“Hello,” she said pleasantly. It was really hard to know how to behave. She didn’t want to act happy, because she wasn’t. But it didn’t seem appropriate to pile her sadness onto him either.
“Hi Meg.” Chris smiled faintly, but the pain in his eyes was evident. Meg hadn’t seen him since last Sunday when he walked out. She realized they had not been apart for that long since the day they met.
“He’s all ready,” said Meg. “I packed his bag.”
“You didn’t have to, I could have done that.”
She shrugged. “It was no trouble.” They were still standing in the doorway. “Come in. Harrison will be so excited when he sees you.”
Chris stepped into the hall as Meg called out to Harry. “Daddy’s here!”
They heard the squeal from the family room, and a moment later Harrison appeared at the end of the hallway, his eyes shining.
“Dadda!” he cried happily, running into his father’s outstretched arms. Chris scooped him up, hugging him close.
“Dadda make cubby?”
Chris glanced at Meg. “Not today. What if we go and see the animals, at the zoo?”
Harrison squealed delightedly and launched into his repertoire of animal noises. Meg felt empty. They had talked about taking him to the zoo again soon, now that he was bigger. It should have been a family outing. Not that she had any right to complain.
“I’ll have him back by five,” Chris said to her.
“It’s okay, whenever it suits you.” Meg didn’t want it to sound like an arrangement. He was Harrison’s father, he could take him for as long as he liked. He didn’t have to check with her. That would make them sound too … separated.
The phone started to ring.
“I’ll let you get that,” Chris said, and all of a sudden they were gone. Too quickly. Meg hesitated for a moment before she dashed down the hall to the kitchen and picked up the handset.
“I thought you must have been out.”
“Neil?”
“How you going, Meggie?”
She didn’t want to answer that. “Neil, where are you?”
“I’m here in Sydney. I just flew in.”
“What happened?”
“Long story. I’ll tell you when I get there.”
“No!” Meg blurted.
“What?”
“You can’t stay here, Neil. Not this time.” She didn’t have the energy.
“Meggie, come on, just for a night or two.”
“No, Neil.”
“Have you talked to Glen?”
Meg sighed. “No, I haven’t talked to Glen.” She dreaded to think what that was about. “Look, Chris isn’t here…”
“Then, I’ll keep you company.”
“You don’t understand. Chris left.”
“Left?”
Meg swallowed. “Left me.”
“Shit Meg, what happened?” Neil sounded genuinely shocked.
“Long story.”
“Meggie, let me come round. I won’t stay. I just want to make sure you’re alright.”
Neil worrying about her? That was a switch. Not that she’d ever given him cause for worry before.
“Or at least meet me somewhere? Just to talk,” he urged.
Meg gazed around the house. It was so quiet she could hear the clock ticking.
“Okay, I’ll come to the airport. I’ll be there in about half an hour.”
* * *
Neil sat staring at her, a look of disbelief in his eyes. They were sitting in the cafeteria, their coffees long finished and pushed aside. Meg had recounted the whole story and Neil was clearly dumbfounded.
“What have you done, Meg?”
“Screwed up, basically Neil.”
He sighed heavily. “Do you think Chris will forgive you?”
She shrugged. “He’s very hurt.”
They were quiet for a moment. Meg looked up at Neil eventually, feeling his eyes on her.
“You’ll have to forgive yourself first, Meggie.”
Since when did Neil get all insightful?
He leaned forward across the table. “You’re so hard on yourself, Meg. Such a perfectionist. You were setting yourself up for a fall, and when people like you fall, they fall hard.”
She smiled faintly. “Whereas people like you just stumble along all their way through life?”
Neil laughed. “It makes it easier when you don’t have such huge expectations of yourself.”
Meg paused, watching him. “What happened, over there in WA, with you and Glen?”
“Nothing. I had a great time.”
She looked at him suspiciously. “Then what are you doing back already?”
“Meg, it’s been over six months. Besides, I’ve got a job back in Queensland. It’s all set.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “My supervisor put in a good word for me.”
“Your supervisor? Not Glen?”
“Glen didn’t need to.”
Meg studied him. “Have you had some sort of road to Damascus experience over there? Been hit by a lightning bolt or something?”
Neil laughed. “Nothing that dramatic. But it was an eye-opener being with Glen again. You should see the respect he commands over there. I mean, he’s still the same Glen, our nice, unassuming brother. But he’s in charge of huge projects worth millions of dollars.”
“He’s just been lucky, hasn’t he?” Meg said wryly.
“I said that, didn’t I?” Neil smiled, shaking his head. “He’s got it all, Meg. His wife’s lovely, his kids are terrific. It’s pretty confronting to have your twin living this ideal life. It was like being in one of those movies where the hero gets to see what might have been, if only he’d made different choices.”
Choices, Meg sighed. There was that word again.
“So you’re choosing Queensland?”
“I’ve got three beautiful kids, Meg. It’s about time I started being a father to them.”
“Good for you, Neil,” Meg smiled at him.
They sat quietly for a while, absorbed in their own thoughts.
Neil cleared his throat eventually. “You ought to call Mum and Dad, tell them what’s happened.”
Meg shook her head. “Why would they care?”
“Of course they care,” Neil insisted. “In their own way.”
She rolled her eyes doubtfully.
“This is what I was trying to say before,” he explained. “Your standards are too high, Meg. Not just for yourself, but for everyone around you as well. I know they weren’t the greatest parents on the planet—”
“That’s an understatement.”
“But think about it from their perspective,” he continued, undaunted. “All of a sudden, they had three kids, a house, bills. Dad was twenty years old. What did he have to look forward to?”
Meg’s stomach lurched. She was nearly twice that age, and she’d had the same motivation. She’d risked everything for a fleeting thrill, a moment of excitement. Maybe it was genetic.
“He made some bad choices too,” said Neil. “They both did. You can’t hold it against them forever, Meg.”
Perhaps he was right. Who was she to stand on her high horse after what she’d done? Meg was over being perfect. And she could use all the support she could get at the moment.
She glanced at her watch. “I have to go soon, Chris will be bringing Harrison home.”
He nodded.
Meg looked at him, thinking. “Why don’t you come with me? You probably wouldn’t get a flight now anyway.”
Neil smiled slowly. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I think I’d like to spend some time with my new, improved brother.”
“Okay, as long as you let me cook.”
Meg feigned shock. “Wonders never cease.”
“It’s about time you let go and let someone else take over for a change, Meg.”
She looked at him. “Maybe it is.”
Mr. & Mrs. Alistair Longford
&
nbsp; of Great Britain
take pleasure in inviting you
to celebrate the marriage of their daughter
Nicola Jane
To
Robert Michael Grady
youngest son of
Kevin and Trish Grady
of Wangaratta
at One o’clock
on Saturday 28th September
Saturday
At seventeen minutes past one, fashionably late, Nic walked up the aisle carrying a gorgeous bouquet of white tulips and smiling as though she was about to burst.
She had chosen the perfect dress for her petite build. It was made of ivory delustred satin, cut in a simple princess line. Ally did feel a little overgrown alongside the diminutive Longford sisters, but what could she do about it? Besides, she noticed Matt cast an appreciative eye over her as she passed him along the aisle. For once she didn’t blush. She just felt this delicious surge of electricity run through her. Today he was in the full dark suit and tie. Good enough to eat.
Listening to the minister performing the ceremony, Ally realized it was a long time since she had attended a service for a happy occasion. But despite that, she still felt like crying.
Weddings always made her cry. It just seemed that it was the purest moment between two people. After all the hassle of the preparations, they stood there in front of their families and friends, both looking gorgeous, like they were a big wrapped present for each other. And then they vowed to love each other forever. Of course, most people didn’t live up to their vows, Ally was all too aware. But at that precise moment, they loved each other enough to believe that they would.
Ally couldn’t help feeling that she would like to experience a moment like that, just once in her life.
* * *
“Where have they all gone this time?” Nic said to Ally, glancing down the empty bridal table as the fourth course was served. “Who has to go to the loo this often?”
“Haven’t you noticed how much beer they’ve been drinking?” Ally quipped, getting up from her seat. “I’ll go and find them.”
“Thanks, it’ll be time for the speeches soon.”
The Grady boys were giving Ally a headache. They had started off more discreetly, only ducking out one at a time to watch a few moments of the game, and coming back to report the score. But gradually, the more beer they consumed, the longer they stayed away. Then the next one would go and check on his brother, and so on. Word had slowly filtered around the place, among the rest of Rob’s extended family, and now half the guests had disappeared from their tables.
Ally opened the door and squeezed into the room.
“Excuse me, Muncher, are you there?”
“Shh!!” someone hissed.
“That you, Al?” It was Muncher’s voice, but she couldn’t see him. “Won’t be a minute, darl. It’s nearly three-quarter time.”
“But—”
“Shh!!”
Ally had had enough. She walked back out into the hallway. Nic was engrossed in a conversation with a cousin from England. Ally crossed the main room and pushed through the doors into the kitchen. She weaved her way around the small army of chefs Rob had contracted for the day, until she found what she needed. She made her way back again, skirting around the edge of the room, hoping she wouldn’t be noticed.
“Hello, where are you off to?”
“Matt! You gave me a fright.”
“What have you got there?”
“Nothing, never mind,” she said, keeping her hands behind her back. “I have to go and deal with Groucho, Harpo and Yobbo.”
“The football crowd? Need a hand?”
“No, I think I’ve got it under control.”
Ally made it to the hall and slipped inside the room. She pushed her way through the crush until she reached the television.
“Hey, get out of the way!” someone complained.
Ally took a deep breath. In one swift movement she pulled the plug out of the electrical socket and turned around to face the crowd, looping the cord across the blade of the biggest chef’s knife she could lay her hands on.
There was a collective gasp in the room.
“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”
“I think I should be the one asking that question!” Ally said in her best teacher’s voice. “You should all be ashamed of yourselves! This is a wedding. Hopefully the only one that Rob and Nic will ever have. And you’re in here, fixated on a stupid football game!”
“Hey, steady on!” someone sang out, as the rest grumbled in agreement.
“Don’t interrupt me,” Ally boomed, holding the knife and cord up higher. “I’m not afraid to use this!”
They fell silent.
“Now, unless you all get out, and stay out, until the speeches are over, I will slice the plug clean off the end of this cord and you won’t get to see the end of the game.”
Everyone started jeering.
“Go ahead,” said Ally, moving the blade tantalizingly along the cord. “Make my day!”
The room started to empty. Muncher looked at her warily.
“You wouldn’t really do it, would you?”
“Try me,” said Ally squarely.
He shook his head and wandered thoughtfully out into the hall. Ally placed the cord down on the table next to the television set and walked out, closing the door behind her. As she paused at the entrance into the main room, Matt came up behind her.
“What’s going on? You look a little flushed.”
“It must be adrenalin.”
“From what?”
“I think it might be power!” Ally winked. She handed him the knife. “Could you do something with this? I’m needed at the bridal table.”
* * *
It would have helped Ally’s cause if Nic’s father had hurried his speech up a little. But being a judge, he was used to ruminating out loud, in front of a captive audience. Rob kept his speech mercifully short, and Muncher, as best man, positively galloped through his, carefully avoiding eye contact with Ally the whole time.
“Now, if you could remain upstanding while the bridal party walks through to the marquee,” the MC announced. “We will follow, for the cutting of the cake and the bridal waltz.”
The marquee was a concession to Nic’s dream of an outdoor wedding. The budget could not stretch to pay for the grounds to be put into order, that was a much longer-term project. So Nic’s florist friend had supplied large tubs of white flowering azaleas and impatiens, and the whole marquee was strung with fairy lights. It was the first real spring day this year in the Highlands, and the end wall had been rolled up, the view of the distant hills providing a stunning backdrop.
“Where did everybody go?” Nic frowned.
There was only her family and a small group of the English guests milling around. Rob’s mother was helping his grandmother to a seat, and Matt was chatting casually to a handful of women, Rob’s sisters-in-law among them, who kept glancing nervously toward the entrance.
“I’ve had enough of this,” said Nic. “I want to know what’s going on!”
She marched out of the marquee and back through the main entrance of the restaurant. Rob looked helplessly at Ally as they both skittered out to catch up with her.
In the hall, people had spilled out of the private dining room, craning past each other to see inside. The volume was turned up and the call of the game could be plainly heard.
Nic swung around, glaring at Rob as he came into the hall.
“What’s going on? It’s not that bloody football game?”
Rob nodded weakly.
“That’s a television set in there! How could you let them do this?” she said, her voice breaking. “It’s our wedding day, and they’re ruining everything!”
Ally slunk back. This was on Rob’s head, he could get himself out of this one.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said.
Was that the best he could come up with?
“Oh, if that’s the best
you can come up with, Robert Grady, that’s just … pathetic.” Nic was disgusted.
“But it doesn’t matter what they do,” he insisted. “They could fall through a hole in the ground for all I care. The only person that matters to me today is you, Nic.”
She just stared at him.
“I married you today, you’re the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. These other people will come and go, but you’re the only one who matters to me.”
For once, words escaped Nic.
“So, if it’s okay with you, I’m going to take this chance to dance with my beautiful wife, before I have to share her around with anyone else.”
He held out his hand, and Nic took a step toward him, placing her hand in his. As they walked past her, Ally noticed Nic’s eyes were filled with tears. She sighed, and wandered out behind them. Rob was saying something to the vocalist, and a moment later he took Nic in his arms as the band started to play.
Ally leaned against a column at the entrance to the marquee, conscious of the bittersweet sting she felt as she watched them.
“Crisis over?” Matt asked, coming to lean on the column opposite.
Ally nodded, swallowing down the lump that had risen in her throat. “Have you ever felt cherished, Matt?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, like in the wedding vows. To love and to cherish. It’s such a beautiful word.” She sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt cherished.”
“I thought you realized now that your grandfather loved you?”
She shrugged. “But I didn’t feel it at the time. It doesn’t count if you don’t feel cherished, does it?”
“Does it make a noise if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it?”
Ally smiled wistfully.
He put out his hand toward her. “Dance with me?”
She breathed in deeply as Matt led her onto the dance floor and held her in the circle of his arms, not too close, but close enough. She was intensely conscious of where their bodies touched. His hand on the small of her back, the other holding her hand, gently but firmly, her arm draped across the breadth of his shoulder. And sometimes, as they moved, his chin brushed against her cheek. Ally thought of the last time he’d held her …
“You know, Ally,” he said, moving back slightly so that he could see her eyes. “Until you believe you’re worth cherishing, you won’t ever feel it, or even know that someone does.”
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