After All This Time: What She Wished

by Brittainy Brown

  Tina heard him come upstairs. There wasn’t a creak at the middle staircase anymore. Dad had nailed it in long ago. Tina turned and faced the window. She lay down straight, her back facing the door. She kept her gaze on a small black kid who kept dribbling his friends to score shot after shot. She heard the door close beside her and the air tensed.

  “Tina.” David called on to her, his voice as soft as she had ever heard.

  She didn’t respond. She didn’t turn back. She just laid still and watched as another boy finally got the ball away from the skillful boy. The boy chased his friend around; he was desperate to get the ball back.

  “Tina, please sit up, I know you hear me.” he said.

  “Say what you want to say David. What do you want?” Tina said.

  Her voice sounded strange to her. It sounded like granite when she felt like cotton wool.

  “I wrote those notes.” he answered.

  “I know you did.” she replied him.

  “Don’t you want to know why?” he asked her.

  Tina sat up on her bed. She turned to face him now. She saw him, his serious face now as familiar as his smirking laidback look. He wore a grey shirt with a picture of a gun on it. He wore white shorts that ended just after his knees. He was still as handsome as he was when she first saw him. The difference was that she rarely saw him nowadays. She looked at him, looked at him in class, during lunch break and after school but she had stopped seeing him. She no longer felt angry when she saw him very close to Maxine. She had felt elation, just a niggling feeling, when Maxine had left the table but she was yet to understand why.

  “Why?” she asked.

  “Remember the other time I was here and it happened.”

  Tina remembered like it just happened a minute ago. He had called it “It”.

  “When what happened?” Tina asked.

  She saw David smile, just a bit. He knew she remembered. But she wasn’t about to make this easy for him.

  “When we kissed.” he answered, dropping his gaze just before he mentioned the last word.

  “Yes, I remember David.”

  I remember too clearly.

  “It’s not that I didn’t feel anything. If anything, you coming to meet me the next day showed that your feelings mirrored mine.” he answered.

  Tina looked at him. She was looking for the imposed seriousness, the forced stony look that always followed him when he wasn’t being sincere. Instead, she saw traces of a grin on his lips, his eyes were radiant and his gaze was level. He was telling the truth.

  “But I was dating someone and she was our friend. I couldn’t betray her that way. So I prepared myself for when you were coming, it took all my strength to put you off that day but I did it.” he answered.

  He had sat down as he spoke. Tina could feel a little heat from his body.

  “So did you forget you had a girlfriend while writing the notes?” Tina asked him, dropping her gaze to her clean red floors.

  He laughed; it was a deep throaty sound.

  “I cannot forget.” he answered.

  “So what do you want?” Tina asked, tired of his lack of direction.

  “I cannot forget how I felt that night.” he continued.

  Tina now understood what he meant by not being able to forget.

  “Maxine noticed long ago I had more than a friendly interest in you.” he said.

  He smiled, looking up to the right. He had remembered something.

  “She accused me many times. I kept denying.” David said.

  “Now I am tired of denying.” he said.

  His gaze was riveted on the floor now.

  “Was it shame he was feeling now?” Tina thought.

  “I started planting the notes when you said you didn’t have a date so you weren’t coming for Valentine tomorrow. I and Maxine already had our fights. She says I am focused on every other thing but her, I am only focused on two things Tina.”

  Tina didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to ask what those things were. She felt her mouth open and the words formed of their own volition.

  “What?” she heard herself say.

  “Soccer and you, Tina. You and soccer.” he said.

  His voice was very soft as if his lips had not moved when the words came out. She saw him staring at her. She felt his hand as he held her hand in a loose intertwining of fingers. She could have removed her fingers if she wanted to. She didn’t want to.

  “Maxine never saw me write or post any of those notes but she knew it was me. Maxine alone saw me for what I was. Despite my macho act, I am still all about you.”

  Tina was happy at what she was hearing. She thought she had no feelings for David anymore. The crush had been crushed. Now David had come and rebuilt it. She was still scared, what would happen now?

  “So what happens with Maxine now?” she asked, her voice cracking with lack of volume.

  David dusted specks, that weren’t really there, off her shorts. His fingers grazed her knees generating warmth there that didn’t leave. She placed her right palm over it; it sent warmth through her skin. She could feel it in her bones. His warmth was all-encompassing now, surrounding her and stifling.

  “She broke up with me before I got here. She sent me a very explicit text telling me about how she felt about me now.” he said.

  He smiled as he said that. He saw her staring at him and held her gaze.

  “You want to know what she said?” he asked.

  “No, I don’t want to.” Tina replied, shaking her head as she said so.

  “I am sorry if I hurt you Tina. But I felt I was doing the right thing then.” David said.

  Tina looked at him. She wanted to tell him not to worry. She wanted to tell him that she was over it now and stronger because of it. She said nothing. He was too close. She could see the color of his pupils. She could almost see her reflection in his glassy globes. She wanted to say something. She just opened her mouth and moved her neck towards his.

  The kiss felt just like she remembered. And then it was more. She remembered but she wasn’t ready for the marauding sensations. His mouth was gentle, like a diver with enough oxygen trying to take in as much of the ocean before he went deeper. She felt her hand move up his chest into his hair. His two hands went to her side, drawing her into his warm embrace. He opened his mouth wider, helping her in. She was in and still couldn’t get enough.

  Tina felt lightheaded. Throughout her time at Evergrant high, she had never felt anything for any other guy. All her feelings had been channeled towards David and now she felt them bubbling up. She didn’t know if she could control them.

  David tilted his mouth, changing the angle of his kiss. Tina tried to taste him, to glean off what he had just had off his tongue. She felt nothing, she only tasted David.

  He shifted his head back, breaking the kiss. Tina was first alarmed. It was the other time happening all over again. Her feelings must have shown her face because he covered her hands in his and tightened his hold.

  “I don’t plan to leave you this time Tina.” he said. His voice was croaky with emotion.

  “Then don’t.” she heard herself say.

  “We are relocating Tina.” David said.

  Tina didn’t understand what he was saying. What did he mean by relocating?

  “My dad resigned from the company he was working in. He and my mom want to start a family business. They bought a lodge in Texas, they want to use it as the animal care center.” he said.

  It was then Tina remembered David’s dad was a veterinary doctor. She understood what he was saying much better now. She felt resentment rise up in her. She had opened herself up to him and he was doing this again. Now he was leaving for good. She tried to draw her hand away from his, he held tight to it.

  “I didn’t plan this Tina.” he said.

  Tina looked at him and shook her head.

  “I didn’t know till early this week.” he said.

  Tina couldn’t believe this was happening. So wha
t had the kiss meant? What would happen to their triangle? Would she be left with Charlie, Ronda and Maxine or did this spell the end of Maxine’s relationship with them? She felt herself grow angry.

  How dare him come and reignite her feelings a few days before he left for good?

  “Leave me alone David.” she said. Her voice was still low but there was a bite in it that was not there before.

  David still held on to her hand. He wasn’t going to let her go.

  “You knew you were leaving then you came to me. Why did you not come to me before now?” she said. Her throat was tearing up; she could feel the tears building up behind her eyes.

  “How would you have felt if I left without telling you? I’m not talking about telling all of us at the lunch table. I am talking about telling you, you Tina Jordan. If you could handle it, I couldn’t.” he said.

  When she heard that the throbbing in her chest lessened, there was less determination to hold on to her tears. The tears came down, swift and unhindered. It dribbled down her cheeks, forming two streaks across her vest. She let them flow. She didn’t draw her hand across her eyes to stop them from coming down, David did that. He removed his handkerchief from his pocket and used it to clean Tina’s cheek.

  “I would have killed you if you left without telling me.” she said finally, smiling as she said it.

  “You see?” David answered.

  “Have you told the others?” she asked him.

  “I planned to do that tomorrow. You had to know first.” he answered.

  “Better.” she said. She was really smiling now, the tears had stopped coming down.

  “You will call me every day?” she asked him.

  “Yes. Okay maybe not every day, but I’ll try.” he replied her.

  Tina looked at him, she stared at his lips. Then she kissed him again. This time he was more passive. He accepted her invasion and embraced it. Tina put her hands on his chest and then pushed her hands under his shirt. She felt his chest, the fit tightness of his muscles. She could feel every dip and swerve of his muscles. She wondered how Maxine felt when she touched him. Then she banished the thought from her mind. Tonight, right now, it was her and David, no one else came into play.

  There was a vibration on the bed. Tina was reluctant to let go but David already moved back a bit. It was his phone. He picked it up and read the message. Tina saw a light tune down in his hungry eyes then fade completely.

  “I have to go Tina. My parents need me right now.” he said.

  He had already let go of her hands. He put his phone in his pocket and straightened his shirt. He then went to her mirror to have a look at his face.

  “Is something wrong?” Tina asked him.

  “Nothing from all indications, they just need me for something. I don’t know what. But they say it’s important so let me get home.” he said.

  He had turned back to face her. He looked dashing as he always did, even though he had come dressed very simply. Tina wanted to lock her door and prevent him from leaving.

  “Call me when you get home.” she found herself saying when she wanted to say was “Don’t go.”

  “I will.” David said and walked to her where she sat on the bed.

  He pecked her on her forehead and left the room. Tina listened to his footsteps as he walked down the steps in her house. She heard him greet her parents good night. She looked outside her window and saw him walk away. When he got to the end of the street he turned back to look at her window but she didn’t see his face. The checkers in her windows blocked his face, she only saw his form.

  CHAPTER 10

  A VERY DIFFERENT PERSON

  T

  he rest of high school was a breeze for Tina. She formed another tight triangle with Ronda and Charlie. Maxine remained a friend to all of them but she never remained as close as before. Charlie and Ronda dated till the end of high school.

  “They are still dating.” Tina remembered.

  Tina realized David never asked her out. They crushed on each other. They had shared intimate moments but they had never been anything concrete. They had just been friends.

  Tina missed David a lot. The feeling reduced more and more as he became a distant memory. He called for the first few months after he left. Then he stopped calling and his number stopped going through. Tina spent the rest of her high school rejecting dates from guys. She wanted to get into the University of California to study law. She had to focus. She spent her two final high school years reading most of the time. She was an honor roll student and was determined to give herself the best chance to get into the University of California.

  “You are going to make college easily Tina. Leave the worrying to people like us.” Charlie always said.

  Ronda used to try to get him to read but Charlie was never too interested in that. He claimed he didn’t know what he wanted to be.

  “Oh yeah, I do now.” he said one day in their final year.

  “What have you decided upon?” Ronda asked. She always troubled him on what he wanted to do in the future.

  Tina didn’t speak but she kept her ears open. This was the first time Charlie seemed to give his future profession a second thought.

  “I want to be rich. I want to be a very wealthy man.” Charlie replied, stifling a laugh as he spoke.

  Ronda looked angry. Tina guessed she really thought Charlie had something sensible to say. Tina laughed; the look on Ronda’s face was indescribable and she couldn’t hold the laughter in. Ronda noticed Tina was laughing because of her expression and smiled. She didn’t smile at Charlie though and when he told her to him lift his bag she didn’t respond.

  “Charlie would have a lot of apologizing to do.” Tina thought.

  Tina did get into the University of California. She remembered the day she had received the letter of admission from the school. She was elated.

  “Mom! Mom!!” she shouted.

  “What is it Tina? Are you trying to bring down the house?” her mom said.

  “Mom, it’s from them.” she shouted in reply as she ran into the house.

  “What is from who?” her mom asked her.

  Tina saw impatience in her mom’s face when she got in. She didn’t like the excessive noise.

  “I just received a letter from the University.” Tina replied.

  She ran to her mom, struggling to drag the letter out of her bag. Mrs. Jordan looked excited now; she had guessed what her daughter was about saying now.

  “Have you been admitted?” her mom asked now, eager to hear the news from her daughter since the letter was refusing to come out of the bag.

  “Let me get it out mom.” Tina replied.

  She used her hand to ransack the bag but still couldn’t find it. She turned the bag upside down, emptying it of all its contents. The letter came out last; it had been buried under the scattered books. She gave it to her mom, drinking in all the happy expressions that fleeted across her mom’s face. She saw amusement, surprise, happiness and contentment in that order.

  “We need to tell your dad honey.” her mom said to her.

  Her dad was joyous. He came back early that day to take his wife and daughter for a night’s out.

  Tina still remembered drinking champagne for the first time that day.

  *******

  Tina remembered her first day in class. She was a timid fresher still coming to terms with her first dabble into life on her own. The lecturer, Professor Eaden was fast. Tina had been sure he wasn’t aware they were new, she was dismayed when she found out he knew. He just didn’t care.

  “I expect you to be ready for anything.” he had said at the beginning of the class. Tina found out he had meant that, literally.

  He threw a lot of questions to the class. Some prepared people answered. Most answered one, just one person answered two. Toby Altidore answered more than five. The Professor took a liking to him immediately.

  Tina discovered Toby was prepared. And he wasn’t just prepared for Professor Eaden. He
was prepared for everyone, teacher and colleague. He was bright no doubt but she discovered he couldn’t know all he knew by just being bright. He had to be a voracious reader. Tina wondered if she was the only one who kept looking at him in class.

  Toby was black. His complexion melting into the short beard he kept in such a way that blurred outlines. Tina found herself wondering where his beard stopped and skin started a lot of times. He kept his head clean shaven always. Tina used to wonder how many times he had a haircut in a week. It turned out he only went once. When he told her, she couldn’t keep her mouth her closed.

  “I started going bald pretty early.” he said.

  Tina first had personal contact with him one Sunday. She had decided to go to church that day. It had been a while since she went. She was taking the stairs back to her room when she saw him coming down towards her. There was recognition in his eyes and they greeted as they neared each other.

  “Good afternoon.” he said first.

  “Good afternoon.” she replied him.

  She saw a pair of keys dangling in his right hand. She felt inclined to ask.

  “You are Toby, right? I think we are in the same department.” she said, extending her hand for a handshake.

  “Yes, yes I am. I recognize the face but I am sorry I do not know your name.” he answered.

  He took her hand and shook it. His hands felt soft, like a person who took good care of their skin. The shake was short, short and firm. Tina felt like holding to his hands a bit. He smiled after apologizing. She noticed a gap between his front teeth.

  He has a smile that reaches his eyes.

  “My name is Tina Jordan. Your apology wasn’t required but is accepted anyways.” she replied, laughing while she answered him.

  “Okay, Tina. Can I ask what brings you to the building I live in?” he asked.

  He held his cross bag by the handle on top even though he had slung it across his shoulder. Tina wondered if that didn’t mean he was a control freak. She tried to remember where she had read something like that. She couldn’t.

  “He doesn’t look like a control freak.” she thought to herself.