End of the Alphabet

by Fleur Beale

  That made his eyes get wet too. We ended up laughing. Max came in. My gut clenched. The words he’d hurled at me last night crashed around in my head. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to be in the same room with him.

  Calvin said, ‘Okay lads. Put on your work clothes. Building time.’

  At dinner, Mum said, ‘Max, I’ve arranged the counselling. We go from six to seven on a Tuesday night so that I don’t have to miss any work.’

  He stabbed a potato. ‘I don’t need to see a shrink.’

  ‘Well, you’re going to whether you need to or not.’ She was calm but she meant business.

  He stabbed the potato in half.

  Their first counselling session was during the last week of term. Max came home furious. He slammed into his room and yelled at the kids to stay out of his way.

  ‘It went well, then?’ Calvin asked.

  Mum dropped her head in her hands. ‘George — the counsellor — said it would be absolutely the wrong thing for Max to move into the sleep-out. He said on no account must he remove himself from the family at this stage.’ She looked at me. ‘If you don’t want to sleep out there, Ruby, I don’t know what we’re going to do.’

  Calvin made her a cup of tea.

  ‘I don’t want Max,’ Davey said. ‘I don’t want him, so there.’

  Theo ran to Calvin, grabbed his legs and howled.

  I got out of there before Mum could ask me to swap rooms right now because darling Max was so upset.

  Did I want to live in the sleep-out? Was there really any choice? But actually, it would have to be better than being in the house. Max was a toxic storm. Mum was a wobbly mess. The kids picked at each other and cried. Even Calvin’s temper cracked now and then.

  I thought Max would refuse to work on the sleep-out now, but Wednesday afternoon he turned up. Judging by his furious face, Calvin or Mum had made him. I waited for him to pull the money card. I wasn’t going to pay him back. I had a speech all ready if he told me I had to. It’s all your own fault. Get lost. He didn’t say anything to me — not one word.

  They worked on it on Thursday too, but Calvin had the evening shift at the service station on Friday, and Max didn’t come home till dinner time.

  When Maria came to pick Cat up, I asked her if she’d come and look at it with me and tell me what she thought.

  They had the door on and it was locked. I took the key from the garage and we went inside. It was almost finished — just one wall to be lined. I liked it. The window was big and the sun would come in. The room was about the same size as mine, but longer and skinnier.

  Maria asked, ‘Do you think you could be happy here?’

  I wandered around the space, working out where I’d put things. The bed would go at the end, the table near the door, I’d ask Calvin to put up a notice board on the wall opposite the window. I laughed. ‘I think I’ve moved in already. It’ll be great.’ I could have my friends over and we could shut out Max and the rest of the putrid world.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  I moved into the sleep-out on the first weekend of the holidays. Max didn’t show up.

  He came home half an hour before dinner to move into my old room.

  At dinner he looked at Mum. ‘I need a computer. The sleep-out’s finished so we can afford one now.’

  But Calvin answered. ‘Sorry mate, I’m quitting the job at the garage.’ He reached out and tweaked Davey’s ear. ‘I’ve hardly seen the boys lately.’

  Max muttered, ‘Dad bought me my own computer.’

  Save up and go back there then.

  Mum said, ‘You could have stayed there, Max. It might be a good idea to think about why you came home again.’

  That shocked me. She sounded pissed off.

  I looked after Cat and Davey during the holidays. Tia and Wiremu came over one afternoon and the five of us played crazy games of snap and Twister.

  My friends came back home with me. ‘I want to see the kingdom Max didn’t get,’ Tia said.

  Lucky I’d made the bed. I unlocked my door. ‘Please enter!’ I bowed them inside.

  ‘Way cool!’ Wiremu said. ‘This place rocks!’

  Tia bounced on the bed. ‘Better than being squashed up with the kids, then?’

  ‘Just a bit,’ I said.

  Wiremu joined Tia on the bed. ‘You need a room-warming party. Saturday night.’

  I shook my head. ‘It’s cramped already just with us three in here. We’d never fit.’

  He jumped up and patted me soothingly. ‘Come on, girl — what’s wrong with the floor?’

  We looked at it. ‘It would work,’ Tia said. ‘We’ll warn the others it’s a no-chairs party.’

  I fussed around all Saturday making food and worrying that the whole idea was dumb. If the others didn’t come I was going to feel so stupid.

  They turned up together at 7.30 with grins on their faces and each of them carried a cushion.

  I burst out laughing. ‘Hey, great idea!’

  Tia struck a pose. ‘Happy room warming, to our friend Ruby. In honour of this amazing event, we present you with .…’ she waited while Niles strummed ta DA on his guitar — ‘… your room-warming presents!’ Which was the signal to throw the cushions at me.

  They were for me. Presents for me. Wiremu’s was ruby red velvet with beaded tassels on the corners.

  ‘You guys are the best!’

  Niles settled down with his guitar. It’s brilliant sitting on your own floor in a candle-lit room with six friends and you’re all singing your hearts out.

  Wiremu sat beside me. We had to sit close together to give Niles enough room to play the guitar. Tia grinned at me and I grinned right back.

  A magic evening. I was so glad I’d done it. I walked with them out to the road to say goodbye, watching till they vanished around the corner.

  Life was sweet.

  I went to bed and lay looking around my own little world. All my things fitted perfectly — Calvin had made a set of shelves and a notice board. The walls were a rich, restful cream and the curtains a medley of golds, browns and ruby red. And now I had six new cushions.

  Stupid Max. He could have been out here, king of his very own castle. I lay still, trying to pick up the hate vibes. Nothing. Didn’t mean there weren’t any.

  I felt as if he was waiting, and that at any second he could leap up and attack. He was the log in the swamp that you step on, and crunch, it turns out to be a crocodile.

  School started again and the term rolled on. Max stayed toxic. Mum switched between looking sad and looking mad. The kids were cheerful now that Max was out of their room. Calvin didn’t say much.

  I couldn’t believe I’d ever wondered if I’d wanted to live in the sleep-out. It was perfect. Cat and Davey hung out there after school on wet days. ‘It’s pretty,’ Cat said. ‘The mask is happy here.’

  The weather warmed up. We went water-skiing the weekend after Labour Weekend. Wiremu had a new wakeboard. We all tried it out. I came off — hurt my leg but it was worth it.

  At school, Wiremu and Megan had to go to meetings about the Brazil trip. ‘You should ask if you can come,’ Megan said. ‘You’re the only one who knows any Portuguese.’

  Carly prodded me. ‘They might squeeze you into Mr Parks’s suitcase.’

  I laughed and shook my head. ‘Don’t want to waste the money. When I go, it’s going to be for longer.’

  Tia and I rode home together. She grinned at me. ‘You’ve changed — you know that? The start of the year you were all Oh no I couldn’t possibly go to Brazil. And now you’re planning on going there by yourself.’

  Yes, I was. It felt like an adventure. It felt exciting — except when I thought of how hard it would really be. So I didn’t think about that if I could possibly help it.

  ‘When are you going to go?’ she asked.

  I took a deep breath. ‘This time next year. Well, when school finishes.’

  She nearly fell off her bike. ‘Ruby! That’s only a ye
ar away!’

  Yeah. That’s why it was so scary.

  ‘But you’ll come back? For the start of school, I mean?’

  I shook my head. ‘Don’t think so. Face it, Tia — what’s the point? Next year’s going to be bad enough.’

  We arrived at her house. I held on to the fence so that I could stay on my bike. ‘It’s not so bad now — you guys help me. But next year we’ll all be in different classes.’ I didn’t want to think about next year either. ‘Better go. The kids will be waiting.’

  Next year. It scared me worse than going to Brazil did, but that might be because next year was closer than Brazil. Whatever, I was going to spend the year feeling dumb most of the time.

  If only Max would help me study at home. But I wouldn’t even ask.

  November came and with it reminders from our teachers that exams were just around the corner. In assembly, the principal droned on about how these exams were important. ‘How well you do in these will impact on what subjects you can do next year.’ And on what classes they’d stick us in — not that he said that. I was doomed unless they suddenly had an exam for speaking Portuguese, but I couldn’t see that happening any time soon.

  The girls came over to my house for a study session the Saturday before the exams started. Mum brought us food. Max kept well clear the entire day.

  But one day of studying wasn’t going to be enough to get me good results. I asked Mum to help me. She did her best, but my notes had lots of gaps. She frowned. ‘This isn’t working, Ruby. We need Max’s help here.’

  I shook my head. ‘He won’t, Mum. Don’t even ask.’ I didn’t want to work with him. He felt like an enemy.

  She took no notice and headed for Max’s room. I heard the murmur of her voice as she spoke to him. His reply was loud and clear. ‘She’s got my room. She’s not getting my books.’

  I got up and went out to my room. I worked on a pair of shorts I was making. It was good to work with things I could understand.

  Mum surprised me. When I was helping her with dinner, she said, ‘I’m very disappointed with Max. I thought we were getting somewhere with the counselling. I’m sorry, Ruby. You know it’s not his room, don’t you?’

  I had a spud in one hand and the peeler in the other, but I hugged her anyway. She wouldn’t have said that a few months back.

  The exams were foul. I had a different reader–writer from last time. This woman tapped her finger while I thought about the answers and sighed when I asked her to read things again.

  I didn’t pass a single subject. Max blitzed the whole of Year 10. Next year didn’t look like being a bundle of laughs.

  Mum read our reports. ‘Never mind, Ruby. I know you did your best.’ Max’s made tears come to her eyes. ‘Max, I’m so proud of you.’

  He gave me a suck on that look.

  School finished. Prize giving was for other people, not for me. Wiremu got the prize for public speaking and he was the junior swimming champion. Tia came top in our class for science. But Max was the star. He went up five times to collect silver cups, books and certificates. The principal beamed at him and said, ‘We’re delighted you didn’t stay in Australia, Max.’

  ‘Speak for yourself,’ I muttered. Beside me, Carly choked back a laugh.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  I looked after Cat for most of the summer holidays. Maria and Lucas took her to the Coromandel for a week, and they didn’t need me over Christmas week — but apart from that, I was busy every day.

  Two weeks before school started again, Wiremu and Megan came over to my house. ‘Teach us some Portuguese,’ Wiremu said, giving me his heartbreaker smile.

  ‘Please,’ added Megan.

  He laughed. ‘Pretty please, Ruby. Teach me to say You are the most beautiful babe in the world.’

  I taught him You are very ugly.

  Then we did hello, thank you and goodbye. Wiremu kept repeating You are very ugly. Megan bashed him with the cushion she’d given me. ‘Shut up! You’re turning into a dork.’

  I couldn’t help it, I collapsed in a heap of giggles.

  ‘What?’ he demanded. Then he groaned, ‘Oh no! I fell for the oldest trick in the world! What did you teach me?’

  He leapt at me and wrestled me to the ground, tickling me. I could hardly speak for laughing. ‘You are very ugly! And you say it so perfectly.’

  Megan shrieked with laughter. ‘Serves you right.’

  Tia and I caught up on Monday evening. ‘So how did it go with lover boy?’

  ‘We are just good friends,’ I said, doing the celebrity voice. The trouble was, it was true. I liked him, he liked me — but we were friends and that was about as far as it was going to go.

  ‘Not to worry,’ Tia said. ‘Those hot Brazilian guys will be here again soon. Make him jealous.’

  ‘He’ll get one of the girls,’ I grumbled. ‘I’ll be the jealous one.’

  Any time anyone said Brazil I got shivers down my spine. It didn’t help to remind myself that my spine was my backbone. Brazil at the end of the year? Could I do it? Even thinking about it terrified me.

  School started. It was bad. I had a teacher aid who helped me for three mornings but that left a lot of the week where I had to do the best I could. Fabric and art weren’t too bad, but the rest sucked. English was the worst — none of my friends was in the class, but Max was. He never sat with me, never spoke to me, never looked at me. He was the star of the class. I wished I wasn’t impressed by his answers, but he was good. Mrs Bentley did her best to help me, but she asked Max to help me only once. ‘We don’t get on,’ he said, and walked away.

  Fine. Be like that.

  The first unit of the year was speeches. Max gave a brilliant one about the differences between Australia and New Zealand. I wanted to give mine about having him for a brother, but instead I talked about the history of Brazil. I tried not to look at Max. I was nervous and forgot the middle part, then stumbled over the ending.

  I slunk back to my seat. Delia muttered, ‘Lucky you — I wish mine was over.’

  Max’s speech was the best in the class. He had to give it again at the finals. Wiremu beat him. I tried not to look too pleased about that. I failed. I thought Max would get in a mood but he didn’t. He even congratulated Wiremu.

  I told Mum. She was pleased — more pleased than if he’d come first. Maybe he was turning into a reasonable human being — except around me. Mum touched my shoulder. ‘He’ll come round, Ruby. George says he’s just using you as a focus. It’s not about you — it’s about him. He has to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around him.’

  Yeah, well. I wished he wasn’t such a slow learner. Max — a slow learner! That made me laugh.

  The Brazil kids were due to arrive at the beginning of March. Tia and Wiremu had kapa haka practices most days. Megan stressed about what her billet would be like. ‘What if I don’t like her? What if she can’t speak English?’

  Carly threw a ball of paper at her. ‘Shut it! If she’s a cow, then she’s a cow. Deal with it!’

  I grinned at Megan. ‘Tell her she’s very ugly.’

  Megan groaned. ‘That stupid sentence goes round and round in my head.’

  The Brazilian kids arrived at school on a Thursday. Tia and Wiremu were in the welcoming party. The day was hot, like it had been last year. The maths room where Carly and I were was close to the wharenui. The windows were open and we could hear Tia’s voice calling the visitors on to the marae.

  ‘She’s good,’ I whispered.

  Carly muttered, ‘What’s the bet that Megan’s really freaking out by now?’

  Yes, she would be — she’d be standing with the welcoming tangata whenua and wishing she’d never even thought of going to Brazil.

  We wouldn’t catch up with her till school finished because she had to spend interval and lunchtime with her billet. Carly sent her a text: wats she like?

  nice. shy. no englsh

  Carly groaned. ‘She’ll have to sit with us in science. How t
he hell am I meant to be nice to her if she can’t talk to me?’

  I laughed at her. ‘Who’s stressing now?’

  There would be Brazilian kids in my English class because Caleb and Shane were both going on the trip and would have their billets with them. I hoped Max wouldn’t try anything. I could really do without him telling the whole class I could speak Portuguese. Then I relaxed. He didn’t know I could — at least, I didn’t think he did.

  Shane and Caleb came into class a few minutes late. Every girl in the room — me included — stared at the boys with them. ‘Oh, man!’ Delia whispered.

  Yeah. Better than last year. But I couldn’t imagine talking to them. Babe magnets. I slumped down in my seat.

  Mrs Bentley smiled at them. She picked up a piece of paper and read from it. I winced. She was welcoming them in Portuguese but she said it all wrong. She laughed and gave up. ‘Caleb, Shane — introduce your guests please.’

  Shane said, ‘This is Fernando. He speaks English.’

  Fernando killed us with a smile. ‘Good afternoon. I am happy to be here.’

  ‘We’re happy too,’ Rosemary muttered. Mrs Bentley gave her the look.

  Caleb introduced his guy. ‘This is Bento and he doesn’t speak English.’

  Mrs Bentley smiled at the boys. ‘Bento, perhaps you could talk to us in Portuguese?’ She looked at Fernando. ‘Will you ask him for me? It’s good for us to hear other languages.’

  Fernando flashed her a dazzling smile and repeated her request in Portuguese for Bento.

  Bento stepped forward. I settled back to enjoy myself — how cool to be the only kid in the class who’d know what he was saying.

  It didn’t take long before I stopped enjoying myself. That low-life, smarmy up-himself idiot smiled — and totally trashed us. We were ugly. We were dumb. We were unsophisticated. Our music was awful. He hoped he wouldn’t go to sleep during the concert tonight. He wasn’t going to dance with any New Zealand girls at the social. He could tell by looking at us that we’d step all over his feet and anyway, we were ugly.