Out of Cake Aphrodite (The Goddess Chronicles Book 6)

by S. E. Babin

  I stepped out the door, looked both ways and blinked over to Hermes' location in a restaurant just a few minutes away from where Hamilton was walking. I blinked into an unoccupied stall, waited a minute, then stepped out, pretended to wash my hands and left the restroom.

  He sat alone, wearing the glamour of a young hipster, nursing a cup of coffee and staring out the window intently. I slid into the seat next to him.

  He jerked. "Damn it, Abs. I'm not used to these necklaces. It's almost like you don't exist wearing that thing."

  "Change of plans," I said. "Hamilton and Persephone have decided to tie the knot."

  His gaze widened and his brows rose to his hairline. "And how does our Lord of the Underworld feel about this development?"

  "He has no idea. He had a good plan with us taking both of them and me going in as Persephone, but this changes some things."

  His gaze flickered. "Mmm. I'll say."

  "Don't look so put off. I'm not terrible to be married to," I grumbled.

  He gave me a long look, full of meaning and words he couldn't say. "Well," he said mildly, "I wouldn't know, would I?"

  Well. Crap.

  "They're getting married in a week and we barely like each other. I think we need to come up with something else."

  He set his coffee down. "I like you just fine," he said, his voice a little bit hostile. "But you make it difficult sometimes."

  I stared at him stricken. "Hermes, I -"

  He blinked out of the restaurant not caring who saw him.

  Oh boy.

  I headed back over to the bridal shop and walked into a scene I'd rather not ever see again. Artie wore a hideous one-shouldered puffy bridesmaid gown and stood on the riser staring at herself in the mirror, her face a picture of total dismay.

  "You're a...bridesmaid?" I asked. Did Persephone not have a single friend in this entire town?

  Persephone turned to me with a bright smile. "Yes! We just have so much in common, ya know. Plus," her lip jutted prettily, "I'm new here, and I don't have a lot of friends."

  "I'm sorry to hear that," I said, hoping I sounded appropriately sorry.

  She clapped her hands together in excitement. "You have such pretty dark hair, too! I bet this purple gown would look amazing on you. How about it?"

  I blinked. "How about what?"

  "Being a bridesmaid, silly!"

  "Errr."

  Artie gave me an evil grin. "She'd love to! I know that purple would make her eyes just pop, ya know."

  I sent her a glare, but she continued to grin.

  "I'd love to," I said, wondering to myself how in the hell was I going to get out this.

  "Great!" Persephone motioned to the slight blond woman standing in the corner. She nodded and went to the back, Persephone trailing her. Most likely to bring out the hideous monstrosity she called a bridesmaid gown.

  "I'm going to kill you," I hissed.

  "Good luck," Artie said. "I think this dress will kill me first before you get the chance to, though."

  "What the heck went wrong?" I asked in a whisper.

  She shook her head. "I think it had to do with you showing up. Persephone said Hamilton proposed after his ex-girlfriend showed up causing trouble."

  That couldn't have been further from the truth. "What are we going to do?"

  The woman came back with the purple dress of death. Artie slapped a smile back on her face. "We are going to celebrate the wedding of the century!" she chirped.

  And so went the longest fitting in history. The terrible bride-to-be tossed the purple gown and went with a red disaster that screamed 1980's prom before tossing that too and settling on a teal gown with a flouncy skirt. We looked like we belonged on the sitcom Dallas.

  I thought it was over so I grabbed my purse ready to head out, but Persephone stopped me. "I haven't done mine yet, silly!"

  I wanted to collapse into a puddle. "Oh, silly me!" I giggled, secretly wanting to kill myself. I set my purse down and found a seat next to Artie on the white, uncomfortable chairs.

  Persephone turned to the woman and started rattling off what she wanted to see in her dress. But there was one particular thing that had me and Artie on the edge of our seats and wondering what the hell we were going to do next.

  "I need a little extra room in, just in case," she said with a high-pitched giggle.

  I couldn't get over how different she was with her "friends" versus how she was when she ran into me. She was like a prettier version of Jekyll and Hyde.

  "Just in case?" the woman asked, confusion evident in her voice.

  "I'm pregnant," she confided.

  I almost fell out of my seat. Artie reached over and squeezed my hand painfully.

  I offered her a wobbly smile and had to lick my lips to get the words out. "My. That’s just. Wow."

  Artie squeezed my hand so hard the bones were crunching together. "Incredible," she gushed. "So incredible!"

  "Right?" she said, sensing nothing amiss about my reaction. "I know it's only a week until the day, but I don't know. Better safe than sorry, right?"

  She obviously wasn't thinking that when she did the dirty with Hamilton.

  How in the world was I going to go home and tell Hades this?

  The woman nodded and went to the back again to search for more dresses.

  This was seriously turning out to be the longest day ever.

  Chapter 14

  Artie and I stumbled home, filled with champagne and numb over the sudden turn of events. When we blinked in, Hermes and Hades were sitting across from each other on the couch staring each other down like a game of Poker minus the cards.

  There was no magic flying so that was a plus. We'd successfully managed to go one day without trying to kill each other. Bully for us. I said nothing to anyone and went right into the kitchen to make something for dinner. Artie and I hadn't had any real opportunity to talk about what happened. But we needed to tell Hades and we needed to do it fast.

  I dropped my glamour and sent a burst of magic to Artie to drop hers as well. She waved a hand in thanks and headed right into the bedroom. Both men turned to me with questioning looks. I shook my head and rummaged through the refrigerator to find ground beef and several other things. Beef Enchilada Mac and Cheese was quick, easy, super fattening and delicious. I think we all needed that kind of meal tonight.

  While the meat was browning, I added two cups of heavy cream, a can of enchilada sauce and several spices to a heavy saucepan and turned it to low heat. I put a pot of pasta on to cook and sat at the table, my thoughts spinning.

  I couldn't stop thinking about the potential fall out of a pregnancy. The baby would be a demi-god, and Zeus wasn't very fond of those. It would be taken away from Hamilton and Persephone and brought back to Olympus unless they managed to keep it a secret. I wasn't sure which way Hades would go on this. I knew he and his wife had issues, but would he keep her secret?

  I put my head down on the table and waited for the timer to go off.

  Eat first. Discuss disaster and potential fallout later.

  We had one very awkward supper that night. I doled out massive bowls of the pasta and got beers out for everyone. The meal started out silent, but then Hades asked about our day and none of us wanted to answer. Hermes didn't want to talk about it because I know it reminded him of all the bad stuff that happened between us. Artie and I didn't want to discuss it because we were about to drop a bombshell the size of a house on Hades. I also didn't want to discuss it because what if Hades all of a sudden decided to take Persephone back, forgive everything and raise the baby as his own?

  I was woman enough to accept it and move on. I guess. Yikes. Why did I have such terrible luck when it came to men? Maybe I needed to get back into the matchmaking game and stop all these other shenanigans. I'd never been too concerned with my own love life when I'd been worried about others.

  Or maybe I just needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and do the right thing.

  Once our pl
ates were cleaned, I tipped my beer back and drank the rest in a long swallow worthy of a frat party.

  Artie snickered, but Hades looked at me with concern.

  His mouth twisted. "Spill it," he said after a moment. "All of you look like someone peed in your Cheerios."

  Hermes laughed. "Yeah, Abs. Tell him."

  He had no idea Persephone was pregnant. He just knew they were getting married.

  "I don't think you want to know," I said, miserable.

  "Nothing could be that bad." Hades looked thoughtful for a moment. "Unless you told me Morgana was at this very second flipping through the Codex about to wipe out my immortality."

  I snorted. "It's bad in a different way."

  He placed his elbows on the table and leaned forward. "Just. Tell. Me." His patience was running out.

  I stared at him, my emotions swirling all over the place. "Good news or bad news first?"

  Hades blinked. "You're beginning to worry me."

  "I’m trying to warn you," I said.

  "Oh, for crying out loud," Artie said. She leaned into Hades' personal space. "Your wife is getting married."

  Shock marred his expression. "She's already married!" he roared.

  I pinched my brow and sighed. "It gets worse."

  He turned angry silver eyes to me. "How could anything be worse?"

  Hermes looked positively delighted, and I couldn't say I blamed him.

  "Persephone is pregnant."

  The air went out of Hades' sails. He sank into his seat, his face a mask of shocked defeat.

  I reached over to take his hand, but he moved it away from me.

  Seconds later, he blinked out of the room, his magic leaving a gaping hole in its absence. I never quite realized how much he filled up a room until he left it.

  "Well," Hermes said, "that went well."

  I stood. "Shut up, Hermes."

  "Yeah," Artie said and glared at him.

  We went to bed that night having no idea what we were going to do next. All of our plans had been shot to total hell. We could still finish the job without Hades, I thought, but I wasn't sure how we were going to defeat Morgana.

  All in all, we were on the losing side of this team, and soon enough the world was going to start feeling the effects of our failure.

  Good times.

  The next morning sunlight streamed into the cabin, warming up the cold kitchen. I woke up and headed straight into the kitchen for the coffee pot. It was always a coffee kind of morning or evening, or really anytime, but today I felt like I could down the entire pot in only a few swallows. Hades never showed back up, and I was still at a loss as to what do next. We'd have to keep pretending to like Persephone, but I wasn't sure about Hermes and whether he was going to participate in the kidnapping of Hamilton.

  So we were stuck. Almost right back at the beginning. We hadn't been able to check up on God or whether or not he was still hanging on. The sun was still shining and the news hadn't been full of plague reports or anything overly strange, so I thought on that front we were okay.

  I could sense Artie's presence before I heard her plodding into the kitchen. She rummaged around in the cabinets and shoved a mug at me, her eyes bleary and her hair all over the place.

  "I hear you, sister."

  I stuck the cup under the machine, popped another coffee pod in, and turned it on. I added an egregious amount of cream and sugar to mine and cupped my hands around it as I made my way to the living room.

  She followed behind a minute later and we sat there, silent. I was pondering our next steps, but I had no idea what Artie was thinking.

  I elbowed her. "Penny for your thoughts."

  She sighed. "You'll make fun of me."

  "I would never," I said without much heart.

  She snickered. "You're such a jerk."

  "Seriously, Artie. I can always tell that pondering look. Are you as worried as I am about the next few days?"

  She lifted one shoulder and let it fall. "I actually wasn't thinking about that at all."

  I blinked at her, surprised. "Really? That's all I can think about."

  "Yeah. Saving the world seems to be your thing. I don't think I'm destined for that much greatness. Mostly because I don't want it."

  Her words bothered me because there was a ring of truth to them. "I never wanted any of this," I said after a few seconds of strung out silence.

  "I know you didn't. But you can't seem to tear yourself away from it."

  "You aren't wrong," I admitted. "So what's bothering you? You don't have to come along on this ride."

  A sad smile appeared on her pretty face. "Ride or die, right?"

  "No. Not at all." She was worrying me. I turned and faced her, tucking my left leg under my right, the mug still cupped in my hands. Steam rose above it. "I would never hold it against you if you left. You're my best friend, and I love you. Now, tell me what's wrong before I punch you."

  She set her mug down and curled her feet under herself. "I think I'm ready to settle down."

  You could have slapped me in the face and called me Shirley, and I wouldn't have been more surprised. She'd always seemed averse to settling down with someone a hundred percent. I knew she cared about Keto, but those two had too many problems to ever make it work.

  "Is there someone I should know about?" I asked, careful not to spook her.

  She shrugged, and I knew.

  "Trip," I whispered. "Did you call him?"

  Artie shook her head. "Not yet."

  "Were you in love with him?"

  She winced then, her eyes crinkling at the side. "I don't know. Maybe. I felt different about him than anyone else. And I missed him so much it ached when we split."

  I leaned my side against the soft pillow cushions of the couch and stared. "Well, I think if you still miss him maybe there's something more to explore."

  "Maybe," she agreed. "But he's Demeter's priest. I..." she paused and smiled at me. "I like Earth. You've shown me so much here. With humans. And animals and delicious food."

  "It does have its high points. But have you ever spoken to him about it?"

  "Abs, you and I are both anomalies. Most people look upon humans as less than us. There's no way he'd settle down with me here. Even if he wanted to settle down, I don't know that Demeter would let him go."

  She was right on that account. Demeter would be a hard nut to crack. "It's okay to want to settle down, Artie. It's also okay to want something another person would see as unreasonable. But, and I say this with love, I want you to be okay with the decisions you make. And the sacrifices you make. If you want to stay here and someone you care about won't even hear it, perhaps it isn't meant to be." I waved my mug around haphazardly. "But we are getting ahead of ourselves. Way ahead. You haven't even called him. There's been no rekindling of anything. I mean, if you see him again you might be thoroughly disgusted." Although I knew that wasn't likely to happen because Triptolemus was super hot.

  She smiled. "You're right. Of course, you're right. Let's save the world first and then I'll call him."

  "Good girl. He's probably dreaming about you every night and just can't track you down."

  Artie snorted. "I'm sure that's the case."

  "All right. What are we going to do about Persephone?" I asked.

  "Well, she got herself into the mess, and now she's knocked up -"

  "By a human," I added.

  "Yes, Hermes may have to involve himself in this."

  "If Hades doesn't catch her first," I said.

  "Do you think he'd involve himself that much especially with the threat of the book hanging over his head?"

  "He seems like a careful guy, but I don't know this time. The pregnancy news completely blindsided him."

  Dragging feet and a tired yawn alerted us to Hermes. "Hermes isn't getting involved in anything right now until Hermes has coffee."

  "Hermes likes to talk about himself in the third person," Artie said with a snicker.

  "Hermes is g
oing to blast Artie into next week if she doesn't shut up until Hermes has coffee."

  "Half and half is in the door of the fridge," I said, understanding his need for java.

  "Thanks," he muttered as he clanged around the kitchen.

  He joined us a couple of minutes later and stretched his feet out from the recliner to the coffee table. "So, weird night, right?"

  "That's an understatement," I said.

  "Tell me how you found out." Hermes studied us as he sipped his coffee.

  We related how we'd gone dress shopping with Persephone and she’d let the news slip.

  "She didn't just let it slip. She seems genuinely happy."

  I frowned. I hadn't thought about that. "Yeah, maybe so." I eyed Hermes. "What are you going to do about it?"

  He rubbed his scruffy cheek. "Gods, I don't know. It's just us that know her secret right now. I almost want to let Demeter handle it."

  "You think she'd be angry?" Artie asked.

  "She's going to be apoplectic," Hermes said with a chuckle. "Demeter is a serious helicopter mom."

  My brow furrowed at the words.

  "Yeah, I watch television sometimes," he said defensively.

  I snorted in amusement. "Right. So she likes to control Persephone. We all knew that, but I guess none of us thought it was too much. It is, after all, her husband she's trying to get Persephone back to. That isn't unreasonable."

  A thoughtful look crossed his face. "No, not unreasonable, but we have to look at it like this. Hades is in control of the Underworld and her daughter is the queen of it. If Persephone leaves him, she gives up her portion of control of his kingdom."

  Artie's face cleared with understanding. "And by extension, Demeter loses control because she loses control of her daughter."

  "So she's in it for the power?" I asked, shaking my head.

  "Abs, if it has to do with an immortal, the answer is almost always yes. If there's power to be had, someone is after it." Hermes gave me an appraising look and sighed. "I find your naivete refreshing. Even after all these years, I've never met anyone less inclined to abuse or even want power."

  "Thanks?" I said with a question. I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or an insult.