by Melissa Hill
“Maybe I’ve been a bit hasty in judging him,” she had said, when Karen asked her how it went.
“Hasty? Look what he did, for goodness sake.”
“He said it wasn’t him,” she had said quietly.
Karen could hardly believe it. “Jenny, that’s why these things are called STI’s. They are sexually transmitted. How did he think you caught it?” She gave her friend a warning look, as the thought struck her. “Don’t you dare tell me he implied you got it from someone else.”
Jenny looked at her imploringly. “He thinks that I could have picked it up from Paul. He says there’s no way that he’d be unfaithful.”
Karen was incredulous. How did he come up with this crap? “You and Paul broke up months ago. How would this take so long to manifest itself?”
Jenny winced. “I’ve had the symptoms for a while – I just kept putting off going to the doctor, hoping things would get better. Roan has a point – it could just as easily have been Paul.”
Karen shook her head. “I really don’t think so. It sounds a bit far-fetched to me. And you said yourself that you had some doubts about Roan before you even found out about this.”
“Yes, but maybe I misjudged him, and this just magnified everything unrealistically. You should have seen his face when I told him – he was really upset about it. I felt so guilty for jumping the gun, when there could have been a reasonable explanation. My heart went out to him.”
Karen didn’t know what to say. She felt like catching Jenny and shaking her until she saw reason. Obviously, all her great intentions the other night for dumping Roan had gone out the window now. And the sly sod knew exactly how to cover his tracks too. Why was Jenny so blind as to what was really going on?
“I just can’t understand it,” she said to Tessa.
The other girl sat back in her chair. “What can you do? If she’s prepared to go along with what he’s told her, then there’s absolutely no point in you worrying yourself over it. She’s a big girl, after all.” She took a sip from her cappuccino. “But I have to admit, I’m surprised. Now I know exactly what they mean when they say love is blind.”
“Blind being the operative word. Seriously, Tessa, what’s wrong with her? Is he that good a liar?”
Tessa paused. “Well, it might have something to do with this fortune-teller – ”
“I know – it’s absolutely crazy stuff. Why would anyone over the age of ten believe all that nonsense?”
“Now, hold on just a moment,” Tessa said levelly. “You’re a sceptical person by nature, and that’s your business. But Jenny isn’t. She put her faith in this woman, at a time in her life when she was unsure and afraid. She had just broken up with this Paul, had come back from Australia and to what? She wasn’t sure of herself, and was obviously frightened. I suppose she needed to know what the future held for her – a little bit of hope if you like.”
Karen was still shaking her head. “Tessa, come on – nobody knows what the future holds for them, least of all these blasted fortune-tellers. If that’s the case, why aren’t they all out betting on horses, or doing the Lotto, instead of warping people’s minds?”
“That’s not the point though, is it?’ Tessa argued. “Sometimes it gives people a little confidence – even gives them something to look forward to. It’s not a bad thing, Karen – no worse than reading your horoscope, which I’ve seen you do on a regular basis.”
“But that’s different, surely? I don’t follow blindly what my horoscope tells me and another million Aries. What happens, happens, and we all have to make our own decisions regardless.” Karen ran her hands through her hair, exasperated. “Jenny’s staying with Roan because she’s convinced herself that he’s The One, and I think that is total bullshit.”
Tessa bit into her croissant. “Did you ever think that she might be staying with him because she loves him, and wants to believe that he’s telling the truth?”
Karen shrugged. “I suppose it’s a possibility. But for what it’s worth, I don’t think he’s telling the truth. I know for a fact that’s he’s a lying, cheating, scumbag.”
“How?”
“How what?”
“You said that you know for a fact. How do you know that?” Tessa repeated, folding her arms across her chest.
“Well, I told you about that girl he was with, that time in the shopping centre.”
“Oh? And were they at it on the floor of the fruit and veg aisle, or something?” Tessa asked, with an amused glint in her eye.
“No, but – ”
“So how do you know that she wasn’t just a friend? And, isn’t it possible that Jenny may have picked up this thing from her ex-boyfriend? Some STI’s can often be asymptomatic.”
Karen raised an eyebrow. “Can you explain that in English, please, nurse?”
“Well, I’ve not saying that this is exactly how it happened, but there is a possibility that Jenny could have picked it up from Paul sometime last year, and didn’t even know she had it. Eventually, she goes to her doctor complaining of mild symptoms and it shows up on her smear.”
“You think that’s a real possibility?”
“Why not?” Tessa shrugged. “Women have a tendency to stick their heads in the sand over these things – I see it myself all the time. Karen, give the poor guy a break, and try and accept the possibility that you might actually be wrong about him.”
Karen remembered Shane telling her the exact same thing. Could she be mistaken about Roan? She didn’t know. All she knew was that her head was going to explode if she thought about Jenny’s situation any longer. Goodness knows she had her own problems. Shane was leaving in a few weeks’ time.
Karen hadn’t seen him since that night at the cinema, and he hadn’t been in contact with her. She was surprised. It wasn’t like Shane to hold a grudge or to sulk.
She had to admit to herself that she missed him already. But what was the point? He was going to Germany and she wasn’t – end of story. It would be a lot easier this way. Still, Karen couldn’t ignore the ache she felt in the pit of her stomach whenever she thought about him.
“Have you seen Shane around lately?” she asked, trying to keep her voice light.
Tessa brought her cup halfway to her mouth and then stopped. “Ah, I wondered when we might get to that.”
“What do you mean? It’s over between us.”
“You could at least talk to him about it. He’s really upset, you know.”
Karen felt her heart thump loudly in her chest. “Has he said something to you?”
“Not to me – to Gerry. He reckons he’s really cut up over it. Now he doesn’t know whether or not he’s made the right decision. You should talk to him, Karen, you’re not being fair.”
“Hold on a minute. I wasn’t the one that decided to up and leave for Germany, just like that, was I?”
“No, but I think that you both should at least talk about it before he goes. You said yourself that you didn’t give him a chance to explain.”
Karen bit her lip. She desperately wanted to talk to Shane before he left, but she wasn’t going to make the first move.
Tessa read her thoughts. “He’s afraid to contact you. He thinks you’ll tell him where to go. You know what he’s like, Karen – he doesn’t know how to handle this at all.”
Karen felt a surge of annoyance as she remembered their last conversation. “Oh, I see, he thought I’d say, ‘Terrific, Shane. Whatever you want, Shane. I’ll come and see you every weekend, Shane.’
“It’s not that,” Tessa had to hide a smile at Karen’s stubbornness. “He didn’t think that his moving away would mean the end of your relationship. He thinks a lot of you, you know. Gerry reckons he’s never seen him so upset. You must be a right cracker between the sheets.”
Karen laughed at this. “I was so angry with him that night, Tessa. He’d made the decision without saying anything to me, and then expected me to go along with it. It was unfair of him to expect that I wouldn’t be shocke
d and upset. After all, he’d known about it for ages but for me it had all come completely out of the blue.”
Tessa was soothing. “There’s no point in being pig-headed about it now. He’s leaving in a just few weeks’ time. Talk to him about it with a clear head. Then you’ll both be in a better position than before to make any decisions about whether or not you’ll stay together.”
Karen shook her head, laughing as she did. “You know, you talk an awful lot of sense for a Corkwoman.”
“Why don’t you call over when we’re finished here?” Tessa suggested. “He’d be delighted to see you – I know he would.”
“OK then, I’m convinced. Anything to get you off my back.” She finished eating, satisfied that the decision had been made for her. She might as well go and see him. There was no point in carrying on like this.
Tessa pushed her plate away and stood up. “C’mon, I’ve bought nothing yet, and I’m really in the mood for a bit of a splurge.”
Karen picked up her bag, and followed her friend out onto the busy street, wondering why they repeatedly subjected themselves to shopping in the city centre on a Saturday, when everyone else in the city had the same idea. They struggled through the oncoming crowds towards Grafton St, Karen feeling in much better form after the chat and the food.
“Oh wow. Look at that dress – it’s absolutely fabulous, Karen.” Tessa stood in front of Top Shop, pointing at the window display. “Come on – I have to try it on.”
She stood outside the changing room as Tessa pranced around in a wispy dress that looked amazing on her. Being as she was a supposedly healthy size twelve, a dress like that still wouldn’t go near Karen in a million years. She’d love to have Tessa’s gamine looks. Nothing in Top Shop would fit her, she thought, examining a boob tube that would just about cover one of her breasts. She’d get Tessa to go down to Jigsaw or Zara with her afterwards. At least they did normal sizes.
Later that afternoon, Karen left a happily fulfilled Tessa, after a successful bout of retail therapy.
She decided to pop back to the flat, and get changed before calling over to Shane’s. Now that her mind was made up, there was no point in delaying things. She’d have a good long chat with him, and maybe later they could go out for a quiet pint to discuss everything properly, and to ensure that they didn’t start arguing again.
Who knows, maybe the move mightn’t be such a bad thing after all, she thought. A break might actually be good for them – absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that.
As Tessa had said earlier, she should stop behaving like a spoilt child, and start to show Shane some support. After all, Karen reasoned, it couldn’t have been an easy decision for him, leaving all his friends and family to start life in a completely different country. She’d sort it all out with him, and make sure that before Shane left for Germany they would both know exactly how they stood with one another.
She decided against taking the No 15 bus to Rathgar, where Shane lived, preferring instead to walk the short distance and make the most of the fine evening.
Taking in the hustle and bustle around her, she marvelled at how easily she had warmed to Dublin and city life. She loved the fact that she could hop on a bus and be in the city centre within twenty minutes. She couldn’t imagine living anywhere else, and hoped that someday she’d end up settling down somewhere nearby. Rathmines had everything – pubs, shops, restaurants and most importantly, good friends and great memories. Shane would definitely miss all this.
She was looking forward to seeing him. She and Shane had rarely spent a night apart since they’d started going out, and it had now been almost two weeks since the argument.
Ignoring one another was pointless; they needed to sort it out sooner, rather than later.
Just before Karen turned onto the road leading to Shane’s flat in Cowper Downs, she stopped off at the corner shop for a packet of Cadburys Fingers as a peace offering. Or as blackmail she thought, smiling to herself as she paid the shopkeeper.
She walked down the steps to Shane’s basement flat, and rapped loudly on the door. There was no doorknocker, and the intercom hadn’t worked in years.
No answer.
She knocked loudly again and, when there was still nothing, she peered in the living- room, looking for signs of life. Then she heard some shuffling in the hallway.
Shane opened the door in his boxer shorts, eyes half-closed as he struggled to see against the bright daylight.
“Hello,” Karen said shyly, a little taken aback. Now that she was here, she didn’t know what to say to him. He must have been asleep, because he looked awful. And his breath stank of alcohol.
Shane finally recognised her. “Uh – what are you doing here?” His speech was fuzzy and his expression wide-eyed.
Karen was a bit put out. For someone who was supposedly pining over her, he didn’t look that happy to see her.
“Can I come in? I thought we should talk. I haven’t seen you in a while.”
Shane scratched his head and looked around him. He stood in the doorway, shuffling from side to side, and seemingly not knowing what to do.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Karen. Can I meet up with you later or something?” She saw the glazed look in his eyes, and immediately realised why he was acting so strangely.
“Shane, you’re drunk. It’s only seven-thirty in the evening, for goodness sake. Have you been in the pub?”
“Karen, you can’t tell me what to do any more – it’s over between us, you said so yourself and – ”
“Love, it was just a silly argument. I was shocked when you told me you had made up your mind about Germany so quickly, that’s all. I hadn’t time to take it all in. It’s not a big deal – now stop being so stupid, and let me come in, so that we can sort it all out.”
“Karen – it’s really not a good idea,” Shane said, uncomfortably.
Then suddenly she figured out why he was being so cagey
“Get out of my way,” she said, brushing roughly past him, through the doorway, and into the living-room.
“Karen, what are you doing here?” Lydia Reilly purred like a cat that had just been awarded a lifetime’s supply of cream. She lay barelegged on the couch, and was just about dressed in a U2 T-shirt that belonged to Shane. Karen knew it belonged to him because it had been a present from her last Christmas. She was so shocked she was unable to utter a single word.
For the moment.
Shane visibly paled. “Karen, I know it looks bad, but there’s nothing… I didn’t know that you … ” He held his hands out in despair.
Karen turned on him, her eyes flashing and her cheeks red with fury.
“It didn’t take you long, did it? Here I was feeling sorry for you, thinking that I had let you down somehow, when all the time you’ve probably been screwing Miss Piggy here.”
Lydia stood up, her hands on her hips. “How dare you talk to him like that.” she began, “and don’t think you can come in here and insult me, you stuck-up cow.”
Karen rounded on her with such venom in her eyes that Lydia actually jumped backwards. “Listen here, you– you shut your little trap. And you.” She stabbed Shane’s chest with her forefinger. “I’m only sorry I wasted so much of my time on a brainless eejit. As far as I’m concerned, you’re welcome to one other, and you can both take a running jump into the Grand Canal.”
With this, Karen raced out the door, up the steps and down the driveway, her entire body shaking, with both shock and fury. She barely heard Shane calling after her.
The bastard! How could he? Just like that – after all the time they’d been together.
Karen tried to keep her feet moving forward, her entire body convulsed with fury as she walked. She turned onto a side road, not wanting to face the busy Rathgar Road in the state she was in.
Noticing that she still had the chocolate biscuits she had bought Shane earlier, Karen cursed loudly, and threw them across the road with such force that they landed in somebody�
�s front garden.
She used the sleeves of her sweater to dry her drenched cheeks and, as she did, she noticed Shane come up behind her, dressed in just a shirt, a pair of boxers and boots with no socks.
“Karen, please talk to me – I’m so sorry – I didn’t mean – I was out of control, nothing happened – please!”
“Don’t you come near me, don’t you even think about coming near me.” Karen hunched her shoulders and turned away, walking quickly down the road away from him.
Shane followed, shouting after her, “Karen, please. If you would just let me explain.”
“Explain?” She stopped and faced him, her eyes steely, “Explain what? Oh let me guess, you and Lydia were just swapping clothes – was that it? Shane, you’re pathetic, unbelievably pathetic.” She walked ahead of him again.
“I know, Karen, I know I’ve been an absolute fool. Look, she was just hanging around in the pub earlier. I’d had a bit too much to drink and – ”
“Oh, don’t you dare.” She waved a finger at him. “Don’t you think that I have any interest in hearing how this all came about. What are you trying to do, Shane? Make it worse – is that it? Because that’s exactly what you’re doing.”
“Karen, I swear to you that nothing happened.”
“Look, just leave me alone!” she cried. “I don’t want to hear it, Shane, and to be honest, I couldn’t care less. What you do now is your own business, and has nothing whatsoever to do with me. So you can just go to Germany, or go to hell, either would suit me just fine.”
She stormed off again.
Shane went to catch up with her but decided against it. Standing as he was in the road barely dressed, he noticed some passers-by stare at him with unconcealed amusement. Karen was right, he thought. He was pathetic.
He made his way back to the flat, and found Lydia still there; lazing on the sofa and drinking another can of Budweiser from the crate she had bought earlier. She looked up, and smiled when she saw him come in.
“Hi, I hope I didn’t cause too much trouble earlier.”
Shane ran both hands through his hair in despair. “Lydia, look … can you leave please? I need to be by myself for a while.”