The No Bad Boy Rule (Rule #2)

by Ashley Erin

  “I think we’re going to go for a walk. Peyton, I will see you later.” Andie drags Lucas out the door and I’m sitting silently with Peyton.

  “What a welcome. I’m sorry about that.” Gathering the dishes, I load them in the sink and start filling it with soapy water.

  “Shit happens. Anyways, they’re fun. I like them; Ava seems funny. She doesn’t like silence does she? Like at all.”

  “Picked up on that did you? It’s one of my favorite things about her.” Smiling, I hand Peyton a plate and shake my head. “If you stay silent long enough, you learn some funny and random things. It’s cute.”

  “Interesting. When are you going to admit you both like each other and make a move? If this is a date, you’re running out of time.” Staring at the plate I’m washing, I scrub at a spot vigorously. Fuck, I forgot how Peyton always seems to be riding the same train of thought I am. Peyton rests her hand on my arm, stopping me. “That plate is clean. D, you have done well for yourself here. These people, they are part of the family you choose for yourself. Ava is different, though, I know you see the way she looks at you, but what you’re missing is the way you look at her in return. Don’t miss your chance.”

  “I don’t think so.” With the dishes finished, I have nothing to do with my hands, and I desperately need to end this conversation. Her words have the potential to give me false hope.

  “Shut up and listen. Reality check. You are not the sum of your past choices. Who you are now is a result of you choosing a different path, regardless of whether you were not so gently guided to that choice. You are a better person than most. The way you look at her, that doesn’t happen often. You know I wouldn’t make this shit up.”

  “I need to think about it. I don’t know if my kind of baggage is something she can handle.” Crossing my arms, I ponder how to ease Ava into my past. Do I even want to subject her to the horror stories?

  “Only one way to find out. Besides, the woman had a kid while in high school. I’m pretty sure she is stronger than you’re giving her credit for.” Peyton refills her cup of coffee and leans against the counter. “I’m going to go sign up to complete my GED. By the way, there is a dick-shaped water stain on your ceiling and that is not something I can unsee.” Winking at me, she saunters out of the room.

  Ava is in class when I arrive with our coffees. “Hi Sunshine, how are you?” Handing her the caramel macchiato I bought her as I sit in my seat, the uneasiness I’m trying to block out makes me feel nauseated. I’ve never been this nervous for anything in my life, including sitting in court waiting for a sentence. Glancing around the classroom, I’m relieved that it’s still fairly empty.

  Ava looks up from where she is doodling, fresh paint covering her hands, her smile lights up her face. I’ve never had someone look at me quite like she has before. The attraction, yes, but with Ava there is no hidden agenda. She doesn’t want to use me as a stepping ladder to get anywhere, in fact, she would probably get further without me. “Thank you. I think it’s my turn to start bringing coffee in the morning. You’ve been keeping me caffeinated for a month now, we should switch.”

  “Nope.” Grinning as she gives me her best stern look. Peyton stripped away at my careful control, giving me false hope. I’m at risk of falling, and if I fall, I’m at risk for getting fucked. Even if she can accept my history, it was ingrained into us from the start—if you let people in, they can be used against you.

  That’s not your life anymore. I repeat it in my head over and over, trying to make myself believe this isn’t just a lucid long ass dream. Inhaling deeply, I devour her with my eyes, searching for a way to keep my last foot in the friend zone. She’s already opened the door; I just need to make the move, but I don’t know if I should.

  Her eyes have flecks of green that I never noticed before, every emotion she feels on display. Ava has the perfect heart shaped face, her skin looks incredibly soft. More importantly, she doesn’t look at me the way other people do. She doesn’t look at me with eyes full of assumptions, or automatically flinch when I scowl.

  Ava clears her throat, staring at me questioningly.

  “You never told me how your day is going.” She smiles as I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I feel fucking vulnerable, and I can’t stand it.

  “It’s going okay.” She pauses, her hand doodling on her page. I don’t think she is even aware she is doing it. “How about you?” She grins, waiting for my typical vague answer.

  “It’s been weird having Peyton back in my life. In my gang days, she was there every day, but it feels weird having her here. Not bad weird, just different weird. I never thought my old world and this new one would collide.” Shifting uncomfortably again, I glance up at her to see her reaction to my words. She is staring at me in surprise. “That doesn’t make any sense, does it?”

  She closes her eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. I’m holding mine; waiting for the emotions I dread will be in her eyes . . . fear, judgment, disgust, disappointment, superiority. When she opens her eyes, it’s not fear I see, it’s something different . . . something I can’t quite pinpoint. “No, it makes perfect sense. When you experience any kind of life change, there are things or people you think you will leave behind forever because they just don’t seem like they will fit in your new reality.

  “I can relate in a way. When I got pregnant, I tried to maintain my friendships exactly how they were, but my life was not the same. Some of my friends adapted with me, and we became closer than ever, although most of my friends distanced themselves because they didn’t like my new reality. I couldn’t begrudge them of that choice, we were fifteen. Just like having Peyton here is almost like a test, it’s a test to see how you can both adapt to her being a part of your life in a different capacity.”

  Professor Williams chooses this moment to step into the classroom, lecture at the ready. Looking around, I’m surprised to see the desks are full. Somehow, Ava manages to shut off the part of my brain that is always on guard. Terrifying as that is, it’s exhausting to be tense and ready for whatever all the time. When I first sat down I was nervous and on edge, now I’m surprisingly relaxed, in awe that she seems to understand what I meant so well.

  “I want you to break into teams for today’s assignment. It’s going to be a lengthy project working through the statistical analysis problem on page one fifty of your text, remember you each need to complete your own, but with partner work it shouldn’t be as daunting.” For once, I’m glad for partner work and turn to Ava as Williams starts writing formulas on the white board.

  “Well partner, I guess I have permission to cheat off you now.” Winking at her, I flip to the correct page. “So, what you said . . . who knew you were so wise? That’s exactly how it feels. I keep wondering if she is going to fit in.”

  “Wise? You must be kidding me. And she will do fine fitting in. I’ve never met a group of people who are so accepting of each other.” She has a point. Our group is incredibly diverse, something I never thought possible. Although I’m starting to open my eyes to the fact that I have locked myself in a small box, and it’s time to get out of that box. It’s time to stop limiting myself based on misguided beliefs. Things that have been ingrained into me by Ivan and the gang culture meant to keep you captive to that life.

  Ignoring her remark about being wise, I quickly work through the first question in our assignment. “True. That’s not what I was expecting when I started making what Andie calls ‘healthy friends.’ I spent years being told no one outside of the Vipers would accept us.” My mouth feels like it’s full of cotton balls as I try to open up a bit.

  Ava’s face is soft as she smiles at me. “Well, whoever told you that is an asshat and completely wrong.” Her words contradict the look on her face. She is soft and open, her words strong and . . . Protective? The cotton balls slowly disappear as we buckle down into the problem. Ava has a knack for statistics, which makes it easier to continue carrying a conversation with her.

  Too quickly, W
illiams draws our attention back to him. “Okay, next week I want this assignment done. There will be no more classroom time for it, so please coordinate yourselves.” Many students groan as they realize they will have to collaborate outside of class, and Williams scowls at them. “Despite what you may think, in many jobs, regardless the field of work you choose, require you to work in groups or with a partner. Suck it up and get it done, you’re adults now, and that requires you to do things you don’t want to do.”

  Laughing, I turn to Ava. “Okay, he may be dull when he’s lecturing, but I like him.” She nods, the look of happiness gone from her face and replaced with nerves. “What’s wrong?”

  “I need to leave for dinner with Joe. Something came up Saturday, so he is picking me up here in like ten minutes. I’m worried about what he needs to tell me that he couldn’t over the phone.” She fidgets with the strap of her bag, looking up at me with her brow creased in worry. “The thing is, Joe had a bit of a right to be angry with me in the beginning. I’m ashamed to say I deserved some of it. Don’t get me wrong, he should have gotten over it much sooner, but this change in attitude makes me worry. I want to believe it’s genuine, but I also don’t want to get my hopes up.”

  “Okay, first of all, what could you possibly have done to deserve the way he treated you? Secondly, you know you have a ton of support from all of us and, more importantly, your parents, if he tries to pull any shit.”

  “No one knows the whole story of when I got pregnant. It’s not something I’m proud of and it’s not something I thought I would ever share. You see . . .” Her phone starts ringing startling both of us, and she answers it with a shaky hand.

  “Hi, Joe.” I can’t hear what he’s saying, but from the expression on her face, I’m guessing he is here. “Okay, I will be right out.” She hangs up the phone and looks at me, eyes wide and hands shaking. “Well, I guess my story of shame needs to wait until another day. I couldn’t stand it if this was karma coming to make me pay for past mistakes.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You are an amazing mother, and karma isn’t going to make you pay for something you did when you were fifteen. If that’s the way it works, I’m fucked.” Resting my hand on the small of her back, I nudge her towards the door. “I will walk you out and when it’s over and done with you know where to find me if you need to talk it out.”

  Instead of dropping my hand like I should, I leave it there. It’s a dick move, I still don’t even know if I plan on acting on my attraction, but I’m staking my claim. She may not realize it, but he will.

  My back tingles where Dax’s hand rests, the heat from his palm spreading warmth throughout my whole body. It doesn’t even cross my mind that his hand almost feels possessive until I feel his fingers flex on my back as Joe’s eyes narrow at the sight of us walking towards him, eyes drawn to where Dax’s hand rests.

  My heart drops in disappointment when Dax’s hand falls away from my back as we stop in front of Joe. “Joe, this is my friend Dax. Dax, this is Noah’s dad.”

  The guys eye each other up, Dax’s jaw clenched and tension radiating off him. Joe is the first to look away, and I can honestly say I don’t blame him. Dax stares him down, his gaze intense and fierce. The fact that I used to think Joe was so hot because he was a bad boy is laughable.

  Joe looks at me without either of them saying anything. “Are you ready to go?”

  “Yeah.” Turning to Dax, my words fail. He is still looking at Joe, who is now waiting in the car, jealousy clear across his face. Shaking my head, I clear to that wishful thought, he’s probably just worried. Nudging him with my elbow, I recapture his attention. “We need to work on that math project. So I will call you later, okay?”

  He nods, moving to stand between the car and me. “If you need a ride home from wherever, you feel free to call me.” My pulse starts pounding as he rests his hand on my arm, gently squeezing. The hopeless romantic that still resides inside whispers that he is holding me back, that he doesn’t want me to go. The logical part of my brain tells me I’m reading too much into it, like I have a tendency to do.

  He opens the car door for me, sending a warning glance towards Joe.

  Joe silently pulls away, I watch Dax walk away without a backward glance and wish I were walking with him. “Where are we going?”

  Sighing, Joe glances at me before focusing back on the road. “I thought we would go into Jasper, since they have some cute cafes we can find a quiet booth in.”

  “Sounds good.” Grabbing my phone, I quickly text Lucas to let him know where we will be. I forgot to mention the change in plans with Joe, although I’m relieved that it’s now chatting over coffee and not dinner.

  “So your boyfriend . . .” Joe starts, and I can tell I’m not going to like where he is going with that sentence.

  “I’m going to stop you right there. He is not my boyfriend, but even if he was that topic is off limits. We are sorting out our own bullshit today.” He gapes at me; I’ve never talked to him like this before. Staring him down, I wait for him to acknowledge my limit before releasing him from my gaze. “Good. So why don’t we get this started. You have spent the better part of six years actively avoiding being involved in anything to do with Noah, and quite honestly making my life more difficult. So, what do you want, Joe? I’ve spent enough time with you to know that you only act so compliant when you want something.”

  Crossing my arms, I stand my ground. It’s taken me a long time and a lot of soul searching to learn how not to let him bring me to my knees. The guilt I felt over that night made me feel at his mercy; while that guilt is still there, I know that there, are more important things to consider.

  “Wow. Okay, I’m not used to this side of you.” He looks at me in surprise before winking. “It’s pretty hot. Reminds me of when we first met, do you remember?”

  Sighing, I stay firm. “Joe, what are you doing?”

  “Lightening the mood.” Fighting the twitch in my lips, I hate that he still knows how to push some of my buttons. He smirks when he sees the twitch and laughs. “Fine. I know I have been an asshole, can we just say I grew up?”

  “No.”

  “It’s taken me a long time to get over being angry with you. It may not have seemed like it, but I loved you, Ava. I never thought you would lie to me like you did. As time went on, I got over it, but it took a while and by then it seemed too late to try to have a different kind of relationship with you.

  “Then Dad had a heart attack and as a family we’ve been doing some reflecting. Dad was disappointed that he almost risked a relationship with his only grandchild simply out of pride. I think we all realized what we have been sacrificing.” Joe pulls into a quaint little coffee shop.

  Stunned by the information overload, I silently follow him into the building. He gestures to two cozy armchairs by a lit fireplace. Taking a seat, I watch him place our order. I shouldn’t let him buy me coffee. This isn’t a date, and his flirtatious comments are inappropriate. I know how much a significant life event can cause someone to change. My pregnancy caused my whole family to change. Part of me, the small part that had held onto hope Joe would’ve come around, is angry that my pregnancy didn’t do this for Joe.

  Joe hands me my latte as he sits across from me. “So why did it take so long for you to act on this epiphany? Your actions didn’t change or the way you spoke to me.” I’m still skeptical that there isn’t more to this story. Once the haze had lifted from my eyes, I had seen how manipulative Joe had been when we were dating, I had also become more like that, and I don’t ever want to be that girl again.

  A girl I didn’t even like at the end.

  “It’s simple. Pride. Besides, I knew you would be skeptical. No one would blame you. So I’m here to say that I will do anything in my power to demonstrate I want to be a good father.” He leans back in his chair and watches me try to sift through his words for any holes.

  “Okay then.” I want to believe him; I want to think that Noah could have the best o
f both his parents, so I choose to give him the benefit of the doubt.

  Joe smiles as he relaxes a bit into his chair. “Okay then.”

  “Well, if that’s it why don’t we head back?” Joe stops me as I move to stand, shaking his head as he swallows nervously.

  “That’s not it. I have a . . . proposition for you.”

  Narrowing my eyes, the sinking feeling in my gut is back. I should have known. “What kind of proposition.” Each word is enunciated, my voice sharp with worry. I suspect I know where this is going, and it could ruin what little progress we have made.

  “I want us to try again. I want us to try to make our family whole.” Joe reaches out and takes my hand. Shocked, I let him. This is not what I was expecting. “We had a good thing, we could have it again.”

  Removing my hand from his grasp, I sputter at his description of our relationship. “A good thing? Joe, do you not remember what our relationship was? Fooling around and fighting. We both became so manipulative with the other that we lost sight of who we were. I don’t want to become that girl again, I hated her.” Shaking my head, I can’t seem to get ahold of my body. These are the words I had wanted to hear when I told him I was pregnant. When I was too young to recognize how unhealthy we were. “Besides, I heard a woman’s voice over the phone the other day. Are you seriously trying to start something with me when you have someone else?”

  “Ava, that was my therapist. Besides, the first time we dated we were kids. It’s different now.” His words are soft, his eyes hopeful. My mind stutters over his confession of seeing a therapist. Part of my heart clenches, I can’t stand letting someone down. Even someone who has hurt me as much as he has.

  “No. I’m sorry. I don’t feel that way about you. Please take me back to Lucas’s.” He nods silently, disappointment clear on his face. Standing, he opens the door to the cafe once again surprising me with the thoughtfulness behind his actions. He never did this when we were dating. Pausing, I try to think of words that convey how much I appreciate his effort. Something holds me back, though, so I thank him for holding the door and leave the rest alone.