End of the Alphabet

by Fleur Beale

  ‘I will enquire of the chef.’ He waited with his pencil poised. ‘What do you want, madam?’

  Madam. I’d like not to be called madam in a tone that is only a whisker away from snooty. I chose the fish of the day.

  When we finished eating, he came back and put a folder down in front of me. ‘Your account, madam.’

  I pushed it away and stood up. ‘We’re staying in 724.’

  I put Cat to bed then crawled into my own bed. I was so tired. It was hard work in a strange city when you couldn’t read. It would be harder in Brazil. I was dumb to think I could go to a strange country.

  Like Mum was dumb to say she couldn’t go to night classes?

  ‘Oh, shut up,’ I muttered. I was too tired to think.

  Georgia’s voice floated through my head. Thank you, Ruby. You’re amazing.

  Amazing but dumb. I went to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  On the plane home I asked Maria if she thought there was a job where you helped people to buy their clothes.

  ‘Oh yes, there is,’ she said. ‘They’re called personal shoppers, or image consultants.’ She looked at me and her eyes were bright. ‘Would you like to do that, Ruby? Lucas told me about Georgia.’

  I nodded. ‘I loved helping her. It was fun.’

  ‘She looked stunning when you’d finished with her,’ Lucas said. ‘I can’t imagine a worse job myself.’ He laughed and pulled a face. ‘But you’d be first rate. Go for it.’

  We chatted in Portuguese all the way home, but in my head I was wondering if the whole language thing was a waste of time. Wellington had been hard work. The tight, helpless feeling had clamped down on me far more than it did at home.

  They dropped me at my house. ‘See you tomorrow?’ Maria said, crossing her fingers again.

  I grinned. ‘Don’t worry. Davey and I will be on your doorstep at 8.30.’

  She squeezed my hand. ‘You’re so reliable, Ruby. You’re wonderful.’

  I ran inside.

  The whole family was home, except Max. Mum hugged me, Calvin said, ‘Welcome home, Ruby. We missed you.’

  Davey said, ‘Max was okay, Ruby. But I want you.’

  Theo said, ‘You went away for a long time.’

  I gave the boys their presents. They were a hit. I untangled myself from their kisses and took my bag into my room.

  Max had moved into my bedroom.

  I didn’t say anything, I just got to work and moved him out again. Mum heard me and came running. ‘Oh, Ruby — don’t start all that fuss again!’

  I didn’t answer. Max was not going to have my room.

  He came home in time to eat — as usual. He went into my room, and came out yelling.

  I served up the dinner I’d cooked and ignored him.

  Calvin said, ‘Max, sit down and be quiet. You’re not having Ruby’s room. But I think we need to work something out here.’

  That surprised Max. He shut his mouth and gulped back a yell. He pulled out his chair, kicked it and plonked himself down. ‘What?’

  Calvin gave him a very cool look. ‘I’ll tell you when you can be polite.’

  Max pushed his knife and fork around and didn’t say anything.

  Mum went to say something, but Calvin shook his head at her. We ate the meal. It was fish but cooked without the delicious sauce I’d had at the hotel. Mum put on her bright voice. ‘What did you do in Wellington, Ruby?’

  I helped a girl get the job of her dreams. I got a waiter sacked. I had a hard time finding my way around. I wondered if it’s a stupid idea to want to go to Brazil. I told them about the cable car and the museum.

  When we’d finished the meal, Max said, ‘Please tell me your idea about the rooms, Calvin.’

  Calvin stood up. ‘I’ll help you with the dishes and we’ll talk.’

  His idea was to build a sleep-out. ‘If we use recycled timber it won’t cost too much. If we build it onto the side of the garage we can run the electricity from there.’

  I glanced at Mum. She was smiling. But this would cost money, and they hadn’t paid me back yet.

  Max said, ‘How long before you get it finished?’

  Calvin put a hand on his shoulder. ‘We, Max. It’s a joint project. You and I work on it together.’

  Max didn’t look at him. He washed two more plates before he said, ‘When do we start?’

  ‘As soon as we’ve paid Ruby back.’

  Max splashed a pot into the sink. I could almost hear his teeth grinding. ‘When will that be?’

  Calvin shrugged. ‘A month. Maybe two. It depends on how things go.’

  I went to bed that night in my own room. Bloody Max. Mum had let him take my room. He was never going to change while she supported him like that. He knew he only had to wait till Calvin wasn’t around and she’d agree to anything he asked.

  I found out just how true that was a few days later, when Calvin left to do the late shift at the garage. Max was hanging about for once too. He was reading a book so I wasn’t suspicious, but as soon as the car turned onto the road, he said, ‘Mum, did you talk to her yet?’ He glanced at me.

  That got my attention. Mum closed her eyes, put her hands up to her face and rubbed her forehead. For a moment, I thought she wasn’t going to say anything.

  So did Max. ‘Mum? You said you’d talk to her!’

  Mum gave in. ‘Ruby,’ she said, ‘I’ve got something to ask you.’

  I put down a skirt I was hemming. ‘Okay. Ask away.’

  Max went back to pretending to read.

  ‘Well, I’ve been thinking about the room Calvin’s going to build for Max.’ She rushed through the next bit. ‘Max really needs that room, darling. He needs to be able to do his study away from the kids.’

  I broke in. ‘I know — isn’t that why they’re both going to build it?’

  ‘But he — they — can’t start until we’ve got the money. We’ve got $400 saved to pay you back with. But it’d make sense to use that money for the room.’ She couldn’t look at me. She knew it didn’t make sense, and she knew it wasn’t fair. I guess that was progress.

  It was Max’s idea. Of course. ‘Why does it make sense?’

  She gave me a pleading look. ‘Don’t be difficult, darling. Please.’

  I folded my stuff and stood up. ‘The answer’s no, Mum. That’s my money.’ I pointed my scissors at Max. ‘If you want the room that badly, get a job and earn the money yourself.’

  I took myself off to my room and shut the door on them. I was shaking. Max. She still couldn’t say no to him.

  I wondered if Hayden was like him. They might be so much alike that they hated each other. Not that I was going to find out. There was no way Max would tell me anything now.

  I don’t know if Mum said anything to Calvin, but a couple of days later he gave me a cheque for four hundred dollars and all he said was, ‘The rest will come as soon as we can, Ruby. Don’t worry.’

  On the last day of the holidays, Max turned up at dinner time. ‘I’ve got a job. After school at the computer place in the shopping centre.’ He glared at me. ‘So you can stop nagging about your stupid money.’

  I yelled, ‘You take that back and apologise.’

  Mum frowned at me.

  I ignored her. ‘How many times have I said anything about the money?’ He didn’t answer. I slapped a hand down on the table so that the cutlery rattled. ‘Well? Answer me, damn you!’

  The kids watched with wide eyes.

  Max kept eating. Mum went to say something, but Calvin spoke first. ‘That’s a fair question, Max. Answer it, please.’

  Max glanced up, clamped his mouth shut then went right back to eating.

  ‘I’m waiting, Max,’ Calvin said.

  Mum burst in with, ‘Calvin! I’ll discipline my children, thank you.’ She glared at him.

  Calvin stood up, leaving his meal half eaten. He spoke quietly, the way he always did, but with such an edge in his voice that I shivered. ‘In that case, now woul
d be an excellent time to start.’ He walked out, into the rain.

  Theo burst into tears. Mum yelled at me, ‘If you’d just be reasonable, Ruby! It’s too much, it really is.’

  I gaped at her. This was my fault? The unfairness of it choked me. I shoved my chair back and ran to my room.

  Max kept his head down and went right on eating.

  I slammed my bedroom door shut. It was my money that had brought him home. I should have left him there. I threw my pillow onto the floor and kicked it around the room. Bloody Max. Kick. Getting away with it again. Two kicks. No, make that three.

  I sank down onto the floor and hugged my poor pillow. I could go on strike again — refuse to cook him any meals till he apologised. The pillow got another thump. Life was such a huge battle. Home wasn’t meant to be a battleground.

  I grabbed the pillow again and held it close. If I went out there now and did what Mum wanted — said Sorry I made such a fuss, it’ll never happen again — then everything would be sweet.

  And I might as well give them my backbone to hang their hats on.

  I sat for a long time, thinking about it. But it seemed that my backbone didn’t want to get lost again. I sighed. I’d keep fighting. Mum would keep yelling at me. Max would keep getting what he wanted. Calvin? I didn’t know what he would do, but I was glad he was on my side. I could think of that when I wondered if I was making a huge fuss about nothing.

  I got up off the floor and sat at my table. Going to Brazil had to be easier than this. I shrugged. I didn’t have the strength to think about that yet, and I didn’t have to decide yet either. Right now, everything felt too hard and there was school tomorrow. Well, I knew what the hard bits were there. They were easy to handle compared to this.

  Bugger Max.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  I didn’t speak to Max in the morning, but that was no different from normal. When Davey and I left the house, he slid his hand into mine. ‘I don’t like Max — he’s so mean.’ He sniffed and wiped a hand across his nose. ‘He says it’s his room, but it’s not, is it, Ruby? It’s our room too. Can you come back?’

  I crouched down and hugged him. ‘Don’t cry, buddy. He’ll be moving out as soon as they build the sleep-out. It won’t be long, you’ll see.’

  He didn’t say anything else all the way to school, and when I said goodbye, he trudged into class instead of running the way he usually did.

  I watched him. It broke my heart. I could move into their room, just until the sleep-out was built. I thought about it as I rode to Tia’s house. I thought about telling her the whole drama, and I thought about how she’d yell at me. Yeah, she’d be right too. Max shouldn’t behave like that. It was Mum’s fault for letting him. He was probably being horrible to the kids just so that I’d swap rooms again. Why couldn’t Mum see it?

  I ran up Tia’s path and bashed on the door. She tumbled out and we danced around, hugging each other — talking crazily at the same time. How was Wellington? Meet any hot guys? What’s the goss?

  She was up with the latest gossip because she’d been texting all holidays. ‘Wiremu reckons they’ve been fighting off the chicks. He says a feisty redhead has been after his body all holidays.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Well. Lucky Wiremu.’

  Tia laughed at me. ‘He wishes!’ She prodded my arm. ‘You like him, don’t you?’

  I sighed. ‘Yeah, but don’t you tell him.’

  Megan and Carly were waiting when we got to school. ‘Promise you won’t say anything, Tia!’

  She patted my shoulder. ‘Your secret’s safe with me.’

  The four of us talked non-stop all the way to our form room. Wiremu, Niles and Zeke strolled in a couple of minutes later, looked around then came over and sat with us.

  ‘Good holiday?’ Tia asked. ‘Plenty of chicks?’

  Niles whistled. ‘Chicks for Africa.’

  ‘Had to fight them off,’ Wiremu said.

  ‘They hung out with me all holidays,’ said Zeke. ‘No chicks.’

  We laughed and Tia gave me a ha! I was right look.

  It was good to be back at school, even with Mr W grumbling at us to stop talking, shut up and listen.

  All day, the question of what to do about Max worried away in the back of my mind.

  I talked about it with Maria that afternoon while Davey and Cat climbed the apple trees. I wanted to talk in English, but Maria said in Portuguese, ‘No, we will speak Portuguese. It’s the way to learn more words. You have to stretch yourself.’ She smiled but she was determined too.

  I learnt the words for unfair, apology, support, splitting our family, strike, confused.

  She shook her head and frowned when I’d finally managed to tell her the whole story. ‘How about you save the strike action for the moment? Tonight, when he sits down to dinner, tell him he owes you an apology. You say it calmly, and when he doesn’t reply you leave it. Do the same tomorrow, but that’s when you say you don’t cook for him until he apologises.’

  I thought about it. Yes, I liked it. I liked that he wasn’t going to get away with walking all over me.

  I wondered if Calvin would say anything when he got home with Theo, but he didn’t.

  Mum got home five minutes before Max did. She didn’t say anything either. Well, too bad, Mum. If you think the whole nasty mess from yesterday has gone away, you can think again.

  Max arrived, looking pleased with himself. Mum just about leapt on him. ‘Max, darling! How was your work? How much are they paying you? You must make sure you’ve still got time for your homework.’

  He brushed her away. ‘It’s sweet, Mum. What’s for dinner? I’m starving.’

  ‘Go and have a wash, darling. I’ll set the table. Is dinner ready, Ruby? It smells great!’ She smiled at me, but I wasn’t in a smiling-back mood.

  I served up the food and we all sat down to play happy families. Max, as usual, shoved food in his mouth, kept his eyes on his plate and said nothing.

  I chopped my meat loaf into tiny pieces. I couldn’t made a fuss again, I just couldn’t. My gut ached. When Maria and I had discussed all this, it had seemed so easy to ask him to apologise. Backbone — where are you when I need you?

  Mum said, ‘Ruby, you’re not eating. Are you sick?’

  Yeah. I put my cutlery down. ‘Mum — what Max said yesterday. He’s got to take it back. He’s got to say sorry.’

  Mum shook her head at me. ‘Leave it, Ruby. It doesn’t matter.’

  It doesn’t matter? How could she say that? Calvin looked at her. ‘Yes, it does matter, Tessie.’ He spoke to Max before Mum could butt in. ‘Max, your mother doesn’t want me to discipline you. Fair enough. But I will not work with you if you’re going to behave the way you did to your sister yesterday. It’s your choice. If you want the sleep-out, then I suggest you take back what you said, apologise — and while you’re about it, you might like to thank her for getting you home.’

  I gulped. ‘Oh, Calvin! Thank you! Thank you so much.’

  Theo burst into tears. Davey was crying too. ‘Max is mean! Please build the sleep-out, Daddy. We don’t want him in our bedroom. He’s horrible.’

  Calvin put his knife and fork on the table. ‘Max will be nice to you. That’s a promise.’ He looked at Mum. ‘This is crunch time, Tessie. Your son is not going to be nasty to our sons. I will not allow it.’ His face was bleak. ‘If I have to move us out, then I’ll do it.’

  He would leave? Take the kids and leave? Mum stared at him, her face white. The kids sobbed harder. My throat and chest hurt.

  Max wasn’t stupid. ‘Sorry.’ He shot a brief glance at Calvin, who watched him with a face of granite, and mumbled, ‘The kids will be okay. Don’t worry.’

  Mum had tears running down her face too, as she tried to comfort Theo. Calvin had his arm around Davey. He said, ‘Max, I’m not worrying — but I’ll be watching. You’d better know this: if I see any signs that you’ve been abusing my children then it’s all over. We leave.’

&nb
sp; None of us ate much dinner that night — not even Max, I was surprised to note. Mum kept crying. Calvin put the kids to bed and read to them. Max vanished — without doing the dishes. I started clearing the table, but then I stopped. That was Max’s job. Mum had let him go, so she could do it herself.

  I shut myself away in my bedroom and tried not to think about her tragic face. She’d think this was all my fault. I sat there, going over and over the whole drama. I didn’t think it was my fault, I really didn’t. But whichever way I looked at it, it was me upsetting the whole family. If Calvin split with Mum, it’d be because of me.

  Was it worth it? Tia would say Yes, don’t let them walk all over you. Maria would say yes. I rubbed my eyes. They didn’t have to live here though, with the whole family falling apart around them.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Calvin was up before I left for work in the morning. He looked as if he hadn’t slept much.

  ‘Calvin …’ I stopped. I didn’t know what I wanted to say.

  He rubbed his eyes. ‘I don’t know if things will be okay, Ruby.’ He sighed. ‘I hope they will be, but it’s not up to you and me.’

  I went to work. Mr Vine was a snake, but I could leave any time I wanted to. Calvin. He was my dad — he couldn’t leave us, he just couldn’t. I chained my bike up outside the shop and went in to face Vinegar Vine. He moaned. I cleaned. Situation normal.

  Calvin had left for work when I got home. Mum rushed around getting herself and Theo ready. The kids bounced out of their bedroom. Davey shouted, ‘Mum! Max was good this morning.’

  ‘He didn’t swear at me,’ Theo said, his eyes wide, ‘not even when I fell over his bag.’

  Mum put her arms around both of them. ‘He loves you, darlings. He’s your big brother.’

  Davey wriggled away. ‘Ruby loves us.’

  Mum didn’t talk to me, except for the usual Do this, get that will you, darling? Max gloomed his way out to the kitchen, and what did she do? Smile at him and tell him how lovely that he was getting on well with the kids now, Thank you, darling.