Stay With Me

by Astfalk, Carolyn

  “Rebecca,” he rasped, breaking off what he would call nothing short of a life-changing kiss, “call the nurse.”

  20

  Hunger for the Great Light

  Rebecca paced the hospital hallway from Chris’s room to the nurses’ station.

  An abrasive nurse shot her a look and quipped, “If you want to walk the hallways, you’ll have more company up on four at labor and delivery.”

  Stopping, Rebecca planted her feet against the wall several feet from Chris’s room. She had summoned a nurse as soon as Chris had asked. While they waited for the nurse to arrive, he told her he felt some movement.

  A glimmer of hope sprouted in her heart, unfurling and blossoming to life. When the nurse arrived, Chris asked if she’d mind stepping outside. She complied and waited outside the room, watching as the nurse left without so much as looking her way. In a few minutes she came back with a young doctor in tow.

  Fifteen minutes later, the doctor emerged smiling. He nodded at her but did not invite her back into the room. Nor did the door reopen.

  Realizing she could use something to drink, Rebecca decided to visit the cafeteria and get herself an iced tea. She stopped at the chapel on the way back. The nurse would surely be done by then.

  When she returned, she heard a man’s voice in Chris’s room and hesitated until she identified it as Alan’s. He sounded tired, but whatever he said was punctuated with laughter—not only his but a woman’s. She would recognize that laugh anywhere.

  If Alan and Abby were in the room, Chris’s need for privacy must have ended. She pressed her palm onto the door, pushed, and stepped inside.

  Chris’s gaze met hers immediately, and by the dimpled smile on his face, he was happy. Very happy.

  “I was ready to send out a search party for you. Good news.” His eyes lit with glee. “The doctor expects me to regain all feeling in the next day or so.”

  Tears flowed again, but these were happy tears, and she squeezed past her sister and moved to the bed to hug Chris and press a kiss to his cheek. Well aware of the company in the room, she stepped back but held onto his hand.

  “So, how did it happen?” Rebecca squeezed his hand. “All at once you could move again or is it little by little? Can you move your legs?”

  Alan leaned toward Abby, turned his head, and said something in a hoarse whisper just below Rebecca’s range of hearing.

  Never one to be bothered with decorum, Abby blurted out, “That must’ve been one helluva a kiss. No man has probably ever been so happy to get an —”

  “I really appreciate you seeing Rebecca home, Abby.” Chris’s words came out rushed and loud in an obvious attempt to shut Abby up. Good luck with that.

  It was a nice try, but Rebecca was naïve, not stupid. The uninjured side of Chris’s face reddened, and he looked like he’d be grateful if his hospital bed swallowed him up then and there. Alan broke the tension with a laugh, and Abby, oblivious to her faux pas, said, “What?”

  Rebecca felt three sets of eyes on her. They must have seen the irritation on her face because Alan starting making excuses for himself, saying he needed to get some sleep. Abby said she would go get her parking validated and then meet Rebecca in the hall.

  “Alan, please don’t tell Mom how—”

  Alan shook his head. “Don’t worry. I still have nightmares that involve her having ‘the talk’ with me and saying the words ‘wet dream.’” He shuddered. “Catch you in the morning.”

  Alone again, Rebecca pointed a stern glance at Chris. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She didn’t give him a chance to answer. “Please don’t coddle me. I’m not a child. I know how a man’s body works.”

  He tilted his head and cocked an eyebrow. She heard his unspoken question loud and clear. Then what about that morning on your couch?

  “That had more to do with you being behind me and that whole thing with Jeremy. You know, I’m not as naive as you think I am. It’s not like these are the only two times that has happened.”

  His eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything right away. What could he say?

  “When you sat next to me on the bed, I thought I felt some movement, but I wasn’t sure. Then when you kissed me, well, I definitely felt movement, but everywhere at once. I could move my feet, toes and everything. The way Abby put it, well, that’s only part of it. I thought it might embarrass you if you were here when I talked to the doctor. To be honest, it embarrassed me. I told Alan because he’s a guy, and he’s my brother. I thought he had more sense than to tell Abby.”

  Rebecca took a second to get over herself and realized her initial reaction had been crazy. The man would walk and have full use of his body again. They should be celebrating, not bickering about inconsequential stuff. Maybe all the stress and lack of sleep were catching up with her.

  “Listen to me going on about nothing. This conversation is ridiculous.” She didn’t have to force her smile; she was elated. “You’ve gotten the best news in the world.”

  Chris smiled, too. “It is. A slight concussion, a few abrasions, and some temporary paralysis aren’t bad considering that I could be dead. God’s been good to me.”

  “Me, too.” She sat back down on the bed and gave him a quick kiss. She didn’t want to leave him. Not ever.

  “Rebecca, last night, my memory is hazy—did you sing to me?”

  She stiffened her posture but hoped he didn’t notice. “You know I don’t sing.”

  “I do.” His disappointment was palpable, and she wished she could tell him something different, but some hurts were too deep. Their roots were long and the tendrils wrapped around every hidey hole where they could get a footing. Someday she hoped that somehow she could get in there and snap the root tips. Today wasn’t that day.

  “Hey, Abby’s waiting. You’d better go.”

  She nodded but didn’t move from the bed.

  “They’re going to discharge me tomorrow, so go home and sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning, okay? At least it’ll be Saturday, and I won’t feel so bad about you missing work.”

  “Do you think I feel bad about missing work?” She rolled her eyes and then kissed him a final time before heading for the door, where she’d have to endure Abby’s inevitable jabs about the miracle kiss that spurred Chris’s recovery.

  Abby leaned against the wall in the hallway. “There she is, the lady with the lips that make the lame walk again.”

  Ugh. She wished she’d called a cab.

  ***

  It had only been a week since his accident, but Chris felt as good as ever. The headaches and dizziness caused by the concussion had worn off midweek. There were no lingering effects from the paralysis. The only physical reminder of his accident was the road rash that lined nearly the entire right side of his body: his face, arm, side, and leg. It wasn’t pretty, but it was healing.

  Rebecca hesitated to accept his offer when he invited her to have dinner with him at his parents’ house, but he assured her that the doctors had given him the all-clear. He was more than capable of serving her dinner.

  Since their anniversary trip had been interrupted, Chris’s parents had decided to spend the weekend at the Spa at the Hotel Hershey. They said they didn’t mind him having Rebecca over at their place for dinner. It would be nice to hang out in a real house instead of his shabby apartment.

  He heated their whole meal “to go” in the oven and watched the clock, waiting for Rebecca to arrive. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something about the evening had him anxious—in a good way. Of course, he had taken on everything with a new vigor this week. It probably had something to do with the greater appreciation he had for his blessings, especially the pretty brunette one who hadn’t wanted to leave his side in the hospital.

  When they had finished dinner and the sun began to set, Chris pulled a large, plaid blanket from the cedar chest where his parents kept all the quilts and comforters.

  The sun began to go down, and he thought they could lie on the west-
facing hillside, watch it set, then stay to watch the stars come out. He knew it was cliché and sounded like a teenage boy’s scheme to get lucky, but he didn’t care. Watching sunsets and stars held universal appeal for a reason: it was romantic.

  Somewhere between the setting of the sun and the rising of the stars, they became distracted by less celestial matters.

  “Chris … Chris. Stop … Please.” The breathy sound of her voice didn’t lend much urgency to her command.

  “I’m sorry, Rebecca. It’s just—I’m crazy in love with you. You’re all I think about. And since my accident, well, I’m more conscious of how precious everything is. How precious you are to me and how quickly things can change.”

  Smiling, she pressed a finger to his lips. “It’s okay. Really. You can resume what you were doing in a minute, but there’s something I have to say to you, and it can’t wait.”

  Okay. Now she had his attention.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching. And I’ve been praying, like you suggested way back when. I prayed for clarity on a lot of things, and I found it. When you were lying unconscious in the hospital, a lot of things came into focus for me. That first night, when we were alone…” She pursed her lips and closed her eyes for a moment. “I said some things to you that I know you can’t recall. I was going to tell you when you woke up, but it didn’t seem right to burden you with all that when you had enough on your mind already. And now I need to say these things again, because I want you to remember them.”

  His heart seized, but he tried to keep his expression neutral. He failed if the look of compassion in her eyes was any indication.

  She touched his face. “It’s all good. I promise.”

  Rebecca took a deep breath. “You are without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are such a gift from God. And you’re all I can think about, too.”

  There was a pause, and again he dared to hope what she would say next.

  “I love you, Christopher.”

  It was like a long-burning fuse had just burned itself out, and all that was left was the boom. He didn’t hear it, but he sure enough felt it. His mouth closed over hers in a kiss, long and intimate. He laid a trail of kisses down from the base of her throat to the top of her chest while his right hand slid under the hem of her skirt. He knew he needed to back off soon, but he allowed himself one more minute. One became two, and two became five.

  “What was that light?”

  His fuzzy brain barely registered her question.

  “Chris?”

  He raised himself up on his arms as if doing a push-up. “I don’t see anything. Probably the headlights from a car up on the main road.” He lowered himself carefully back down alongside her, kissed her neck and relished the feel of her hand running the length of his bare chest. This time the light caught his eye, and he raised himself up again.

  “Oh, crap.”

  “What?” Rebecca propped herself up on her elbows, craning her neck to see.

  “My dad. With a flashlight.” He rocked back onto the balls of his feet and smoothed down Rebecca’s skirt. He stood and called to his dad.

  “Dad, can you turn that thing off?”

  The light bobbed up and down as it grew closer.

  “Chris, is that you? What are you doing out here?”

  “Looking at the stars.”

  “What the heck? Why don’t you mount your telescope on the deck?”

  “Dad . . . I’m, uh, I’m not alone. Rebecca’s with me.”

  “Oh.” Then after a beat, a knowing, two-syllable “O-oh. Sorry to intrude. We didn’t see your car. Your mother thought she saw something out here, and she wanted me to check it out. I didn’t mean to—”

  “It’s all right, Mr. Reynolds. It’s time we went inside anyhow.” Rebecca stood and mouthed “button your shirt,” to Chris as he grabbed the blanket and shook it out.

  He looked down, gave the blanket a final shake and folded it. After tucking it under his arm, he buttoned his shirt one-handed as they crossed the yard toward his dad and the still-glowing beacon.

  “I thought they were gone until tomorrow,” Rebecca whispered.

  “So did I.”

  “You don’t think he saw anything, do you?”

  He stopped then and turned to admire how her gauzy white skirt almost glowed in what little light was left. “What was there to see?”

  “Well, your hand was edging under my skirt.”

  “Barely. I’m sure he didn’t see anything. Besides, I don’t think he cares.” He started moving toward the house again, and Rebecca kept pace with him.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m sure he assumes we were having sex and we have been for months.”

  This time Rebecca stopped. “You let him think that?”

  He smoothed out her hair and pushed it behind her ear. “It’s not like he thinks there’s anything wrong with it. It seems like a lot to get into with him when it’s none of his business anyway.” If it were her dad instead of his, it would be a whole different story, but it wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with his parents right now.

  They sat inside and talked with his mom and dad for more than an hour, and he could tell Rebecca was uncomfortable at first by the way she sat ramrod straight and gave terse answers, but before long she had relaxed. His mom, in particular, had seemed to gain a new respect and deeper affection for Rebecca after she’d stayed with him faithfully in the hospital. He hoped it had assuaged any lingering concerns she had about Rebecca being a flight risk. Those days were over. She had found a peace that would keep her anchored to God and, he hoped, to him.

  He walked her out to her car where he sat with her while they said goodnight.

  “I had a wonderful evening. Dinner was delicious, and I liked looking at the stars with you.” She laughed, and he did, too, knowing there had been little stargazing.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry if maybe I was a little too aggressive tonight.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. It felt right.”

  He rubbed his hand up and down her arm. “I just…I don’t want to put us in the ‘occasion of sin,’ as they call it.”

  A trace of guilt nagged his conscience. They had already crossed that line.

  “I trust us,” Rebecca said. “We’re not teenagers, and this isn’t our first date. I know we wouldn’t have let it go any farther.”

  “No, I don’t think we would have. It’s just…well, when I converted and started learning right from wrong about a lot of things for the first time, I had some bad habits to break. I don’t want to stir up things that create too much temptation for me or for us. I don’t want to get in the habit of thinking about you in ways I shouldn’t.”

  He took hold of her hand, and they interlocked their fingers. He hoped she understood. He didn’t want to say it out loud. Masturbation was an ugly-sounding word. Thankfully, she seemed to get his meaning. He expected her to minimize the issue or quickly change subjects, but she smiled.

  “What are you smiling about?”

  “I admire you so much.” The squeeze she gave his hand comforted him.

  “I admitted how weak I am, and you admire me?”

  “You admitted you’re human. And you showed me your heart.”

  “How can I not show you? It belongs to you.”

  Her eyes grew watery. “That’s sweet.” She ran a finger along his sideburn and down his cheek. “I didn’t get to tell you everything I wanted to tonight before you smothered me. There was one more thing.” She grinned and her eyes cleared.

  “I’m listening now. No smothering.”

  She reached into the back seat and retrieved a small stack of books, which she placed in his lap. “I’m returning your books, but I have a favor to ask of you.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I thought you could help me. I want to become Catholic, and I don’t know how.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really.” She giggled.

 
They hadn’t even discussed it. Sure, she had taken his books, and they’d had some interesting conversations, but he didn’t realize she was even thinking along those lines. “Why?”

  “Why?” she echoed.

  “Yes, why? Is it because of something you read or something you felt or is it because of me?” If she was doing it just to please him, it wasn’t likely to last. He wanted her to want it for herself, to feel that God was calling her to it.

  That’s how it had been for him. What the Church taught about marriage and family appealed to him — it rang true. Despite its unpopularity, it drew him in. He studied various religions, but ultimately he felt called to become Catholic.

  “All of the above,” she said. “The reading has done a good job convincing my head, and you’ve done a good job on my heart. Even from the first time I went to Mass with you, and I hadn’t a clue what was going on, I felt this sense of being at home. I didn’t quite understand it like that at the time, but…” She laid a hand on top of his and squeezed. “It’s where I belong, which not-so coincidentally, is with you.”

  That was good enough for him. She’d just mowed over the last roadblock in his heart.

  21

  Build You A House

  “I’m going to run to the ladies’ room. If the waitress comes, would you order me a root beer, please?”

  Rebecca kissed Chris’s cheek, and he and Father John took their seats as she headed for the rest rooms. They had told Father John after Mass about Rebecca’s decision to convert, and he had insisted on taking them out to lunch to celebrate.

  “You two aren’t going to be so sickeningly sweet that I’m going to need a root canal?”

  Chris grinned. “Maybe. We’re pretty stinkin’ happy.”

  Father John smiled, too. “Good. So, how was your date last night?”

  “Excellent. I served Rebecca dinner at my parents’ house, and then we sat on a blanket in the backyard for some stargazing.”