car. “Oh,” he murmured under his breath.
“What is it?” Meg looked ahead. They were in a tiny cul-de-sac that appeared to be filled with parked cars. There was music coming from a large house on the right which was all lit up, with people spilling out of the doors and onto the verandah, despite the cold.
“This is Aurora’s?” Meg guessed.
He nodded. “You know what I said about the open house policy? Well, it’s either empty or like this. You never know until you get here.” He paused. “Maybe we should go find an ATM after all?”
Meg decided she wouldn’t mind being around people, at least for a while. She could have a drink, get into the mood.
“Why don’t we go in?” she suggested.
“You want to?”
“Sure, it might be fun.”
He smiled at her. “Okay.”
Jamie parked the car around the corner. It didn’t seem as cold out as it was inside the car, and when they stepped into the house, it actually felt warm, even with most of the doors open. The place was packed.
“Let’s find Aurora,” Jamie shouted over the music. He took her hand and led her through a series of rooms to the back of the house. There was a haze of fragrant smoke hanging in the air, and bottles, bongs and ashtrays littered every surface. The women were dressed in cheesecloth, batik or crushed velvet, or combinations of all three. There were a lot of funny little hats and embroidered vests. A higher than average proportion of the men were bearded, with long hair growing from a bald pate, a look that Meg had never understood. She felt like she was on the set of a seventies movie, a bad one at that.
They made it to the kitchen without finding Aurora, but an awful lot of people seemed to know Jamie. Every second person stopped him.
“Hey Jamie, how’ve you been? Does Aurora know you’re here?”
“Jamie! Far out! Wait till Aurora lays eyes on you!”
“Did you tell Aurora you were coming? She’s going to flip when she sees you, man.”
Obviously Aurora had some kind of vested interest in Jamie.
“Do you want a drink?” he asked Meg, opening the door of the fridge.
“Is it alright?”
“Sure, Aurora won’t mind.”
He poured her a tumbler of red wine out of a cask and got himself a beer.
“I thought you didn’t drink?”
He shrugged. “When in Rome…”
They spent the next hour working their way through the maze of rooms but never coming across Aurora. Meg tried to relax and enjoy herself. She joined in a few conversations, but everyone was either in a daze or so intense her head hurt listening to them. Jamie eventually went off to get another drink for Meg, leaving her to settle a debate on the relative merits of Bob Dylan over Bob Marley. Meg was starting to feel a bit dazed herself. She wondered if there was such a thing as passive dope smoking.
She drifted out to the largest room where there was a roaring open fire and stood staring at the flames. Meg loved open fires. There was a working fireplace in their house when they bought it, and Ally nearly had a conniption when Meg talked about boarding it up. But she’d done her homework. Open fires lost ninety percent of their heat up the chimney. Gas heating was the most efficient. Ally coped when they only sealed up the flue and set a gas heater into the alcove instead. Now Meg wondered why they didn’t keep the fireplace open. She was too sensible for her own good sometimes.
She felt somebody behind her and she glanced around. It was Jamie. He put his arms around her shoulders, handing her the tumbler of wine. Meg leaned back against him.
“Having a good time?” he asked, his lips close to her ear.
She shrugged. “It’s different.”
“You always say that.”
Meg glanced back at him. “Only when I’m with you.”
He smiled, bringing his lips down onto hers briefly, tantalizingly. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”
She had a feeling the invitation had a lot more to it. She skolled half her glass, and left it on the mantelpiece. Jamie took her hand and led her up the hall to a narrow staircase. He indicated for her to go ahead and he followed her up to an attic level. There was a door at the top of the stairs where Meg hesitated.
“Go on in,” said Jamie.
She opened the door and stepped into the room. It was dominated by a vast brass bed covered with a gorgeous patchwork quilt made of squares of satin and velvet. Lamps draped with sheer pink scarves cast a warm, muted glow. There was a vast window above the bed, set into the sloping roof.
“When you lie on the bed,” Jamie said quietly, standing just behind her, “you can see the stars.”
There was only one way he could have known that. He must have slept here with Aurora. Meg didn’t know why she should feel a tinge of jealousy, she was married for Christ’s sake. She had no prior claim on Jamie.
Meg shivered as he placed his hands gently on her shoulders, slipping her jacket off and tossing it aside. He sank his lips into her neck and she felt his tongue on her skin, hot and wet. She arched back, leaning her head against his shoulder. His hands roamed across her body, pausing at her breasts. Meg bit her lip as one hand went lower, pulling her shirt out of her jeans and reaching in, kneading the soft roundness of her belly. Her lips parted as her breathing became uneven.
“Do you want to see the view from the bed?” Jamie whispered next to her ear. He walked her forward, then turned her around, folding her into his arms and kissing her full on the mouth. Meg felt completely drugged by him. She wanted him now, she couldn’t stand the suspense any longer. She sat on the bed, pulling him down with her, before they fell back, their limbs entwining, his pelvis hard against hers. She moaned as he undid the buttons on her shirt, his lips following, leaving a trail of wet kisses. Then Meg felt his hand on her jeans, between her legs, rubbing. She was losing it. She felt herself starting to shake. This was too much, it was too real. She didn’t think she could go through with it. She put her hand over his.
“Jamie…” her voice wavered.
He stopped, gazing down at her. “It’s okay, Meg. Look up at the stars.”
She lifted her eyes and gazed out the window. It was a clear night, and the stars were endless, luminous, they were beautiful. She thought of the ceiling in Harrison’s room. The stick-on stars Ally had put there. Meg swallowed. What was she doing?
Jamie leaned down to kiss her. He kissed her so hard, she almost couldn’t breathe. She felt his hand at the button of her jeans, and she started to tremble again. He pushed his knee between her legs, parting them, as he tugged gently at the zipper.
“No, Jamie,” she breathed. “I don’t think…”
“Shh,” he whispered softly, his mouth covering hers again. He slid the zipper all the way down and she felt his hand slip through the opening, his fingers probing down into the warmth, suddenly thrusting inside her. Meg gasped. Jamie buried his head in her neck, breathing heavily. Meg looked up at the stars and felt tears rising in her throat.
“No, Jamie,” she reached for his hand, grabbing his wrist. “Stop, please. I can’t.”
He lifted his head to look at her. He pulled his hand away, wrapping both arms around her. “It’s okay. We’ll go slower. We’ve got all night,” he said in a low voice.
She looked at him tearfully, shaking her head. “I can’t. I can’t do it, Jamie.”
He sighed deeply. “Meg, you’re just nervous.” He kissed her, trying to persuade her with his lips. But Meg was past it. She felt ashamed. She’d crossed the line.
She pushed him off. “I said no, Jamie.” She sat up and started adjusting her clothes.
“What the fuck?”
Meg swung ar
ound to look at him lying back on the bed.
“What kind of a fucking game are you playing, Meg?”
“It’s not a game, that’s the thing. I should never have come, Jamie. I’m sorry.” She turned around and resumed buttoning her shirt.
She heard him sigh. “Come on Meg,” his voice had softened. He reached for her arm. “We’ve come this far…”
“And it’s far enough,” she said determinedly, shrugging off his hand.
“Fuck!” he exclaimed, punching the mattress. Meg jumped, standing up to cross the room. She watched him sit up, dragging his hands through his hair. He looked up at her with an expression she had never seen in his eyes before. She was a little frightened.
“This is fucked, Meg. You’ve led me around by the dick for the last few weeks, and now you decide you don’t feel like it?”
“I’m sorry, I thought I could … I thought it was what I wanted.”
“Spoilt fucking bitch,” he snarled, standing up. He looked ominous. He took a step toward her. His pale eyes were flinty now, glaring at her. Meg felt her knees trembling. If he decided to have his way, there wasn’t a thing she could do about it. No one here would care.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice barely making it out of her throat. “I didn’t realize I’d feel this way, I wouldn’t have led you on. It’s just…”
“What?” He stared at her, his hands clenching and unclenching, his jaw set firmly.
“I can’t do it. Betray my marriage … my husband.”
“What do you think you’ve been doing all this time?” He strode to the door, grabbing roughly at the handle and jerking it open. He looked back at her, glaring. “Well fuck you, Mrs. Lynch.”
He walked out, slamming the door behind him. It shuddered on its hinges.
Meg lurched back to the bed, shaking. She sank down, tears filling her eyes and streaming down her face. A sob rose up in her chest, releasing with a force she didn’t expect. She wailed like a child, hugging herself, trying to soothe the ache inside. She wanted to go home, she wanted to hold her son. She wanted to feel Chris lying behind her, his big arms closed around her. She wanted to feel safe again.
The next morning
Meg blinked as sun streamed in through the window, flooding the bed with light. She rolled over, unravelling the quilt from around her. She looked at the clear blue sky above her as the memory of last night slowly resurfaced, reviving the ache in her heart.
She sat up. Her body felt stiff and sore, and her head was thumping from all the crying. She got up and went to look in the mirror above the dresser. Her eyes were puffy, ringed with dark gray smudges. She looked down at her crumpled clothes. All she wanted was to get changed and clean up and go home. But she would have to face Jamie first.
Meg opened the door gingerly. The house seemed quiet. She walked silently down the stairs and along the hall. There were sleeping bodies draped across lounges and chairs in the rooms she passed, but she didn’t see Jamie among them. She could hear soft music coming from the back of the house. Meg walked on down the hall till she came to the kitchen.
A woman was at the sink, filling a kettle. She had long jet-black hair to her waist. She swung around, sensing someone watching her.
“Oh hello,” she said kindly. “We haven’t met.”
She walked toward Meg with her hand outstretched. They were probably about the same age, Meg realized as they shook hands. She was an attractive woman, with unusually pale eyes for her dark coloring.
“I’m Aurora,” she was saying.
Meg smiled. “Finally. We were looking for you half the night. I’m Meg Lynch.”
“Yes, I thought you must be.” What did that mean? “Would you like a coffee?”
“Is it real?” Meg asked, surveying the bunches of dried herbs hanging in front of the windows, and shelves lined with jars of suspiciously organic-looking contents.
Aurora laughed. “You mean real caffeine? God yes!”
“I’d love a cup, thanks.”
“Take a seat,” said Aurora, spooning coffee into a plunger. “About last night, sorry we didn’t meet up. But I didn’t get here till about eleven.”
“Don’t you live here?”
She nodded. “I’ve been away for a few days.”
“And people just take over your house and have parties when you’re gone?”
Aurora shrugged, reaching for a pack of cigarettes. “I knew about it.” She offered a cigarette to Meg, who shook her head. “I just couldn’t get back any earlier.”
Meg frowned. “Sorry, I think I stole your bed last night.”
“I’ve got plenty of beds I can sleep in. Besides,” she added. “I didn’t get all that much sleep anyway.”
Meg felt an unexpected twinge. Had Jamie found her when he left the room last night? Did they spend the night together?
Well, what did it matter to her? It was just as well. It stopped him from seeking her out again.
Aurora lit her cigarette and drew back deeply, leaning against the kitchen cupboards. “So what are you doing here, Meg?”
“Um, I came with Jamie, Jamie Carroll.”
“I know that. But what are you doing here?”
Meg wasn’t sure what she was getting at.
“You don’t belong here, do you?”
Meg felt embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I don’t mean you’re not welcome, Meg. Don’t take it the wrong way. But you don’t belong here. You’ve got a family somewhere, haven’t you?”
Meg stared at her. “You talked to Jamie?”
Aurora nodded.
Meg didn’t want to discuss this with her. She was mortified that Jamie had told Aurora all about her. “Where is he, do you know? I have to get going.”
“He’s gone,” Aurora said simply, turning to switch off the kettle.
Meg felt like someone had just kicked her. “What do you mean ‘gone?’”
Aurora turned around. “He left last night. Well, more like early this morning.” She watched the expression on Meg’s face. “I’ll get you that coffee.”
Meg sat dazed until a mug was placed in front of her.
“Milk?” Aurora was asking.
Meg nodded. “Thanks.”
She poured some milk into the cup. Meg picked it up and gulped down a couple of mouthfuls. Aurora sat down opposite her.
“Um,” Meg started vaguely, “I had a bag … in the car.”
“He left it here for you. It’s in the hall.”
Meg breathed out. She didn’t feel like talking to this woman about any of this. She felt like crying.
“You know you’re not the first.”
Meg glanced across at her. “Do I look that naïve?”
Aurora smiled. Meg noticed that she had a kind expression in her eyes, eyes that were somehow familiar.
“Jamie’s had a lot of women. Some of them have been young wide-eyed things that follow him across the world, only to find he’s tired of them. Or, if they grow up along the way, they tire of him,” she added wryly. “Others have been like you.”
There had been others like her?
“Married, unhappy, bored. Whatever. He likes the challenge.”
Meg felt humiliated. This was too much to take in.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Aurora continued gently. “He really believes he’s doing a service, giving you experiences you would never have had without him. Educating you.”
Meg listened intently, sipping her coffee.
“Did he take you to visit John and Libby?”
She nodded. She remembered the look they gave her when she’d mentioned she was married. They were probably thinking “not again.”
“To be honest, I think he feels he’s freeing you from your shackles. But don’t think for a minute that he’d hang around to clean up the mess.”
Meg sighed heavily. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“Go home to your family. Put it behind you.” Aurora paused, considering her. “He tol
d me what happened last night. That took a lot of courage. Not many women can resist Jamie’s charms.”
“You seem to know an awful lot about him?”
“I’ve known him forever.”
That’s what Jamie had said about her.
“I’m his sister.”
Meg’s eyes widened. “He didn’t say…”
“He likes to keep an aura of mystery about himself,” Aurora smiled. Now Meg realized. She had Jamie’s eyes.
“We have the same mother but different fathers. Jamie never knew his father, he was a young surfer who didn’t hang around long enough to know he’d even made my mother pregnant.”
“So what happened?”
“Oh, Mum stuck by us. She was a great mum, if a little unconventional. We never stayed in one place for long, which is why neither of us can now.” Aurora gazed across the room, out the window. “It was harder on Jamie, though.”
“Why?”
“He’s part of the fatherless generation. He’s never learned how to be a man, because he didn’t have anyone to show him. I don’t know that he’ll ever grow up.”
Meg sat quietly. “Thanks, you didn’t have to tell me all that.”
“You’re entitled to know.”
“I feel like an idiot.”
Aurora shook her head. “Why should you? He’s gorgeous, and I love him to death. But I wouldn’t wish him upon my worst enemy.”
* * *
An hour later Meg sat on Katoomba Station waiting for the train to Sydney. She’d cleaned up and changed her clothes, and Aurora had kindly offered to drive her to the station.
It occurred to her that she hadn’t checked her messages since yesterday, so she reached into her bag for her mobile. She rooted around for a while until she remembered. Shit! She’d left it in Jamie’s car, or Thommo’s, whoever it belonged to. God, what if Chris rang and Jamie answered it? Surely he wouldn’t? He didn’t like mobiles, he’d probably just ignore it. What would she say to Chris? That she’d lost it?
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