The No Bad Boy Rule (Rule #2)

by Ashley Erin

  It’s not enough. I was so caught up in berating myself, that I lost track of keeping pace with Ava. She stands, I feel her gaze on me as she picks up her coffee before handing in her test and rushing out of the room.

  It takes everything I have not to slam my fist on the desk. I’ve fucked up again.

  Less than ten minutes later I’m out the door, scouring the area to see if I can spot her. She’s nowhere to be seen. Cursing loudly, I apologize to a group of girls who jump and back away from me quickly.

  I can only imagine the look on my face. Carefully relaxing the muscles, I try for a neutral expression, apologizing once again.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket reminding me I have missed messages. The first is from Carter, reminding me about the party at his house tonight.

  The second is from Ava. A simple thank you for the coffee. Those five words give me something I didn’t realize I was missing. Hope.

  The noise coming from Kensi and Nella’s apartment shakes the walls as I make my way downstairs. I’m pretty sure by the end of the night the noise will have driven out any remaining students.

  The floor vibrates, sending tingles up my legs. Kensi doesn’t do anything small. Opening the door, the music blasts me. It’s so loud, I stumble back against the noise. Kensi sees me and yanks me inside, wrapping her arm around me. “Fashionably late! A girl after my own heart.”

  Smiling indulgently, I disentangle myself in order to retrieve the drink Nella is trying to hand me. Before I can ask, Andie has cranked the music down to a volume that won’t shatter the windows, ignoring the glare Kensi sends her way.

  “Kens, let’s remember that we want to hear each other talk.” Following the girls into the room, we laugh as Kensi mutters something about talking being overrated when we can drink.

  As we sit discussing summer plans, I discover that Nella and I both decided to sign up for a couple summer courses. Ignoring the chorus of “nerds” being yelled that has Andie and Kensi laughing uncontrollably, I try to focus on what Nella is saying.

  “I wanted to get my statistics class out of the way, especially since I’m hoping to go on with my graduate studies focusing on research. They’re offering it for the first time in an online format. They’re setting us up with an online chat room, video courses with the prof and online power points. This way I can do it in my own time.” Nella picks up a pillow and whacks Kensi in the face with it.

  “We’re about to have a mutiny on our hands.” Andie and Kensi are giggling as they whisper to each other, the word “dare” causing Nella and me to shift away from them. “We’re done, I swear.”

  Andie and Kensi pull out Jenga, and I’m tasked with setting it up since I only have one drink in me. Lucas and Andie are going down to visit Kensi on Vancouver Island, making Kensi’s summer much less dreaded.

  “Joe and his parents want to take Noah to Disneyland. They offered to take me as well, but I’m not going to go.” Sticking out my tongue, I grab a block and slowly try to remove it from the tower, making weird sounds whenever the tower moves. Breathing a sigh of relief when I finally have the block out.

  “Why not go?” Kensi makes a big show of shaking out her hands, asking me a question I’ve been wavering on since Joe mentioned it yesterday. She moves her eyes to the tower and carefully selects her block. “I mean, it’s a pretty awesome opportunity.”

  “It is, and I’m grateful that they thought to ask, but I think it would be too confusing for Noah.” The girls nod in agreement before erupting in cheers when Kensi knocks the tower over.

  “Enough of this crap, let’s play Truth or Dare.” Kensi grumbles, Nella and I agreeing as we laugh at her.

  The door opens, and Peyton sticks her head inside. “Sorry I’m late.”

  She sits on the floor next to me, and I lean over giving her a hug. “Kensi just lost Jenga and voted we move on to Truth or Dare.”

  The game starts innocently enough. First boyfriends, best kisses, worst kisses. We avoid touchy subjects and have fun. Gagging as I drink some random concoction that Kensi put together, I’m pretty sure she took a shot from every liquor bottle in her cupboard, so I forfeit choosing Dare again.

  Over the course of the evening, I learned a few interesting facts about my friends.

  Kensi told us about her worst break-up. She was in a relationship with her old boss when she went to Springfield. She went to see him as a surprise and she walked in on him and the head of human resources having sex on his desk.

  Andie told us about how she ran into her ex a few weeks ago and when he tried to flirt with her, she was finally able to unleash all of her pent up anger. “I should be a bigger person, but damn it felt good!”

  Nella quietly admitted she was attracted to someone at school, but she stopped there and refused to tell us who.

  Peyton shocked all of us when she admitted she stripped for a brief time in the gang.

  “Your turn! Now what should we ask Ava?” The girls lean in and start whispering. They’re not very quiet about it and I freeze when Dax’s name comes up.

  “Ava, what would it take for you to consider trying again with Dax?” Kensi is the boldest of the girls; she doesn’t even try to sugarcoat the question.

  Looking at my hands as they twist in my lap, I think about how it felt seeing the cup of coffee on my desk. For a moment, it felt like nothing had changed, nothing had happened. That feeling has lingered all day, fueling my doubt that I had been rash in not trusting him. Then I remembered how much it hurt when he chose to leave, how scared I was wondering if he was okay, the bare feeling on my ring finger that only held a ring for a short time.

  Lifting my chin, I finally respond. “I love Dax. Telling him we were done, handing him the ring was one of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make. It was the right one. I needed him to understand what breaking his promise meant, that I am serious about not being tied to that world in any way.”

  Pausing, I can see the looks of disappointment on their faces. They were hoping for a simple answer, but when I think about what I would need from him, to me it really is simple. “I’m not ruling out the possibility that things can be fixed. What I would need from him has not changed; a commitment that he is done with that world. He promised me that when we first started dating and he broke that promise. That’s not something I thought he would do. Words aren’t enough anymore.”

  “What about smashing Ivan’s face into the concrete and telling him that if he ever tries to contact us again he will make his life a living hell? Does that count?” Peyton sticks a chip in her mouth, chewing as she waits for that to sink in. Her lips twitch as my jaw drops.

  Words refuse to come out of my mouth as I gape at my friends. Nella and Kensi looked as shocked as I feel. I’m sure my face is comical right now.

  “Wait. What? Seriously?” Words come out, fractured. My ears ring as I process what this could mean.

  “Want to see the video?” Peyton loads it on her phone without waiting for an answer and soon all five of us are enthralled in watching Dax smash Ivan’s face into the pavement, repeatedly. It’s terrifying, but I can’t look away as I manage to comprehend his words.

  “Why . . .” Clearing my throat when it breaks, I try again. “Why didn’t you show this to me sooner?”

  “Bear took the video, and he just sent it to me yesterday. Otherwise, I would have shown it to you when I saw you last.” Peyton clicks her phone off.

  We sit silently, I have a feeling the girls are waiting for me to digest the information. “This makes things . . .” I search for the right word, a word to describe how I’m feeling. “Different.”

  Andie suggests we watch a movie, looking at me as I nod mutely. Kensi makes popcorn and we all crowd onto their couch. I have no idea what movie we’re watching. My mind is reeling from the video and what this could mean.

  Why didn’t Dax come to me?

  It doesn’t take long to answer my own question: he doesn’t think I would believe him. Halfway through the movie,
I excuse myself and head upstairs. The girls don’t try to stop me.

  It’s as if I’m walking blind. I make it to my room, and I don’t even remember walking up the stairs. Mindlessly, I automatically start digging around in my paints.

  One of the things I like about these guys is that our parties are low key, and we end up gaming all night. It’s a stress-free environment where I can let my guard down, something I appreciate even more now that I briefly stepped back into my old life.

  Dean grumbles as Lucas snipes him for the third time. “Seriously? I’m about to throw a tantrum that could rival Noah’s when he was two.”

  Lucas cringes, jokingly pleading with Dean not to go there. “Noah brought new meaning to the terrible two’s, please don’t make me revisit that time, I still have nightmares.”

  I ignore how the guys all eyeball me, knowing that’s a sensitive area. They’ve already bitched me out about fucking it up. I’m sure if Dean had the energy, he would have tried to beat the shit out of me, and I would have let him.

  Instead, I let them say their piece before informing them I was trying to find a way to fix it. I got varying degrees of skepticism, it was comforting.

  Dean’s character dies again, and he tosses the controller to Jaden. “I’m out. You have a go.” He leans back into the armchair, texting. He grins at whatever the person is saying and once again, I’m consumed by jealousy. I had that, and I threw it away.

  Standing abruptly, I pause the game. “I need some fresh air.”

  Jaden follows me outside, watching silently as I pace. “Dude, you need to relax.”

  “I know. I’m dwelling and that does no good.” Sitting on the curb, I take a swig of my beer.

  “Nah man, I get it. I’ve loved and lost before, but this isn’t permanent. Let’s go inside, try and kick Lucas’s ass.” Following him in, we pick up where we left off finally finding where Lucas is hiding.

  It’s close to one in the morning when Carter declares he’s bored and wants to raid the girl’s party. It doesn’t take much convincing, and soon we’re racing across the campus. Once inside the building, we creep to Kensi’s door before smashing in.

  The girls squeal as we come barreling in, throwing pillows at us. The first thing I notice is that Ava isn’t there. The second thing, the thing that has stopped the guys in their tracks, is that all the girls are wearing these tiny little shorts and tank tops.

  Carter jumps right in, settling himself onto the couch between Peyton and Nella. The shit-eating grin on his face showing just how much he is enjoying the view. Jaden settle on the ground, leaning against the couch by Peyton’s feet and Lucas curls up on a mound of pillows next to Andie.

  “What are we watching?” Carter presses play on the movie someone thought to pause, cringing when he realizes it’s a chick flick.

  Smiling, I quietly excuse myself and slip out the door.

  Knocking quietly on Ava’s door, I open it slightly. All the lights are out except in the hall. Despite knowing it’s a bad idea, I walk quietly down the hall to where her door is open a crack. She’s asleep on top of her covers. My body moves before my brain can comprehend what I’m doing and I gently cover her with the quilt at the foot of her bed. As I turn to leave, I’m stunned to see the number of paintings lining the floor along the wall.

  They start out dark, stormy looking and slowly get brighter. Knowing Ava, it’s telling me the progression of her mood. Before I can force myself to leave, I glance at the date on the bottom right corner of the brightest painting, it’s from today.

  I wish I could take it into the light and look at the fine details I know cover the surface, but Ava mumbles in her sleep. Leaving quickly, that sliver of hope grows.

  I wake up feeling more optimistic than I have in a long time. Taking my time to shower and get ready, for the first time in over a week, I feel human. Practically skipping down the steps, I shove open the door to my building and savor the fresh spring air.

  Tilting my head up to soak in some sun, I’m tempted to throw my arms out and spin like Julie Andrews in A Sound of Music. Worried I’m about to start singing, I tuck my chin down and start walking.

  I woke up this morning to a text from Dean, inviting me over for breakfast. A sure sign he is feeling more like himself. That combined with what Peyton showed me last night, I feel ready to tackle this and try to get it right this time.

  Thinking back on that video, I shudder involuntarily. Seeing Dax like that, completely unleashed, it was scary. And a turn on. Wondering if that makes me sick, I decide it’s more the realization that he could protect Noah and me than him beating Ivan up. Although, if I’m being honest, seeing Ivan face first in the dirt did give me a sick sense of satisfaction.

  Hearing him cut those ties was what I needed, the guarantee he wouldn’t be sucked back in every time they found a way to manipulate him using the people he loves.

  My bubble is burst as I allow doubt to push its way in. What if he doesn’t want me back? What if my lack of faith in him ruined my chance? Realizing we both broke promises that night, I straighten my shoulders and promise myself to fight, to give us a real chance.

  Last night Kensi told me she thought that both Dax and I used that opportunity to ruin what we had, to sabotage it because we’re both scared of fully trusting another person.

  I hate to admit it, but she’s right.

  Dean lives on the ground floor of the apartment building furthest away from mine, but I’m walking so fast that it hardly takes me any time to reach his door. Pausing for a moment to catch my breath, I breathe deeply to calm myself down. One step at a time. I can’t let myself get in over my head otherwise, I might just end up re-opening the wound.

  Knocking loudly, I laugh as Dean cracks a joke about not breaking his door. He swings it open, his back greeting me as he heads into the kitchen where the smell of bacon makes my mouth water.

  “What, no hug?” Stepping in next to him, I give his side a squeeze before folding myself onto one of his chairs.

  Examining him carefully, I’m happy to see the shadows under his eyes look less like bruises and more like the normal shadows a typical university student would have.

  “Bacon is more important than a hug and you know it.” He turns off the oven, dumping the bacon onto a plate. Grabbing a piece, I drop it as the grease stings my fingers. “It’s hot. I didn’t realize I needed to inform you of that.”

  Ignoring him, I blow on the piece until I can pick it up, devouring it quickly. “Oh yum. That’s amazing.”

  Dean grabs a couple breakfast quiches from his toaster oven, dropping one on each of our plates. “I slaved for hours selecting the right frozen quiche at the grocery store. You better appreciate my effort.”

  Teasing him as we eat, I miss these times with Dean. We used to have a breakfast date once a month, and it hasn’t been happening lately. “I miss this.”

  “Me too.” Dean’s cell phone ringing cuts off whatever he was going to say, seeing the name on the screen he quickly answers. “Hey, Mom. What time . . .”

  Dean grips the table, his face turning white. Standing quickly, I rush to his side and grip his shoulders tightly. I can hear his mom crying, my heart pounding as I think of the worst-case scenarios. Dean mumbles goodbye to his mom, hanging up as his shoulders start shaking.

  He sobs uncontrollably, and I wrap him tightly in my arms. “Danny had a reaction to his treatment, he went into heart failure. They couldn’t revive him . . . my brother is gone.”

  Holding him as tightly as I can as though that will keep him together, I silently cry for Dean and his family. Danny was an amazing kid. He played every sport he could and excelled at each of them. He always had a kind word for every single person, and never let his popular status at school take away his humility.

  “I’m so sorry.” The words are meaningless, but what else do you say?

  Dean takes a few deep breaths, looking up at me. “I need to go to the hospital.”

  “I will drive you.”
He doesn’t argue, handing me the keys to his truck. We’re out the door and on the road in less than fifteen minutes.

  Quickly sending Lucas a text, I drop my phone into my purse, reaching over to grab Dean’s hand. I don’t let go the whole drive.

  “He was too young. I just don’t understand why this happened to him. Life is too short to be miserable.” Dean looks at me pointedly as he speaks. Squeezing his hand, I smile at him, my lips shaking as I fight more tears.

  The drive blurs by, both of us lost in our thoughts. Right now, all I want is to rush home to Noah and wrap him in a hug for days. I can’t even imagine the pain Dean’s family is experiencing.

  Parking the car, I only let go of Dean’s hand long enough to exit the truck and lock it. I don’t know if it’s comforting him, but I need it too.

  We find his parents in Danny’s room. They thank me for driving Dean, wrapping the two of us in their arms. Quietly, I slip away to let them grieve as a family.

  There is a seating area just outside the room; my legs barely hold me as I sit down, dropping my head into my hands. My mind cycles around how something can happen to someone as young and kind as Danny. I know illness doesn’t hand-pick the people, it just doesn’t seem fair.

  Familiar voices draw my attention, leaning back in the chair I watch as Andie and Lucas lead the parade of our friends into the waiting area.

  Stunned that they got here so quickly, I glance at the clock, shocked to see I’ve been sitting here for several hours. The door to Danny’s hospital room has opened a few times, the doctor going in and out. It seems so cold that they have to fill out paperwork so soon after his passing.

  Watching them wheel out his body broke my heart, the glimpse I saw of Dean and his family huddled together bringing fresh tears to my eyes.

  Lucas sitting next to me draws me back to the present, and I look up at him, his face blurry. Andie sits on the other side of me, and the two of them wrap their arms around me. We sit silently like that for several minutes.