I Made You My First

by Threadgoode, Ciara

“Irish, I’m sorry I missed your calls. I left my phone out on the patio last night.”

  “No problem, I just wanted to see what you were doing today, hoping I could steal you away for a day. Maybe have you all to myself. I’d really like to take you somewhere special, if you’re free?”

  I wanted to tell him to come get me, but I couldn’t betray my pack. Not on a Sunday anyway. “Irish” and it really pained me to say this, “I’d love to go with you, I really would. But Sundays are our traditional bonfire days, gals only, I’m afraid.” I could feel my face scrunch up waiting for his reply. I really wanted to see him. More than that, I wanted to get past first base with him. That wasn’t a valid reason to abandon my pack. I had to stay loyal.

  “Where are you going for the bonfire?” In that moment I really had to do some soul-searching. I shouldn’t tell him. It was a rule. Before I could talk myself out of it, I blurted, “Fiesta Island.” God, I’m such a coward.

  “Okay, I run my dog there every other day. What time will you be there?”

  Holy cow, Jurnee, be strong. Tell him the rules. “Irish, it’s kind of a gal’s thing. We don’t bring guys.” Thank goodness I hadn’t said boys.

  Just when I was feeling proud of myself for getting that out, he said, “So it’s a girls-only event, huh?” My eyes slid shut and I felt myself holding my breath.

  “Yeah, pretty much,” I finally answered.

  “Okay. Will you call me when you get home?” He asked so sweetly, my eyes popped open and I almost shed a tear. What was thisguy doing to me?

  “Yes, I’ll call when I get home.” My voice was composed.

  “Okay, talk to you then,” and he hung up.

  I sat there with the phone to my ear. What was it? What was it about him that was making me fall so hard? This wasn’t at all like me. I felt like such a stupid ninny.

  Judy and I headed out for the grocery store. I’d missed shopping with her. We always played our game of boxers-or-briefs, trying to guess what the men in the store were wearing. The older men were all obvious briefs, and we always ended up giggling about it to the point of embarrassment. We were almost ready to check out and Judy was choosing the chips when I saw the bottles of alcohol. Irish had turned down the wine I’d offered him at dinner and remembering the comment he’d made on the patio, I grabbed my phone and punched in his number.

  “Hey,” he sounded winded, “Jurnee.”

  “Yeah, it’s me. We’re at the store and I remembered that you said when you drank, you sometimes lost all your inhibitions and could be talked into things you wouldn’t ordinarily do. I was just wondering, because I’m standing here in the liquor aisle, what it is that you drink that makes you do that.” A smiled covered my face as I waited for him to answer.

  He laughed. “Jurnee, I don’t need any alcohol with you, girl.”

  “Okay, but just for shits and giggles, if you were to order a drink, what would it be?” I held my breath.

  “Jurnee, my drink is kinda’ pricey. I don’t want you to spend your money.”

  “Irish, I’m standing here in the store, so please just tell me so I can go home.”

  After a long pause, “Okay, but I wish you wouldn’t do this. I drink Grand Marnier, it’s a liqueur. It’s in a brown bottle, red cap.”

  I searched the shelf. Yes, I see it. Great, it’s locked up in a case.

  “Okay Irish, thanks so much for the info. Now I have a secret weapon,” I muffled a snicker.

  “Girl, you are the secret weapon. I wish you’d believe me.”

  “Thanks, Irish, have to go. Later,” I said and closed my cell. Grand Marnier it was.

  During the ride to and from the store I filled Judy in on everything that had happened and what Irish had said. Sometimes I’d blurt out something random that I’d forgotten or hadn’t classified as important. I told her how strong I’d been when Irish had wanted to get together on bonfire day. She took it all in, and she never once said anything judgmental or negative. I appreciated that. I’d been doing enough judging for the both of us. When we got home, we put things away and began building our pile of things that were going to the Island.

  “Don’t forget to call your aunt,” Judy reminded me.

  I went to the patio to make the call. When the phone was passed to her, I told her all about our girls-only bonfire and the wonderful chicken dinner Judy had made. She told me about all her visitors and what she and Uncle Clay had eaten for lunch. Everything was pretty much sounding the same as when I’d left them, so I decided to wind up the call and help Judy get things ready.

  “Auntie, I’m going to sign off now so we can get down to the bay.” I waited for her to respond with her usual I love you and stay safe but only silence came from her end.

  “Auntie, are you there?” I asked, checking the phone to see if we’d been disconnected. Nope, she should be there, I thought.

  “Jurnee,” she said, very seriously.

  “I’m here, Auntie.” Confusion floated in, clouding my mind; her sudden determination had my attention.

  “Jurnee, you’re an adult now, and even though it’s sometimes difficult to do, it’s time for you to mend your fences. People we love make mistakes, and it’s our job to do what we can to help them fix them, and then we move on. You know what I’m trying to say here, right, Hummingbird?” I knew very well what she was trying to say. I was afraid to hang up. The reality of my life situation went straight to my heart. My eyes were filling and I was biting down hard on my bottom lip.

  “Love your family and friends every second of every minute of every day because you don’t know who’s going to be there tomorrow,” and she paused.

  Tears streamed down my face. My chest tightened and I couldn’t stop myself from holding my breath. I knew it would stop me from bawling.

  “Jurnee, dear, are you there?”

  “Yes, Auntie, I’m here. I heard you.” I really didn’t want to hang up. I wanted to listen to her voice as long as possible. “I love you, Auntie, and I’ll be home soon,” I said in the most normal voice I could muster.

  “I know you will, dear. Have fun today and give Miss Judy a kiss for me.”

  “Okay, Auntie, and I’ll call again very soon.” My eyes tightly closed.

  “I love you, too, Hummingbird,” and she hung up.

  I threw the phone down on the table, covered my face with my hands, and wept. At times like this, I really wanted my mom. I missed her hugs and kisses; she could make me laugh no matter how lousy I was feeling. Suddenly, I could feel Judy standing at the doorway.

  “J.C., is everything all right?”

  I shook my head yes, kept my hands over my face, muffling random sobs.

  “What’s wrong then, sweetie?” she said, moving toward me. I felt her hand on my shoulder and I don’t know why, but I started crying even harder. I finally dropped my hands and looked into her face, into her eyes.

  “I think something’s really wrong. Auntie told me to mend my fences. I’m sure she meant with John.”

  She was silent. She’d been there when my parents passed and she knew as well as I did the meaning of auntie’s words. She held her arms out and I immediately stood and accepted her hug. I needed it more than I could say. I started crying again.

  “It’s going to be okay.” She may have said more, I wasn’t sure. After what seemed to be forever, she broke our hug and looked into my eyes.

  “It’s going to be okay. Now get your butt into the bathroom and wash your face. We need to go.” At that moment, she knew best.

  We loaded the car and left for the Island. The mood in the car was solemn compared to our morning shopping trip. I caught her looking at me several times from the corner of her eye. I was hoping I hadn’t ruined her mood for the bonfire. I was really looking forward to seeing everyone. I wanted to laugh and be a Silly Sally for a few hours. I needed that freedom. We pulled up to our usual spot but it was deserted.

  “Looks like we’re the first ones here, huh?” I said.

&nbs
p; She turned off the ignition and looked at me. I’d opened my door and waited for her to give me instructions. She paused thoughtfully, then she reached into her purse and handed me my phone. I’d left it on the patio after talking to auntie.

  Before I could thank her, she said, “Jurnee,” and she never called me that, always J.C. It had been a personal joke between her and my father. Whenever either of them knew I was angry about something, they would say, “Oh no, now who went and made J.C. mad?”

  And that was always followed by, “There’ll be hell to pay now.” This all started when Judy and I were ninth-graders, but my dad and Judy were the only ones I allowed to call me that. Her using my first name there at the beach was a little upsetting. I tried to refocus. I was visibly confused and she took my wrist and gently comforted me.

  “Nothing’s wrong, I promise.” No silly smile, she was serious. I watched her face, waiting to hear what was going down. “While you were in the bathroom, I called Irish.” She smiled apologetically. I was completely confused, but also curious and continued to listen.

  “I hope you won’t be mad at me, but I really felt like after the call today from your aunt, you might need some space, maybe I was putting myself in your position, I don’t know.” Her eyes broke from mine and she was looking out the front window. I just stared at her in utter amazement.

  “Why did you call Irish?” I asked, hoping she’d look at me so I could better understand what was going on. She just continued staring out the front window. I’m not sure if it was her silence or my curiosity that made me turn around, but I looked out the front window too. In the distance I saw a man throwing a ball out into the water and a dog retrieving it. I squinted a little. Was that Irish and his dog? Seriously? I was thoroughly confused.

  Still looking out the front window, she said, “I called everyone and we’re going to have our bonfire sometime next week before you go back,” her expression unreadable.

  “Judy, please look at me,” I asked. “What’s going on here? We aren’t having a bonfire tonight?” She shook her head no and gave me a slight smile. I looked back out the front window. Irish was throwing the ball into the water and the dog was chasing it, over and over again. “Wow,” was all I could think of to say. I was perplexed.

  “Go spend some time with him, J.C. I think it’ll do you good. He promised me he’d bring you back later tonight.”

  I looked down at the phone in my hand. I was feeling many emotions but couldn’t focus on any one of them long enough to know whether I was happy or sad.

  “Take your jacket and walk down there. You know where I’ll be and you can call, for any reason, and I’ll come get you. It doesn’t matter what time it is, J.C. I will come get you.” Our eyes held and I’m sure I still looked puzzled, but I nodded with a half-hearted smile. She finally reached her arms out for me. We hugged and she said, “Go on now, he’s waiting for you.” I hesitated.

  I kept my eyes on her the whole time I was exiting the car. This felt so weird. I grabbed my coat and as I was closing the car door, I thought, she just shooed me? I stood there, staring toward the beach. Judy watched as I walked slowly forward.

  As I moved closer to Irish, I looked back and Judy’s car hadn’t moved. Irish stopped throwing the ball and started walking toward me. It felt like some strange dream. When he was about five feet away, he suddenly picked up his pace and actually picked me up off the ground when we met. As we turned and turned, in a circle, I saw Judy’s car pulling away. I watched the tail lights disappear while Irish was spinning me around. In that second, I thought I might wake up. Everything had happened so fast, it had to be one of my bizarre dreams. I looked at Irish. It wasn’t a dream.

  “I’m so happy to see you,” he said, and continued the hug as he stood me on my feet. He took my hand and pulled me gingerly toward his dog, who was sitting on the beach holding a blue ball in his mouth. “Jurnee meet Levi.” I looked at Irish, then at the dog, and I couldn’t contain my smile.

  “Nice to meet you, Levi,” I said. He just sat there with his ball clenched tightly between his teeth. Irish laughed. I’d wanted to see him that night, and there we were. We stood there, holding hands. Jude had been right. I did need whatever this was. A rush of emotion flowed over me; I was definitely happy.

  Irish and I had walked a good mile around the Island, Levi happily running ahead before either of us spoke. It was peaceful. I couldn’t have been more comfortable with anyone else right then.

  Still holding his hand, I asked, “Irish, did you park your car nearby?”

  He laughed and his eyes were warm and happy as they met mine. “It’s up there a bit. When Judy called, she said you might be a little angry and to be sure to walk you a while before getting into the close quarters of a car.

  “She really said that,” I asked, surprised. He smiled and nodded.

  “I’m not upset, really” I assured him. We continued walking down the beach. The smell of salt water in the air reminded me of the day we’d met. He’d smelled like the ocean. When we reached the car, he opened the trunk and removed a towel. He called Levi and wiped him down. He opened the passenger door and Levi jumped into the back seat. I climbed in front. When Irish got into the car, we looked at each other. I was curious about what the plan was. Our long walk on the beach had relaxed me and I was ready for just about anything. I looked him straight in the eye and said, “So what’s the plan?”

  He hesitated, one hand on the steering wheel, then turning the key he said, “Well it’s too late for me to take you to the special place I wanted to; we really need a full day for that so we’ll go there another time.” The engine roared and he drove slowly toward the road. I took a deep breath and relaxed. Wherever he took me, I’d be content. I smiled at him and decided just to sit back and enjoy the ride. We weren’t on the freeway long before he took an exit. I should’ve been paying attention to the signs, but I’d actually gotten lost listening to the song on the radio. We hadn’t spoken in what must have been twenty minutes. I popped out of my song coma and began looking at the surrounding landscape. We were in La Jolla, that much I knew. I looked at Irish; he was tapping his finger on the steering wheel to the beat of the music. He noticed me staring and looked at me. “Do you have any idea how happy I am right now to be with you?”

  I beamed at him. Wow, what girl doesn’t want to hear that, I thought. I looked at his handsome face. “Ummmm, where are we going exactly?” I managed to ask. Just then he turned off the main road. Then we drove a bit farther and onto a private driveway. A huge iron gate crossed the entrance ahead. It looked freshly painted and ivy grew along the gates edges. He pressed the button on a box clipped to the visor, and the gate opened. I watched and then slowly turned to him. “Where are we?”

  I heard my voice almost ring with a low level of desperation followed closely by curiosity. I didn’t much like the desperation part.

  Without looking at me, he pointed a finger toward a huge house and calmly replied, “That’s my parents’ house.” I couldn’t do anything but stare. It was a rock, or maybe more of a stone structure, that had to be three stories high. We drove past the house and started down a winding road. The ocean seemed close enough to jump into my lap. Irish didn’t look at me, which made me nervous. I began to focus on the steep road. We were literally going downhill, and then climbing steeply in spots. I grabbed the dashboard reflexively, and the road finally evened out. We didn’t go far after that, but my eyes were focused straight ahead. He pulled into a small driveway and parked. I didn’t see any sign of a building, or a house, so I turned and looked at him. He just grinned.

  “We’re here,” he said, and opened his door, letting Levi jump from the back to his seat and out the door. We watched as the dog ran up a path, back toward his parent’s house and up the hill we’d just came from. I sat there, wondering where the hell he’d taken me. My door opened. Irish was standing there with his hand extended. I took it and reached for my coat and got out of the car.

  “So, is th
is where you plan to chop me up into little pieces and feed me to the sharks? I’m pretty sure Judy won’t approve,” a giddy smile spreading across my face. Irish shook his head and grinned at me, thoroughly amused.

  “We have a little walk, but not far,” he said.

  I didn’t say anything more, just followed his lead. The woods were thick, like virgin land. There was a path, but it was narrow; no one would recognize it as a path unless they knew it was there. We finally came to what looked like a two-story log cabin. It was small but quaint. Irish didn’t say a word, continuing to lead me forward. He opened the door of the cabin and welcomed me inside. It was homey but almost glamorous too. What I’d pictured a New York City apartment to look like. Everything matched perfectly and the design of the décor seemed professional. From the inside, one would never know the woods were just outside the door. It was amazing. Irish took my coat and led me to the kitchen. The whole ceiling was glass and we could see the sky and the tree tops. My eyes shifted to his.

  “So this is your house?”

  He looked at me reluctantly, “For now,” he said, almost disapprovingly, and then quickly added, “What can I get you to drink? Are you hungry?” I couldn’t keep myself from looking at all the objects around me. I stared at everything before looking back at Irish, remembering he was waiting for an answer.

  “What do you have to drink?” I asked.

  He opened the refrigerator door and just stood there, holding the door open, with a condescending smile. “Jurnee, I asked you what drink you’d like?”

  “What are you having?” I answered. That was a safe answer, I thought.

  “Well it’s already six o’clock and I promised Judy that I’d have you home in one piece and at a reasonable hour, so I believe that I’m going to have juice.”

  “How long is the drive to Judy’s?” He rolled his eyes at me.

  “Why?”

  “Don’t ask why,” I said zestfully. “Please answer my question.”

  “It’s a thirty- or forty-minute drive. “Why?” He couldn’t stand it.

  “Well then, do you have any wine?” I asked politely.