Grace: An Eternal Beloved Novel (Eternal Beloved Novel Series)

by R. Rodriguez

  All the talk about fate and the days that I stayed at Lucian’s house, made me come face to face with myself. I went into a journey of self reflection. I didn’t have the distractions that accosted me every day. I was in a relaxed and admittedly very comfortable atmosphere. My needs were being taken care of. This beat a psychiatric hospital by large. But, I knew that’s exactly where I belonged.

  I’d do anything to avoid going there, though. Lucian left me to myself most of the time. He never tried to impose a plan of action or to pry anything out of me. I had noticed that he worked a bit too much anyway.

  So I lingered for a while longer. I couldn’t say I was serving any helpful or useful purpose in Lucian’s household. I mainly rested in my room except for our dinners together. He’d come home with a deliciously smelling package each night and it was nearly impossible for me to reject his company, with all the delectable aromas seeping out of the bags.

  One of those nights, Lucian presented me with a separate package. It was a large rectangular leather box with a giant pink bow on it. I opened it and found a black leather bound notebook with lined ivory pages.

  “Sometimes it’s better to get your feelings out on paper, rather than to keep them bottled up,” Lucian said as he sipped his wine. “That way you keep your secrets while you still let them out.”

  “God knows talking hasn’t helped me, “I agreed.

  “Maybe you’ve been talking to the wrong people,” Lucian said. “It’s more productive to talk to yourself. After all, you are who you’ll have to live with for the rest of your life.”

  Lucian didn’t try to force any more advice on me.

  He finished his wine and retired to his bedroom to take a shower.

  I was left to peer out into the Chicago skyline with the smell of leather invading my nostrils. I freed the notebook from its box and noticed a brand new fountain pen in the package. I took it and opened the notebook to a fresh page. I stared at the blank page. My mind just as blank, but as I started thinking… the words started to flow.

  Things that bother me so much that I reach that point of no return. The point where I think everything is lost and I’m better off …offing myself…

  1. My mother.

  2. My inability to take action toward what I really and truly enjoy. MUSIC.

  3. My preoccupation with appearance.

  4. My lack of a life plan.

  5. My melancholy.

  6. My lack of achievement.

  7. My apathy.

  8. My loneliness.

  9. My childhood.

  Okay, I was on a roll here. Now…

  Things I could do to remedy the things that bother me.

  1. Don’t think about my mother. Keep her at a distance. Keep her voice out of my head.

  2. State what I really enjoy and want to do and make a plan of action for it. Music. Performing.

  3. Be more laid back about my appearance. No more beauty salon weekly visits until I’m over my obvious addiction. LOL. Tone down my look. Don’t wear heavy make up during the day.

  4. Again… write down steps to take. An action plan.

  5. Avoid sad thoughts. Forget the past. Avoid sad negative people. See funny movies.

  6. Write down what I’d like to achieve. What means something to me. And just do it.

  7. Exercise. Set a goal for each day. Celebrate reaching it. Help someone.

  8. Gather a group of people or a person who fits the characteristics you look for in a true friend. Befriend them. Keep them close. Have details with them. Socialize more. Get a boyfriend even.

  9. Forget the past. Define myself by my own standards and expectations, not someone else’s. Stay away if I need to. Make new great memories

  Whew! Writing two simple lists left me exhausted. It did feel good to do them, though. I felt like I had something to look forward to. A half baked plan, if you will. I got up and placed the dirty plates in Lucian’s dishwasher and discarded the empty food cartons. I knew his housekeeper would come by in the morning and do it, but it felt good to clean up.

  I finally strode to the guest bedroom intent on polishing my plan. I’d look at every single aspect and develop it fully. I’d have it all set by the next day. Lucian wouldn’t have to put up with me much longer.

  That night, I didn’t know it, but the wheels of my life started turning in an unimaginable direction. All it took was reflecting about my possibilities and laying out a plan. I knew I still had responsibilities. I had two more weeks of work in my present gig, so as soon as I finished that, I’d say “Good Riddance” to modeling. The money from that would get me by until I could find something else. Going back home was out of the question. But I did have a way out.

  My resolve almost wavered when I saw Lucian the next morning. I woke up early on purpose. It was time to give my goodbyes and my thank you and I wanted to do it in person. It was time for me to go follow my path.

  “Hey, Grace.” Lucian didn’t seem surprised to see me up so early, which was baffling to me since I hadn’t woken up earlier than noon the whole time I had stayed at his place.

  “Hey...” I took a seat across from him at the table and accepted the plate of steaming pancakes his silent housekeeper, Mrs. Woo, set before me. She seemed like a ghost, arriving without a hint of noise and leaving just as quietly.

  “So you’re ready to go then?” Lucian asked knowingly.

  “Yeah,” I answered with a mouthful of strawberry.

  “I’ll have your stuff sent to your apartment during the day. You don’t have to worry about a thing.” He continued playing the protector role.

  “No, Lucian, It’s really not necessary,” I protested. “I already have everything packed up and I’ll just take a cab there.

  I continued with my goodbyes before he had a chance to offer me any more help.

  “So, what are your plans?” he inquired seriously.

  “I haven’t got it all worked out yet. But I think I’m going to try to go back to school to continue with my music,” I said hesitantly.

  “School, huh?” Lucian paused to take a drink of his coffee before stating, “I think that’s a great plan.”

  “Lucian, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you did for me.” I eagerly offered him my gratitude.

  “No, no… There’s no need for that. Anyone else would’ve done the same for another.” He rejected my adulation. “The only way you can thank me is by being okay, Grace. Be okay. Just be okay. Be you. Be happy. And don’t forget about new friends, okay.”

  He reached into his wallet and handed me his business card. “Here, call me whenever you want or need.”

  “Okay …I’ll give you a call so you can register my number, as well. You can get in touch with me whenever you want, too.” I knew then that his name would be the first on my list of new friends even if we were from different spheres. Hey… my sphere was just about to open. I was going to make a point of that.

  I gathered my things and left Lucian’s apartment after breakfast. He saw me to the cab. I was in and away in no time. I looked back and saw him wave curtly with a hint of worry on his face. I was truly touched by his concern. I felt blessed that I ran into Lucian when I did. If I believed in destiny, like he did, I would agree that he was destined to find me and restore me. I was on my way to new beginnings. I was on my way to celebrating and preparing for a new life. I wouldn’t let Lucian down. More importantly, I wouldn’t let myself down again.

  ****

  Instead of opening my eyes to a new and brighter day, I woke up in a wet, dark, and totally unfamiliar place. Cold rain pelting my face woke me. My eyes fluttered open and I sat up startled at my surroundings. I sat in a pool of cold water. My clothes were completely soaked through. I was frozen to my bones. Great day to wear a dress and boots, I thought again.

  That was, I realized the only thought that crept into my head. I couldn’t remember anything that happened before this.

  I stood up quickly and was surprised to lear
n that my body wasn’t stiff at all after having slept, apparently on the cold hard surface of the inhospitable bare earth. Maybe I hadn’t slept there. Maybe I had fainted and a storm had caught me unawares. I reasoned that something must be utterly wrong with me and that I should get out of wherever I was.

  I looked up at the blue hue of the night sky. Okay. That meant there were lights nearby. It gave me hope that I could find my way back to wherever I was before. I knew for sure I didn’t belong in the middle of nowhere.

  The next thing I recognized was a great flash of lightning far behind some enormous trees. It was so powerful that it lit up the space around me like daylight. The previous darkness was actually preferable. At least before, I could ignore the fact that I was surrounded by trees and more trees, for miles, it seemed. There was no path or clearing visible beyond them.

  A feeling of enclosure assaulted me. The impending doom settled in my chest, followed by gut wrenching fear. I looked around in the artificial daylight. I didn’t see a soul amongst the trees, but then again, the area was pretty extensive. I was only certain of one thing. I was being watched.

  The flash subsided, only to be followed by a great rip of thunder a few moments after. This pattern continued for a few minutes. Great lightning bolts, followed by loud rips of thunder. They made the ground vibrate and my heart shudder.

  I wiped the freezing water from my pallid face and wrung the rest from my long hair, uselessly. The rain came down harder. As I tried to gather any small ray of hope that would propel my instinct to save myself, I heard it. Its angry growl was probably the only absolutely sure remembrance I had. It was there because of me. It was coming for me. It was going to attack me.

  I didn’t search for its origin in the night. I didn’t linger to prove if it was near or far. Sheer terror ripped through me like the rumbling thunder. I turned to my left and ran. I ran and ran. The rain felt like bullets on my face. My hair was laden with the weight of the water. The heels of my boots were digging into the softened soil making my progress slower. I hadn’t seen a path so I didn’t waste my time searching for one. I chose to penetrate the dark line of trees instead. Despite the heavy rain, I could sense the panther in pursuit behind me.

  Certainly it would catch up with me. How could I possibly outrun it? I ran selflessly. Stumbling over unseen and uneven terrain and grabbing on to whatever tree branch offered to balance my steps on the way. Adrenaline pumped the muscles of my legs into a fast sprint.

  The tree branches offered me support, but also whipped my face on occasion as I ran through the dense foliage of the unremembered forest. Perhaps, I was near my house. I opted for positivity in the hope of soothing my panic. Perhaps I was dreaming. I didn’t know. I didn’t know anything for sure. The uncertainty was killing me faster than whatever was chasing me out there.

  My tears started to flow from my eyes as hard and as cold as the rain that mixed with them. My pace slowed ever so slightly. My chest was heaving with the force of my breathing. I was sure I wouldn’t outrun it now. An oncoming asthma attack was taking over my courage. I was losing against the panther. I could tell. I forced my legs onward against the rain until I could run no more.

  My hurried trail seemed endless, especially when I had no way of seeing where I was going and no clear destination in plan. My heart raced along with my feet. I was beginning to feel lightheaded, unsure that I could continue much further. Then, suddenly, I hit something with a force that almost sent me reeling back.

  I hit it straight on, like when someone runs into a thick wall head on, but it didn’t even stumble. It was as if it had been waiting for me all along. Oh no… The panther must have found an alternate path towards me. Of course, the darkness of the forest was probably no match for its feline senses.

  But instead of the foul smelling flanks of the panther, strong human arms steadied me. I was almost certain that it wasn’t an apparition. Those arms encircled me and began to drag me aside quickly.

  “Shhhh. Shh. Shh. Grace.” I heard Lucian’s soothing whisper close to my ear. “Be still. Be quiet.”

  He must’ve sensed the scream brewing in my throat because he quickly warned me of the danger we were in. I swallowed the scream and sank into his chest. It was him. It was Lucian.

  I suddenly remembered him. Only him. There was no clarification as to where I had been before this nightmare or where I was supposed to go. I only recognized things as they came. What was I doing in this God forsaken place and what was Lucian doing here? Was this where I knew him from?

  In any case, I wasn’t alone here anymore. He was with me. That made all the difference. If he had found me, he probably had known that I was in danger and knew how to get back wherever I belonged.

  “Lucian, what’s going on? What’s happening?” I heard desperation in my voice.

  “Be still. Be still, sweetheart.”

  His endearment dug deep into my soul. Lucian didn’t feel like the mere inoffensive protector of my life. He felt like so much more. Like I already knew him. Like I could trust him. I lifted my face from his chest to look at him, but I couldn’t see a thing. I could only feel him.

  In the darkness, our faces came within inches of each other.

  “Don’t be afraid, Grace.” I felt the light spatter of the rain around us, grazing my lips as he spoke.

  My sense of well being in Lucian’s arms seemed ten times stronger than my fear of whatever was pursuing me. I held on to him for dear life as he dragged me slowly to safety. Well, against a tree anyway. I heard the loud thump of the prowler on the puddle of water around us. It circled the tree as I sensed it had done before. Pouncing, splashing us and intimidating us with its deep guttural snare.

  Lucian held me tighter and began to repeat a seemingly meaningless phrase that began to feel like a chant soon after. I quickly followed his lead and together we repeated it like a mantra into the night. Our foreheads close together.

  “Take the darkness away from your heart and let in clarity.” And so it went. The two of us holding on to each other against the rough bark of the unseen gargantuan tree as we wished the dangerous animal away.

  After an endless period of time, it seemed to work. I didn’t hear the menacing beast pursuing us anymore. There was only dead silence and our ragged breathing. I couldn’t tell if the unevenness of my breathing was from my near death experience or from the nearness to Lucian. I took in air deeply, trying to control my heaving chest.

  “Lucian… What happened? Where are we?”

  “Sh.Sh. Grace.” He silenced me. “There’ll be a time for explanations.”

  “This is only normal. Death doesn’t give up that easily once it has spotted its prey,” he explained soothingly.

  I remained utterly confused by Lucian’s declaration. What in the world was he talking about and why was death pursuing me? I was sure that I was supposed to be somewhere else urgently as opposed to running through a dark forest from that wretched beast that seemed intent on murdering me. I felt the urge to see light and feel secure. I felt the urge to flee as far away from this dark forest as I could.

  Chapter 4: New Beginnings

  It had been three weeks since that horrible nightmare and a month since my botched suicide attempt. It felt like a lifetime ago to me. The week I spent at Lucian’s house had done for me what years of therapy hadn’t been able to do. Relying on my own counsel, instead of taking advice from strangers, had made the difference.

  I sensed that although therapists had great intentions and all...they hadn’t really been that effective with me. I mean, a person who sought to get into another’s intricate mind set, surely must think they were trying to benefit the other. However, it was always up to the patient to sort and set things right in their mind. Straightforward solutions could never be provided by someone outside oneself.

  I thought I was onto something when I decided to identify exactly what bothered me and what I planned to do to resolve it. As a continuation of my plan, I set myself in front of a computer
at the local library filling out my application for the spring semester at University of Chicago’s Music Department. I meant to pursue a higher education. Playing the cello was my only true passion.

  I was aware that I hardly had the grades to get into this school at all. It was on the list as one of the best schools in the country. But, I decided not to let this deter me. I may not have the greatest grades, but I was really good with the cello.

  I was in the middle of the tedious process, when I was interrupted by the incessant ringing of my cell phone. I checked the number of the incoming call and it wasn’t familiar to me at all. I hesitated before taking the call.

  “Grace. Hey…” Lucian’s instantly recognizable greeting brightened my day further. I ceased what I was doing to award him my full attention.

  “Hi,” I said cheerfully “How have you been?”

  “I’m fine, actually,” he replied sincerely.

  An image of him holding me close to his chest upon the impending doom of the panther in the forest seeped into my head. I decided to make light of it.

  “You won’t believe the dream I had shortly after leaving your apartment, Lucian,” I began.

  “Don’t tell me…. Death was upon you and I was saving you?” he chuckled.

  “Yeah. Something like that. How did you know?”

  “Well, that’s only normal. Once death notices you, it doesn’t let go so easily.” I had a déjà vu moment, but it quickly recessed to the back of my head as Lucian announced the purpose of his call.

  “Hey I’m calling because I got in touch with a friend of mine that teaches at Columbia College’s Music Center. He’s looking for a student to give a full scholarship to. I thought you were the perfect candidate.”

  Yeah, he obviously didn’t know about my grades.

  I was dumbfounded. How did I get so lucky?

  “Uh, I don’t know what to say…” I mumbled.

  “Well, don’t say anything. He did mention that you need to audition. What is it that you excel in, Grace?” Lucian inquired stating as a given fact, at the same time, that I excelled in anything.