Summer Burns

by Candice Gilmer

  Will Shelby and I be friends?

  I doubt that'll ever happen.

  But we both came to an understanding of sorts. I didn't realize how much I blamed her for Jake going into the Army and then eventually dying. She didn't make him, not really. She just told him he'd look good in a uniform. She listened to him, when I wouldn't.

  Jake just wanted to go.

  I had just always blamed her, when really, I needed someone to blame that wasn't myself.

  As far as Matthew went? She didn't even know who he was, other than she'd seen him somewhere before. She had been at the salon, getting a manicure, when Matthew had brought me lunch.

  But she swore he'd never called her.

  If she was lying, I didn't care. I wanted to believe her. Flinging powder and then cleaning it up together would bond people in a strange way.

  Mom had taken me home after the cleaning was done, and I was lying on the couch, resting. The buzz from the asthma meds was wearing off and exhaustion had taken over.

  Mom came in and brought me a cup of her custom blended tea for relaxation. The citrusy smell from the lemon grass greeted me, and the aroma made me feel a little better.

  "I don't know what is going on with you, Summer," Mom said.

  I blinked. "What?"

  "You destroyed my wax room."

  "It was a fight Mom, things get destroyed." It wasn't a great excuse, but I tried. Failed, by the way she glared at me, but at least I made an effort.

  "How many times have you seen Shelby in the salon, and never once have you spoken to her. And today, you destroy the wax room?"

  "Things boil over."

  Mom gave me that look, the one that pretty much insisted that I spill the beans, and tell her everything.

  I squirmed on the couch, tried to deflect. "Where's Emma? I need to go--"

  "Stop it. I know what you're doing. Spill, child. I already called Paula, she'll bring Emma home. I told her you had an asthma attack."

  I sighed. "What do you want me to say, Mom?"

  "Try telling me everything."

  I rolled my eyes. "Mom."

  "Explain this to me. Explain to me why you had to fight with Shelby."

  "We had issues."

  "Why did it happen, Summer? It's like high school all over again."

  I blinked. And it was. Oh, God, how it was. I started laughing. I couldn't help it, because it was. We weren't under the bleachers, and we weren't getting suspensions, but otherwise it was the same.

  And how friggin' stupid was that? The same issue, mostly.

  I was jealous. "Okay, so you want to know? Fine, I'll tell you. Shelby hit on Matthew."

  Mom nodded.

  "She admitted to encouraging Jake to go into the military."

  "Jake always wanted to go."

  I blinked. "No he didn't."

  Mom rolled her eyes. "Did you never notice how his eyes lit up whenever he spoke of his enlistment? Of his work? Of, truly any aspect of it?"

  I blinked. "Uh..."

  She shook her head. "He always wanted to go, you were the one who wanted him here."

  I nodded, because she spoke the truth. "How come I never saw this?"

  "Did you ever look? Or did you just ignore what you didn't want to see, Summer? You've done that all your life--ignore what you don't want to see, and move on, like it didn't exist."

  I didn't know what to say. Or how to articulate what I felt, because it was like Mom just lifted a filter off my eyes, and all these memories started flashing that both corroborated what she said, and made me feel like a total asshole.

  I really did ignore what I didn't want to see.

  "Surely you haven't been hanging onto this anger since high school, have you dear?" Mom asked.

  I shook my head. "She hit on Matthew."

  "I see," Mom said. "So all this about Jake was just underneath."

  "I guess." I looked away, staring instead of at her at the fibers in the couch, trying to count the threads that made up the weave of the material.

  "She was threatening this new relationship you had, like she threatened the one you had before."

  "I'm not a client Mom, you don't have to psycho-analyze me."

  "Maybe I do. It is rather unfortunate that I live with you, and I couldn't see how much you haven't healed since Jake's death. And then Matthew showed up, and you're trying to move on, but since the only way you know how to be a girlfriend was from high school, you're behaving like a high school student."

  "Whoa, okay. Mom, you're stretching."

  "Am I? I thought you and Matthew broke up."

  "We did. We didn't. I don't know. He's not answering my calls." Which Shelby said wasn't because of her--he hadn't been calling her either.

  So what had he been doing?

  "That man adores you. Now, know, before I say this, that I love you, little girl," Mom said as she patted my shoulder.

  I turned to look at her.

  "What did you do?" she asked. And from the stern look on her face, I knew she was serious.

  "Why do you think I did something?"

  She raised her eyebrow with that Mom-glare that gave me the heebie geebies.

  Guess I was stuck answering her question. "He wants more than I can give."

  "What can't you give, Summer?"

  "I can't be his wife, Mom. I can't go back to being in the military."

  "Did he propose?"

  I shook my head.

  Mom gave me that look again. "Summer, did you talk to him? Really talk to him?"

  About that time, the front door came open, and Emma and Paula came in. My daughter ran over to me and started hugging me.

  "Mommy, Grandma Bettes said you got sick. Are you okay?"'

  "I'm getting better, honey." I stroked her brow, brushing a loose strand from her pony tail out of her face. "Go put your backpack up, and maybe later, we can color."

  "Okay Mommy." She darted to her room.

  I just caught the tail end of Mom telling Paula what happened. And Paula, who'd always disliked Shelby, looked surprisingly disappointed.

  She glanced at me. "Really Summer?"

  "Since when did I get two mothers?" I muttered and sipped on my tea.

  "There are better ways to handle those situations," Paula said. "Besides, I thought you had broken up with Mister Matthew."

  I raised my eyebrow.

  "You don't need that aggravation in your life," Paula said. "After all, if you were to date him, then you'd have to leave, and that's just not acceptable."

  I blinked. "What?"

  "You can't take Emma away, she's all I have left of Jake!"

  Like the clouds had parted and sunshine finally shone on me, I understood. "Is that why you don't want me dating?"

  "I never said that."

  "You always say that."

  "Well, that's because you're not ready. Emma should be older, understand better who her daddy is. Not just meet any man who stumbles into your life."

  "It's been three years."

  "And if you took Emma away to be with another military man--"

  "You'd lose your son all over again," Mom said.

  "Yes."

  So now I got it.

  I totally got it. So much, it made me cry.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  A week later

  "Yes sir," Matthew said into his phone. "I'll have that paperwork to you tomorrow. No sir, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself."

  This started the doctor into a full-on lecture about multiple websites for the recently discharged, as well as employment opportunities in the civilian fields.

  Matthew only partially listened before saying goodbye. He'd already checked out all those other sites. Figuring out what he was going to do with himself seemed like a daunting task.

  Especially since all he could think about was Summer Bettes, back up in Kansas. He'd considered going back, just to talk to her one more time.

  But really, the distance made things much clearer.
<
br />   At least for him. While he hadn't intended to, he'd developed feelings for her--stronger than he thought possible. For Summer and for little Emma. Even now, whenever he went to the store, he'd see something with Disney princesses on it, and he'd want to pick it up for Emma.

  He would have to force himself to put whatever it was down.

  He considered making her a little care box and sending it to Emma, but his rational said that would be harder for Emma, if he sent her little packages like that. Because he wasn't sure if he'd ever see her again.

  Or Summer.

  But oh how he wanted to.

  He'd considered, after all this was over, all the final check-out stuff was done, that he'd go back, see how she was doing.

  If only one more time, to make sure.

  For Jake.

  Yeah, keep telling yourself that, one, dumbass.

  Because he couldn't help thinking about her--like every minute of every day. He wanted her for all the sensual reasons. He wanted her for all the laughter.

  And he wanted to be there for her, to comfort her when she was upset or sad or cranky. She gave him a purpose that he lacked now.

  And now that was gone.

  He sighed as he reached for the front door to the little bungalow he'd been renting just off base. His UPS delivery guy never knocked, just left packages on the porch, and it drove him crazy when he was checking for something to arrive.

  He opened the door and froze.

  Summer stood on his porch, her hand poised to knock.

  He blinked. Was he dreaming? "What are you doing here?" he asked.

  "Making sure."

  "Making sure of what?"

  "Making sure that I'm not making a colossal mistake, running away from you."

  "I think I'm the one that left."

  "Because I told you to go."

  He nodded. No denying facts.

  "I was running away, though, long before you got Shelby's phone number." She shifted back and forth, fidgeting, picking at the trim around the door, not looking at him. "If I liked you, then that meant that things between us had to progress. If it progressed, then I would marry you. And marrying you meant being a military wife again, and moving and not being around my family, and pretending to be happy, while I was miserable. I couldn't do that again."

  "So what changed?"

  "I'm more miserable now than I ever was being married."

  "Why?"

  "Because, Matthew Hennessey, I think I'm in love with you."

  His heart soared. Because he was pretty sure he was in love with her too. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

  He pulled her inside and closed the door--no reason to let the neighbors see his romantic action going on.

  When they paused to catch their breaths, Summer glanced around. "What's with all the boxes? You moving?"

  He nodded.

  She sighed. "Where?"

  "Barrum," he said.

  She blinked. "What? You're getting transferred to Barrum?"

  He shook his head. "My service is over. I'm getting discharged. That's why I was in Barrum. I was training some replacements."

  "Wait, what? You're getting out?"

  He nodded.

  "Why didn't you tell me?"

  "You wouldn't let me. Any time I brought up the future, you cut me off."

  She ran her hand over her face. "I feel so stupid. If I had just listened..."

  "It's amazing what you learn if you listen instead of assume."

  "I guess so," Summer said. "Do you forgive me?"

  "I do. And do you forgive me?"

  "For what?"

  "For not telling you everything upfront. That I only have six more months in."

  "Six months isn't that long."

  "I didn't want you to think I'd only looked you up because I was hitting on you."

  "You mean you didn't?"

  He shook his head. "Jake really did ask me to."

  Her eyes got all misty. "You were there? When he died?"

  He nodded. "It was--"

  "I don't want to--" She shook her head. "Wait. I do want to know. Tell me."

  And he did. He told her about the incursion and the fight, the noise, and then the silence. The memories that stained his mind, haunting him like a nightmare that only seemed to ebb when she was near.

  Without her around, even when it was just a few hours a week, they came back, harsher, darker, and worse than ever.

  Somehow, promising Jake that day had allowed him to think of something positive in the future, in the world.

  Something to look forward to.

  Walking away from her, well it only unlocked the darkness hidden inside him all this time, the stuff he'd been trying to deal with, and wondered if he'd ever figure it out.

  Tears poured down her face as she listened, but she didn't once interrupt, or even look away from him as he spoke.

  "He asked me to make sure that you and Emma were okay. And to color with her. Because Emma liked to color."

  Summer sobbed, and wrapped her arms around him.

  "I couldn't say no to that. How could I?"

  "No one could," She whispered. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

  "He was thinking of you in his last moments. He wanted me to take care of you. To make sure that you were safe and happy."

  "I almost am," she said.

  "What do you need, Summer?"

  She looked into his eyes. "I need you, Matthew. I need you."

  "You have me. I love you, Summer."

  "I love you too."

  Epilogue

  One month later

  "See, that's gonna help," I said as I stepped outside with Winter. They were finishing installing the awning over the back door. Already the back entrance was cooler with the bit of shade it created.

  I'd bought it. I figured I owed Mom after the wax room fiasco. While she would never disown me or anything, she does, uh, give me these looks whenever I go in the wax room. I swear, it's clean. She swears there's still sticky on the floor.

  "I think she'll like it," Winter said, gesturing to the awning.

  I nodded. "It's blue. That's a good chakra color, right?" The guy on the ladder froze, giving me this dirty look.

  I'd debated the color for over an hour when I'd ordered it. If I wanted to change now, he might come off his ladder and have, well, some choice words for me.

  But blue was good.

  I knew it was a chakra color or something.

  Winter knew about as much as I did. "I have no idea. You know how I feel about that metaphysical shit."

  I snorted. "And you work in a hair salon and spa."

  "So do you." She shrugged. "It's not my job to worry about the shop's chakras. It's my job to make sure you all show up and do your job. Speaking of which, you were late this morning." Winter raised her eyebrow at me.

  "And? I was unpacking." I rubbed my shoulder. It only mildly ached today after last night's work.

  The last month, every week, I've gotten boxes from Mom's house and moved them into my new place. It was time--Emma and I needed our own place.

  And living with Autumn and her bohemian ways was making me nutty. Because, yeah, she wasn't leaving.

  A door a couple of shops down opened, and a guy stepped out the back. Tallish, broad shoulders, definitely had that hard-working look to him.

  He glanced at the two of us and waved.

  I waved back.

  Winter turned away.

  "Lovely manners," I mumbled.

  She shrugged. "I got better things to do than talk to an exterminator." And she walked back inside.

  By this time, the neighbor guy had crossed toward me. "Hi there," he said, smiling.

  "Hi. Shaun, right?" I asked, hoping I remembered his name.

  He nodded. "Yeah. You're the seasonal gal, right? Spring?"

  "Summer," I said.

  "Right. Sorry."

  "It's okay." For a minute, we shared pleasantries about business. I was always nice to
the exterminator guy. He would spray the back of the building for spiders when he had leftover stuff and occasionally would spray the shop, if, you know, we smiled and asked him to. Well, if I did.

  Winter wasn't too fond of him, but she never said why.

  My cell phone buzzed in my pocket.

  "Oh, excuse me," I said and I pulled it out.

  "No problem," he said, glancing at the awning being installed. "Where'd your sister go?"

  I shrugged. "Probably inside to make sure her heels didn't get messed up," I muttered.

  "She does like those shoes," he said, smirking.

  My phone buzzed again and I pulled it out of my pocket and grinned. It was Matthew.

  You at work? -- Hennessey

  I told him I was, and tucked the phone away. "Sorry," I said. "Boyfriend." I felt so funny saying that. So embarrassed at the phrase, because it sounded so juvenile, but it's what he was. He had a while yet before he was completely out, but he should be fully out by the holidays.

  Meanwhile, we got together on the weekends whenever we could. Most of the time, he came up here on Friday after work, and would head back Sunday morning.

  It worked.

  For now.

  I could make it a few months. I'd done longer stints with Jake overseas. And at least I know that Matthew wasn't getting shot at.

  Shaun drew me from my thoughts.

  "I didn't know you were seeing someone," He said with a grin. "Lucky guy."

  I laughed. "Aww, thank you. What about you, how are you doing?" I'd heard that he'd had some difficulties a few years back, but I was fuzzy on the details. Though what I did know, I could certainly relate to.

  He shrugged. "As best as I can. Two years this past March. Heather was a good woman. Put up with my ass, anyway."

  "It gets easier. It does. It just takes time." I gestured to the salon. "I didn't think I'd meet anyone, and then, well, I did."

  He nodded. "Not sure that I'm looking, really. If I learned anything from Heather, it was to appreciate every day."

  I knew exactly what he meant.

  I really did--every memory with Jake is precious. Every moment with Emma, even when she's driving me nuts, is special, and I will miss it soon enough, because she's growing so fast.

  And every weekend I get with Matthew is a gift. We hadn't talked about anything more serious yet--other than he would be coming back up to Kansas when he got all the loose ends tied up in Texas.